Chapter 63: She Was Not My Moon
His classmates began to unconsciously distance themselves from him. After all, a gloomy cynic exuding negativity was hardly someone who fit in. His somewhat neurotic behavior made everyone uncomfortable.
Most crucially, Dematero's grades started plummeting straight down. He even deliberately wrote essays criticizing the education system during exams—wasn't that aiming for a zero?
He didn't care at all, shamelessly writing a line: "Education begets selected few, tyrants begets pawns!"
But deep inside, he was far from as carefree as he appeared. After all, the "pain points" were constantly being generated...
It had long been said that poor grades were a cardinal sin in Thessaloniki First High School, where only grades mattered. If you had good grades, eccentricities in personality or behavior would be overlooked; being a top student allowed for that.
Now that he had become a bottom-tier student with an unlikable personality, it was only natural for everyone to subconsciously isolate him.
He didn't take it seriously, believing he was practicing the belief that "solitude makes one stronger." In reality, though, he harbored delusions that this would somehow provoke Elena.
Sinking himself further into the abyss.
Indeed, she still lingered in his heart. The influence of the "moonlight" wasn't so easily erased—A was always A, B could be anyone.
Maybe it was because she had deeply hurt him and he hadn't approached anyone since, leading to his perfect fantasy of the "moonlight," endowed with the attribute "never abandoning even through a hundred hardships."
The immature and devoted young man liked to garner attention through methods of "self-deprecation" and "self-inflicted pain." He even fantasized that one day Elena would pity him, perhaps even express a desire to be with him, only to be firmly rejected—such was the drama of his "wish-fulfillment" story.
Clearly, these self-indulgent acts did nothing to attract Elena. Instead, they intensified her disgust toward this illusioned and despicable young man. Wasn't it enough to fail at a secret crush? Was it really necessary to exaggerate it like this? Her judgment was spot on; this guy not only failed to provide her with security, but seemed to exude danger.
Even his best friend, Glen, couldn't tolerate this self-destructive attitude. Despite Dematero often suggesting they end their friendship and keep their distance, saying he didn't need friends and that they only made him weak!
Dematero felt he had become someone universally despised. Anyone who came near him would only meet misfortune, and he didn't want to burden Glen, the friend he truly valued.
Glen didn't completely sever ties with Dematero, but chose to keep his distance. Being known as "Dematero's friend" came with its own debuffs, attracting strange looks and possible isolation. Merit student he was, Glen didn't want his three years of high school to also turn into a mess.
Yet, despite such circumstances, there was still one girl who hadn't given up on Dematero.
She was Xanthia.
A pale-faced, frail girl afflicted by illness.
At some point, Dematero had written about her in his notebook—
She forever wears the school uniform, standing cleanly in my dim youth.
She isn't my moon, but there was indeed a moment when moonlight shone upon me.
Unfortunately, passionate love only comes once. Afterwards, it's all about comparisons. I'll never like her; it's too late.
The timing of our entrances in life is so crucial that mathematics agree.