How Deep Will You Go For Love

Yang Qinru spent her last breath reminiscing her life.

She doesn't have much memorable memories when she was a child.

Her first memory wasn't when she was young playing around with other kids, instead, it was when she was three years old already learning basic mathematics with her tutor.

When other kids at her age was still playing with toys, she was already learning english, and piano.

When other kids are learning basic mathematics, she was already learning the concept of high-order derivatives. And when they're seven, Yang Qinru was already learning differential mean value theorem.

For Yang Qinru, there wasn't noteworthy things that has happened in her teenage life.

Ah

There was few.

There was this boy in her school that managed to snatch the first place in the whole grade from her a few times.

Yang Qinru called him Xingxing.

Yang Qinru only had a few things she hated, one of those is she hated everything that she couldn't control.

She didn't like that boy.

No, not like is not enough. Yes, she hated him from the very beginning.

Xingxing: A hopeless jerk; a thoughtless jerk who spits out hurtful things; a jerk whose expertise is trampling on the character and dignity of others with his words.

He was conceited, rude, and unreasonable. Everytime he opened his mouth, he would always aim for Yang Qinru's patience, her patience wasn't that long to begin with. If there was something Xingxing was good at, it was to make her explode with only two sentences.

She remembered when that boy managed to snatch the first place from her, he said to her mockingly, "Oh. I thought villains always win. But, I guess they also have their time to lose."

Yang Qinru who, at that time, didn't hate him, felt that he was hateful. Sure, he managed to snatch the first place from her but did he have to say that? Yang Qinru's competitive spirit was awaken by him.

After another, monthly exam, Yang Qinru managed to snatch the first place from him. She said to him, "I'm sure you can surpass me if you try hard enough. I believe you." she said as she said in her most hypocritical tone.

After that, their rivalry continued until they graduated highschool. She remembered that she managed to rank 1st every exam for 20 times and he also managed to rank 1st for 20 times and they managed to draw 2 times in exam when they would get the same score. 

When the score for college entrance got out they didn't expect to get the same score of 449, meaning they only got 1 wrong answer. She got 1 point deduction in mathematics because she forgot to change the sign, while Xingxing got 1 point reduction because he forgot to put a coma in his English essay.

The last time they met was when graduation. The two of them were still acting childish and insulting each other.

After 5 years, they met again, Xingxing was an actor then they met and she, became the the sole heir of the Yang group after a decades of heir battles.

She remembered that they met in a party, and the two of them talked seriously for the first time.

She winced in pain as she remembered everything.

At she breathed her final moments, she felt nothing but resentment. She realized that in her whole life, she had never really been happy.

She thought that maybe after she got the Yang Empire that she had been aiming since she was a child, she would finally be happy. But who would've thought that as she got closer to her goal the more she drifted from happiness. Who would be happy working so much to the point of exhaustion with no goal in mind?

When she finally want something and is looking forward to tomorrow because of him, Shi Jingyi, her childhood friend that she considered an older brother came disrupting her peaceful life that she finally got after years.

After Shi Jingyi didn't manage to separate them, he went as far as killing Xingxing.

Shi Jingyi was someone who had always uphold his belief 'If I can't have you, then no one can'.

Shi Jingyi was like a tyrant, getting whatever he wanted regardless of what damage it would cause to others.

He was twisted indeed.

After Xingxing died, she lived for another 3 years in misery being Shi Jingyi's wife. She was like a bird that was trapped in a golden cage.

The young her did not understand that there were things that were scarier than death in this world. This was also the reason why some people had thought of using death to end everything after they had grown up.

It seemed like death was always the fastest and most effortless solution to a problem.

In those 3 years, Yang Qinru finally realized then that the hardest thing in the world was not death, but to persist in living.

After she died, she found herself not in the afterlife, not hell nor heaven. She wasn't even sure, where she's currently in. All she see is white. 

Her gaze wandered aimlessly across the endless expanse of white until a voice broke the silence.

"Yang Qinru," it purred.

She blinked, her eyes narrowing as she noticed the small, floating white cat.

It hovered gracefully, its tail swaying as if carried by an unseen breeze.

"Who are you?" she asked, her voice flat with exhaustion.

The cat tilted its head. "I am a god."

Yang Qinru let out a short, humorless laugh. "A god? Sure. Why not? I guess this is just the afterlife being weird."

The cat's glowing eyes bore into her. "No, this is not the afterlife. And I am not here for idle conversation."

Yang Qinru sighed, folding her arms. "If you're here to judge me, I already know how pathetic my life was. Spare me the lecture."

The cat ignored her sarcasm. "You failed to protect what mattered most to you. And yet, you still cling to the fragments of those memories, don't you?"

Her sharp gaze locked onto the cat. "What do you know!"

"I know enough," it replied calmly. "Tell me, Yang Qinru, do you have regrets?"

Her lips tightened, a cold mask slipping over her face. "You're a god, aren't you? You should know the answer already."

The cat paused, seemingly caught off guard by her defiance. "I do. But I need to hear it from you."

Silence stretched between them before Yang Qinru finally spoke. Her voice was quiet, but each word was heavy with pain. "Of course I have regrets. My entire life was a string of them."

The cat floated closer, its glowing eyes meeting hers. "I can give you a chance to undo them."

Her breath hitched, but she forced herself to remain composed. "What do you mean?"

"I can send you back," it said plainly. "Back ten years ago. To when you still had time to change your fate."

Yang Qinru's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "And what's the catch? There's always a catch."

The cat's smile—or what passed for a smile on its feline face—widened. "You're quite perceptive. Yes, there is a price. I want your happiest memories."

She froze, her heart skipping a beat. "My happiest memories?"

The cat nodded. "Those precious moments that gave you joy, comfort, and meaning. I'll erase them temporarily. Only when the right conditions are met will you begin to recall them."

Yang Qinru's initial reaction was rejection. "No thanks," she said firmly.

The cat blinked in surprise. "No? But why? Isn't this what you want? To fix your mistakes, to save what you lost?"

"My happiest memories are with Xingxing," she whispered, her voice trembling. "If I lose them, even temporarily, what's the point? I won't be myself without them."

The cat's tone grew urgent. "But if you recall those memories now, the pain will be too much for your soul to bear. It will break you. This is the only way.".

"You won't lose them forever," the cat clarified. "They'll return if the right events trigger them. You'll have to trust that your bond with him is strong enough to guide you."

She stared at the cat, her expression unreadable. For a moment, she considered rejecting the offer outright. But then she thought of Xingxing, his laughter, his voice, and the promise of saving him from his untimely fate.

Yang Qinru's mind raced. She didn't trust the cat, not entirely. But the thought of a second chance—a chance to rewrite the chapters of her life, to save him—was too tempting to ignore.

"Fine," she said at last. "Do it."

The cat purred approvingly. "Good choice. But remember, Yang Qinru, this is your only chance. Use it wisely."

The cat's eyes gleamed with satisfaction. "Good choice. But remember, the past is not easily rewritten. Actions have consequences, and changing one event might ripple into others."

"I understand," Yang Qinru said, her resolve firm.

Before she could respond, the void around her began to dissolve, the blinding white fading into darkness. Her last conscious thought was of Xingxing's smile, etched into her mind as if by fire.