hazbin hotel universe harem x male reader

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It was just like any other typical day on the living plane. A bus was pulling up at the mansion of a famous inverter. Blitzø pulled down a magazine and looked at the place. He turned to look back at the four others.

Blitzø: All right, gang, let's go. 

y/n sighed as he stood up and grabbed moxxie

Mox: huh, wait, what are you doing

y/n threw him over the fence, slamming hard into the ground like a bug that had been squished. y/n walked, wrapped his arms around Blitzø, and wrapped his other around Millie. 

His hand landed on her breast, making her yelp in surprise for a moment.

y/n didn't mean to do that but decided to keep it there so he would have a good lock on her. But he had to say her breasts weren't bad at all; they fit right into the palm of his hand like they belonged there.

y/n shook the feeling off and focused back on what was happening. y/n used the bus railing to boost himself over the fence while holding the other two. They landed on the ground, pulling out their weapons.

y/n pulled out his two smg: Blitzø, his golden pistols, and Millie, her two knives. 

Blitzø: mox, stop being lazy and get your weapons ready. 

They made their way over to the building. y/n quickly checked on moxxie. It looked like he might have passed out.

Guid man: Here, we have a man walking his three weirdly dressed-up dogs. It looks like one of the dogs has passed out from the heat in our good old state of California, along with the rising price of necessary living.

Suddenly, the man's head got split into two after being shot in the head. y/n was looking at him with one of his SMGs, which had smoke coming from it.

Y/n: you were getting too real with what you were saying there bud.

y/n turned and walked over to the others. He hid on the side of the glass so that he couldn't be seen.

Y/n: uh a bit late to ask but why am I here again?

Blitzø: come on y/n a bit of killing won't hurt anyone

Millie climbed onto his back before flipping herself onto his shoulder.

Millie: yeah y/n there's nothing wrong with doing a bit of killing as a trial run to help you decide if you want to work with us.

She shuffled over a bit to get closer to his ear to tell him something that only he could hear.

Millie: And maybe I can offer you something to help you decide.

y/n felt like lately he's been around a lot of horny people and when he says a lot he means a lot. They took a look inside through the window seeing a very old and ugly-looking man inside. He was looking at stock photos, most likely because the IRS already came and took most of his money.

The man starts to make a noose to hang himself. y/n was thinking about how this chapter was already off to a dark start.

Blitzø: Well, it looks like he's going to kill himself, looks like our job is done.

Suddenly Blitzø pulled out some food from who knows where, threw some popcorn up to Millie, and handed y/n a pizza slice. y/n just shrugged his shoulders not questioning it and started eating it while they watched the man put the noose over himself. 

While eating y/n noticed that something was wrong with the noose as it started to glow the group looked closer at it before it suddenly blew up sending the group back a few feet.

y/n was able to catch himself before hitting the floor while Millie was grabbing onto his head her tail wrapped around his neck. He got back onto his two feet.

y/n: you alright Millie?

Millie: yeah I'm fine you don't need to worry about little old me that is nothing compared to what I had to do back at my pal's farm

Y/n: ok good by the way can you loosen your tail it kinda choking me and I'm not really into being choked.

Millie: oh sorry y/n but are you sure about that last part? I could always test it out for you some time~

Y/n: yeah... no

y/n walked back over to the window trying to see what happened with the old man. There was a goat. A Giants fat baby and a fuckable sheep.

Y/n: hey Blitzø aren't those the cherubs from the commercial from earlier?

Blitzø: oh hell no they aren't going to steal my customer's Target 

Blitzø walked over, burst through the glass, and fell onto the ground.

Y/n: well he already made a hole for us to use it.

Millie nodded at y/n as he walked over and jumped through the window rolling a bit while Millie was hanging onto his shoulder.

y/n walked over to the opposite side of the cherubs. He can guess why they are there.

Y/n: yo ugly dude just do it kill yourself.

Millie: yeah what do you expect to do with all this money now that you're old and gross?

The sheep looked at the two before she started moving around him.

???: Is that a question he can spread his wealth around and enjoy life to the fullest that it can be? Even do so much good with it.

Y/n: hey old man

The old man looked over at y/n.

Y/n: you like being rich right?

Man: Of course I do.

Y/n: then you won't like it when the IRS finds out that you haven't been paying your taxes and comes after all your money.

The old man let out a girl scream as soon as y/n said irs.

Man: no anything but that

The goat flies over trying to take the old man's mind off of taxes.

???: just think about how you can spend your money to build schools and hospitals.

Man: I just want to die.

Blitzø: looks like you could use some help doing the deed moxxie. What do we get for this fella?

moxxie was nowhere to be seen.

Blitzø: on fucking satan, moxxie the one time I need him and he's not even here with us where the fuck did he even go.

Y/n: "Sigh" All alright we have that pistol, her knives, and my smgs.

The goat got in front of y/n

???: he is classier than that.

The old man had a Blitzø pistol in his mouth. But was stopped by the goat pulling it out Blitzø grabbed his gun back from the goat.

???: there are plenty of reasons to live.

Millie hopped down from y/n shoulder walking close to the old man.

Mille: as if it looks like he hasn't been out of bed in months.

She took a sniff at the old man's direction and suddenly started to throw up on the ground. That's when the baby started to talk.

???: love can be beautiful at any age.

???: and we ca-

Y/n pushed the sheep girl away before she could finish her sentence.

Y/n: hold on you baby what did you just say?

Cletus: I'll have you know my name is Cletus.

Y/n: and I don't give a fuck but what did you just say about love.

Cletus: that love can be beautiful at any age?

Y/n: yeah…..say that to the police.

Cletus: huh wait what do you mean!?

Y/n: what you just said is something a pedo would say.

Millie climbed back onto y/n shoulder.

Millie: take that you prick

Cletus: What did you just call me?

The sheep cherubs came back over and tried to calm him down.

Keenie: hey come on don't listen to him we have a job to do so let's show this old man the 

beauty of the world.

The three cheered happily y/n just grabbed at his face knowing that this was getting more annoying by the second. The other looked like they agreed from how they said no to what they were saying.

*later* 

They follow the cherubs to a forest as they try to show him the meaning of life in nature. Blitzø and Millie were wearing animal outfits for some reason which he was not going to question.

Blitzø: come on pal are you going to believe all that horse crap from a sheep and baby that fucks

The goat that was in the middle of the two had a look that y/n would have as well but he wasn't too surprised.

(The goat face)

Y/n: honestly I would fuck that sheep as well if she wasn't so small.

Keenie: that is so inappropriate as well as rude and you that is just too degenerate you could at least have some manners.

Y/n: I lost that when I came to hell.

Millie: you can just go kiss our ass prune

Millie flipped them off from y/n shoulder. While that was happening Blitzø went to convince the guy that it is not all that scene when you see nature up close.

Y/n: Hey Mille that was a pretty good comeback

Millie: aw thanks i try my best when thinking of them.

Y/n: By the way, why are you still on my shoulder?

Millie: Why do you not want me here? Naw I'm just kidding because it is a nice spot to sit at and I got a good view of everything up here. 

While they were chatting the old man was witnessing horrors as animals were getting fucked up and murdered to death and a man losing his body.

The cherubs wheel away the old man to somewhere else as the group follows them.

Behind y/n there was something hidden with his shadow just watching the group with a sinister smile

*elsewhere*

The cherubs wheeled him to the mall. Inside there was a Santa with a kid on his lap. y/n was given a deer headpiece he just let out a sigh before placing it on his head in front of his invisible woof ears.

The deer ears kinda morphed into his head like they were his actual ears but they weren't they were just illusions. Millie tried grabbing his deer ears and pulling on them.

Y/n: ow hey Millie what the heck.

Millie: Sorry it's just really interesting how your ears change is all.

y/n glanced over at Millie who was wearing a really out elf costume. He grabbed at her tail and pulled at it for a moment making her moan before she covered her mouth.

y/n had a smirk on his face as she was looking at him with a blush.

Blitzø: Hey, you think you can keep your cheating flirting down and help me take off this guy's mask?

y/n: my bad here let me do it.

y/n walked over to Blitzø who was standing on Santa's shoulder trying to pull on his face, y/n walked over and helped him pull it off revealing something even worse something y/n never thought he would see again.

Santa's real identity was actually. 

(image here)

The gnome

All hell broke loose as kids were screaming, some even crying from what was shown. y/n was pretty sure he even saw a few being thrown up into the sky

The cherubs once again roll the dying old man out of the place to somewhere else.

*somewhere*

They were now back in the forest but with a lake. 

Y/n: you think we can calm down on going somewhere else the author is getting tired of writing somewhere else and feeling the story was not congruent with each other

Cletus: you can tell the author that we don't fucking care we are trying to help this man.

Keenie: Cletus come on we don't need to drop down to their level. 

Cletus: You're right I shouldn't get so worked up just because of these things. Anyway sir we are here to remind you of one of life's greatest joys. 

Old man: Money!

Collin: no love

Old man: you know I've never been in love before I bet it feels nice.

Y/n: you're probably right it would feel nice that's what I would hope to but anyway I was with you there on the money part but anyway no one is going to want to love you man you're just too old and saggy

Collin: no it's not too late for him love can be found anywhere

Blitzø: HAHA nice try ugly.

Blitzø and Millie were wearing fancy or just weird clothes even though Millie had a slight emo vibe coming off her. Blitzø pulled out a microphone.

Blitzø: hey you horny fucks which one of you would fuck this ugly shit of an old man.

All the cars disappeared nowhere in sight.

Collin: y-y–y-you three are cruel we are just trying to give hope to someone in need.

Y/n: you're just trying to give hope to some who want to die. You want to give him hoe well here I'll give him hope.

y/n grabbed the old man's bed and started pulling him along leading him somewhere.

*somewhere else*

y/n busted down the door to the place pushing the old man inside.

Collin: oh yes of course nothing like giving hope and then seeing the next generation that you can help that are in need

Y/n brought the old man to an orphanage full of kids.

Millie: hey y/n what are we doing here?

Y/n: just watch.

Old man: you're right seeing these kids with no parents and no hope of ever doing something with their life. I could help pay for them to have a better life to help them.

Y/n: yeah you could do that or….

y/n pulled out a normal phone from the living world that he stole. He clicked on starting a live stream.

Y/n: sir why are you at an orphanage full of little kids? I saw you looking at them. I saw you touch one right now.

Blitzø places a kid who seems kinda… special onto his lap.

Y/n: I can't believe you would come here and do that in the open.

Old man: wait what no I didn't come here for a little kid.

Y/n: then what are you doing here?

That was when the sheep cherub shot a bolt destroying the phone.Y/n had a smudged look on his face as she helped make it look even more real.

Collin: H-h-how could you do that I thought you said you were going to give him hope.

Y/n: yeah the hope of being on a watch list and being targeted till he dies.

Cletus: let's just get out of here onto our next spot,

They pulled the old man away.

Blitzø: hey y/n nice idea on that one.

y/n nodded his head as they followed the group.

*somewhere else*

Y/n was bangging his head on the railing dying from the singing from the lady below.

Millie: So how do we make this bad?

Y/n: I thought this was already bad.

Blitzø: unless we make it worse.

Blitzø grabbed one of the lights, moving it around and messing with the lady below. As he moved the light faster y/n noticed a bolt coming off and before he could say anything the light fell killing the lady below.

Blitzø: Well, at least we made it worse.

Y/n: thank god my ears were dying from her singing.

Cletus: That is it you three have messed with us enough.

Collin: we are just trying to do our job

Y/n: "Cough" Well first of all you're trying to save an old man who wants to die second you guys suck when people look deeper into the stuff you say should bring hope to people's hearts.

Cletus: That is enough we will save this shitty old man's life whether he wants to or not.

Blitzø: Well we got paid to kill that old man and we got paid in advance for his death. I also bought this with that money. 

He pulled out a green pony plush that was gooched out.

Keenie: you're all such disgusting creatures and you.

She points at y/n. 

Keenie: You are such a disgusting creature and not only a horrible person but a degenerate one to that. Who would go around making sex jokes and doing such activities in public?

Millie: You are just as bad of a person. Pushing your stupid ideal onto others as well as thinking you're some kind of righteous person

Millie grabs her by the necklace, pulling the sheep girl down towards her. Keenie's face turned into a frown as Millie went on about what she had to say to her.

Millie: when you are just a cotton candy tit heaven fucking cunt having bitch.

Keenie charges toward Millie, tackling her a few feet back.

y/n and Blitzø looked at each other as an arrow was shot in between them. y/n ran to the left as Blitzø went straight down the middle. y/n was dogging arrows left and right. He quickly took a look back and saw the goat was following him but y/n noticed that he seemed uncertain about the whole thing.

y/n looked forward and noticed he was running out of a platform to use. He let out a sigh as he slid under the bar.

As he slid under the bar he grabbed onto the floor and threw himself where he came from noticing Millie was falling with the sheep girl. y/n made one last pull himself toward those two going in their direction.

y/n collides into the two grabbing them both they thrash around trying to fight each other. y/n threw milled towards some rope while holding the sheep.

y/n was heading to another walkaway platform he quickly put the sheep girl in front of him to take the impact into the platform. Smacking it to it sliding along the platform.

As he got up he felt his hand on something soft but squash. He looked down seeing his hand was on the sheep's breast. She was looking at where his hand was blushing. She looked at him almost with a teary eye.

Keenie: where do you think you have your hands degenerate?

y/n took a couple more squash before letting go he couldn't tell if it was fluff or if she did have boobs.

Y/n: this is probably the most action you get.

He had a smug look on his face as he said that. When he said that he got smacked in the stomach by her feet sending him back over the railing. y/n looked around for anything he could grab. But didn't see anything till something grabbed his hand pulling along.

He looked and saw Millie. Using the rope to swing around she held onto his wrist. y/n grabbed the rope with his free hand as she grabbed onto y/n grabbing his SMG and shooting at both of the cherubs that were around them,

Millie places one of his smg back where she got it from. She gripped her free hand onto y/n shoulder, her tail wrapping around his waist.

Millie: y/n it's time to give you a taste to help you decide whether you should work here for now.

Y/n: right now is the best time for that!?

Millie simply smirks at him before using her free hand to pull down on part of her top revealing one of her breasts. She then grabbed y/n free hand that was held onto her waist and placed it on her exposed breast.

Her nipple matched with the rest of her body, almost blending in with her red skin. As y/n groped her breast Millie let out a moan before she pulled away and pulled her top back up.

Y/n: woah such a teasing move their millie.

Millie: like I said it's to help you decide and also maybe in the future you can see more and do something together.

Suddenly the two got flung downwards and then got smacked into by Blitzø. The group hit the ground, noticing the wood bending with the piano.

The guy who was playing it got off as the piano got sent flying up coming back down towards the old guy. 

He quickly moved over so he would not get it but y/n was pretty sure that the piano had an aimbot as it suddenly switched over and killed the man.

Blitzø had a smug grin on his face after what happened.

Blitzø: haha take that you asshole you did our job for us.

Millie: suck you bitches.

As the cherub was saying something y/n was able to cut the rope free them. Blitzø called Loona telling her to open the portal.

As the portal opened they each jumped into it y/n being the last one catching a glimpse of the cherub being thrown out of the portal that they had made.

Y/n landed on the ground stretching as Loona closed the portal.

Y/n walked over and grabbed a seat to relax. He looked over to see Loona grabbing a spot next to him.

Loona: So what do you think of the job?

Y/n: well tiring but fun.

Loona: So have you decided?

Y/n thought for a moment before looking back up at her.

Y/n: yeah I think I would like to join you guys.

Suddenly Blitzø peaks over from behind his seat.

Blitzø: great choice y/n your hired welcome to the job.

Blitzø put his hand out as y/n did the same, shaking each other's hand.

Millie: yeehaw! See I told you he would join us.

Blitzø started walking around the table.

Millie: So Blitzø, what are you going to say to the customer that his target got sent to heaven?

Y/n: the target didn't get sent to heaven I'm sure if anything he got sent down here.

Blitzø: oh well I already sent the message out that we messed up the job.

Just then next to the hole in the wall, another hole was made as the client came out.

Y/n bumps his elbow into the loona side making her look at him.

Y/n: here comes the tentacle hentai character.

It made her make a small laugh at his remark.

Loona: He really does, doesn't he?

Y/n: just striking back at him for calling you a furry.

Just then another hole was made in the wall. Coming out was a robot man.

Y/n: holy shit is that Dr. Eggman?!

y/n could see Blitzø's face starting to get a bit mad at all the holes in the wall.

Just then another imp blasted through the wall after the two started talking about what to do now they were in hell.

Blitzø: stop fucking up my wall you dipshit moxie is going to have to clean that…..speaking of where is moxxie.

*somewhere else*

Moxxie sat up looking around noticing he was next to the target home. He looked around for the others not seeing anyone around.

He dusted himself off. Before noticing a red laser on his body.

Suddenly there were many police cars and helicopters in the sky pointing a light at him.

Moxxie: what in the world is happening?

A police officer was using a microphone so he could stay away but could be heard.

Police: alright everyone we have the red dick dog cornered let's go and fuck him up.

When they started shooting at Moxxie he quickly dodged the bullet and started to run away while not getting shot at.

Word count 4154

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