Honey, I've Leveled the Kids [Family-Focus, LitRPG - COMPLETE]

Little islands of soggy ground, reeds, and tall grasses dotted the surrounding waters, their bleakness reflecting our own spirits under a heavy, welcoming overcast sky. A far cry from the expected midday brightness near Fanamel. Fog lurked in places off in the distance, but the wet ground slowed Naiad and I from chasing it to see if it was our portal back home.

My next step sunk me to my knees, and would've gone deeper if I didn't grab Naiad's hand. I sacrificed my torch for a dry shirt.

"Watch it!" panic filled Naiad's voice as she reached for my torch, but the water on the ground extinguished its flame.

"Help me out!" I needed a handhold to escape.

Moss and mud covered the surfaces by me, making it impossible to find a handhold. Even the short scraggly patches of grass were slick like wet noodles. Normally, pulling myself up in the game wasn't a problem. This time, it felt like my body weighed more, even with Naiad's help.

"Ew, what's on your hand?" She squirmed, but didn't let go.

"Let's just pretend it's mud." My attempt at comforting her.

"But it's squishy and warm."

Finally, I was out, with clumps of mud covering my pants and boots and her hand. Wet sock struck again, and I hated the details of the game. The mud was dark, with a bluish tint to it. It was uncomfortably warm. We panted for a bit to catch our breath.

"Did you add points to density? Because you feel heavy," Naiad whined.

"I'm not fat! Just out of breath." We hadn't fought or run recently, though.

"Where are we?" She held the two torches near each other, burning the mud off my wet one.

The map hadn't changed with our pothole adventure. Once the mud caught fire, it gave off a deep purple glow. "Wow. What's making it purple?"

I reached out and took my torch back. "Thanks. It's a fantasy world. I know nothing beyond it's a hot flame. Let's avoid putting our torches in the water."

She slowly clapped her hands. "Wow. Fire hot. Fire and water are bad. So wise."

I laughed back at my own stupid words. "Step on the areas where the grass tufts are growing, and maybe we can find a way out of here. I'll go ahead first to make sure they're safe."

"Sure. Just don't fall in again, seriously, you're heavy now!"

I've never felt this heavy before though, even with mud covering me. I gave an explanation. "Maybe we're at a higher elevation and running out of breath faster? Let's be careful with our gear and not lose it in the mud."

"I'm not the one who throws weapons and torches everywhere," she reminded me as she hopped over a puddle.

Ripples stirred in the water.

"Get away from there!" I warned as I tried to get between her and it.

The mud was slowing me down as a brown monster the size of a large badger leaped out, mouth wide open, up at Naiad.

Desperately I stretched out, and the hook of my blade hit its mouth, slicing through the beast. With the slick mud still clinging to my hands, the sudden impact jolted my axe loose, and it plunged with a wet thud into the mud.

Naiad stepped away safely, cackling like a witch once she saw my axe stuck in the bog. "I get a cookie!"

"I did not throw my axe!" I shouted my defense at the child.

I heard a bubbling sound, then a slimy, toothless newt's gaping mouth appeared from the water, causing me to jump back in alarm.

Now I sunk in the mud faster than my axe did. The viscous material glued me down, while the smooth brown newt blinked at me with one eye, and moved its other eye to watch Naiad. It stepped back to avoid getting hit in the eye by her arrow. Instead, its lip got pierced. It gurgled in rage and turned around to go after the archer.

>>><<<

[Level 12 Creature: Ribbed Newt (uncommon). Type: Hell

Description: This creature thrives in the warm bog of REDACTED. Using water as their way to travel and find prey that foolish walk into their homelands. They can dislocate their jaws to swallow their food and tighten their abdominal muscles to trap its food in their stomach. To these creatures, gnomes and orcs remain bite-sized.]

>>><<<

Naiad fired another, but didn't take enough time to aim as the arrow fell short of the newt.

"Do something!" she cried. Moments later, another newt came running at her.

I stabbed my torch into the thick mud to act as an anchor to help me pull myself out and stand up. The mud fell off in clumps as I sprinted toward my axe.

"Keep it distracted a little longer!" I shouted out.

With slimy wet hands, I gripped the leather handle and yanked my axe up, and charged after the cold-blooded monster. All the mud made everything sluggish, from my feet pulling on the ground, to the extra weight on my body, and even my weapon. I slapped the mud off my hands as best as I could before pulling out my second axe, ready to duel wield, and careful to not lose my axes again.

The newt became frustrated with its failed pursuit of Naiad and spun an eye back at me. It did that disturbing uneven blink and dove into the waters, a ten out of ten with not even a single splash.

"Move, move, move." I screamed at her. Waving her to come join me.

She put her finger to mouth, hushing me.

I raised my voice, "Don't you-"

A tail swatted at me, knocking the clean the axe out of my hand and made it fall into the water. It created a larger splash than the newt did. "No!"

Naiad lowered her bow, distracted by the pretty ripples around my lost weapon. The pain and lack of one weapon kept me focus on the foe that was determined to gobble me up. The tail came at me again and I stepped back to slice it with my last axe, roaring triumphantly. Bits of scales flew off along with parts of the tail. The monster's cry sounded like it was making bubbles in milk.

Naiad hissed over at me in a low voice, "Stop screaming. That's how it's finding you."

Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

"I rather have it charge at me than it be stalking in the shadows!" I loudly replied. With a deep breath, I screamed louder and challenged the newt to come at me.

It definitely heard me. It froze and turned around, smacking the bog with its wide toes, staying afloat on the water. If a lumberjack could chop a tree down with one axe, I could dice up a newt with one axe, too.

Each eye was as large as a lemon glistening in Naiad's torchlight, hungry for a bite of me. I slashed downward at its head. Its jaw was wide open, preparing to gulp me up. As the toothless creature lips wrapped around my waist, my axe sliced at its lips, making it wider. I yanked my weapon back, as it scrambled to pull away, with my free open hand. I stuck my fingers in, grabbed at the half-cut lip, making sure I stayed right next to it. One arm anchoring, and my other confidently swung and sliced at its eyes.

The monster didn't survive the triage of attacks. Its health plumped to zero and transferred the experience over to me.

My health was dropping, and a searing pain shot through my fingers as they burned inside the newt's slimy mouth. Blisters and raw pink skin formed because of the salvia of the Ribbed Newt. Even my clothes had acid burn spots from the spit.

"Don't let any of them bite you." I advised Naiad as I waddled into the water, splashing it on my clothes to prevent further damage.

Once the burning stopped, I grabbed a potion just to hear an arrow wish by my ear.

Another newt cried in the bubbling bog as Naiad hit its eye with an arrow. It was a few feet away from me.

"Your a great tank with how you drew their aggression. Why don't you let me have the legendary quest?" Naiad discussed.

I made my response a battle cry of "NEVER!"

My shout drew the attention of all the newts. I laughed as I swung around and enjoyed a notification of experience and achievements coming in.

>>><<<

[New Achievement: A fisherman without a fisher pole is just hungry.

You keep tossing those tools of yours, like they don't work in hunting or fishing. Congrats, you caught nothing!]

[New Achievement: Gone swimming.

You've entered the enemy's territory and challenged them. You'll be swimming with the fishes soon.]

>>><<<

I fought my way to the pool where my axe splashed in, and I jumped in after. Fortunately, I didn't land on it, but I didn't find it immediately either. The water wasn't nearly as deep as I thought, the murky water coming barely to my waist. I poked around the bottom, trying to find my axe, sliding my feet around, waiting for the sharp blade to cut my shoes.

Another newt showed up, but Naiad took care of it by shooting a few arrows into it, fifth one dead. I removed my boots to help me look. The bottom of the pond was not slimy smooth. It had a lot of pointy bones, teeth, and it was squishy between the toes, nothing like those mud spas advertised.

Naiad quietly walked near me and studied the dead monsters. In a whispered voice, she said, "Leave your axe. Buy another one. With all these newt bodies, we can get some gold."

She was using an arrow to poke open the inside of the newt's mouth, then drop grass inside it to watch it dissolve.

"Do you know how to get back to town? Or how to create the portal again?" I whispered back.

"Nope. How did you know we took a portal?"

"We could've walked through a wardrobe or stared at a painting of a boat. Yet somehow we ended up here after we walked through that fog. Where ever here is."

"That one god, Chiliam transported us that time. Do you think something like that happened with Lady Branchelot?" Naiad asked.

"Good suggestion. We can look around for clues once I get my axe and torch back," I said.

No new monsters or newts popped out now that we stayed quiet. I could feel them swimming down by my legs. Nothing burned, nothing bit me. As Uncle Rick would say, "just nature, doing nature things" when we felt slimy tree sap or gross dung while out camping.

Naiad carefully sliced out the newts' tongues, and a pouch out of their mouths, moving them into her inventory.

"What are you collecting?" I asked.

"Whatever I can sell later. This stuff burns through our clothes. Maybe Triangle can figure out something with it for potions or his bombs."

The idea of him figuring out how to use acid in an explosive attack was terrifying. It would burn through armor and looking like delicious Swiss cheese for my enemies because of his friendly fire.

I offered a different idea. "Let's suggest potions only and avoid the bombs so we don't get hurt."

"That's your job as the parent. I'm his sister." Naiad continued with collecting, smiling.

At last, my toes found the axe, costing me only a little of my health. With a deep squat, leaving my face barely above the waterline, I grabbed the axe, desperate to keep my hair clean as I reached around and pulled my axe out of the water.

"Found it." I called out to her as I slowly waddled back to where the land bridge was. A gentle rain mist started on us. One I was relieved for as it washed off more of the mud from us.

Naiad breathed a sigh of relief. I walked over to my torch, its flame returning to orange and it flickered about as water fell on it.

Around my torch slithered tiny, worm snakes out and away from the water. Taking advantage of the mist coming out. They made a wide berth from the fire. I brought my torch closer, and they backed up, so I followed them away. Soft white quills covered their backs, flaying around until another worm snake crawled over it. Bit by bit, they snake worms laid on top of each other, becoming larger and thicker, until their eyes vanished and they solidified, the quills laying flat completely.

I gently scrapped along the back of a worm with my axe blade, but the worm train didn't shiver.

They chained and morphed themselves together, weaving in and out. "Hey, Naiad, come look at this."

I risked touching the worm snakes themselves. They were cool compared to the mud and rough to the touch.

"What is it?" Naiad inquired.

"Hold it," I warned her, "keep your torch back. It's scaring them. I felt these things while searching for my axe, I think. Swimming in the water. Thought they were worm snakes, but look at this."

I pointed as another new set, lined up like train carts, and bumped into the other until their mouths and eyes vanished together, growing in thickness. The white fuzz grew and Naiad did the same as me touching them.

"It's rough… like tree bark." She realized the same thing.

The snake worm pile pulsed up and down, like a heartbeat, allowing them to flow through each other. As more slid out of all the pools near us, but stopping drastically right by where my map first started populating.

"Why there?" Naiad asked. "Is there a magical barrier?"

I shook my head. "No, that's where our portal dropped us off in this location. I bet these things will lead us to Lady Branchelot."

I pulled out a Bark of Resilience, and the snake worm quivered, a few inched off and approached it. Their small quills waved up and down at the item. I put it on the ground for them to grab it. They carried the bark back into the line, slithering along and merging back together.

"Let's follow it." I said.

Naiad agreed, keeping her bow at ready.

The merged train of inch worms never got thicker than my arm, which was still disturbing to watch it pump the water from the ponds out and toward something. Its color reminding me of a root.

With the rain gently falling, it replaced the fog. The surrounding area was low bog land. Daringly, I grabbed at the root and pulled at it, seeing if I could cut it. Instead, the snake worms appeared and again and wrapped around my fingers.

"Oh gross!" I shook my hand, and the creatures went flying before forming into the root again.

"You okay?" Naiad poked one with her arrow and they formed around it, not even hurt.

"Yeah. Curious, have you messaged Triangle?" I didn't know how we were going to get back to him.

"I can't message anyone. Says something about the living can't reach us."

"Shoot. Hope he's okay," I sighed.

"He's not out fighting if that makes you feel better," Naiad said.

We followed the root stream. Every pool of water we passed added more snake worms to the collection, draining the water.

"It doesn't," I admitted. "He should be here with us. Not hiding in the base. He could throw mud pies at us."

"Delicious." She laid the sarcasm thick. "He would've loved the newts."

"I think he's more of a fish person now." I scrapped off the mud that caked on my axes. The rain became heavier, making it easier to clean. It also meant our torches would not work anymore.

Naiad shrugged. "That's only because you like fish. He's more of a crawler person."

"He likes fish! He's always showing it to me." I stopped talking, realizing why Triangle would show it to me. He wanted to talk to me about something.

"Yeah, it's something besides the game to talk about. You only talk in the game," Naiad complained again.

"We have things in common, and people's tastes change. Hey, what do you think of that?" I swung my torch at a short stone wall a little distance away from us.

The bog and rain ended right where the wall sat. Stones as large as me decorated the ground like bushes, while tall yellow natural pillars floated above on the other side. Their jagged shapes casting shadows and giving prey a simple place to hide and pounce on us. Next to the wall stood a tall totem.

As we got closer, following the root and the bark I gave, we saw the skulls of newts and fish decorating the lower totem pole. In the middle were multiple humanoid skulls, and at the top two spots were giant skulls with large sharp teeth lining the insides. The top was a creature armed with tusks, horns, and barbs all around the face.

Naiad took a guess. "A warning of what's out there?"

I agreed. "Yeah, and humans aren't at the top of the food pole."