Heavenly Shae

An hour or two later she roused herself from meditation. Shae wasn't sure the exact time as there wasn't a clock in this room, an obvious oversight she intended to correct on future visits.

"Alright, it seems to be done." She announced to the room. She had spent most of the time collecting more neutral qi and balancing the qi feeding into the cleansing. Both more from boredom than necessity. It could keep using her personal qi instead of neutral, and she was reasonably sure the balancing wasn't needed. Still, she assumed it would produce more consistent results if she kept doing it the same way.

"Hmm." Doctor Geish leaned out from behind her to look at her left side. "You may wish to clear your own qi from the area so I can inspect it."

"Ah, right." She nodded and did so.

"I'm reasonably impressed you can still cultivate while cleansing, though I suspect the lack of direct attention will affect the quality," he mused while she stored all her qi away.

"Like I said, my qi just does it itself. And that's also why I appreciate your oversight. Better to correct mistakes early."

"Indeed, indeed." He stretched out his hands to repeat the earlier scan. "Ready?"

"Yes."

The feeling was much the same, though a bit more intense now that she knew what it was. Or perhaps that's a result of the cleansing? She wondered. She shuddered lightly as it passed near her armpit.

"Heh. I'm surprised that didn't happen last time."

"I guess I was too surprised to be ticklish."

He hummed out a little chuckle.

The fine sand feeling changed slightly when it moved back to the needles. Passing through the area multiple times instead of simply leaving.

"Find something?" She asked.

"In a manner of speaking, yes." He nodded.

The sand passed over the area again, slightly slower, like fine sandpaper being rolled gently across her skin, not dragged, it didn't scrape, it was just there, then lifted away.

"I think I know what the fault is." Geish said quietly.

"So I am doing something wrong?"

He stood and walked around her and bowed slightly. "I feel we should address the earlier issue first. It is inappropriate to delay such things."

Shae reflexively moved her right arm, flinched because of the needles, then instead used her left to tap her cheek while she hummed. "Hmmm. While I appreciate the desire to clear the air, I can also see an advantage for you to do so first."

Doctor Geish's forehead wrinkled. "I do not see it that way. It's a cultivator custom to 'clear the air' as you say, is it not? To approach the next challenge with an unburdened mind?"

Shae's initial response halted when the familiar words hit her. They were a variation of the arena dueling rules that she and Shu had been mocking just yesterday. "Huh. I suppose so. Hmm. The thing I noticed is that you said you did find something in my cleansing method. Implying you have information I need. You have leverage against me that might affect my decision to forgive you."

His horrified expression showed just how far off her fears were.

"Ah, no no. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to accuse you of that." She held up both palms and dipped her head forwards.

"Wise Shae." He paused. "That is the most devious thing I've heard of in quite some time, you give me too much credit."

She looked up with confusion, his bright tone didn't match her expectations. "Huh?"

Doctor Geish wore a broad grin. "In my culture, such an accusation is a compliment. Doubly so for you to apologize after. It says you find me cunning, and the apology says you understand my ethics are above such actions. Hew haw, even if unintentional, I accept these compliments." He dipped his head to her. "Very well. Which would you like first, apology or advice?"

"Ehhh? Uhm." She paused to breathe then shook her head. "I don't need another apology, you already gave one, and I forgive you. I thought about it while meditating and I would have agreed if you had simply asked. Next time, please just jump to asking, even if it seems off topic. Heh, though I may wish to wring a coin or two out of you if I think there's a clear benefit from it. Yet still, such investigations clearly benefit me, as well."

He nodded. "I suppose they would, if I freely shared what I found."

She raised an eyebrow. "There's a chance you might not?"

He smiled wide again. "Heh, it depends how devious I'm being." He tapped the side of his nose.

"Oh! Hah ha! Well played." She smiled back.

"Thank you for forgiving me, Sayka Shae. Your honesty speaks well of your honor. Now, onto the cleansing?"

"Yes-please."

"So, what I saw shares similar downsides to water and air cleansing. It's higher quality, to be sure, but the spots that get missed share a similar patterning. Hmm, have you ever had a marbled cake?"

"Heh. Not in this life, but I know what you mean. Mixing dark and light cake batter without fully blending them. So the cleansing is uneven like that?"

"Aha! Well guessed, Sayka. Yes, like that. This kind of self motivating qi tends to do this. It follows the easiest paths first, leaving uneven cleansing behind. When powerful and high quality, like yours, it does enough that it's hard to find. Yet still, the remaining impurities have this marbled pattern. Much less than a cake of equal parts, of course. Closer to... Hmm... Less than one part per set, certainly." He finished with a shrug.

"Hmm. So, what is the ideal cleansing ratio, and what happens to those remaining impurities over time?"

"Good questions, both." He nodded. "Common knowledge suggests such a small quantity is acceptable, yet that largely depends on what you started with. Once they cannot find the impurities, most cultivators will move on." He took a breath and peered up into the far corner of the room. "As to what the impurities will do..."

Shae waited silently for two full breaths, then coughed into her sleeve.

"Ah, sorry. My mind wandered. You needn't worry about the impurities. Because you have a pure qi base, regular qi use will wash them away, especially when you do meridian cleansing."

"Hmm. And if I didn't have that?"

He shrugged. "It varies. Accepted theory is that they will dissipate, mixing in more evenly until broken away by strong qi use anyway. If the ratio were higher, say two per set, they might clump and block qi. If these clumps are broken away, they might be trapped in your channels or meridians, blocking them further."

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"That's a lot of mights?"

He shrugged again. "By the time they approach core formation, most cultivators can sense as little as one part per square set. So these issues don't really come up, and case studies are too few. Some suspect they are responsible for early cultivation blockages, but that is just speculation and would require a few unreasonable stretches of imagination."

Shae nodded. "Like the cultivator and their masters being unable to sense the large impurity clumps."

"Exactly." He lightly clapped both his palms together in front of himself.

"Okay. So what I'm hearing is that this cleansing is fine. Good even. Though, that's compared to other cleansing, right? How does it compare to my right arm? And can I expect the same benefits from it?"

"Heh heh. Now those are very good questions." He made a chopping motion with his clasped hands. "My own senses could find no impurities in your arm, save the little that has drifted past the original edge. Though, in another I couldn't find less than one part per square set, anyhow. You'll need to improve your own senses as it should be easier to detect them with your pure qi base, and while meditating." He raised his head and pivoted his hands up so that his fingers touched his lips. "Hmm, now for the benefits... that is hard to say. Has anyone mentioned that your arm seems rather different from the rest of your body?"

"Yes. Auntie Mei mentioned it seemed like it was someone else's arm entirely." She looked down and stared blankly while flexing her right hand.

"Ah. Good. I didn't want to surprise you with that. We'll have to look into it- if you'll allow me to involve myself- yet it is possible that you may wish to fully recreate yourself based on your limbs. Or perhaps not. Given you are a lost soul, your opinions on the matter may differ wildly from my own."

"Uh- recreate? And opinions on what matter? You didn't really say what it is?"

"Heh. Speculation is dangerous for cultivators, I don't wish to plant unruly seeds in your mind."

"Pfffft." She blew a raspberry at him. "Stop pussyfooting around and just say it."

"Uhh, tiger stepping? I don't know that idiom. Ugh, though I do understand the intent." He leaned back slightly as Shae's glare intensified. He broke eye contact and cleared his throat. "A-hem. There are many theoretical possibilities of course. Don't take the ones I list as the only options. From a religious footing, I might say it is the arm of Buddah, but I see that does not agree with you. Even I must admit that it is somewhat foolish to assume heavenly lightning considers Buddah to be the ultimate form."

"Just somewhat?" She raised an intensely skeptical eyebrow.

"A-hem. Sayka, please allow me to finish."

She sighed and shook her head. "Apologies for interrupting, Doctor Geish." Then she turned and began removing her acupuncture needles.

"Some may also call it divine flesh, again an unreasonable overstatement. I would think it takes a bit more than a direct hit to create such legendary advancement. Heh heh, haw haw haw."

Shae tensed as she removed the first needle, even though she knew it wouldn't hurt, she couldn't fight the impulse. She gave Geish a flat stare as he laughed, only relenting when he calmed down.

"Heh, haw. A-hem. A more likely source is your soul."

Shae's eyes went wide as her head snapped back up to look at the doctor. "What? You don't mean...?"

He shrugged. "It's simply a theory. You are a lost soul. It makes sense that your soul remembers a different body, at least an older one."

She shook her head slowly. Then pulled at her sleeve and carefully looked over her own right arm. Then switched to do the same to her leg. Doctor Geish coughed and turned away.

A few breaths later, she exhaled some tension. "No, no I don't think so. I had many moles and freckles, beauty marks if you want to be cute about it. None of them are here."

"Perhaps not. It is simply a guess," he dragged out the word. "However, cleansing would usually remove blemishes unless you truly believe they are part of you. That they make you, you. Thus, if you were not in control of the cleansing? Who is to say?"

She frowned. "So. If I keep spreading it... I'm going to just... change back?"

He dropped his previously playful attitude. "No, nothing of the sort. Your soul knows you are in a new younger body. These cleansed limbs appear to be the same age as you. I assume you were older in the past, so it is not a perfect match for how you left your past world."

She inhaled slowly and exhaled more tension, nodding along.

"Furthermore, with you in control of the cleansing, you can enforce that change, one way or the other, as you prefer. Most people do not have such an in depth soul-imprint of their physicality to change completely during cleansing. This is good, however, to affect the marbling problem, you will need to do about the same thing: put more effort into directly controlling the cleansing. I'll assign you some reading material on the topic. 'Getting the Most out of Cleansing,' is the title, I believe. Rather simple and direct, though it digs deep on some surprising topics."

She inhaled again then exhaled sharply. "Okay."

"I may be overstepping here, Sayka Shae. Am I correct in assuming your past self is a delicate subject?"

She shifted her weight, it felt awkward in her seated position. "Sort of. Just my past in general. I- I tried to tell myself I could leave it behind. Completely."

"Ah." Doctor Geish inhaled sharply through his teeth. "My apologies for bringing it up. Is it just a guess, yes. I'm not certain... I'll look into ways to verify one way or the other." He took a slower deep breath himself. "Please, though. It is important you continue cleansing. Do not allow this to become a roadblock in your cultivation path. I would feel rather responsible."

"So just continue and accept whatever change is happening?"

He sighed lightly. "No, Sayka Shae. Cleansing is not about change, it is about- well- cleansing. Removing that which we do not need." He clapped his hands flat in front of himself again and used them to accentuate his words. "Think carefully about what you do not need. Remove only the parts of you that do not make you, you. Yes? Heh, heh. Your past might be long gone, mine is as well, yet I would never want to remove it completely."

Shae stared at the needle in her hand. A drop of thick black liquid had stuck to it.

Doctor Geish walked past her and set a light hand on her shoulder. "I will fetch additional cleaning supplies. That went rather quickly and I think you should try another."

Shae barely heard him as he left the room.

Shae took her time cleaning the impurities away. Doctor Geish had returned with additional supplies and said he would return within the hour to observe a second session. Then she was alone with her thoughts, and the putrid smell of impurities.

Her mind had screeched to a halt at the doctor's suggestion of what her new limbs were. Her past self, really? It seemed absurd, yet she had her memories from that life. So why shouldn't her soul remember her body?

Back when she had first died and her future was uncertain- In that unknowable time between lifetimes- After wallowing in what was lost- Fearing for what would never be again-

At some point, she had accepted that her past would remain in her past. An idea that was only reinforced by her new life. Yet now... Now it was making itself known in ways she couldn't control. Maybe she could try, if she believed Doctor Geish's theory, or maybe she could shove it back into mental storage.

Still, it wasn't a horrible past. She wasn't afraid of looking like her old self. It might even be more comfortable. Heaven knows she was terribly uncomfortable for her first half decade. Being trapped in a child's body is not a pleasant experience, even if she hardly remembered it.

Her past appearance would undoubtedly mark her as a lost soul. No one here would look like her. Even though she grew up in their culture, she would be marked as an outsider.

She paused, then nodded. It was the same reason she kept her origins a secret. She wanted to fit in, to be accepted. Being a little quirky and too mature was fine, so long as she was accepted.

She simply didn't need her past.

An incredible contradiction when she thought about the day before. She had used her past knowledge to form the intent that Koi was interviewing her about. She would certainly keep doing it. It was foolish to not use her past knowledge to follow her cultivation path.

She whispered to herself, "My past is behind me, but it will always stay with me. And yes, I would never want to remove it completely." She sighed. "Thank you, Doctor."

The empty room said nothing back.