Her True Form

Yvette took a slow, deep breath. Her eyes were closed, her mind clear. Peace. Serenity. Calm. Focus.

She held out her right hand, feeling the slight tingle when it began to shift, the skin growing thick, jagged scales jutting out across its surface. It sent more tingles down her arm when the very form and function of her arm changed. She gave a soft whimper once the pain started.

That was the biggest danger of partial shifting. Fully transforming was one thing, but partial meant that the body had a new group of organs it, frankly, wasn’t prepared for. It was a constant drain of magic to keep things moving correctly, to stop any pain. She was still a novice at the spell, though she was growing. Some mages could even do it while already transformed into another form, though she had never tried.

Fortunately, within a few moments she had the spell under control and the pain disappeared. She let out a sigh of relief before turning the claw from side to side, then glancing towards one of the trees surrounding their campsite. She walked towards one and struck her arm out across the bark, cutting a large gash across the wood. She then pulled back, her hand turning back to normal.

“You know, you could just conserve your magic and use the hatchet,” Gervas’ voice rang out behind her, making her jump. She turned around and glared at him, her eyes narrowed.

“Yes, it would. But I need to keep practicing and honing my skills. Otherwise, when I DO get everything I need to use the spell to alter my true form, I won’t be skilled enough to use it. It’s a master level spell, I’ll need to be as good as a master to cast it.”

“Of course,” Gervas said, his voice filled with mild amusement. She turned back to the wood and mentally measured how deep the cut was. It only cut the surface, a firm measurement of how weak her claws had been. She soon heard a cracking sound behind her and, when she glanced back, he was sitting in front of a small fire, putting a small metal fire striker away in its case.

“I could have started that,” she said sheepishly, guilt forming a knot in her stomach.

“The wood is fairly dry, easy enough to burn. Just focus on your practice,” he said dismissively.

“Thank you. Sorry,” she said, before turning back towards the tree and once again focusing her magic. This time, her eyes shifted and changed. The world changed from color to inky black and white, though her vision was amplified heavily, allowing her to see far off into the distance. The pain from the shift settled a moment later.

She let out a shriek, pulling back. She saw movement. Something big moving around in the bushes, far away. She focused on it, but there didn’t seem to be anything there. Just a small tree in the middle of a bush. Had it been the wind? But she would have sworn she saw something moving.

Suddenly she was pulled back, Gervas moving between her and whatever it was she saw, his spear in hand. “Are you okay? What is it?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said, staring intently at the bush. There was no movement, no sign of anything being there. Just the tree, growing out from it. Not even a bug or animal. Her eyes shifted to normal and she stared up at him, her cheeks burning. “I didn’t see anything. I’m sorry. Shifting the eyes can be a bit harder, since it impacts my sight. I was seeing things.”

Gervas glanced back at her and then sighed before lowering his spear. He reached out with his left hand and patted her on the head, giving a teasing smile. “Oh, great. Is this your way of trying to avoid being on watch later?”

Her red cheeks burned even hotter at the claim. “W-we don’t even have watches! That’s what we use that detection spell for!” While they did have watches for a while on this trip, once they were certain no one was following them, they had depended on the spell to alert them. If for no other reason than staying up half the night made the day’s travel that much harder and slowed them down enough that the spell was a suitable risk.

Still, he laughed and started walking back to the camp, sitting down in front of the fire and lifting a cast iron pan from the top of their supplies, before tossing raw, red pieces of meat into it. Within moments, the sound of sizzling meat could be heard and the smell made her realize how hungry she was from her use of magic.

She walked over and sat across from him, the ground hard but the leaves helping to dampen the firmness.

“How long do you think we have?” Gervas asked.

Yvette sighed. She didn’t have to ask what he meant, it was a question that had been on her mind for ages. She glanced down at her right hand, the black symbol on the back of it. The mark of a fallen mage. A magical sign to any and all who saw her that she was a fallen mage, forbidden from using magic of any sort by the Mage’s Association. That she had used magic for the wrong reasons. Terrible, horrific reasons.

Worse, she was a criminal who had stolen from the vault. If they managed to get their hands on her, they would take back not just the spell she had stolen, but all of her memories of it. At best. They’d likely just kill her to ensure that she could never do anything like this again, or at the very least burn away her magic. She felt tears welling up again. All she wanted was to be a girl, fully. To change her form so she’d never have to feel like a man again, why did they have to fight her so hard on it? There were mages who could do it, who could fix her. Ones with far more power and control than she’d likely ever have. It wouldn’t be too easy. But it would be a lot easier than stopping her. Why couldn’t they just let her be herself?

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Yvette? It’s okay, forget I asked,” Gervas whispered, suddenly kneeling in front of her. He placed his left hand on her shoulder and his right hand reached up to gently brush her hair back. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay. I’ve been dealing with mages like this since I was a child. We’re going to get you fixed, I promise.”

“N-no, you’re right. We just need to… need to still get ready, right?” she asked, giving him a weak smile. “Prepare. It won’t take long, I think. Until they start tracking us. Are you sure your… that Grandmaster Cecily won’t be able to track me herself?”

“Not immediately,” Gervas said, still gently stroking her hair soothingly. “She’ll leave that to the rest of the Mage’s Association, though.”

Yvette nodded. Fortunately, the bureaucracy of the Mage’s Association was working in their favor. While it would have been simple for the mage’s to track them and teleport someone into the middle of their camp, that took time. If Cecily wasn’t coming after them herself, it would be up to the organization to come after her.

For that, they’d first need to organize everything to ensure they were coming after the right person, which would require them to meet with Cecily. From there, the heads of the association would need to have a meeting to determine how much of a danger she was, which as a journeyman likely meant she wasn’t a large one. From there, they’d start scrying on her to determine her location and sending smaller teams after her to either bring her in or eliminate her. While teleporting someone to her WAS an option, she was, hopefully, not worth it.

She’d been keeping a small scrying detection spell up at all times on top of the local detection spell, though her practice in scrying magic was almost non-existent, she wouldn’t be surprised if they could track her without her noticing. Still, nothing had triggered it yet, so it gave her some measure of calm. They still had time. “Probably another week or two. Maybe even another month,” she said softly. “I’m a journeyman still, not truly a threat. The spell I stole isn’t exactly the most dangerous, either. Nothing that could end the world, or even a full city. They hopefully have greater dangers to worry about than some silly journeyman who wants to use a forbidden spell.”

Gervas nodded. “Of course. We’ll hopefully be out of these woods in another week or so. We’ll be able to find something we need to make sure they can’t track you down. Traders live by those kinds of tools.”

Yvette nodded, giving another small smile. Slowly, she reached up to grab the hand stroking her hair. “Thank you. For everything. For staying by my side despite everything.” Already she felt so much calmer, thanks to his presence. She didn’t know what she’d done to have someone like him, someone who had been willing to put himself through so much danger in order to help her become herself, but she doubted she could ever thank him enough.

Gervas slowly pulled his hands back, making her release him. He then moved to their breakfast, moving the meat around with a wooden spoon. “It’s what I was paid for.”

She gave a gentle chuckle. He used the fact he was paid to protect her as an excuse, but she knew that wasn’t true. The moment she had become a fallen mage, his protection was no longer required.

No, worse than that. She glanced to the metal bracer he wore. It was specifically made by her master. If she put it on, all of her magic was burned away, albeit temporarily. A failsafe in case she did something like this. His ‘duty’ now, what he was hired to do, was to capture her and drag her in for her crimes. He was going against the very thing he was hired to do, protecting her against all the people who wanted to stop her.

Sometimes it felt overwhelming. There were so many of them who wanted to stop her. Who saw what she was doing, what she wanted to do, as some great crime. All she wanted was to be a girl, though. Permanently. In every single way, the same as any other woman. She didn’t understand why they had to fight it so desperately.

“Here,” Gervas said, handing her a small, wooden plate stacked with thin pieces of meat.

Yvette gave it a sniff. “Rabbit?”

“Yes. Caught one this morning.”

“Thanks for sharing,” she said, though she felt just a hint disappointed. It felt like all they had eaten in the last week, since they’d escaped the vault, was rabbit and a few birds. Even the heavily salted meat they had stored away would have been more appetizing at this point.

Then again, she understood why. They were moving through the woods, quick, but careful. There was no telling how long they would be here, or if they would have enough money to get everything they needed when they got to the next town. They needed to ensure they spread out their rations as long as possible. She knew she should be thankful that Gervas was such a good hunter and skilled at setting those small traps that they were able to have consistent food to help spread out their rations.

She still couldn’t help eating it with just a hint of disappointment. At the very least, it made the hunger from her use of magic fade.

Gervas watched her with an amused grin on his face.

“What?” she asked, glaring back.

“You really are one of the smarter mages I’ve guarded.”

“You say that, but how many of them became fallen mages during?”

“Mmm… two, but I’d--”

“How many of them dragged you with them after?” she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Maybe you’re just not as smart as you think you are.”

“Fair enough. This job has definitely taken a few turns I never thought it would. It probably would have been smarter to just let you run off on your own.”

Yvette flushed and gave a small nod. “It probably would have. I… thank you. For not. I don’t know what I would have done without you. I just--”

“You don’t complain,” he said, cutting her off.

“What?”

“The reason I say you’re smarter than most of them. You get this look on your face a lot. Your eyes kind of scrunch up, you tense a little and you always look like you’re going to start yelling or whining about something. Then you just don’t.”

Yvette’s cheeks turned scarlet again. “I-I wasn’t going to complain! I’m very thankful that you’re able to catch these for us. I know that--”

“Not many people come this far through these woods,” he cut her off again. “Lots and lots of animals. Birds, rabbits, deer. It’s really not hard to hunt at all,” Gervas said with a small smile. “I’m tired of rabbit, too. I do appreciate the fact you know better than to throw a fit over it, though.”

Yvette smiled up at him with appreciation, feeling a little warmth spread through her. “Thank you. I really am tired of it. But I am thankful that you’re willing to share it with me and not making me hunt on my own.”

“For now,” he said firmly, a cocky grin forming on his lips. “I wouldn’t get too used to this. Once we’ve got something to stop us from being scryed on, we’re going right back to training. You’re going to learn how to set these kinds of traps yourself. We’ll get you some more training with a bow as well. Enjoy the relaxation while you can.”

Yvette gave a light chuckle before nodding. She didn’t doubt the truth in Gervas’ words at all, he seemed to take great delight in beating her black and blue in their training sessions, working her until she was nearly to the point of passing out. A small part of her envied the mages who went straight to some random town and spent their days working for the people there. A life of pampering in a tower of her own, using her magic a few times a day to aid the people, before retiring in her own warm, soft bed. Never knowing the sores caused by a day of being hit by wooden practice swords.

Granted, if it wasn’t for his training she likely would have died not very long ago. She paused and the smile melted off her lips, memories of her last true fight filling her mind. Tackling Master Wimark, an insane necromancer who’d intended to sacrifice her and Gervas to fuel his spells, then stabbing him over and over. The thought of all the blood on her hands made her feel nauseous. No, most mages didn’t need to go through that, either.

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?”

“No. Just bad memories,” she said with a shake of her head. She forced the unappetizing meal down her throat, before casting a quick spell to clean the plate.

While a part of her did envy those towers, she knew it wouldn’t be for her. A life of ease and relaxation would have also meant a life of accepting what she was, refusing to fix the problem that was her body. Giving up on becoming herself. Now that she knew what her problem was and how to fix it, there was no way she could ever go back to just accepting it.

No matter how much pain and how many bruises it caused.

Her head shot up when she felt a tingle go down her spine. Something had triggered her alarms. She caught Gervas’ eye and he gave a subtle nod, before motioning down towards the fire. He wanted her to remain calm and act as if she hadn’t noticed. She gave a small jerk of her head and got to her feet. “I’ll take care of the dishes while you get the horses ready, okay?”

He gave a nod before moving to their mounts, Chestnut and Redwood, the former a light brown with streaks of white, the other a light red and the larger of the two. He began to saddle the two moments before she felt another tingle go down her spine. Whatever it was, it was coming closer to them.

She tried to see whatever it was out of the corner of her eyes, but all she could see were trees. Whatever it was, though, it was bigger than normal wildlife. At least as big as her. Worse than that, it was trying to sneak up on them. She felt her pulse quicken and she tried to keep her panic down.

These woods were not part of the Fay Woods, those dangerous woods laying to the west while they had gone east. But they were close enough to those woods that any number of creatures could have come from them. She tried to silence all of the legends and stories she’d heard about them from her mind.

Monstrous canines that could devour a person whole in mere moments. Beasts made of stone and wood that would tear a person in half with a single finger. The fay themselves that had magic that was so strange and foreign that even the Mage’s Association couldn’t begin to understand it aside from knowing it ‘worked’. Tiny creatures that had magic so potent they could enslave an entire city to do their bidding.

Her heart beat faster once she felt the third tingle. It was on the edge of their camp, now. Hiding amongst the bushes and trees. She couldn’t see it, couldn’t hear it. All she knew was that there was something out there.

Stalking them. Watching them. She used her magic to clean the rest of the dishes, slowly sliding them into their bags, before finishing the skillet and holding it out to him to tie to the side of Redwood. She stared up at him with pleading eyes, wondering when he’d strike. He was the experienced traveler in this situation, he would know far more than she did how much danger they were in.

Unfortunately, his face was a mask, not even a hint of notice of any danger showing on it. As if he didn’t know they were being watched. “Come on, I’ll help you up,” he said, motioning to Chestnut.

That made her pause. While she had struggled to get into the saddle on her own at the beginning of their journey, she’d gotten far better due to all their experience, no longer needing his aid. Which she knew meant he wanted her on the horse first, because if anything happened to him he wanted her to get away. He was her guardian, after all. She was just a mage.

However, while traveling through the woods they had rarely ridden at all, the constant trees and occasional unsteady dirt paths making it far safer for them to guide the pair through the trees. There was no way he’d put her in the saddle unless he was worried that they really were in danger.

“I think I’ll walk,” she said, firmly, staring into his eyes. Her response was clear and she could see in his eyes that he understood. There was no way she would abandon him, regardless of what was coming for them. He was the only person in all of the world that had accepted her. Who had seen her as a woman, who accepted her as a woman. Who didn’t shame or hurt her for it. More than that, even when it became dangerous and hard, even with the world turning against them, he refused to abandon her. Had stood by her side, despite the mark that had been forced on her hand.

She would never let that go. She would face whatever lay ahead by his side.

“Yvette, get on the--”

“I’ll walk,” she repeated, glaring defiantly at him.

He gave a sigh and relented, holding the reins out to her. “Very well. I guess we’re walking then.” He moved besides Redwood, reaching up as if to adjust the saddle. However, she could see that he had pulled his bow free from its quiver and was subtly stringing it. “Let me just fix this first.”

Yvette nodded, her heart pounding while she watched him. Did he know where it was? Had he managed to track down whatever was there? She held her breath, barely resisting the urge to look behind them and see if she could track whatever was following them. She didn’t breath again until the bow was strung, fortunately without any interruptions from whatever was out there.

Gervas drew an arrow and then quickly turned around, nocking it and pulling the string back. However, before he released a voice called out. “Wait! Stop! Don’t, please!”

He stopped, though didn’t loosen his pull. “Come out, now,” he ordered.

“I am coming, I am coming.” The bushes began to jostle from side to side and, after a moment, a tree stepped out into their small camp site.