Chapter 200: Chatty Man
"When is the film being shown?" Hyerin asked.
"I don't know. It's not set in stone."
'Wow,' Averie thought. 'He answers when she asks, but goes on a tangent when I do. Or is it because the film didn't turn out well?'
He banished that thought as soon as it sprang into his mind.
'I did a good job, so that can't be.'
"You'll know sooner or later," the chatty man continued. "Why not enjoy yourself instead of worrying? Watch some movies. There are some great ones this year, I hear."
"Sure…" Averie lazily replied. "Why not?"
Before he knew, the car came to a halt in the basement of a five-star hotel.
"Room 704."
Before he could ring the bell, the door opened.
"Welcome, Monsieur Auclair."
Director Jean-Louis Groux stood in front of him.
His jovial expression betrayed his fatigue.
"You don't look well, director." Averie walked past him and slumped down into the warm embrace of the velvet sofa. "Was my performance so bad it kept you up all night?"
Director Groux vehemently disagreed, closing the door behind the group.
"It was anything but bad," he said.
"I heard you barely made the deadline?"
"Indeed." He snapped his suspenders in place and fixed his glasses. "Editing was strenuous."
"He spent more time watching the footage than editing it," the chatty production crew member interjected.
Director Groux heated the electric kettle and prepared the tea bags, which Averie hated. Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be proper tea leaves.
"Every take was perfect; I had a hard time while editing. Even now, I am not satisfied."
He poured tea for everyone but Min-Ha, who insisted on drinking the cold drink she had bought at the airport for a price that made Averie a very disgruntled man.
"You could've bought that for less than half that price anywhere else, you know that, right?" he whispered to her.
"I know." She smiled tauntingly. "But I was thirsty."
"Was the sight of me not enough to quench that thirst?"
"Narcissist."
The director placed coasters on the table before handing over the teacups, which were still steaming.
"I was thinking of releasing a director's cut, but the production isn't optimistic," he continued, unbothered by their hushed bickering. "If the film can't make money, they won't want to invest more in it."
"Do they think we won't win anything?"
"Competition is tough this year," he answered. "And even if we do gain some recognition, what good would it do?"
The chatty guy took a sip. "Artistic success, awards, and acclaim don't always translate to commercial success. The company isn't expecting any great returns; that's not why we initially invested. But a director's cut is a waste of money."
The frown on Director Groux's forehead prompted the man to hastily add, "No offense, of course."
"Let's focus on the festival. We will have to make an appearance tomorrow. Our work won't be shown for a few days."
"Why do we need to be there, then?"
"We are participating," the chatty man answered. "You are an actor. He is a director. What more reason is there? You see a camera; you run towards it. That's the life of a celebrity, don't you know?"
***
"Finally, we are here."
Satan tapped his cane, satisfied with the hard sound emanating from the rocky shore.
"Land… How nice it is."
"It's quiet."
It was night, and Lucifer was looking up at the stars for guidance.
"Are you reading the directions?"
"Yeah."
"Are you stupid?" Satan took out a smartphone from his pocket. "It's the modern era; you can just look up the directions."
Lucifer blinked. "Right. Forgot about that."
"You need to get on with the times."
"Shut up." He snatched the phone and started fiddling with it, a frown on his forehead. "Whose phone is this?"
"Whoever's clothes these are." Satan looked down at his suit. "Why, what's wrong?"
"Every picture is a screenshot of ladies with large behinds."
"Oh, really? Let me see—what? Why are you looking at me like that? I didn't mean anything by that. You are one suspicious devil. Those angels are better than you. Goodness!"
They walked a distance before the man turned around, tapping a road sign with his cane.
"Hey, what does it say?"
"What, you don't know traffic signs now? Use your brain; It's not that hard."
"Would I need your help if my eyes worked properly? I am colorblind."
Lucifer looked disgusted. "Since when?"
"Since we landed in Seoul."
"Why would you choose to be colorblind?"
"Are you dumb?" Satan agonized, hitting the sign repeatedly. "This body is colorblind!"
"Should have chosen a better body."
"I didn't know before I entered it! What, you think you are completely fine? I bet you have diabetes. You won't be able to eat anything sweet at the festival!"
"Don't you spout nonsense. I am totally healthy!"
Spittle flew around as the two pointed and shouted at each other.
"I bet you have prostate cancer."
"I bet you have syphilis."
"I bet you have crabs."
"I bet you have a stupid name."
"I bet you are a gigolo."
"I bet you have a curved penis."
"I bet you have to pay alimony."
"I bet you have to pay childcare."
"I bet you have a dead mother."
"Don't you say a bad word about my ma! She makes the best pasta, my ma!"
After bickering for a while, they reached Hamburg.
"If it weren't for your brilliant idea, we wouldn't have to make such a needlessly long trip. Do you know how awkward it was for me to wave at those poor children of Cape Town?"
Lucifer waved a finger in Satan's face. "That's on you. You were the one who refused the shortcut that's the Red Sea."
"And why do you think I was against it? How many ships pass through there each day? Were we supposed to destroy all of them? That's tedious. They have become so cautious since you played a prank on a freighter passing through there."
Lucifer laughed, recalling it. "That was fun."
"You got it stuck there. Why?"
"Covid wasn't doing as much damage as I thought it would; it was getting a bit boring. While I was playing poker, Gene said it would be fun if the situation were to get worse, and I thought blocking the channel would provide better entertainment than torturing Charlene."
"That poor girl… How is she?"
"She is his cat now."
"Are you serious?"
"Would I lie to you?"
"Yes, you would."
They were running very fast, so fast that a human could barely see them.
"This is ruining my knees!" complained Satan.
"Human bodies are weak. Want to take a break?"
"No, I'm fine—wait! There!"
Satan pointed towards a car on the outskirts of the city.
The two came to an abrupt stop, bringing a strong wind with them.
The car wasn't empty; a very active couple was in there.
"Look at them." Satan nodded like a proud father. "Such debauchery… They make me proud."
The car was rocking, synchronized with the sound of moaning.
"That's not how you do it, young man." Lucifer shook his head like a disappointed uncle. "You could learn a thing or two from Gene."
They spectated the… spectacle for a minute.
"That's it?"
"God, that's embarrassing."
"I was hesitating, but seeing this, I am convinced. He needs to die."
Lucifer opened the door and dragged out the young man with one hand.
"What—who are you? Get away from me!"
His plea was followed by the girl's shriek.
With one swing, Satan beheaded the man, somehow keeping his suit spotless.
Simultaneously, Lucifer knocked out the girl.
"Should we kill her?"
"No, let's keep her alive. We need a guide. I can't speak German. It scares me."
"Why is that language so intimidating? Every time a German enters Hell, I give them a few lashings for screaming in German. It scares the hell out of me."
"I know, right?"
Lucifer sat in the driver's seat as Satan bound the girl and left her lover's body behind.
"Should I gag her?"
"What would be the point of leaving her alive if we gagged her?"
They drove off, bickering about what flavor of popcorn tastes the best.
"Charamel is the best."
"Nothing triumphs the classic salty flavor."
Half an hour later, their noise woke up the girl.
The first thing she did was scream, prompting Satan to knock her out again.
"They never learn, do they?"
Another half an hour later, she woke up again. This time, she kept her mouth shut.
"Good, she is learning. Is this how humans feel watching chimpanzees putting shapes in the right places?"
"Are those chimpanzees?"
Satan contemplated for a minute. "I don't know. All apes look the same to me."
"I think that's racist."
"No… Is it?"
Lucifer shrugged. "I think that's how the internet would react."
Satan turned to the girl, whose hand was frantically pulling at the door handle.
"Aw, look at her try," he said. "It won't open, girl. I broke them from the outside. Both the back doors are stuck now."
Dread spread over the girl's face.
"Oh, but don't worry. We won't eat you."
There was a pause.
"Probably."