Her Majesty The Prince

"Oh, and the testimonials were so touching!"

"I know!" the socialite said, almost spilling the meticulously stacked fruit tart she waved around for emphasis. "I was surprised the royal guard had such eloquent members among its ranks! I almost cried when that one stiff fellow with the scar spoke... what was his name again? Sir Hubert? Sir Ferdinand?"

"Sir Frederic!" her friend said, reaching for another tiny pastry on the plate the two of them shared at their usual table just outside the café.

"Yes, him! You would think we'd have run into him at a castle banquet by now, right?"

"Well, maybe we should make that our next priority. I hear he's the new captain of the guard. Good a time as any to make his acquaintance, don't you think?"

"Yeah, and beat Helena to the punch this time." The socialite took a bite of the extravagant dessert in her hand.

"Mm hm. You know, I was kind of expecting our little friend to be there. I’m surprised she wasn’t with the other lookalikes. You think she didn’t want to pay her respects?”

“Wait,” the socialite said as she looked at her friend incredulously, “you can tell them apart?”

“Oh, of course! It’s all in the eyes. It was a fun game I started playing at the banquets whenever I suspected Her Majesty wasn't actually in attendance. I didn’t really talk too much about it because, you know…”

They both shared a laugh. “Treason!”

“Exactly! One of them has a really piercing look, one has that big from-the-outskirts wide-eyed wonder, and… come to think of it, I don’t remember seeing our new friend at any of the official events before. Her eyes are on point, it’s like looking directly into Her Majesty’s—oh there she is, hello!”

The socialite’s friend waved excitedly at Lou as she finally mustered up the courage to turn the corner and walk to her usual table. There was only so much accidental eavesdropping she could stand. Besides, she was starting to get thirsty, and the two socialites didn’t seem to be about to change the subject any time soon.

Lou had hoped she’d get to avoid hearing about her own memorial service, but maybe this was just another one of those days where disappointment was on the menu. Might as well pair it with one of Her Majesty’s favorite drinks.

“Oh hi!” the socialite said, “I’m surprised to see you here today. Aren’t you going to that lookalike meeting?”

Lou froze in place. “The what?”

“Oh right!” her friend said, “your work buddies mentioned it when we ran into them yesterday after the service. Isn’t there a big important meeting at the castle for you all this morning?”

The socialite nodded, snapping her fingers as if she'd just had an epiphany. “The one with the sharp eyes—you know I totally see it now, you’re right—was bemoaning how they were making them go around to the side side entrance, but then the other one said it wasn’t too far from her favorite potato stand.”

“La Petite Frite! Yes!” the socialite’s friend exclaimed. She reached for another pastry, shooing away a particularly industrious street cat. “It’s decent.”

“I mean, it’s no—and she’s gone.”

“Oh wow, look at her go!”

“Maybe she missed the memo.”

Lou knew exactly which place they were talking about. Maybe there still was time. She’d taken off running before she event thought twice about why she was going. Perhaps that was confirmation enough that the desperate need for answers she'd been feeling for the past couple of weeks was coming to a boil. And where better to get them than the castle?

Whoever was debriefing the royal decoys would hopefully know something. Even if they didn't... all Lou needed was to get her foot in the door. She knew the royal guard's playbook. She'd written much of it.

She raced around the edge of the upper city, making a beeline for one of the quieter neighborhoods. The place used to see a lot more foot traffic back when the castle was still actively using the eastern gatehouse, but evidently its closure hadn't had much of an impact. The local businesses were still visibly thriving.

There it was: a lone stand on the edge of a grassy plaza, filling the air with the unmistakable smell of fried potatoes. The smell attracted birds, the birds attracted cats, and the cats kept the birds at bay. The result was a tenuous peace that reigned over the area, allowing residents and visitors alike to spend some time there with a savory treat without having to worry too much about defending it from the local urban wildlife.

Lou's breath caught in her throat as her eyes searched for a sign of the royal decoys, of customers, anyone—oh, thank the gods! She exhaled as soon as she saw them. Two feminine figures with long golden hair, walking away with snacks in hand.

She wasn't too late. There was still time to slip back in, even if just for a moment. There was still a chance to escape this halfhearted attempt at a new routine that wasn't working no matter how hard she tried. She truly wasn't cut out for city life.

"Wait!" Lou yelled out, causing the two to stop and turn around. One of them had styled two long locks into curls that framed her face, while the other had tied most of her hair into a ponytail. Other than that, they were practically identical; the three of them were, in fact. But only to an unsuspecting outsider.

Lou knew better. The two royal decoys' respective individuality went beyond the difference in their eyes that the socialite had mentioned, though she was correct: one was sharper, one was softer. Lou wondered where she herself ended up in that respect. She also wondered what they were actually called, cursing herself for relying on code names and official titles for the majority of the time they had worked together.

Decoy A—the sharp one with the curls and the perfect memory, who was trusted with the more dangerous assignments—narrowed her eyes as she saw Lou approach.

As Lou slowed to a stop in front of them, gasping for air after her impromptu marathon, she suddenly realized she had no plan. What was her next move here? She'd helped train them herself, on multiple occasions in the presence of one another. They knew the other existed, but that was it—they hadn't been told there was a third. How was she going to convince them to trust her?

Decoy G—the soft one with the ponytail and the innate charisma, who could withstand the biggest crowds—broke out into a look of complete astonishment, quickly followed by the widest smile Lou had seen in a very long time. "Oh my GODS there's another one! Addy, there's three of us!!"

...Could it really just be that simple? Then again, there weren't many other explanations. Who else but a royal decoy would be running up to these two, on this day, at this time, with this face?

The excited royal decoy shifted the large paper cone full of freshly fried potatoes to one hand. She quickly wiped the other on the side of her overcoat and extended it to Lou. She cleared her throat, as if she was suddenly feeling self-conscious for her previous outburst. "Ah, my apologies! My name is Eugénie. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance," she said with a distinguished smile that Lou had seen many times before.

Addy looked between the two of them, pondered visibly for a moment, then sighed in resignation. "Jenny, please. There's no need for decorum anymore, especially not here of all places."

Jenny let out a huge sigh, visibly relaxing. "Oh thank the gods! Yeah, you're totally right." She wiggled her extended hand at Lou, still looking just as happy, albeit now in a more genuine way. "I'm still stoked to meet you though, hi!"

Lou carefully took the offered hand and shook it. "Uh, hi, I'm Lou," she said, immediately regretting her choice of words.

Addy's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, that must have been fun during training. What did they end up calling you then?"

Lou briefly looked to Jenny, just in case the less suspecting of her two new acquaintances would inadvertently come to her aid once more. Sadly, she also seemed to be wondering the same thing Addy was. Lou had to come up with something. But what would have been her code name? Was there one she could use that wouldn't immediately be flagged as fake if either of the two people in front of her asked literally anyone about it? When could she have been even trained for the scheduling to make sense—ah!

"I, uh... I actually didn't make it to training," Lou said, letting the actual mix of stress and embarrassment she was feeling right now pass for the right kind of awkwardness. "It was supposed to start after the coronation."

Both of the royal decoys winced.

"Oof," Addy said, reaching over to pat Lou on the shoulder. "Well that must sting then, doesn't it? All those preparations and agonizing rituals just to end up not putting any of it to good use."

Jenny blinked, turning to her colleague. "Wait what do you mean 'agonizing'? Was it supposed to hurt?"

Addy looked at her incredulously. "Are you saying it didn't? Your bones readjusting? Your skin pulling at itself? Your eyes burning for a day and a night?" Her eyes narrowed as she leaned closer to Jenny. "Your whole head itching for weeks, in places you couldn't scratch?"

"I guess?" Jenny replied, plucking one of the more thinly-cut fried potatoes from her paper cone and popping it into her mouth. "I don't think I got the eyes-burny-thing, and the bones part wasn't so bad. The ladies said I was already pretty close." She shrugged.

"Hrm."

"Oh, but you're right about the itching part though!" Jenny said, patting her colleague on the back. "That was rough! They had to do my whole scalp twice to get the color right. Pretty funny that it ended up de-curling my hair, considering."

Lou looked on, aghast at how matter-of-factly the two royal decoys were discussing horrific details she had never been privy to. She hadn't seen any of the rituals in person, only been told about them. To her, having some body doubles on hand seemed like a natural precaution to take when guarding a head of state, one that never would require much work beyond finding someone close enough in height and build. In hindsight, she probably should have been a bit wary of the enthusiasm with which the idea had been received by everyone associated with the witches that the Crown kept on retainer. Had those people never heard of costumes?

"Aw, don't sweat it!" Jenny said, giving Lou her own hearty pat on the back. "I'm sure all your effort won't go to waste! They should be able to turn us back, and then we can all just return to what we were doing before!"

"They can do that?" Lou asked, her hopefulness trumping her reason momentarily. Maybe those same Crown witches would be the ones to reverse whatever had happened at the coronation, and return Her Majesty's body safe and sound. They were experts in a field Lou knew nothing about. All she could do was trust that they knew what they were doing.

"They ought to, right?" Jenny said, tapping her cheek in recollection. "They have those paintings in the library and everything."

Lou nodded distantly. She immediately knew which paintings Jenny meant: the ones of their previous selves, made before the rituals and procedures had begun. One per person, to immortalize what they had looked like before taking on the form of the one they would indirectly protect for the rest of their career. Lou had insisted that those paintings be made, both out of respect, and as insurance in case the process could be reversed. Her Majesty had readily agreed.

Jenny turned to Lou. "Anyway! Let's go, the meeting should be starting soon. It's in that gatehouse over there," she said, pointing at—or more accurately, through—some buildings.

Addy used her free hand to gently correct her colleague's aim. "Over there, yes. Come along now, we still have plenty of time. They won't start the meeting without us now, will they?"

"I guess that makes sense!" Jenny said, offering Lou a fried potato.

She chewed on it, not even registering the taste as she spiraled further into her thoughts. What if their two problems required two different solutions? What if they couldn't turn the royal decoys back? Lou knew nothing of the magic involved. Maybe it'd be impossible. Or, more likely, too risky. What if her own choices, regardless of how benign her intentions had been, had doomed these women to wear another's face for the rest of their lives? Could they truly be okay with that? And if they weren't, would they ever admit it?

Maybe this was justice. Some great irony, the price Lou had to pay for inflicting Her Majesty's shape on other people. Now she had to bear it herself. Maybe Lou hadn't been the victim of a curse, or some evil scheme, or a series of terrible misunderstandings.

Maybe she was just getting what she deserved.

"Oh my gods are you okay?" Jenny asked, leaning closer.

Lou hadn't even realized she'd started crying. She quickly wiped her eyes with one sleeve, reaching out to Jenny's arm with her other hand to steading herself. "I'm sorry," she said wholeheartedly through the tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey, heyy, it's fine!" Jenny said reassuringly. "I know it's gotta be stressful, but we're gonna be okay! Right Addy?"

"Hm? Oh, of course," the other royal decoy replied. "We survived and thrived despite some of the toughest training the Crown has ever put anyone through. We're made of stronger stuff than most people." She gestured to some passers-by across the street as if to punctuate her statement with an example.

Lou looked over, doing her best to regain some of her composure. She found it hard not to tense up at the sight of onlookers. It was impossible not to think about what the three of them must seem like from the outside: all nearly identical, walking together, looking just like the—

"Gods, I'm so glad the training part's over!" Jenny let out a huge sigh of relief. "I never want to be quizzed about manners or the names of all those fancy people again. That was the hardest thing I've ever done."

Addy furrowed her brow at her colleague. "Really? Not the fencing?"

Jenny's jaw dropped. "They let you have a sword?"

"Yes?? Did they not teach you how to fight?"

"No, never. Oh! Wait! There was that one time they let me have this like, thin poky sword, but after like an hour of swinging and shouting the guy went 'all right let's just stick to parties for this one' and we went back to the utensil lessons." She scrunched her face up. "I still don't know what the really tiny fork is for."

The expression on Addy's face was an unusual mix of exasperation and compassion. "Well. Rest assured if any hoodlums come our way, I'll take care of them for you." She patted Jenny on the head. "Gods keep you in their sight."

Jenny walked along, an extra spring in her step. "So what do you think this meeting's gonna be about? The guard who came up to tell me about it was kinda vague."

Addy flicked her hand back in a grand gesture. "Retirement, obviously." She narrowed her eyes and grinned. "And considering we put our lives on the line for Her Majesty, it's going to pay out big time."

"You really think so?" Jenny asked, grabbing another handful of fried treats.

"Absolutely. We won't have to work a day in our lives ever again, mark my words."

"I guess that'd beat waiting tables again. But like, don't you want to go back to acting one day?"

Addy pondered, picking at the comparatively smaller paper cone of fried potatoes in her hands. "Well... oh, who am I kidding. You can't keep me away from a good role for long." She smiled again. "I do plan on enjoying some time to myself, though. I think we've earned that much."

"Yeah, that's fair. It's gonna be a relief to finally forget all this royal etiquette stuff, let me tell you! I just wanna talk to people like normal again."

There was a thought in the back of Lou's mind about how easily some other rulers would have chosen a different kind of retirement to people like Addy and Jenny. But she knew nothing of the sort would happen here. It would have never happened under her watch, and it wouldn't under the watch of her second in command. They'd have to go through quite a number of people to even get close to anyone who'd consider that an option, much less act on it. And if anyone tried it, she'd—

"What about you, Lou?" Jenny asked between bites, digging into her meal at an alarming pace. "Where are you gonna go after this?"

Lou looked down at the street in front of her for a long moment before replying. "I guess I haven't really thought that far ahead."

Jenny nodded. "That's fair. You could always go back home, right? Where are you from?"

Lou opened her mouth to reply, but Addy beat her to it. "Something tells me it's a fishing village," the sharp-eyed royal decoy began to say, pointing to Lou with a finger and then gently dragging it northward, "verrrry far beyond the woods, where the winters are long."

Lou's mouth remained open, a chill running down her spine. "How...?"

Addy grinned. "Your accent. Gave it away immediately. Along with, of course, your utter lack of proper posture. Training would have fixed both of these problems, but I suppose these unfortunate circumstances helped you avoid all that in the end."

"Yeah consider yourself lucky!" Jenny added, unfolding the paper cone in her hands to get at the last few fried potato bits. "It was so much work, gods. Sure paid well though!" A stray piece of potato dropped to the ground, where it was snatched up in seconds by a tiny scurrying shape that quickly fled the scene.

Lou took a deep breath. For a second there, she thought she'd been unmasked. She briefly considered correcting Addy and letting her know she came from a hunting village, specifically, but that probably wasn't worth it. Better to just let her believe she'd been completely correct. Right?

"Hey," Jenny said, "the old captain was from one of those places, right? The northern villages? Did you know him?"

"Wh...?!" Lou half-gasped, that question having knocked the air out of her. "We don't all know each other, you know!" she replied automatically. It took several seconds for the sheer ridiculousness of her answer to hit her, considering who exactly she was talking about. But to be fair, this wasn't the first time she'd been asked that about any number of people, and it was never someone she'd known before. Well, almost never.

"Sorry," Jenny said in a heartbreakingly sheepish way.

"No, no, I'm sorry!" Lou replied, waving her arms apologetically. "I... I guess it does happen. A lot of folks back home end up leaving for other places. Everyone knows how well capital jobs pay. And when you spend most of your life hunting, I s'pose a bunch of the skills carry over."

"Oh really?" Addy asked, a hint of doubt on her voice. "I didn't know you folks up there did your hunting with swords."

Lou looked at her hands. She shrugged. "A sword's just a big knife when you get down to it."

The sharp-eyed woman to her right went conspicuously silent. The three of them continued their walk, which had taken them alongside the castle wall proper. The gatehouse wouldn't be too far off now.

"I hope we can just go back to the way we were," said Jenny as she crumpled the paper up and tossed it at a nearby street bin, missing by a mile. "Otherwise life's gonna be such a pain. I don't like attracting this much attention."

"Enjoy it while you can, I say." Addy folded up the empty paper cone in her hand. "I for one plan to tour the clubs, perhaps attend a soirée or three. Trust me, everyone will want to buy you drinks and listen to your stories, now that our existence is a matter of such public record."

"That's not gonna last too long, will it?" Jenny asked, a little worried.

"I give it a few weeks at most before no one even bats an eye at us. By then I plan to be long gone to somewhere nice and warm for a while. Leave while they still want you here, that's what I always say." Addy grinned.

"I guess that makes sense," Jenny replied.

Lou looked up at the looming portcullis of the gatehouse, overgrown with vines that had flourished since the last time it had been in use. The side door, however, was still visibly maintained. On the other side would be the meeting she now counted herself lucky to be able to attend. Part of her chided herself for attempting to sneak back in like this, but the rest of her knew this was too good a chance to pass up. There were too many unknowns still. Whatever happened today, she'd get some answers. And after that, well...

"I really hope this goes well," Jenny said as she bounced from side to side in a bid to get her blood flowing.

Addy turned to her. "Jenny, my dear, I am telling you: the world is our oyster. Visualize it. Picture in your mind whoever is in there showering us with riches. Let that image crush whatever doubt you're feeling."

Jenny nodded tentatively. "Okay. Yeah. ...Yeah?"

"Yes! Here's the truth: we put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into this job. It is only fair that now, we get to live large. We get to have whatever we want, whenever we want it. Keep that in mind, and this meeting will go just fine." Addy knocked on the door with the back of her hand. "Picture it, and know that you deserve it. It doesn't matter what happens in there. It's a foregone conclusion. The only thing you need to ask yourself is, where do you want to go after that?"

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