NOVEL NEXT chapter 48
48: Through a Gap in the Rain Clouds
A season of high humidity and temperature, as if constantly soaking in a lukewarm pool, has arrived.
During this time, stress builds up just from being alive.
To live is to suffer—this way of thinking also exists, and I mostly agree with it. It’s better to die quickly, and my goal of “living to the fullest” is essentially “wanting to escape the cycle of infinite reincarnation, which is a pain, as soon as possible.” In other words, it can be said as “wanting to die.”
The third-year classroom has become a mixture of tension for exams and the oppressive heat, turning into a gloomy melting pot.
As I naturally strive to be inconspicuous, I don’t like unnecessary commotion.
So, I try not to get involved with people who clearly seem annoyed. However, in a classroom packed with over thirty people, there are limits, and this time the commotion I got caught up in is also one of those unavoidable, in a sense, “usual misfortunes.”
“The top-performing escalator test-takers have it easy, don’t they?”
That’s how I remember being teased.
But I am a calm-natured, 17-year-old who can perfectly control my own mind, experiencing life for the millionth time.
There should be no disturbance in my heart when surrounded by a 17-year-old boy for the first time in life. It’s just a matter of feeling sorry for the lack of composure in the other person’s mind.
However, this time it was probably a kind feeling—perhaps because it temporarily resolved the purpose of “securing employment in the future.”
When the future is stable, the heart broadens, and one becomes kind to others as well.
So, I thought I would correct the mistaken thinking of the person aiming for external exams, who had lost composure due to working hard in studying.
Being the top performer is something achieved through unwavering daily efforts.
You all are desperately studying now, thinking “I’m working so hard, I’m great,” but I’ve been doing the same efforts you’re rushing about now for the past two years.
So, instead of shouting about how easy others have it, and needlessly consuming oxygen, wouldn’t it be better to circulate oxygen in your brain and study harder?
I wonder why, I got angry.
But now, I was filled with gentle feelings.
The breadth of the heart is like the sky, and the brightness of the feelings is the same.
Looking up at the thick rain clouds covering the sky due to the rainy season, feeling somewhat low, I sighed.
Even though it’s supposed to be midday, the world wasn’t bright at all. It has been raining heavily for several days now, without much sunlight. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been basking in the sunlight for a long time, but I felt a little unwell.
But I had compassion. My heart was as spacious as that sky, and my feelings were as bright and clear as this moment’s world.
So, I still attempted to converse with the angry person.
The words I used were varied, but if I were to summarize them all, it would be “Shut up, monkey.”
The battle between monkey and human began.
I don’t understand why we have to engage in such a foolish battle in this humid weather… I was filled with sadness.
The clinging, humid air weighed heavily on my limbs every time I moved. I thought I might feel better if I moved a bit, so I responded to the battle with the monkey… but oh well. My shirt just kept getting wet with sweat, the air was still heavy, and it was all just unpleasant.
With a heart full of compassion, I calmed down the aggressive monkey.
Damn it! Do you think I’m the only one irritated? Since becoming a third-year student, when have I ever been treated the same way as you! I’m studying diligently! It’s outrageous to be spoken to as if I’m effortlessly topping the grades!
My heart was calm. Maybe I’ve reached enlightenment now.
Yes, there was no reason to be irritated.
For example, if a pet slime made a mess on your pants, would you get angry with full force every time?
No, of course, initially you might shout out of irritation. However, in the midst of shouting, you’d realize, “This creature doesn’t understand words, so it’s pointless to just get angry.”
So, logically, there’s no need to express my anger… but training is necessary.
Without considering the other’s hardships, unfairly belittling others for one’s own irritation… this will surely become a bad habit that will hang oneself in society.
So, for the sake of the other person, I must train myself so that I never feel like doing such a thing again… I thought about this while decisively pulling the monkey’s arm and dragging it to the ground. My elbow joint, overflowing with compassion, was at its limit.
“So your fighting isn’t that of an amateur, after all!”
The name of the monkey is Martin, and this wasn’t the first time he and I had fought…
But as I lock my elbow and shoulder without breaking, I think to myself.
His courage is commendable… Martin has always been ready to fight at any moment. I’ve even considered cutting ties with him more than once. The same goes for him, and we’ve determined our superiority through both words and violence, with me emerging victorious every time.
But despite that, the courage to challenge an opponent I’ve never been able to defeat, even once, may be called reckless bravery. Nevertheless, perhaps I should learn from his determination, a readiness to confront an opponent even when there’s no chance of victory.
Just as my relationship with Mirim reached a deadlock, ever since we started our trial period as lovers that day, I’ve been strangely tense, unable to even invite her to my house as usual.
If things continue like this, our hard-earned trial period will end up being wasted.
I had to do something that resembled a romantic gesture with Mirim. However, because I couldn’t see any prospects for success in anything I did, I hesitated at every turn.
But Martin taught me.
Sometimes, reckless bravery is necessary, even when the odds are uncertain…
Thank you, Martin… I expressed my gratitude while twisting his shoulder joint. Violence is good. It clears the mind.
Particularly, “twisting the opponent who initiated the fight” not only satisfies my pride but also provides a justification for self-defense, making it my favorite type of violence.
While restraining Martin, I look out the window.
Before I knew it, there were breaks in the thick rain clouds outside.
The light leaking through seemed to symbolize a bright future for me…