NOVEL NEXT Chapter 69: It’s Too Late for Everything
It had to be said, the lyrics of the song "Like Smoke" really resonated with a subdued heart. Lines like "Give me another chance to rewrite the story," and "Is there such a tomorrow where I can start over, let me once again feel the yesterday I squandered, whether in existence or life, I won't waste it"...
After Xanthia's death, Dematero realized that his deepest memories of her were still stuck back in high school when they were desk mates!
How tragic and absurd!
How could he have overlooked her to such an extent... Was he even human?!
He pounded his chest and wept bitterly at her funeral.
It was clear to him now that even in his darkest moments, she had always been there, accompanying and encouraging him. She never abandoned him. The "true details" recorded in her diary were like dull knives, cutting into his heart with each word.
In his future novels, he would surely incorporate these "true details." There was no avoiding it. The contents of Xanthia's diary had impacted him too deeply not to share with his readers, to make them understand his pain and sorrow. He liked sharing these emotions to connect with his audience.
Xanthia, who had lived so happily in reality, would surely approve of his actions. With such tactics to ensnare readers, he had become a master at raising their "pain points"!
He ruthlessly exposed his vulnerabilities, even breaking the fourth wall, trapping readers across the myriad realms... Tsk tsk, the pit dug by a pessimist writer was truly terrifying.
Dematero was now in a state of extreme self-reproach and anguish.
Reflecting on the past, he felt increasingly guilty towards Xanthia. Why had he spoken so many hurtful words to her? Why had he treated her so badly?
Though she might not have shown it on the surface, deep down, those words must have hurt her profoundly!
The pleasure of tormenting someone in a moment, chasing them to the crematorium, it was a classic within classics.
At Xanthia's funeral, Dematero also had many conversations with Dionysius and learned more about her.
But the most regrettable thing for him was—Xanthia's illness wasn't terminal!
It was primarily psychological depression. If she had been kept happy, with a positive attitude and proper treatment, along with regular physical exercise and care, she wouldn't have met such an early end!
Of course, if she had always been happy, she probably wouldn't have written those songs that were so heart-wrenching and emo. Artists tended to create works that resonated more deeply during times of hardship and emotional trauma.
But what did her works matter compared to her life?
Dematero wished she hadn't been so talented, cursed with beauty marred by unfortunate circumstances, and dying young.
He began to replay and reflect on himself.
He believed that her deliberate belief in his poor acting and then leaving him was the last straw!
If only he had always treated her gently and patiently, making her happy at every moment, her ending would have been different!
But now, it's all too late...
Back then, he was completely immersed in the world of "writing," his mind full of how to write a "masterpiece," how to achieve fame and success. He had never paid attention to more details about her, and that was the tragedy's root cause!
Yet, when he finally achieved success, he found himself alone.
If only he had always prioritized her, listened to her, made every effort to keep her happy, given her all his earnings, let her spend however she wished, he wouldn't be in such pain now!
As long as she was happy, he would do anything for her!
In this future timeline, he felt he owed her too much, and now that he finally had the ability to make her happy, he no longer had the chance to repay her...
If there were a next life, if he could go back in time, he would devote all of himself to protecting her and ensuring her eternal happiness.
He didn't even want her to be as good to him as the world was, which would only burden her more and "shorten her life." After all, emotions, especially love, were too damaging and easily caused large emotional fluctuations.
And that would be fatal to her.
Therefore, she shouldn't fall in love with anyone, she shouldn't give anything to anyone else, she should just enjoy the kindness others showed her, that's what she deserved!
In extreme regret and pain, Dematero's mind produced these extreme thoughts. It could only be said that he had been tortured to the point of nearly losing his sanity.
Just one step away before he lose his consciousness.
Clearly a literary young man with a strong ability to endure, his pain was being squeezed dry, like trying to squeeze the very last drop from a sponge. It was evident how powerful this system item was.
But equally, Dematero gained a lot.
A lot.
After experiencing such extreme joys and sorrows, he had rapidly grown into a qualified best-selling author. His writing skills had matured significantly!
After returning to reality, according to the system evaluation, his writing skills had directly reached Level 3 (professional level), just a step away from Level 4 (expert level). No matter how talented a writer, it was impossible for someone his age to reach such heights in writing skills.
That was why Xanthia had used this disposable system item with such caution. It was not only a tool for causing pain but also a tool for growth and enlightenment, capable of greatly empowering a person's mind, heart and soul.
And with Dematero becoming stronger and mature in all facets of life, there was no problem at all. This loyal "humanoid summon" would only be better as its level increased.
His future works that cut deep would surely earn "pain points" for her, so maximizing his writing skills was definitely a profitable endeavor.
The system linked to Xanthia's soul clearly stood unconditionally on her side, knowing well how to further hone Dematero to a better person he would be.
Thus, even though in this false memory Xanthia had already passed away, Dematero hadn't returned to reality immediately. He was still struggling in this incredibly cruel and painful dream world.
Extreme regret and pain would continue to shape his writings in the remaining years...
His character determined that he wouldn't end himself through "sacrificial love" or "suicide," as he believed Xanthia wouldn't want to see that.
When she chose to leave him back then, it was clearly because she didn't want to cause him any more trouble. She hoped he could let go of all burdens, emerge from the darkness, and live positively, with a heart devoted to life.
Indeed, she had rescued him from the darkness, but her image and laughter now only existed in his memories of the past.
The most painful thing in the world was this.
Nostalgia was the quietest verb because the lifelong sadness lingered quietly within it.
Clocks could return to the starting point, but it wouldn't be yesterday anymore.
Time forgot the memories, and he forgot to forget.
Death wasn't true departure; forgetting was eternal extinction.
Next, he decided to write a biography for Xanthia, which would also serve as his confession.
