Her True Form

A heavy pounding on the door woke Yvette, making her eyes open. “Huh?” She froze when she saw Gervas sitting on the bed across from her, eyeing her with a look she couldn’t identify. She suspected anger.

He quickly looked away, turning his gaze towards the door, moments before more heavy knocking was heard. “You sleep okay?” he asked.

“Y-yes,” she whispered. She looked down at herself and, to her disappointment, realized her spell had ended. “Sorry. Who’s at the door?”

“I’m not sure,” he mumbled before getting to his feet. She couldn’t help but notice when he walked to the door, that he was resting his hand on the hilt of his sword. He pulled it open a crack and peered out. “Who’s there?”

There was a light coughing from the other side, before a voice spoke up. “Err, my lord. I am here at the behest of Lady Isouda to--”

Gervas didn’t let the man finish before slamming the door shut once again. The pounding soon began again, but he ignored it.

“Maybe we should see what he wants,” Yvette said, staring at the door.

“Do you really want to go back there and talk with her?”

She imagined going back to the woman and risking another confrontation. Being told she wasn’t a good enough. How ugly a woman she was. How her voice wasn’t right. Her stomach clenched up into a knot at the idea. “I… mean… not really...”

“Then we have no reason to,” he said firmly. “You told her you were a girl, she decided to insult you. Besides, I don’t trust people who use enchantments like that.”

“Enchantments?” she asked softly. “The garden?”

He eyed her for a moment. “That ring on her finger. Didn’t you notice it?”

She flushed and shook her head.

“You’re a mage, how could you not notice such a simple spell?”

Her cheeks burned. “The entire garden was magical in a way.”

Gervas rolled his eyes. “It was a dazzling spell, a simple illusion.”

“Dazzling? All that does is draw attention...”

“Yes, it does. That was just the spell I could identify. People who use magic like that tend to use a lot of other magic, too. They have an image to maintain. And they put in a lot of effort to--”

“Do you always judge people like that?” Yvette asked, her eyes narrowing on him.

“I’ve been dealing with people for years. Mages, nobles, captains, all sorts. There are people who draw your gaze because they just do. They’re competent, powerful, they know what they’re doing. Then there are people who use magic to make up for what they lack. I don’t trust anyone who has to use magic for something as small as making sure eyes are drawn to them.”

“I… guess you’re right,” she said softly, lowering her own eyes. The woman had been beautiful, though. She couldn’t imagine it was just the magic drawing her gaze. She had moved with such grace, everything about her had radiated a femininity that she could only hope she would one day have. “She was… beautiful… though. Wasn’t she? Isn’t that the kind of woman that a woman should want to be?” she asked gently.

“Is that who you want to be?” he asked, his voice turning cold. “Is all that matters to you that you ‘look’ pretty?”

“I’m… sure there’s more to her than--”

“Is there any more to her than that, That you know?”

She shook her head. “W-well, no, but--”

“Then I’d ask yourself what kind of person you want to be. Yvette, allow me to be perfectly clear. I’ve been around a lot of mages over the years. I’ve fought plenty, protected others and worked by them.” He then laid back, ignoring the pounding on the door. “I’ve met even more women. Appearance can only tell you so much.”

“Well, I mean--”

“If you want to be a woman, is that the kind of woman you want to be like?”

“I think I--”

“Do you want to be the kind of woman who says those things to others? Who insults them within a few seconds of meeting them?”

She flushed and lowered her gaze. Just imagining those words made her heart tighten. Slowly, she shook her head. “No...”

“Good. There are plenty of beautiful women you’ll meet in your life, Yvette. Try mimicking one of the ones who are worth it.” He crossed his arms behind his head and glanced over. “This goes for being a mage, too.”

“What?”

“There’s a lot of mages who think their magic means the world owes them. Ones who believe they can and should decide everything that happens. Ones who’ve decided they only know best because of the power they have.”

She stared at him for a moment before nodding. “Like… Master Betan… thinking I could just be fixed?” she asked softly.

“Exactly. You’ve got to decide who exactly you’re going to be. Both as a woman and as a mage. So when you start idolizing people, I’d make sure that they really are the kind of people you should be idolizing.”

She nodded and laid back, staring up at the roof.

“Besides, when you were transformed you didn’t look anything like her.”

“WHAT?!” she shrieked. “You were staring at me while I was asleep?!”

“I glanced over,” he said with a shrug. “You seemed off, I wasn’t sure why.”

“It was… just a simple spell. It just made me fully a… it...”

“You weren’t that much different than you are now,” he said.

She felt her heart sink. Did she really look that bad when she transformed? She’d always thought she looked prettier as a full girl. “I looked that bad?”

“No, you were very pretty. Far prettier than Lady Isouda, if that’s what you’re worried about. But you’re always a much prettier girl when you’re happy.”

Her cheeks burned and she rolled over, putting her back to him. She was pretty sure he was messing with her, or at the most just trying to appease her so she didn’t feel bad. She could never imagine herself looking anywhere near as breathtaking as Isouda had been.

But hearing him say that didn’t make it feel any less good. Even if it was empty compliments she knew he didn’t believe, hearing such things said about her for the first time in her life made her heart soar.

“I always thought I’d try to be like Master Betan. But, um, a girl,” she said softly.

“Oh?”

“He’s a great master. I’ve always been very thankful he was my master.”

“Have you ever met another master to compare him to?”

“W-well, no, not really. I mean, I’ve met some, but not really ever talked to them. But… but he’s always been really kind to me. He’s… while he doesn’t want me to be like… this, other than that he’s been nice.”

Gervas nodded. “I’ve heard good things about him. It's why I took on the job.”

“Exactly. Even when people came in the dead of night for aid, he never turned them away when they needed it.”

“That’s pretty rare, at least,” Gervas said softly. “I’ve known more than a few mages who let people die because they didn’t want to be disturbed in the night. There are definitely worse people you could emulate.”

“Do you think it’s weird to emulate a man, when I want to be a girl?” she asked gently.

“No weirder than anything else you do...” he muttered. “Besides, there’s more than a few woman I’ve admired and looked up to. He’s not the only mage who’s good like that, I’m sure you’ll eventually meet a female one as well.”

“I hope so...” she whispered. “Ermina wanted to be like him too. She was a girl.”

“You don’t need to defend yourself to me.”

“But--”

“I’m not going to demand you stop trying to be a girl just because you admire your teacher. If it makes you happy, I don’t really care, so long as you act like a proper, responsible mage.”

“Really?”

“It’s none of my business what you wear or act like. You’re hardly the strangest mage I’ve ever met Te--”

She tensed up, her breath catching.

“Yvette. Sorry,” he corrected himself quickly.

She stared at the wall for a few moments before shaking her head. As much as she wanted to yell at him for it, he was making an effort to call her by the correct name. She paused when the pounding on the door finally stopped. “I think he’s given up.”

“Good. You should eat something. Tomorrow is going to be a big day.”

She nodded and started to sit up, before pausing. She eyed him and then glanced to the bowl. Once they arrived at the vault, he would likely never forgive what she was going to try and do. She might never see him again. There was no telling how long before she’d meet another person who would at least try to treat her this well, or if anyone else ever would. As excited as she was to continue on and get to the vault, she knew it was only going to be the first step in a very long and dangerous journey.

Was it so wrong to want a few happy memories before then? “Can we stay in town for a few days?”

“What?”

“It’s part of my duty to help the towns we pass through, correct?” she asked, keeping her eyes down. “I’m sure most mages only stay the one night, considering how close the vault is. I’m sure there are plenty of tasks they need a mage for. Besides, I’m traveling. If I don’t stop and help places when I get to them, why travel to begin with?”

“That sounds fine. You’re not trying to look for another excuse to visit that woman again, are you?” he asked, his voice filled with suspicion.

“Of course not! You’re right. I just… you asked what kind of woman I want to be. I want to be the kind of woman who, whenever she goes someplace, she leaves it a better place than when she arrived.”

“Then you’ll wind up a fine mage. However, on that note of becoming things.”

“Yes?”

He pointed towards a small bowl resting on the desk. “I got you a bowl of stew. Eat it before it becomes too cold.”

She nodded and climbed out of the bed, walking to the bowl. She scooped it up before making her way back to the bed. She couldn’t identify what kind of meat was in it and it was cold, but she didn’t let that stop her from filling her stomach.

A few days in the village wouldn’t be so bad, it would give her the opportunity to enjoy having someone who supported her for a change. Her heart ached knowing that once they were finished with the vault, she’d likely never have that again.