God of Nothing

Aleph spent the next few days near the portal. The desire to return was almost overwhelming. He spent hours on end just staring at the portal, contemplating if he should just go back.

The sense of loss he felt over Lacey's death hit as hard as it ever had for centuries, and he wasn't sure why. A single question tormented him: Wasn't the millenia I spent grieving enough? 

He had settled into a routine of waking up, going down into his hole until sundown, and returning to his cot for a meal and some sleep. Try as he might, his base desires were something he had little control over right now.

Rayse and Lacey had been leaving him food and other items by his door. Aleph sensed their comings and goings from under the ground, but had no desire to see them. 

There were a few distractions other than them as well. The unheroic Brandon and his cronies stumbled into his home one time, inebriated and very loud. The sight of him irritated Aleph. Unlike the girl, this boy had nothing that reminded him of his old friend, so it felt satisfying to kick him out.

He noticed him loitering around his home for the following days, though he would always run once he thought he was seen. With all these visitors, it was getting more and more difficult hiding the portal.

The location itself wasn't the problem, but the glow of the mana crystals that were produced are starting to get very noticeable. Aleph started harvesting some of them to turn into things around the house, but there were more crystals than he knew what to do with.

He made crude tools by using the mana crystals as whetstones, sharpening the blunt axe head that he found inside the house. The mana crystal imparts the axehead with increased sharpness, mixing with the metal as it's grinded against it.

After fashioning a handle for it, he made his way to the lake to carve up slabs of rock. He was thinking of disguising the portal like a well, similar to what he did in his own realm.

He was fully engrossed in his work when he heard a rustling. He turned his head to see Rayse, once again carrying a basket of food.

"Hello, mister Aleph. I hope I'm not being a bother." He said timidly.

Aleph just ignored him, preoccupied with cutting rock. He heard the boy gasp a moment later, running to his side.

"A magic axe?! Where did you get that?" Rayse said excitedly.

"Not a magic axe. A magic whetstone." Aleph said, eyes still on the rock.

Rayse whistled, inspecting the cut. It was smooth, to the touch, and a little warm.

"Refrain from touching it right now, you might get mana poisoning." Aleph warned.

"What? But you're touching them just fine, though" Rayse protested.

"I am sufficiently trained for this amount of exposure. Why are you here, boy?" Aleph snapped.

Rayse flinched. He looked at the ground like a child caught doing something that he shouldn't.

"I'm sorry, mister, but you weren't at home and so I thought.."

"That is not what I meant. Why do you come here everyday? Why do any of you children come here at all?"

"That's… I don't know about the others, but I just felt that I shouldn't leave you alone."

That made Aleph stop. He turned to Rayse, looking at him properly for the first time. His clothes were well kept, but pretty old. He was dripping with sweat, as if he ran here. The boy was a stablehand, it made no sense for him to be wasting his time coming here instead of resting. In fact, it made no sense that he'd be a mere stablehand. He saw some books among the things he kept leaving at the door, so he inferred that the kid had some education at least. Running here after hard physical labor was also a sign of a good amount of physical strength. Strength that should be able to stand up to mere bullying, at least.

Rayse was a bundle of contradictions, one that Aleph could not figure out, and yet…

"Why?" Out of all his questions, only one word came out of his mouth. He lost strength in his limbs and started shaking as he sat on the ground. It seems he had been pushing himself beyond the limits of his body these past few days. Rayse sat beside him.

 "The way you're acting… It's like how my friend used to act when he lost his mother. I couldn't pull him back out of it, and it broke him beyond repair.

"I don't know how important Lacey was to you, but, I dunno, I thought if I could help you get through this, maybe I could help bring my friend back too." He sniffled.

Aleph was stunned. How can this young man live a fraction of his life, and yet be so profound? He shows compassion far beyond his years, and all that to a mere stranger. Were humans always like this?

He marvelled.

It was quiet for a time after that. It took Aleph a while to find the words to try and answer this young man's desire.

"It is not about Lacey specifically. She just reminds me of all that I have lost. There are mountains of corpses behind me, Rayse. Countless heroes died for me to stand before you, each one far nobler and more worthy to live than I.

"If you are concerned that I will take my own life, then worry not. I will not sully their sacrifice like that, no matter how misguided I think it was.

"I am sorry, child. I feel for your friend, but I have been broken for far longer.I am not sure that I can be fixed."

He stood up once again after that, and went right back to work. Or he would have, if it weren't for Rayse suddenly punching him out of nowhere. It sent him right back into the ground, with the young man towering over him shaking in anger.

 He was more shocked than he was hurt.

"Wh-what…?"

"How can you be so stupid!?" Rayse shouted.

"You 'Don't want to sully their sacrifice'? Are you kidding me?! Do you think that if they saw you right now, they'll be satisfied? Do you not see how selfish you're being!?

"I don't know those people, but I've lost my fair share as well. I'll be damned if I let them sacrifice themselves just so I could mope around like a fool!"

Aleph could only stare. He was still surprised. How long has it been since anyone scolded me? He thought to himself, and immediately an answer came to mind. 

"Ah. Emily." He began to sob. She was with him until the end, and even as life bled out from her eyes, she still smiled as she whispered, 'Why the sad face? Smile, Aleph. We've won.'

For a while, all that could be heard in the river was a god's pained crying.

He managed to pull himself together after some time, staring blankly at the ground. He turned towards Rayse, who was calling out to him from nearby.

"You can barely stand, mister. You overdid it with all the cutting. Have some food by the fire." He said with a smile.

Suddenly, he felt famished. He tore through the bread ravenously, only stopping to look around, once again getting surprised at the things he had been missing.

"Your friends are here, Rayse." He said, going right back to eating.

He observed from the corner of his eye as a pair came out from the direction of his home. It was Rayse's Lacey and Brandon. Rayse ran up to meet them, almost pushing them to sit around the fire.

It seemed that they had been here for a while. The two joined them for a meal, occasionally speaking to Rayse but not to each other. The boy Brandon acted strangely; he was far less aggressive towards Rayse than the last time Aleph saw them together. He kept sneaking glances at Aleph for some reason, too.

"Thank you for the food, but I must take my leave." Aleph stood.

"Aww, but we were just getting started." Rayse whined.

"Forgive me, but I'm tired from the day's work. You may come back tomorrow, if it pleases you." 

He bowed and returned home, leaving the children.

Seeing them together reminded Aleph of his days in the army. They weren't talking much, but even he could tell they were close at one point. He was hopeful that these children could fix the bond that was broken.

Yes, he thought. Humans are fragile, but they can be put back together.

He felt the spot where Rayse punched him. It hardly hurt, and given his physique it had already healed, but it felt warm to the touch for some reason.

I am no longer god. There may be hope for me yet.

_________________________________

The trip back was the most awkward of Rayse's life. Brandon and Lacey were on either side of him, refusing to acknowledge each other. 

He could tell Lacey was pissed, but he couldn't get a read on Brandon. 

He was more subdued than usual. He definitely heard us, Rayse thought.

"So Lacey. Hitting him actually worked. Who knew huh?" Rayse said, trying to break the ice. Lacey looked back at him in mock surprise, giggling, and said.

"Hey, it was my idea!"

"Hmmm, true. It still needs more testing though… Any idea on who we could try it out next?" As if on cue, the pair looked at Brandon, who lept away.

"H-hey, guys, I don't want any trouble. I didn't realize you guys were with master, so…"

"Master? What the hell are you talking about?" Lacey said rudely, but Rayse thought it was a good thing. At least they're talking.

Brandon looked around conspiratorially and whispered, "That guy, I think he's a warlock."

He looked at them expectantly, but all he got was Lacey laughing in his face.

"Are you insane? Do you realize what you're saying? He's just a sweet old man with some battlefield trauma!" She said with derision.

"All right, all right. I know it sounds crazy, but I've been observing him a lot lately. Have you been inside his house? There's glowing stuff everywhere! And you've seen that magic axe-"

"Umm, it's a magic whetstone, not a magic axe." Rayse interjected.

"Huh? Well either way, it's not normal!"

"Still, don't you know how rare warlocks are? The chance that any of them are this far out of the frontlines is very slim." 

"We're not that far from the frontlines, Lace. Not by any definition." Brandon looked meaningfully at Rayse at that, and for a second, he almost believed they were friends again. Their families were both victims of war. Rayse's parents were field medics, swallowed up by the fighting on the frontlines. Brandon's mother however, died just outside of town a couple months back, when the fighting inexplicably reached all the way to Hios.

Lacey stopped in her tracks, finally realizing what he meant. The atmosphere shifted, from friendly-adjacent banter to something far heavier.

"Whatever he is, I've been thinking of asking him to make me his apprentice. And then I'm enlisting."

"What about the big fancy city school your dad's sending you to?" Rayse said.

"I'm not gonna let that coward ship me out just because his incompetence caused my mother to die." Brandon said bitterly.

"Well, he likes you so much I can probably convince him to send you there instead. Wanna go?" He offered.

"You know I can't, Bran. I've got my sisters to take care of. And then there's…" He snuck a peek at Lacey, but Brandon caught the look. The look of rejection on his face was too pitiful to look at.

"Thought so." He said, before running off in a direction that's definitely not the way to his house.

Lacey and Rayse looked at each other for a while after.

"Well, that could have gone better." She said flatly.

"Yes," Rayse conceded.  "but he didn't throw hands this time, so… progress? After months of nothing, I'll take it."