Her True Form

Yvette sniffed the air, a strange scent filling her nostrils. She shivered and shook her head. “It’s… strong,” she said softly, slowly walking through the trees. Off in the distance she could hear strange cawing.

“What is?” Gervas asked.

“That smell. What is it?”

He glanced back at her and gave a soft chuckle. “The sea. Have you ever been out to the coast?” he asked with a small smile.

“No. I haven’t. Have you?”

“More than a few times. Most of my escorts end up near there at one time or another. So you’ve never seen the sea?”

Her cheeks burned and she shook her head. “I’ve seen it on maps, of course. But that’s not--”

“But you’ve never seen it up close, have you?” he asked again.

The blush grew all the way to her ears and she shook her head. “No. I haven’t. It’s just a bunch of water though, right?”

“Oh, you’ll see,” he said, giving a light laugh.

Yvette rolled her eyes and focused on slowly navigating Chestnut through the foliage. It was steadily getting darker, making the ground harder to see and requiring more concentration. However, things were slowly getting clearer and the trees were growing further apart with every few minutes of travel.

Finally, Gervas stopped and lifted a hand. “There we go. That,” he said.

Yvette stopped and looked up. Her heart nearly jumped into her mouth. The trees had finally cleared out enough for her to see beyond the woods. It came out at the top of a cliff, allowing her to see down to the coastal town below. Fields filled with tall stalks of wheat stretched out. However, doors and windows seemed to have been built into the ground itself, small homes that were carved into the stone and dirt. At the water’s edge, far below, a pier was built that seemed to reach out into the ocean.

Their vantage point allowed them to see the sea itself. Her breath stopped at the sight of this endless field of blue. It seemed to go on forever, the only disturbance seeming to be the occasional small wave that came to the shore. The scent was almost overpowering now. She also quickly found the source of the cawing. Small, white birds flying around in the air. “It’s… it’s huge,” she whispered. “That’s all water? All the way out until the end of the world?”

“All the way to the void itself,” Gervas said before shaking his head. “Or so they say. I’ve never gone that far out, though. I don’t know anyone who’d ever want to. Getting so close to the edge of the world sounds almost suicidal. Even if you can’t go into the void, I’d rather not risk it.”

Yvette nodded, her eyes wandering up, past the water. All she could see on the horizon was blue water and the light of the sun. She could almost imagine the void out there, waiting for anyone who was foolish enough to come close.

An endless white expanse where everything just stopped, even this endless expanse of blue. Where even the most powerful mages couldn’t go. Where anything and everything just ceased to be, as if it was an impenetrable wall holding the whole world inside. The thought of going near it was such foolishness that it made her quiver a little. She looked away, her eyes landing on a strange, white tower built at the highest point of the cliff, on the edge of where the forest was cut back. “What’s that?” she asked gently, pointing towards it. “A mage’s tower, right?”

“Yes, but a little different. See?” Gervas said before pointing towards the very top. A great light seemed to illuminate from within. “It’s to help sailors know the town is here, in case they get lost. From that point, the local mage can see out into the pier and use their magic to remove fog or anything else that makes it harder for the port to function.”

Yvette nodded. “I see. I’ve heard that some are used for that. I’ve never been particularly skilled at that kind of magic, though. I--” Her words were cut off when he took the reins from her. “What are you doing?”

“It’s time for you to change,” he said, motioning back towards the woods. “Cover that mark. No one’s going to be looking for a fallen mage here. At least, they shouldn’t. But you do kind of stick out. How do you want to do this?”

Yvette nodded. “Right. I’ll go change. And I don’t know. I’ll need a few moments to decide,” she said quickly, before turning and walking back into the trees, hiding behind a particularly thick one. She then glanced down at the bracer on her arm.

She’d been thinking about it for days now. The obvious answer was to pose as a master. She had the bracer, it would be easy enough. She could cast her magic without any hindrance then.

However, traveling masters were incredibly rare, rarer even than traveling journeymen. On top of that, if anyone asked her to do a spell that would be simple for a master, it would be easy to tell what she was. The only magic she was truly talented in was transfiguration, the rest of her magic was at the level of an apprentice. Unfortunately, her most powerful spells were nowhere near the level to make up for such an obvious weakness in others.

Going as a journeyman was easy as well, the likely safest method. She’d have to hide the bracer, perhaps say she preferred staffs or wands to cast her magic, rather than a simple bracer. But they were already strapped for money as it was, having to get an object to hide her from divination as well as a new bracer or staff could only cause her more trouble.

There was one more option that she hadn’t considered. She glanced down at her robes, pulling them open and looking at the tunic and breeches she wore. They were well worn, but a symbol of what she was. “Gervas?”

“What?” he asked.

“What if I wasn’t a mage?”

There was a long moment of silence from him, before he spoke up again. “I’m sorry?”

“Not permanently! I mean, here. What if I dressed as if I wasn’t a mage?”

“Do you really want to do that?”

She stared down at her clothing for a moment. It might be kind of fun to try being normal for a change. She’d always drawn some attention, either as a child of nobility or as a mage. Being someone who didn’t might be interesting for a change. “Yes! It’d be fun.”

“Okay. I can’t do magic, though. The things we’re looking for aren’t the kinds of things non-mages would be looking for, either.”

Yvette’s cheeks burned with shame when she realized he was right. If she wasn’t a mage, there wasn’t any other reason they’d be out here. People didn’t just go searching for dragon turtles. She took a long, slow breath. “I’ll be a journeyman. I used a staff, but it was destroyed by… I don’t know. Maybe it was stolen?”

“Destroyed works. There was an accident when we were traveling. Spell went poorly, it was broken by the spell.”

Yvette’s cheeks burned. “I’m not an incompetent mage! I wouldn’t have accidentally destroyed my focus!” she said, anger flooding her.

“It happens a lot, more times than I think you mages would be willing to admit.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that so I’ll go along with it, are you?”

“Of course not, don’t be ridiculous,” Gervas said, his tone sounding unamused. “You mages are always tampering in things you shouldn’t be.”

Yvette nodded and then stepped back out from behind the tree. “I guess this means I don’t have to change, at least,” she mumbled, before unbinding her bracer and pulling it off. She walked to Chestnut and opened her bag, sliding the bracer inside. She reached in and the objects seemed to shift around, moving her clothing to within easy reach. Within a few moments she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. “Ummm, Gervas. There’s a problem.”

“What now?”

“My gloves. I don’t have them.”

“What do you mean, you don’t have them?” he asked, moving besides her.

Yvette gave a soft, annoyed sigh. When she’d first left her home and taken her steps out into the world, her master had left her a little surprise. She’d spent the last few years gathering all of the female clothing she could. Dresses, gowns, undergarments, even a beautiful pair of white gloves that had cost her a pretty penny.

Her master had tossed them all away and replaced them with boy clothing. Even her robe had been boy’s clothing. She’d altered them heavily with her magic, to make what she could into girl’s clothing. Those that had already been enchanted too heavily for her to alter she had left behind.

Shame filled her when she realized that there had been a pair of gloves. Heavy, thick ones that had been enchanted against the cold and being pierced. They’d been so bulky and crude, she’d tossed them away without a second thought once she’d realized they were too enchanted for her to fix. As had many other garments.

The robe she now wore wasn’t even the one she had altered before, it was one that had been replaced at the vault by the grandmaster, the only piece of true girl clothing she had. Something that had been originally made for a girl. Even if it was a bit faded and dulled from all of her cleaning spells, it had since become her favorite garment to wear and the only type of garment she had worn since they had left the vault.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, glancing back to Gervas. She felt unease in her stomach. “I tossed them away.”

“Why would you toss them away?” he asked and, despite his calm features, she could hear the frustration and annoyance in his tone. “Did you think you’d never need to get your hands dirty?”

“No. They were part of the boy’s clothes. Remember my mage’s fit? They were enchanted and I’m sorry,” Yvette said, closing her eyes. She felt shame forming a knot in her stomach, unwilling to see the disappointment on his face. If only she’d been more careful. “I should have kept them, but I tossed them away once I couldn’t fix them. I’m sor--” She felt a hand on her head and slowly she opened her eyes.

“It’s okay,” Gervas said, giving her a small smile. However, despite his soothing words she could hear the frustration in his voice.

“I shouldn’t have--”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s okay.”

“It doesn’t sound okay. You sound mad.”

“I’m not mad. I’m frustrated. But I’m not frustrated at you. You shouldn’t have had those gloves to begin with. He shouldn’t have switched your clothes like that. It’s not your fault and I don’t blame you for tossing them aside. We’ll get some new gloves for you. For now, though, we need to cover your hand. Do you have any bandages?”

She gave a small nod and moved through the bag, before pulling out a small roll. He took it from her and began to, slowly, bind up her right hand. Starting from a bit below the wrist and moving up, wrapping it around the entirety of her hand and pinning her fingers together. “What are you doing? I can’t move my fingers.”

“If I just wrap up the back of your hand, it’ll draw notice,” Gervas said firmly. “Your staff exploded, it hurt your hand. You’re healing it with your magic, but we’ve been keeping it wrapped up for the time being. We’ll get you a staff and some gloves, then we’ll work on making sure people can’t track you.” Once her hand was completely bound up, he patted the wrapping and turned back to their mounts. The two horses hadn’t moved while they were working, as well behaved as ever. “Come on, let’s go.” He took Redwood’s reins and started leading her out of the woods.

Yvette stared at him, lifting the bandaged hand up to her chest. They didn’t have the money for that, she knew. Or rather, she didn’t. She glanced to his bags and tried to avoid doing the necessary mental calculations.

But she couldn’t. While she didn’t know how much money he’d been paid to escort her, she knew he had to have dug into that money a few times by now. She’d left with a little coin to her name, but not much. Most of what she needed was supposed to have been provided by the places she stayed at, paid by the aid she offered. She’d also been given supplies in her bag to aid in her journey.

But he’d told her himself, mages paid well. He’d been taking care of mages like her for years. He’d likely saved money during that time. Now he was spending it on her, helping her quest. Another jab of guilt filled her stomach. “Gervas?” she asked, tugging on Chestnut’s reins and the pair slowly following behind him.

“What?” he asked.

“How much do you have?”

He almost stumbled, quickly catching himself and making the near mistake seem almost smooth, but she’d known him long enough to notice the small catch of his boot. “Have of what?”

“Coin.”

“That’s not really--”

“You shouldn’t be spending it on me,” Yvette said.

Gervas gave a soft sigh, frustration returning to his tone. “Oh. It’s about that.”

“Of course it’s about that. You’re not obligated to--”

“I was paid to keep you safe. That’s what I’m doing,” he said firmly.

“It’s hardly being paid if you spend all of it on me,” she said, picking up her speed to walk closer behind him. “It’s not your duty to--”

“If I have to spend a bit of coin to ensure we’re both safe, then I’ll do it.”

“But--”

“I’ll get it back from you later.”

Yvette almost stopped, her mouth falling open. “From me? How?”

“I’ll make you pay me back.”

“Where am I going to get money?” she asked.

“Once you’re a girl. There are always people willing to pay a mage to take care of things for them. You could find all kinds of work as a mercenary, even. Well, a mercenary healer.”

“I’m a fallen mage!” she snapped, frustration growing in her voice. “No one is going to want anything to do with me once I--” The words froze in her mouth once she realized what she said. Suddenly she felt light headed and she stumbled, steadying herself by holding the reins tightly. Chestnut quickly moved in closer, helping to support the girl with her head.

Gervas stopped and stared back at her. “Ah. So you hadn’t thought about that?”

“What am I going to do when all of this is over? The Mage’s Association won’t allow me to do any kind of magic ever again. I can’t--”

“People won’t care,” he said with a shake of his head.

“Of course they will. The Mage’s Association--”

“Doesn’t have the resources or power to track down every fallen mage and ensure they aren’t causing trouble, at least if we make it hard for them. If they did, you’d have already been tracked down by now. They especially don’t have the resources to track down a mage who isn’t causing trouble for anyone.”

Yvette flushed. “But I’m not really noticeable right now. If I was doing work, I--”

“If you were healing people and not causing any trouble, no one would care,” Gervas said quickly. “Besides.” He motioned her to come besides him. Once she was, he reached out and took her bandaged hand in her free one. “Once you can fix yourself. Once everything is over and you’re a woman, fully. Do you think that you won’t be able to remove this mark?”

“I mean… maybe. It’s not transformation magic. It’s more of an illusion. That’s why it looks different to whoever sees it. That and--”

“But do you think you’ll be able to remove it?”

She stared at her hand before slowly nodding. The more she thought about it, the more sure she became that she’d be able to remove it even before then. It hadn’t been an alteration of her true form, just a very deep, magical scar. Even if she couldn’t remove it, there had to be plenty of mages who could. On top of that, there were plenty of places a mage like her could find work, even if not officially from the Mage’s Association. For all the power the Mage’s Association held, if they couldn’t track her, then they’d be unlikely to waste resources trying to find her. Especially after she changed her form and became unrecognizable.

“Then there’s nothing to worry about, is there? You’ll pay me back, whatever I spend. Just think of it as an investment. You’d hardly be the first mage who owes me a favor or three.” He let her hand go and started walking once more, fully stepping out from the trees and into the fields, quickly making his way to the path that went down from the tower towards the town.

Yvette blinked a few times, before quickly moving to follow behind him. She eyed him cautiously, before glancing away. Her bandaged hand reached up to her heart, trying to ignore the warmth spreading through her.

He hated mages so much. Yet he was so protective of her. She felt small tears forming in the corners of her eyes, though she tried to force them back.

It wasn’t fair at all. He was doing so much to help her, to aid her. Yet there were so many people who refused to just let her be. Who decided to actively stand in her way. She felt anger rise in her at the thought. So many people who couldn’t even do the bare minimum of allowing her to be herself, so many who had to, instead, fight her as if she was some kind of monster. As if her suffering somehow made their lives better.

She glanced down at the town and gave a soft sigh. At least Gervas would be with her now. No matter who stood in their way, he’d be there by her side. So long as--

“Oh by the Wolf, give me strength,” Gervas whispered.

“Huh?” Yvette asked, glancing ahead down the path, her heart began to beat faster when she saw the person blocking their way. Chestnut suddenly stopped and tugged on the reins, almost pulling them free of her hands.

The woman was tall, taller even than Gervas. With long golden hair and golden eyes. She wore the same blue journeyman robes that Yvette did, with a small, brown bracer on her right arm. Besides her stood a horse that appeared to be made entirely of stone, pulling a wagon filled with barrels. It was hard to tell who looked more shocked by the encounter, her or Gervas. Though the look of growing rage on the other woman’s face was clear as day.

“Allow me to introduce you to Madlyn, my last escort,” Gervas muttered. “Careful, her golems buck.”