NOVEL NEXT Chapter 817: You Are My Only Purpose In Life
Vanitas closed her eyes, her voice quivering.
"It started like any other night. I was watching you sleep, Kafka...smiling to myself because you looked so sweet with drool dripping down your mouth, making those soft noises. I thought, 'How adorable he is.' But then then...I noticed smoke."
Kafka's breath caught. "Smoke?"
She nodded, her hands trembling as she said,
"The orphanage was on fire. Someone had set it ablaze, and the flames were spreading fast. And to tell you the truth I panicked at that time. I'd never felt fear like that before—not for myself, not for the heavens, not for anything...But for you? I was terrified."
"I was screaming, begging anyone to save you from the heavens. The nurses were rushing around, carrying babies out, but you...you were at the far end of the room, still sleeping so peacefully. They were prioritizing the others, so you were being left behind."
Her hands clenched into fists, her voice breaking.
"And seeing that, my heart...it felt like it was being torn apart. Even if it had been my life on the line, I wouldn't have cared. But watching you left there, surrounded by smoke, I lost control."
"I screamed your name until my throat was raw. I begged, I prayed, somebody save him! But the fire kept spreading, and you were still alone."
Evangeline, silent until then, stepped forward, her voice low and grave.
"I remember. I was flying over the heavens that night when it happened. Lady Vanitas's temple..." She paused, her eyes shadowed. "...it suddenly exploded. The entire structure shattered, the ruins burning. And in the center was Lady Vanitas, her aura wild, unrestrained."
"She was screaming, Kafka. Screaming for you. And seeing this, the gods nearby wouldn't even approach, too terrified, as the same Lady Vanitas, always so composed, so untouchable...was unrecognizable."
"I didn't even know what I was doing." Vanitas nodded, tears filling her eyes as she remembered that terrifying moment. "I was consumed. Fear, desperation, just the thought of losing you...it was unbearable."
"I wanted to tear the heavens apart, rip open the mortal world if I had to. Anything, anything to get to you."
Vanitas's voice lowered, soft but trembling.
"But of course...I couldn't just descend. Even true gods cannot meddle freely with mortal lives. We are bound by laws older than time itself, rules carved into the fabric of creation. To break them is to invite punishment beyond imagination, tortures so cruel they can strip even a god to nothing. And yet…"
Her eyes lifted to Kafka's, shimmering with desperation.
"In that moment, Kafka, I didn't care. I didn't care if my power was stripped from me. I didn't care if I was hurled into eons of torment. None of it mattered...All I could think of was you."
Her fingers curled tightly into her robes, nails digging into her palms.
"So I acted. I cast my influence into the mortal world, threading it through the flames. I reached into the heart of that inferno where you lay sleeping, the last child untouched, and I whispered into the heart of a firefighter...A woman. A mother."
"And the moment she heard my voice, she saw you, through smoke, through fire, and with my urging, she found the strength to pull you from the blaze. She carried you out, coughing, weeping, but alive...Alive."
Vanitas exhaled a shuddering breath, a trembling smile breaking through her tears.
"And let me tell you, the instant I knew you were safe, Kafka...it was like cold water splashed over a burning body. Relief so sharp it stole the strength from my knees."
"I laughed. I cried. I howled in the heavens like a madwoman. The other gods looked at me as if I had lost my mind...Perhaps I had. But I didn't care. Pride, dignity, composure, none of it mattered."
"You were alive...That was all that mattered."
Her gaze softened, luminous and tender.
"And in that moment, I understood. You weren't a burden I had cast aside...You weren't a trinket for my amusement, or some curious little mortal I toyed with...You were my son. My one and only son."
"The feelings I had buried, smothered beneath layers of pride, rose up and consumed me. And I realized I loved you, Kafka, loved you with a mother's heart, with a depth so fierce I would have given my life for yours a million times over."
Her voice steadied, though tears still traced her cheeks.
"And even when the heavens dragged me into punishment, when the divine scourge tore into me, I didn't flinch. I smiled through every lash, every scream, because in my heart I knew, you were safe."
"And while I suffered, I thought of nothing but you. The day I could see you again was the only light I clung to."
Hearing this confession, Kafka's throat tightened, his vision blurring with tears.
This...This was the first time she had ever told him so directly, so openly, that she loved him.
For so long, he had believed his story would remain tragic, that his mother would never love him, bound forever by her pride.
But here she was, her heart laid bare, confessing what he had never dared to hope for.
He wanted to break, to collapse under the storm of emotions flooding his chest. But instead, he lifted his chin, forcing a small smile through the tears that were threatening to spill out. With a shaky laugh, he wiped at his face and looked at her.
"Well..." He said softly, his voice cracking into a chuckle. "What happened after that? What were you thinking, after all of that?"
Vanitas let out a soft, almost bitter laugh, though her eyes were still wet.
"You want to what happened after that? Well, this is difficult to admit but sadly what I felt most after that incident is probably...regret" Her voice lowered, trembling. "Crushing, unbearable regret. I regretted ever abandoning you."
"I regretted the moment I let you fall from my hands. I regretted letting you drop down to the mortal realm, instead of hugging you tightly like the treasure you were."
"The feeling was so strong it consumed me. I wanted to go back, back to that moment, to stop myself, to hold you close instead of casting you away. To hug you, kiss you, keep you as I should have."
Her eyes darkened.
"I was so desperate that I even went to Sanctiya, the God of Time herself. I demanded she turn back the clock. I threatened her. I told her if she didn't do it, I would tear her apart.
"And when she told it was impossible I thought she was lying. And in a rage, I beat her until she was at the edge of death, and still, she said the same thing. That it could not be undone. And those words shattered me more than any blow."
"That was a nightmare of a day." Evangeline sighed, stepping forward with a grim expression. "The heavens were in an uproar, the gods whispering to me, complaining: 'Lady Vanitas has attacked Sanctiya, the God of Time herself! She's gone mad!' They begged me to do something, to speak to her. To calm her down and they sent me to her temple once again, like they always do whenever they had a problem with Lady Vanitas."
"But Lady Vanitas never stopped surprising me." Her lips twisted into a dry smile. "The last time I visited, I found her in tears. This time...it was worse. Much worse as when I entered—"
"...I found that she was actually holding the Sword of Eternal Tranquility to her own neck. The God-slaying blade. A weapon so dreadful it exists only to execute gods who turn evil. And she was pressing it against her skin."
Kafka's eyes went wide, horror flashing across his face.
"Wait, you're telling me...my proud mother, the very incarnation of pride itself—tried to kill herself?!"
Vanitas turned away, shame clouding her face. Evangeline, however, nodded gravely.
"Yes. The God of Vanity, the one we all thought untouchable, was ready to end her life. She was drowning in guilt, Kafka. She told me in that moment that she thought she was a failure, that abandoning her own son was a sin too great to live with. She believed the only way to atone was death."
Kafka turned to Vanitas, disbelief and anger mixing in his voice. "But...you're supposed to be the incarnation of pride! How could you even think of something so opposite? It doesn't make sense. That's not like you at all!"
"Y-You don't understand, Kafka!" Vanitas's head snapped up, her eyes glistening with outrage. "You don't understand what it felt like, to carry that regret!"
"To know I abandoned my own child. The same child I have birth to and held in my arms. The shame, the agony...it tore me apart! I didn't know what to do. I just wanted it to end. I just wanted the pain gone!"
Kafka shook his head in disbelief, forcing a bitter chuckle as he said forced saying, "But of course, Evangeline talked you down, right? She convinced you not to go through with it...Right?"
But to his surprise, Evangeline's face hardened, and she shook her head.
"No. I tried. I begged her. I said everything I could, but she wouldn't listen. She was determined. I thought I would truly see her die before my eyes."
Her eyes flickered, recalling the moment.
"But then—everything changed. A sound echoed through the temple. A cry. A baby's cry. It came from one of her chambers, and without hesitation—Lady Vanitas dropped the blade and ran."
"In confusion, I followed her, and what I saw completely caught me off gaurd. Inside was a vast screen, glowing, showing a mortal scene. A baby, wailing amidst shadows...You, Kafka."
Evangeline's voice softened. "Lady Vanitas stood there, trembling, her face transformed. Shockingly, the despair, the madness, all of it was gone. And in its place was a mother's worry, a mother's love."
"She pressed her hands against that screen as though she could reach through and hold you. And in that instant I knew, her will to die vanished completely."
"What...What Evangeline said is true." Vanitas gave a wry smile, shaking her head as though mocking herself. "One moment I was ready to let the blade sink into my throat, seconds away from ending it all...and then, the instant your cry reached me from the screen I had set up, every thought of death vanished."
"I remember rushing into that chamber, frantic, terrified something had happened...But when I saw you, just crying because you'd been woken from your sleep, relief washed over me so fiercely I nearly collapsed."
She exhaled, a soft tremble in her voice.
"And that was all it took. Just the sound of your cry. And everything, everything, in me shifted. I didn't want to die anymore. Not even close...A new purpose filled my chest like wildfire."
Her eyes met Kafka's, unblinking.
"I realized that as long as you were down there...alone, defenseless, in a world that didn't deserve you...there was no way I could kill myself. Doing so would have been the ultimate selfishness. I would have been abandoning you again, this time forever."
Her voice steadied, steel returning to it.
"And so I made a vow. That day, in that moment, I decided I wouldn't live for the heavens. Not for my pride. Not for glory...I would live for you. Only for you."
She stepped closer to Kafka then, her tone shifting as her gaze swept over him, lingering.
"Especially since...you were born under the mark of the Incarnation of Lust. There was no way I could leave you alone with such a dangerous title hanging over you head, after all."