Half-Line

“What’s with the sudden comment?”“Huh?”“Oh, no, nothing.”Even after packing his bag, Hajoon couldn’t bring himself to leave the office immediately and just sat there killing time. He was afraid Mukyeom might be waiting for him outside.No matter what that statement meant, after hearing it, given his current state, he felt like he’d just say “okay” no matter what. But he was worried about making a fool of himself by taking it too seriously, like he did when they first kissed. He didn’t want to act like an idiot by taking a joke seriously. Even if he missed the hint once, if it happened a second time…‘What if it happens?’Suddenly, such a question flashed in Hajoon’s mind like a billboard.Hajoon recalled the kiss from that day, which had now passed quite some time. Mukyeom’s kiss, which he had barely imagined due to their limited physical contact, was surprisingly gentle and tender.The pain that had vanished from his body faded like a forgotten dream, but the sweet pleasure from Mukyeom’s kiss and touch replayed in his mind over and over. The memory, a concentrated bundle of sensations, had been unsettling Hajoon’s heart ever since.After the coach collapsed, Hajoon wanted to offer some words of encouragement. If one had just a little interest in him, they would know how much Mukyeom cherished Coach Park Junsung.He only wanted to comfort and cheer him up. That was all, but what had he given away in his words? Where had his emotions leaked out to make Mukyeom reevaluate him? If his feelings were so evident even in offering comfort, wouldn’t it be only a matter of time before his heart was fully exposed if they got closer? Would anything he say or do make any difference?Since his playing days, Hajoon had always avoided him. Seeing Mukyeom made his heart race, and he feared making a mistake if they got too close, so he desperately kept his distance, whether it was entering the locker room, staying at the dormitory, or during meals.Even at the training ground, during free time, he chose to hang out only with other players, staying as far from Mukyeom as possible. When he learned they would be teammates, he practiced greeting casually three days before visiting the training ground.In the national team, where they would only match steps for a few weeks or days at most before playing matches, Mukyeom was both an indispensable ace and a prickly character for everyone. Acknowledging his skill and accepting his arrogant attitude were separate matters.Greenford, in the early days of Mukyeom’s recruitment, rarely sent him unless it was a major tournament, and until a few years ago, Mukyeom did not hide his dissatisfaction, implying that his teammates were holding him back. He had an attitude of not caring about seniority. There were reasons for the controversy over his selection, given his exceptional skill with no comparison.With thorns already between them, the information Mukyeom remembered about his teammates was merely ‘personal information’ for tactical movements on the field. Especially, older players openly showed their displeasure at being treated like chess pieces by the young ace. The notion that ‘Athletes only need to be good at sports’ doesn’t work among peers.Thus, it wasn’t surprising that Mukyeom didn’t remember him well. Plus, Hajoon wasn’t always a starting member. Of course, he didn’t think Mukyeom couldn’t remember him at all, but…Hajoon hadn’t always avoided Mukyeom from the start. He had considered taking courage. It was during the Asian Cup when he was about to turn twenty. Seeing Mukyeom in person after a long time made his heart beat like crazy.Mukyeom, who was already tall, had grown even taller, and his face had matured. Jungkyu was sitting right next to Mukyeom, talking casually, which made Hajoon incredibly jealous.I’ll say hello. Maybe ask if he remembers me.With that determination, Hajoon lingered nearby, but then he overheard their conversation.“What? Really? Guys hitting on you?”“Would I lie about something like that? Why would I make such a dumb joke?”“Must be because it’s more open abroad. So, what did you do?”“What do you think? I turned them down. It gave me the creeps inside, but my agent told me a hundred times not to show it at parties or gatherings.”They were talking about Mukyeom being hit on by men in London. Hajoon turned away from them and sat on a bench, listening for a while.He didn’t need to listen long. Mukyeom felt repulsed by men approaching him sexually, and though he hated it to the point of cursing, he tried not to show it too much at the behest of his agent, managing to reject them somewhat smoothly.What was the big deal? They weren’t talking about Hajoon.He wasn’t even thinking about confessing to him at that moment, and he couldn’t even distinguish whether his feelings for Mukyeom were admiration for a genius peer or romantic affection.But on that day when he overheard Mukyeom and Jungkyu’s conversation, Hajoon confirmed his own feelings. If his feelings were just admiration, if all he wanted was to get close to the player he admired, he wouldn’t have felt fear or the pain of guilt upon hearing that conversation. Hajoon got up from the bench and went to where other players were gathered.He didn’t trust himself to hide his feelings while staying close to Mukyeom. As much as Hajoon liked him, he knew Mukyeom’s character and playing style thoroughly. Though he seemed indifferent to those around him, on the field, when he decided to act, he could read through opponents’ minds.There was no way Mukyeom would fall for Hajoon’s clumsy acting. Rather than becoming someone who gave Mukyeom the creeps by revealing his special gaze, it was better to remain an unnoticed teammate they occasionally encountered.On the day he first played for the youth national team at sixteen, Hajoon felt as if he’d been cursed, his soul taken by a man who would never notice him. For ten years since, no one else had captured his heart.He hadn’t tried to hold onto feelings that would never be reciprocated. Rather, if possible, he wanted to escape from this self-imposed, unrequested bondage and have a lover like others, whispering love proudly and exchanging hearts. But he hadn’t felt even a hint of the overwhelming emotion he felt for Mukyeom with anyone else, and before he knew it, ten years had passed.What if it happens? What if he finds out?What if it wasn’t said seriously…Another part of himself whispered dangerous temptations in his mind. Before even talking to Mukyeom, he felt like he was driving himself towards a cliff. Unrequited love, with the object of affection right in front of him, turns one into a one-man show, drumming and dancing alone several times a day. Invisible to others, but inside Hajoon’s heart, there had been a storm warning ever since joining this team.“Coach Lee, aren’t you leaving?”“I’m going.”At the question from the last remaining staff member, Hajoon stood up and headed towards the door. He glanced towards the locker room and then walked down the hallway, deliberately quieting his footsteps.“See you tomorrow.”“Yes, have a good evening.”After saying goodbye, Hajoon quickened his pace and exited the training ground. He hadn’t encountered Mukyeom even once inside. He must have left already. Only after leaving the training ground did Hajoon let out a light sigh and slow his steps towards the bus stop. At least today, it seemed like he could safely avoid Mukyeom.They say tomorrow’s sun will rise. Mukyeom’s capricious thoughts might change by then. Just as he had acted like nothing happened after that day, tomorrow he might act as if today’s conversation never took place.He kept telling himself that it was nothing, that he had just grabbed an opportunity that came his way, but Mukyeom’s nonchalant attitude after that day still stung a bit. He had tried to play along, but it wasn’t easy.No matter how it turned out, Hajoon wanted to avoid getting worked up over Mukyeom’s impulsive jest, which might change by tomorrow. He had already performed the one-man show in his heart a dozen times a day, and that was embarrassing enough. At least this time, he wouldn’t make the same awkward mistake as when they first kissed.Honk.Just then, the sound of a horn caught his attention. Deep in thought and looking at the ground while walking, Hajoon reflexively looked up. Not just Hajoon, but others walking on the sidewalk also turned their heads towards the sound.Parked on the shoulder of the road, heading towards the bus stop, was the orange sports car from that day. Hajoon’s eyes widened. He quickly turned his gaze forward and quickened his pace. The car then started moving slowly, keeping pace with him.Honk Honk.The horn sounded twice more in protest. Hajoon walked faster, and in response, the horn sound grew longer.Hooooooonk—“Oh, what?”“He must be crazy. Should we call the police?”“With all that money spent on a car, he’s got no brains.”The intentional noise pollution made passersby frown and grumble. Hearing their criticism, Hajoon sighed and finally stopped walking. Turning sideways, the horn sound ceased, and as Hajoon stood by the passenger-side window, it rolled down.Of course, inside was Mukyeom, now in casual clothes, holding the steering wheel with a smirk that seemed to say, ‘What can you do about it?’“Get in.”Hajoon opened the door and got in, snapping at him.“Close the window.”“Why? Do you want to be in an enclosed space with me?”“People outside are cursing you. If you don’t want to be photographed again and get bashed, close it quickly.”Mukyeom nodded and raised the window. The car, which had been moving diagonally on the shoulder, entered the road properly and started driving.“Why do you keep running away when I want to talk? Am I going to eat you?”“Do I have to say ‘yes’ to everything you suddenly bring up?”Mukyeom let out a chuckle at that.“You look calm, but you’ve got some fire in you. I guessed as much.”Hajoon didn’t respond and just looked out the window. It was the first time he was in the passenger seat of Mukyeom’s Lamborghini. He hadn’t expected to be here twice.“I’m not trying to have a bad conversation. Like I said earlier, after the photo incident, I’m thinking of stopping one-night stands with strangers.”“…”“I’ve never had a long-term, fixed partner, but we should be fine. We see each other every day at the team, and we’re both men, so there’s nothing awkward about it. You must need a partner too, right?”The traffic light turned yellow, and the cars around them began to slow down. Mukyeom, as if struck by a new possibility, asked:“Do you already have someone? Am I becoming the other man?”“No.”“Then how about it? Let’s be steady with each other.”Even after receiving the proposal, Hajoon remained silent. During the silence, the light turned red, and the car came to a complete stop. Mukyeom, resting his hand on the steering wheel, turned to look at the person next to him, and Hajoon’s mouth opened a bit late.“…You mean that?”“That?”“Sex…”“Did you think I was suggesting dating? That would be troublesome for you too.”Mukyeom smiled, lifting his lips, and Hajoon finally met his eyes. Mukyeom then threw out another tease.“Why? Do you want to date me?”But Hajoon ignored the question and asked back:“Since when?”“What?”“Since when do you want to do it?”“That’s up to us. I’m fine with starting right now.”“Not today.”Hajoon was firm.“Then?”“I’ll think about it before the away game.”“Do that.”Although Mukyeom was dissatisfied with the idea of thinking about it again, since they had already done it once, he replied nonchalantly. From the first day, Hajoon seemed like someone who enjoyed playing hard to get, a bit coy. Fine, let’s play along one more time, Mukyeom thought with a laugh to himself.The light turned green, and the car started moving again. Come to think of it, where was this car going? Only then did Hajoon realize he had gotten into a car without knowing the destination. As if reading his mind, Mukyeom asked:“Since you’re already in, I’ll give you a ride. To your place?”“Yeah.”“Enter the address.”Mukyeom pointed at the navigation with his chin. Hajoon didn’t refuse and started tapping the navigation keyboard, feeling a very strange sensation. He was leaving his mark in Mukyeom’s car.The car, not stopping, slowed down in front of a 40-year-old, worn-out public apartment complex. As Mukyeom was about to enter the complex, Hajoon stopped him.“I’ll get off here. No need to go inside.”“Your place looks nice.”It was hard to tell if Mukyeom was being sincere or sarcastic. The financial status of the residents varied, but it was a place with many long-term residents, and for an apartment, there was quite a bit of interaction among neighbors.Driving such a sports car into the complex would attract many neighbors’ eyes. There were still people who treated him like he was an active player and greeted him, so he didn’t want them to see him getting out of this car. Mukyeom took a long breath and said, almost to himself:“It smells like flowers.”“There are a lot of lilac trees in the complex.”At Hajoon’s answer, Mukyeom nodded his head, looking around with a satisfied expression. Hajoon, without realizing it, stared blankly at Mukyeom’s face, which rarely showed such a gentle smile.“Really? I like that. Lilacs are my favorite flowers.”Surprisingly, they shared a similar taste in something.“Did you have a favorite flower?”“Of course. How romantic am I?”As Hajoon hesitated, not sure whether to agree or disagree, Mukyeom, probably just joking, quickly said goodbye.“Take care. See you tomorrow.”After a brief farewell, Hajoon watched the car drive away after dropping him off and let out a small sigh. He had known from the start that he would eventually accept any proposal. Delaying the moment of choice was his best effort. To really follow through with what Mukyeom said, he needed to prepare both his body and mind.Settling down. Someone in mind.The mere mention of a few words had him foolishly building up expectations again. It was strangely ridiculous how his mind didn’t expect anything, but his heart had its own ideas. Hajoon had assumed that Mukyeom’s words weren’t what he had hoped for, that they meant something else. So, why did he feel so drained when he confirmed that Mukyeom’s words were indeed limited to a physical relationship?“What did I expect? It’s only natural.”Hajoon talked to himself as if to console himself. There was no reason for Mukyeom to like him in that way. He thought about the many attractive women who had passed through Mukyeom’s life. Even the actress Han Eunwoo, who was recently linked to him in a scandal, was commonly referred to as a “goddess.” Hajoon knew more than enough about Mukyeom’s romantic history and the types of women he liked.As Jungkyu had said, Hajoon had many female fans during his playing days, and some of those fans grumbled that if someone said they liked Lee Hajoon, they were not really fans of soccer but rather followers of handsome soccer players, or “face fans.” He never felt dissatisfied with his appearance when looking in the mirror, but that was only from a man’s perspective. From head to toe, there was nothing about him that would appeal to Mukyeom.“Is Hajoon here?”“Yeah.”As he entered the house, his mother, who was in the living room, stood up to greet her son. Though sometimes it felt burdensome, her gentle voice was comforting when his spirits were shattered. Hajoon entered the living room with a smile and hugged his mother for the first time in a while.“Mom, I love you.”“Oh my, what’s this as soon as you come home? Did my son have something good happen outside?”That made him laugh in despair. Something good, huh? Yeah, let’s think of it that way.“Yeah, at work.”“Then, then. My outstanding eldest son, what can’t he do? Everything will turn out fine.”Right. I guess so? I’m not doing anything wrong, am I? I’m doing well, right?His mother came to discuss the dinner menu, and Hajoon, answering her questions, pondered over dishes that his twin siblings would like. Both were in their final year of high school, so it was a time to take extra care of them. The normalcy of everyday life slowly soothed his troubled heart.