Haru-Naru ♪♪♪ Love is a Comedy

In no time at all, the day for the offline meeting arrived. We rode a train from the nearest station for around an hour and a half. Right now, we were standing at the Akihabara Electric City exit on the JR line. It was just past noon on a holiday. I was expecting something consistent with the rumors, that Akiba would be messy and congested, but it wasn't really like that. At least inside and in front of the station, it gave off an impression of a well maintained, orderly place.

"It's a radio studio! And a gamer's flagship store!" Naruko tried to restrain her voice, but couldn't completely hide her excitement.

She sure is having fun, isn't she? It seems like, just like me, this is her first time in Akihabara. Up to now, her experience with Tokyo has been limited to Shibuya and Harajuku, I think. She might have a lot of anime goods, but as an otaku she might be a relative beginner.

I checked the time on my cell phone. "Hey, Naruko. This isn't the time for that, alright? If you want to go to the shops, do that after the meet up."

"I know, I know. By the way, don't stick so close to me." As she uttered those cruel words to me, Naruko seemed to be tensely preparing for her first offline meeting.

Her shoulders were held high, and she was wearing clothes that made her seem very mature. Underneath, she had on a miniskirt and boots. But she also wore a good deal of expensive-looking accessories. Even to someone like me, who did not really understand fashion, she looked quite stylish. She looked more suited for somewhere like Shibuya or Odaiba. But I mean… it's already too late so I won't say anything, but… going to the meeting in that getup… I mean, certainly it's pretty cute, but… will you really be alright like that?

"Alright. Then from here on let's split up a bit. You were supposed to meet up here, right? I'll head off to the café first and I'll be on standby there."

"Huh? Ah… alright. I got it."

"Don't look so disheartened. I'll definitely be watching out for you."

"I-I don't look like that at all. Don't be an idiot, shouldn't you be going?"

"Yeah, yeah. Well, see ya."

Lightly raising a hand as a goodbye, I turned my back on Naruko. Passing by the shop Naruko had called a gamer's flagship store, I went out into the main street. Soon, I could see various games and cords and such lined up in the storefronts that I passed by, although with such a brief glance I didn't really know what exactly they were selling. I was reminded of a cheap sweets shop I used to pass by often as a kid. I didn't really plan on buying anything, but I still felt a fluttering of excitement.

Odaiba is an island accessible via bridge in Tokyo that holds a lot of attractions, including a bustling shopping district, an amusement park, and the Tokyo Big Sight Convention Center. It's pretty lively around here, isn't it? As expected, it was pretty busy here. At its most busiest times, Akihabara's main street even had places where bands would play. Compared to that, I would say that today's atmosphere was somewhat more subdued, but… it's really like a festival around here, isn't it? That's really what I thought.

As I was admiring my surroundings, I took out a printout map from the bag hanging from my shoulders and looked at it. Ah, this isn't the right street at all. It's in the opposite direction. I turned around in order to retrace my steps, but I saw Naruko still standing there. Having gallantly come this far, it just wouldn't do if I made a U-turn now. Without facing the main street, with its row of electronics stores, I turned left. I made another left at the intersection, and continued straight. I passed under a railway bridge and still continued, and soon I could see a thin tall building on my right. It was the Shosen Book Tower, according to my map. The influence of otaku culture seemed to lighten here, and the surroundings gave off an impression not unlike what you would find outside a very normal train station. I crossed the pedestrian crosswalk, and came to a stop close to the entrance of the Book Tower. Hmm, it's this way, right? Like that, I continued to follow the road. Following the map, after walking for a few minutes, it looked like I had entered into what looked to be, judging from the houses around me, a quiet residential neighborhood. If the map was correct, the café would be right around here…

"Ah, here it is." I stopped, and looked up at a building that looked a bit like a lodge. The café was named "Fairy Garden," and its exterior gave off the impression of an elegant little cabin. After I went up the very short staircase, I opened the wooden door and was greeted by the pleasant sound of a bell.

Ring ring.

"Welcome home, master!" I was greeted simultaneously by the voices of many aproned maids. Trying hard to pretend that nothing had happened, I shut the door again.

"Wh-wh-what… is going on… ?" Still holding onto the door with both hands, I muttered to myself.

No, it was clear what was going on. I knew what was going on… but… seriously, just wait a bit. My mind still hasn't quite caught up to the situation yet. Because the neighborhood outside had seemed so normal, I had completely forgotten that I was still in Akiba…

So, the rumors were true… this was… what do they call it… was this a maid café?! Finally having come to this realization, I took stock of my situation in my head. Inhaling and giving a huge sigh, I timidly opened the door a second time.

Ring ring.

"Okaerinasaimase, goshujinsama!" It is the standard greeting for all maid cafes. "Welcome home, master!"

It was the same scene as before… dammit, it wasn't an illusion, was it? To welcome me, a cute maid-san approached with a pitter patter. She was wearing a fluffy white apron. Her skirt was excessively short, although her socks were very long. It was definitely an outfit that was designed for cuteness. I couldn't help feeling that I wanted to get out of here, but I had made a promise to come here and be on standby. What's more, turning back here would just not do at all. I braced myself and took a step into the café. Uzumaki Haruto. Fifteen years old. My first time at a maid café…

"Is it just one guest, master?"

"Y-Yeah… "

"Well, then, please come this way~"

I was lead by the maid-san to a table for one. The interior of the place had the look of a normal coffee shop. The slightly dim shop was illuminated by a number of orange lamps. The furniture all somehow looked like antiques, and the atmosphere felt really Western. Also, even though it was lunchtime, the place was relatively empty. Maybe the people who were going to the offline meeting had reserved a lot of tables.

"Would this seat suit you?"

"Yeah… thanks."

The maid-san pulled the seat out for me, and I sat down. I felt quite self-conscious. Every maid in the place certainly was quite cute.

"Here is the menu, master. Could Ayame take your order for how you want to be addressed?"

"Huh? Wh-what do you mean?"

"Well, please decide how you would like me to address you. On the menu, you can see all sorts of options like "master," "danna," "-kun," "-chan," "onii-chan," "onii-sama," and others."

Maid cafés are really terrifying. How is a mere high school student like me supposed to get through this?

Well, let's just let nature take its course. Putting on a bold smile, I responded, "It doesn't matter. Whichever is fine."

"Is that so? Then, how about Ayame call you Onii-chan? Onii-chan?"

Well, now the maid-san was being a bit overly familiar with me. I guess it would be a bit boorish for me to point out that at this point, she didn't seem like a maid at all anymore… and what's more, it was obvious that she was over twenty years old…

"Did you say something, Onii-chan?"

"No no!"

How terrifying. Was she reading my mind or something?

The maid brought over some water. As I gratefully sated my thirst, I looked at the menu. I had yet to eat lunch, so let's see what I could fill up on… and… with a bewildered expression, I glanced roughly at the menu items. Why was I confused? Well… that is… for now, let me give a few examples.

Lunch:

The maid's lovey dovey omelette rice (ketchup or otafuku) — 900 yen.

Little sister's handmade curry (parupunte flavor, begiragon flavor, zaraki flavor) — 1000 yen.

The tsundere school president's specially prepared ramen — 800 yen.

Drinks:

Spirit of Saiyan — 300 yen.

Super holy water — 300 yen.

Juice from the divine essence tree — 300 yen.

I have no idea what's going on. At least the lunch items sound similar to actual food items, so whatever, but I can't even begin to imagine what any of those drinks are. What should I do? I had to look this up, but Otafuku is apparently a Japanese company that produces various sauces. I guess I have no choice but to ask.

"Excuse me… what exactly is this… Spirit… of… Saiyan?"

"That would be vegetable juice, Onii-chan."

Then write vegetable juice, dammit… the menu was what the menu was, I guess. I also ascertained that "Super holy water" just meant cider and "Juice from the divine essence tree" just meant mixed fruit juice.

"Have you decided on your order? Onii-chan."

"Not yet… sorry." In my confusion, I stupidly apologized…

"By the way, Ayame have a recommendation. You should try the little sister's handmade curry. Me, Ayame-chan, especially made it with my own hands, Onii-chan."

"A-Alright, then I'll go with that."

This damn girl, picking out the most expensive thing on the menu so casually… although, it really was my fault for going along with it.

"Your order has been entered in. Little sister's handmade curry. Zaraki flavor."

Zaraki flavor, huh? That sounds pretty dangerous… well, whatever. But, still, what they bring out to me might be completely inedible.

Having exhausted myself just by ordering, I took a breather. Tilting my chair backwards, I stared at the ceiling. Then, the door once again opened, and a group of people entered.

Ring ring.

"Welcome home, master!"

Ah, so they came. I took out a baseball cap from my bag, and wore it low over my eyes. Nonchalantly, I turned my gaze towards the door. In succession, a group of girls entered. I still couldn't see Naruko. Hm… as I thought, they were relatively plain looking, most of them really didn't seem very refined. There were also a few girls here or there in cosplay… hm? Whoa!

I turned my gaze to the small girl that stood at the front of the group. Well, let's see… first things first. She was short. She was a young woman who appears to be in her early teens with long pale blond hair that reaches down to her thighs. She barely reach 150 cm tall. She looked like a little girl… but what was more startling was her getup. She looked extremely like an otaku. Her head was wrapped in a bandana, and she wore a checkered long-sleeve shirt, tucked into a pair of trousers. She also bore a rough-looking backpack on her back. To make matters worse, a number of rolled up posters poked out from her backpack. To sum it up… she was the image of the stereotypical otaku that I had seen on TV, while having a figure like a elementary schooler.

I'm not lying. I really didn't believe it myself, but there she was, right in front of me. Heh, Tokyo is truly a frightening place, isn't it? I've definitely learned that today. Feeling myself getting agitated, I gulped down some water in an attempt to calm myself. And in front of my eyes, that aforementioned girl began to talk to one of the maids.

"I have a reservation for 1 PM, please."

"Alright. Would you please give me your name?"

"Mio Vermilion."

Wha—?! I did a spit take, and held my throat, coughing violently. Hack! Hack! Cough! Cough! Hack!

"Ah! A-are you alright, Onii-chan?"

The maid-san patted me on the back as I continued to cough in agony. Damn it, that definitely went down the wrong pipe! Hack! Cough! Hack! Damn it, I feel like I'm going to die.

This was the person with the username "Mio Vermilion"?! She wasn't quite the prim and proper lady that I had imagined her to be… she really fell very short of that expectation! This was perhaps the biggest surprise I've had in all my 15 years of life! Well, this was a bit of a dreadful outcome right from the start, wasn't it? What the hell. I haven't even talked to her, and yet I'm making such nasty comments already.

Cough. Cough. Cough. "Thanks… sorry for being so noisy."

"Oh no, it's fine. Alright, I'll go get another water for you, 'kay? But Onii-chan? If you do that again Ayame'll get angry, okay?"

Blop. The maid tapped my head lightly with her fist. Even in such unexpected situations, she didn't panic and stayed in character. She's really a seasoned pro, isn't she?

"Yeah… I really am very sorry… " I blushed and I realized that all the eyes in the place were now looking at me. I felt the jealous stares of the other guys here and there in the bar, as if they wanted to say "Well aren't you pretty clever?"

Ring ring. Turning my gaze once again to the entrance, I saw Naruko crossing her arms and giving me a fierce glare, as if to say "why the hell are you being so conspicuous, idiot?!" Well, I couldn't help it, could I?! It was all Mio's fault! I tried to explain it to her just with my eyes, but…

"Hmph!"

Whether she understood what I was trying to say or not, Naruko quickly turned the other way. But seriously… she really doesn't fit in with that crowd… excluding Mio, the girls of the "Otaku Girls United!" group, whether they looked plain or were wearing some kind of cosplay, all looked like quite docile girls. Also, there were barely any who had dyed their hair. Mixed into the middle of that group, there was a teen model who had obviously tried very hard to coordinate her clothes… she really stood out.

As the community members were standing near the entrance awaiting further instruction, two maids went up to them and bowed.

"We are very sorry about the wait. Please allow us to lead you to your seats."

At the maids's directions, the group slowly entered into the middle of the café. Naruko and the others were shown to the very middle of the café. A number of other tables were attached to that one, and chairs were brought and placed appropriately. The group split up into smaller groups of 10 or so, and picked their seats while chatting away. From the bit of conversation I could overhear, it appeared that this was this group's first offline meeting. So, this was probably the first time any of these girls were meeting in person. Also… isn't Naruko a bit cut off from the rest of the group? In one corner, Naruko was sitting by herself. Her posture was strangely stiff, and she was anxiously looking around. It was like in elementary school, when people separate into groups of friends, but one person ends up being left out. Dammit, this was a pretty miserable situation… I felt a pang in my chest as I clenched my teeth.

"Umm… " In that state, as soon as Naruko tried to timidly strike up a conversation, the same conversation would end after two or three words. It seems like Naruko was wary of her companions, and they thought the same of her. Even though this was a group that presumably shared a hobby, it didn't seem that way at all. It was as if her words just weren't getting heard… or if there was an invisible wall.

I clicked my tongue. Well… it's not like I wasn't vaguely expecting something like this to happen… Naruko had always exuded a haughty aura that screamed "Servant, don't come near me." She seemed like the type who would push away anybody who wasn't similarly beautiful and refined as she. Of course, that's fine at school. There are people of all sorts at school, and it wasn't difficult to form a group with similar people and hang out with them. But Naruko, at her school, was not only part of the most popular group, but was a leader of sorts in that group. In that position, it was good that she could so carefully pick her clothes and be so charming. This aura of a cold princess that she exuded helped her charm and attract people with similar sensibilities. But, here, the people were not that way at all. Here, the people that Naruko was trying to make friends with were completely different than the people in the crowd she hung out with at school. That was pretty obvious. It was as if in the middle of a flock of sheep, the wolf who wanted to make friends with the sheep had been left out. No matter how desperately the wolf tried to speak, the sheep would get nervous, and would think "why is this wolf mixed in with our flock?"

Irritated, I bit my lip… Ah, Naruko ran away from another conversation. She really can't hold a conversation for longer than two or three words, can she? Whomever she was talking to would nod idly for a bit, and then get drawn in to another group's conversation, and would stop talking to Naruko. And anyways, from what I could overhear, I really had no idea what any of these people were talking about. It felt like I had gotten lost in a foreign country or something.

As I rubbed my forehead and let out a sigh, Naruko looked in my direction as if asking for help. Don't look at me with such a miserable expression… that's so not like you! I began to clench my fists, and then…

"Sorry to keep you waiting! Your little sister's hand-made curry is here, Onii-chan!"

"Ah, thanks." This damn maid… she really chose a great time to bring this to me, didn't she? Oh God, Naruko was glaring at me, she must heard this maid call me "Onii-chan," didn't she?!

Clenching my fists, I watch her table. Hey, Naruko, I really can't do anything in this position. But, I'll definitely watch you from here. Do your best! Do your best Naruko! Damn it… what was that crap about "hand-made"? This taste, this curry obviously came from a can, didn't it?!