How to Live as a Swordmaster of the Enemy Nation

Adrian

"Why can't I do it, why!"

Adrian's voice, full of frustration, rang out.

Until now, Adrian had never lost his smile or complained, but unlike the small festival he had just been enjoying, this was the first time his true feelings showed through.

Beads of sweat gathered on his forehead, and his callused hands were covered in small cuts.

Clearly, he had just been practicing relentlessly, but for some reason, the sense of sorrow reached even as far as me. It wasn't simple pity; it was a desperate feeling I knew only too well, so I could only watch him, swallowing dryly.

That rush of emptiness that hits when you recklessly step forward, only to face an insurmountable wall. When a person becomes aware of that wall, they inevitably begin to lag behind mentally.

In reality, in this state, one must not approach Adrian rashly unless he wants it.

But the opposite case sometimes occurs too. No matter how hard you work, if no one ever gives you a hand, or if your efforts never yield different results, that talent will be buried, abandoned, and you will be demoted, giving up without anyone ever knowing.

'Hm, as I thought.'

In Adrian's case, it seemed he had gone through the former process already and was now going through the latter. This was just Gregory's judgment based on his own experiences, but his intuition was right.

First, Gregory approached Adrian carefully so as not to startle him. Adrian sensed another person getting closer, step by step.

As the ground crumbled beneath Gregory's feet, the sound of his footsteps reached Adrian's ears. Adrian, who had been staring blankly at the brilliantly shining full moon, quickly came to his senses at the sound, swallowed dryly, and got up from his spot.

Gregory, knowing Adrian was nervous, stopped in place.

Adrian jerked his head around, carefully watching the identity of the person approaching.

The mysterious figure spoke first.

"How long have you been practicing like this?"

At last, Adrian realized the mysterious figure was Gregory. Although he didn't want to, Adrian responded sharply towards him.

"I don't know... I don't remember when I started..."

Gregory was at a loss at the unexpectedly prickly response, and silence fell around them.

It seemed that Adrian didn't like the way he reacted either, for he continued.

"I tried so hard in secret because I didn't want anyone to find out, but now it's all meaningless."

In an instant, Gregory started thinking hard. He concluded that he should comfort Adrian for what he had done well.

"Don't worry. I won't tell the others. And so what? Trying to make up for your shortcomings is a remarkable thing in itself."

Despite Gregory's encouragement, Adrian let out a sigh as if the ground beneath him were about to collapse.

"Ha... And the one who caught me had to be you. What's so remarkable? Nah, what could you possibly understand? Even after you die, you'll never know what it's like for me."

Adrian was adamant, but in truth, it seemed Gregory understood his hardship better than anyone. Gregory, who had lived through an even harsher, more hopeless life in his previous life, had once driven himself almost to destruction to escape hardship.

Above all, it was likely that what Adrian felt now was anxiety.

Everyone else was a 3-star knight. The others were starting to adapt to knighthood, but he was under the impression that he'd not only contributed nothing, but wasn't even strong enough, and the pressure had turned into a sense of loss.

And so Gregory tried to quickly identify the root cause. Most of all, Adrian's indomitable desire to grow stronger was perfectly suited to stoke Gregory's own cravings.

With his expression suddenly turning very serious, Gregory asked Adrian earnestly,

"Why do you think I wouldn't understand?"

Gregory had experienced that same misery in his previous life by watching his comrades. They would go on expeditions as fellow knights, but while he was no help, their achievements would steadily accumulate.

Even when he was no help, when things went smoothly or victories were won easily, a torrent of guilt and emptiness would sweep over him.

At those times when everyone should have been basking in victory, he alone would regard things with negativity.

But that didn't mean he could leave the order. If he foolishly abandoned the knighthood like that, he would be left full of regret at not having seen things through.

"That's because ever since the knighthood exam, things have always gone smoothly for you. There's no way you can fully understand how I feel."

"Do you really think so?"

"I don't know. Maybe. At the very least, I... I have no talent."

Talent. In truth, the fact that you're even trying to make up for your shortcomings is a kind of talent in itself.

"Don't judge your talent by yourself. Do you remember what I showed you last time?"

Adrian clenched his teeth and stared at Gregory as if he would kill him.

"Of course I tried everything you said. See, you really don't understand how desperate I am."

Gregory realized something was off in his own judgment. There was something hidden in the things Adrian said.

"Then, if you're so desperate, why? What do you think the problem is?"

Adrian's expression hardened like stone, but with nowhere else to turn, he began to reveal his family background to Gregory.

This is what he said:
The eldest son born between two eminent swordsmen—or so the story went.

People had high hopes for him, insisting that he would surely have the abilities to conquer the world.

Thus, he had grown up the subject of every expectation.

He hadn't lacked talent from the start. Unlike the other children, he'd spoken and walked at a very early age, so everyone thought of him as a prodigy and showered him with praise.

But he said that his later life had become so difficult that it even obscured those childhood memories.

The root of it all began after his younger sibling was born. All attention shifted to the sibling, and because he was the elder, the eldest son, he was made to shoulder all the hard work in place of the younger child.

The Dawn Order, which he'd chosen as a means of escape. He'd joined because he couldn't stand having his pride be worn down any further.

Here, he became impatient, wanting to prove his worth to his parents through clear achievements.

"I see... so that's what happened."

If what he said was true, it was a wholly understandable situation. In this already frustrating situation, the added responsibility of carrying his family's expectations combined to make him all the more impatient.

It reminded Gregory that his own judgment was not always right.

Gregory liked Adrian's unyielding spirit very much.

Getting up and dusting himself off, Gregory gave Adrian a meaningful look and a languid smile.

"Try again. I'll watch and help you."

Adrian had no choice but to follow Gregory's instructions. It was partly because of the Dawn Order's iron rule, but also, a vague hope began to rise within him that Gregory might be able to break through his obstacles.

Gregory applied himself more seriously than ever before.

He taught Adrian everything: when exactly to breathe in and out, which parts of the body to tense up or relax, each detail, as he earnestly instructed him.

Yet, mastering such a difficult thing in such a short time was beyond them. As they immersed themselves in training, Dawn was breaking in the distance.

Worried, Adrian said to Gregory,

"Gregory, we have to go back now. The others will wake up and look for us."

"So what? Training's a good thing—just accept it."

He, too, had regained his confidence from training, but already, part of him wanted to leave, fearing this special training would one day make him reveal his family circumstances to the others.

"Not yet. Thanks, Gregory."

Gregory quickly agreed. Regaining confidence was already half the battle. If Adrian kept at it, he was sure good results would follow.

Faithful to the creed that effort brings reward, he approached training with a composed mind.

"All right. If you're that desperate, I'll help you fix your form every day at this hour."

"You really don't have to go that far. If you lose sleep just to help me, I'll feel too bad."

Gregory gently coaxed him, careful not to let Adrian's guilt turn back into pressure and distress.

"Fine. Then shall we meet here, say, in a week?"

"Okay."

-------------= Clacky's Corner -------------=
Adrian feels pressure, and what I assume is inferiority complex...
But with the right support group, it could be overcome...
A problem only occurs when you bottle it up and eventually do something stupid...
【ദ്ദി(⩌ᴗ⩌)】