NOVEL NEXT It's Complicated, Okay?
I'm sure Domina did her best.
I try my best to be generous to her, but deep down -not too deep down, though- I fucking hate it. I mean, it was skillfully made and the quality of the fabric is not bad, but no matter how I twist and turn in the mirror, I can't help but feel embarrassed as shit by the frilly black shirt and ass-hugging tights.
And the shoes with the big silver buckle on them are definitely a hard pass. Or they would be, but I don't want to offend Domina, or worse, cause her make more clothes for me in some wild chain reaction of compensation for not pleasing me or whatever. Sure as hell don't need that noise.
I sigh as I look at myself in the mirror over and over again, as if I will magically become less stupid-looking if I stare at at myself and my frilly-ass duds long enough.
Fuck, man. I look like a pirate that's about to go to his parrot's funeral.
Having no other choice but be naked, wear a bathrobe, or risk any new outfit being even worse, I decide it's better just to accept it and move on with my life. I navigate through the halls and head down the stairs to the living room, where Raelith and Zazel will meet up with me to make a game plan to save the world.
The living room is really something else. It has a bunch of nice furniture that's soft as a cloud, a huge-ass fireplace with a big, polished marble mantle, and a fancy red carpet. All the curtains and cushions are red as well, and there are a ton of other little decorations, such as a fancy silver tea set, vases full of colorful flowers, and a whole slew of plants.
I take a seat in a big red chair, and Domina, or one of her clones, appears with a steaming teacup. The scent tells me it's the same tea from before, and I'm more than happy to accept it.
"Thanks," I say, before taking a little sip. "I'm actually starting to like this tea shit."
She bows and leaves the room. I watch her as she leaves, and I realize I haven't checked out her stats yet. In fact, I haven't seen Raelith's either, and Zazel and Althea are overdue as well.
I put the tea aside and close my eyes, focusing on the Hero Pendant.
Yo, necklace! You there?
A glowing light blue smoke rises in my minds eye, and those weird glowing runes fade in, just like before.
WHAT DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?
Show me Domina's stats and info and all that. Please.
The runes fade out, and more start appearing as wall of text that seems to go on forever, kind of like the intro to Star Wars. I forget how to 'scroll' and I have to fritter about in my brain to get it to work, but I get the hang of it again.
True Name: Domina
Title: The Elemental of House and Home
Alignment: Neutral (Special Purpose)
Archetype: Domestic Steward
Proficiencies: None
Deficiencies: None
Spells:
Helping Hands: Level 2: The caster produces up to 100 semi-autonomous clones. The more that are produced, the less potent the total becomes. Immediately after being created, clones must be given commands before they can take action. Clones can act autonomously to carry out simple chores and household maintenance after their primary directive is accomplished.
Where the Heart Is: Level 2: The caster chooses any point that they can they can see. For up to 60 feet, the radius around that point temporarily becomes a part of the Hero's estate, with all the physical, psychological, and magical benefits that entails. While within the radius of the spell's effect, the caster can animate, build, and repair buildings and natural features within that territory with relative ease.
In addition, the caster can sense everything that happens in the radius of the spell's effect, except that which is undesired by the Hero. Enemies of the Hero will find it oddly unintuitive to locate and enter the area of the spell's effect. This spell is always active on the Hero's estate.
Clean Sweep: Level 2: The caster instantly removes minor environmental hazards, corpses, objects broken beyond repair, small loose items, and minor nuisances such as bugs, mold, dust, and harmful gasses. This spell then adds the raw materials and useful loose items swept up by this attack to the Hero's home storage. The spell's effect leaves a light and universally unoffensive pine scent it its wake. Inflicts a moderate amount of damage to enemies composed of poisonous or unsanitary substances.
Equipment:
Apron of Servant's Burden: Level 2: Provides light protection from slashing, piercing, ballistic, and non-magical energy damage. The pockets can produce items from the Hero's home and personal storage.
Nonslip Shoes of Master's Peace: Level 2: Provides a minor boon to agility. As the Hero or wearer desires, any steps made while wearing these shoes can be made silent.
Elemental Summary: Domina, the Elemental of House and Home, is a Special Purpose Elemental who was made to serve as the steward and personal maid of the Hero. She excels at all things domestic and clerical, and is something of a jack-of-all-trades in most noncombat-related areas.
While generally lacking in combat ability, Domina is able to defend herself with her clone magic and is proficient in the use of improvised weaponry.
As a Special Purpose Elemental, Domina cannot produce Thralls and is not bound to a Domain.
Whoa, this chick can make a little a little army of clones! Even if they're kinda weak, maybe we could give 'em some weapons or something. Hell, Raelith could make some sick crossbows, like the ones her War Bastards had.
Ah, speaking of Raelith...
True Name: Raelith
Title: The Elemental of War
Alignment: Chaos (Esoteric)
Archetype: Barbarian Warlord
Proficiencies: Strength, Agility, Endurance
Deficiencies: Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma
Spells:
Maelstrom of Metal: Level 2: The caster manifests a large swarm of Bloodiron projectiles, which can be manipulated and controlled in a variety of ways. The caster loses control of the projectiles if they make contact with a solid object, such as an enemy, the ground, or a wall. Targets struck by this spell occasionally burst into Bloodflames, causing additional damage to the target and anything else within a very close range.
Machination of War: Level 2: The caster creates a strong, but simple Bloodiron construct suitable for combat, such as a wall, vehicle, siege weapon, or bunker. Constructs that require a fuel source cannot function unless they are within 30 feet of the caster. Constructs will remain until they are dismissed or after a period of 30 minutes. The caster may recast the spell to maintain the construct at a reduced cost relative to the size and complexity of the construct. This spell allows the caster to maintain: one large construct, two medium constructs, or four small constructs at once.
Bloodiron Bond: Level 2: The caster and their Thralls (up to a range of 60 feet) are bathed in aura of Bloodfire, granting a slight boost in offensive capability and a proportionate decrease in defensive capability for each individual affected. May occasionally cause those affected to behave recklessly.
Equipment:
Omniweapon of Bloodiron: Level 2: A powerful piece of Bloodiron with the ability to transform into any infantry weapon. This weapon can be summoned back to its owners hand instantly. While not in the form of a weapon, it can take the form of a ring, bracelet, chain, or a small charm.
Bloodiron Armor: Level 2: Provides a boon to Endurance. Provides a moderate amount of resistance to most sources of damage.
Elemental Summary: Raelith, the Elemental of War, has a vast knowledge of battle and warfare, and excels at fighting. Unlike the majority of Elementals, she prefers to fight at close range, where she can best use the blood of her enemies to enhance her equipment and other abilities. However, she is capable of using more diverse tactics, if she feels compelled enough to do so.
Raelith is not a subtle or cautious Elemental and she prefers direct methods of dealing with her problems, on and off the battlefield.
Yeah, I know. I just had a fucking marathon scrap session with her. She's definitely a force to be reckoned with, but what I really like is the fact that she can make a car. Maybe she could make a motorcycle, or better yet, a motherfucking tank! It would probably look a little janky, but it would be way better than slipping and sliding around with Zazel on that nasty-ass Butt Slug thing.
Oh, yeah; might as well take a look at Zazel.
True Name: Zazel
Title: The Elemental of Chaos
Alignment: Chaos (Esoteric)
Archetype: Chaos Witch
Proficiencies: Intelligence, Charisma, Mana
Deficiencies: Strength, Endurance, Health
Spells:
Evoke Chaos: Level 2: The caster channels the forces of magical entropy, then unleashes a random spell imbued with a random magical or material element. The caster instinctively performs whatever verbal or somatic elements the spell requires, and if the spell requires the selection of a target, the caster will be able to choose before casting. Potency and effects of any spell cast in this way range from utterly benign to rather destructive.
Domain of Insanity: Level 2: The caster designates a single point in space, creating a field of magical chaos with a maximum radius of 30 feet. Non-allied creatures within the field when it materializes will be exposed to a random magical effect. Those who linger in the field may be exposed to more random magical effects. The caster may choose to either dismiss the spell, or recast at a reduced mana cost to maintain the spell's effects.
Entropic Curse: Level 2: The caster designates a creature. Upon doing so, the target becomes subject to a somewhat high amount of entropy, resulting in the creature experiencing a brief, but intense, stream of negative, unlucky events, which may or may not result in the failure of their most immediate objective.
Equipment:
Sword of Skepticism: Level 2: Slashing weapon that does magical damage in proportion to the user's Intelligence. In addition to any damage suffered, creatures and objects struck with the blade experience a chaotic effect similar to that caused by Domain of Insanity.
Bustier of Freedom: Level 2: Provides a slight boon to Charisma and Intelligence, moderate resistance to magical damage, energy damage, and attacks that bind or otherwise restrict movement. Grants the wearer access to a pocked dimension where a small number of items can be stored.
Anarchium Accessories: Level 2: Grants a small chance to add an additional random magical effect to any spell cast, similar to those that can be caused by Evoke Chaos.
Elemental Summary: Zazel, the Elemental of Chaos, is one of the two most fundamental forces on Astraea. Despite her distaste for hierarchies, her position as the superior of all Chaos-aligned Elementals makes her a valuable asset in combat and in recruiting other Chaos-aligned Elementals.
The Elemental of Chaos puts a very heavy amount of emphasis on freedom, and strives to ensure that Astraea remains free from oppression and tyranny.
In combat, Zazel's spells are highly dangerous and unpredictable, to ally and enemy alike. However, the wild nature of her abilities allows her to disrupt enemies and bypass traditional defenses where ordinary attacks and strategies might fail.
WARNING: AS PER THE LORD'S PROPHECY, IT IS HIGHLY INADVISABLE TO EXPOSE ZAZEL TO DANGER. THE DEATH OF THE ELEMENTAL OF CHAOS WOULD MAKE VICTORY AGAINST THE INVADERS IMPOSSIBLE, RESULTING IN UNIMAGINABLE SUFFERING FOR COUNTLESS SOULS. DO NOT EXPOSE THE ELEMENTAL OF CHAOS TO DANGER.
I'm taken aback by that warning, displayed in dark red runes instead of the normal baby blue. It's one thing to know it, but to see it written out like this unnerves me.
Even if she's getting stronger, I have to be extra careful with her, especially since we don't have Althea to heal us anymore.
I clench my jaw, and I feel some of that anger beginning to simmer inside me. I push it down again.
Althea didn't even think about Zazel, did she? If Zazel gets hurt, what the hell will I do? No, fuck that. I'm not gonna let that happen.
As think about this, I am surprised to see Althea's stats are there. I kind of figured hers wouldn't pop up because she ran off, but I guess I was wrong.
True Name: Althea
Title: The Elemental of Order
Alignment: Order (Esoteric)
Archetype: Order Cleric
Proficiencies: Wisdom, Endurance, Mana
Deficiencies: Strength, Agility, Health
Spells:
Restore Order: Level 2: The caster chooses a nearby area, up to a radius of ten feet. Within that radius, all land, structures, objects, and creatures return to their original conditions. The area is reverted in such a way as to remove all damage and blemishes. If the area contains living beings, they will be healed of all injuries and ailments and returned to their most natural state, with any damage caused by disease or injury being reverted.
Bulwark of Preservation: Level 2: A translucent dome of golden-white energy forms at the location designated by the caster. The dome provides a strong magical defense against physical and magical attacks. When struck with a hostile melee attack, the dome has a low chance to knock back or stun the attacker. When struck with a hostile projectile attack, the dome has a low chance to redirect the projectile back to the original attacker.
Holy Prayer: Level 2: The caster petitions God, asking them for the privilege of tapping into very essence of the order that shapes and binds the universe. The creature that receives this spell's boon enjoys temporary success in their most immediate endeavors; that which is likely becomes nearly certain, and that which is unlikely becomes more likely, for a brief window of time.
Equipment:
Hammer of Judgement: Level 2: A bludgeoning weapon that deals magic damage in proportion to the wielder's Wisdom. When the wielder undoes damage with the Restore Order spell, they may do instantaneous radiant damage equal to half the damage back to the individuals or parties responsible, if present.
Mail and Vestments of Faith and Truth: Level 2: Provides a minor boost to Wisdom and Endurance, as well as moderate protection from most forms of magical and energy-based damage. Grants the wearer to the ability to know if someone is lying.
Shield of Moral Virtue: Level 2: This large shield provides a minor boon to Endurance. The shield is physically indestructible and will occasionally reflect incoming melee damage back to the attacker.
Elemental Summary: Althea, the Elemental of Order, is one of the two most fundamental forces on Astraea. True to her name, she is the foremost Order-aligned Elemental, and his responsible for keeping Astraea whole, safe, and uncorrupted.
In combat, Althea's magic can quickly reverse damage dealt by the enemy, and her shields can protect her and her allies from being harmed in the first place. In addition, her sharp senses -both magical and mundane- can detect hidden dangers, as well as reveal the motives and identities of those who wish to keep themselves hidden.
As the leader of all Order-aligned Elementals, she is able to recruit and organize them effectively in battle.
WARNING: AS PER THE LORD'S PROPHECY, IT IS HIGHLY INADVISABLE TO EXPOSE ALTHEA TO DANGER. THE DEATH OF THE ELEMENTAL OF ORDER WOULD MAKE VICTORY AGAINST THE INVADERS IMPOSSIBLE, RESULTING IN UNIMAGINABLE SUFFERING FOR COUNTLESS SOULS. DO NOT EXPOSE THE ELEMENTAL OF ORDER TO DANGER.
The red runes flash and fade. The blue smoke fades.
That's a pretty good rundown, necklace. 'Level 2' doesn't sound very strong, but the things these Elementals can do are pretty damn wild.
I open my eyes just as Domina comes in with a fresh pot of tea. She takes my old cup from the table next to me, and replaces it with a fresh, steaming one.
"I was just checking out your stats with the Hero Pendant. Can you really make 100 clones? Wait, are you a clone?"
"Yes, Master," She says, smiling, "I am indeed a clone."
"Wow. You look and act just like her. I can't tell at all."
"Thank you. I take that as a compliment. But, as a clone, I am not quite as capable as my original."
"I see."
She nods and turns to leave. I stop her.
"Wait a second."
"Yes, Master?"
I clear my throat. I don't want to sound like a jackass. "Uh, I appreciate you bringing me the tea."
She bows, a polite smile on her face. "Of course, Master."
"Oh, and when will you sing my praises, egg?"
Zazel enters the room from behind me, her nails clicking lightly against hardwood.
"You know, if you actually- PFFFFFTTTT!"
Zazel starts laughing as soon as she sees the front of me. "AHAHAHAAA!" She laugh and laughs, her wet, wavy hair falling over her face as she doubles over. "What. Are. You. Wearing?"
I rest my head on my hand and sigh. "Please grow up."
Zazel laughs and laughs. "You look even more ridiculous than the day we first met! I barely have any basis for judging human fashion, but I still know that is ridiculous."
"Shut up," I say under my breath, "Domina might hear you. I'm trying to be nice."
"You? Nice?" She puts a hand on her chest, trying to recover -poorly- from her fit. "Now, that is funny."
I hear Raelith stomping up from from behind, each step making floor creak and vibrate. "What's funny? I like funny things."
Raelith comes in, wrapped in a bath robe and busy dirtying herself all over again as she chews on the greasy, fatty roasted leg of yet another animal.
She looks at my clothes, and her expression goes blank. She chews slowly, then swallows. Then she starts cracking up, her laughter so loud and sudden that it makes Zazel jump. "AHAHAHAHA! YOU LOOK STUPID! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Zazel, who's finally managed to stop laughing, begins again.
I'm full on facepalming now. "Goddammit..."
I pull back a bit as Raelith reaches out with and starts tugging at -and nearly ripping- the fancy pants frilly parts on my chest.
"Look, little sis! Look at the ruffles!" She laughs even harder.
"Yes, I know! They're so... Excessive! Aha!"
I swat her hand away. "What the hell are you, a couple of children?" I shake my head. "I mean, shit, you're both hundreds of years old, and this is how you act?"
They stare at each other before bursting out laughing again.
I sit down again and sigh. "I was better off naked."
Domina comes back in the room with tea, and the two agents of chaos freeze, their laughter cut off almost instantly, as if by magic. The Elemental hands Zazel and Raelith each a cup of steaming tea. They accept them, and Domina leaves. They wait until the sound of Domina's footsteps fades, and then they start back in again.
Raelith is leaning against Zazel, meat in one hand and shaking tea in the other, her eye watery and red from laughing so hard, and Zazel's hair is an actual mess. And still, they continue to laugh at me.
"Alright, alright, fuck! Enough, already! Are we here to laugh at my clothes, or are we here to make plan to save the world!?"
They settle down, and I take another sip of tea. "I thought so. Now, let's talk."
Raelith finishes her meat, drains her tea, and takes a seat. Zazel takes her own seat next to mine, setting her drink on the table between our two fluffy chairs.
"Alright, then. Now, before anything else," I say, leaning forward and folding my hands. " I wanna tell you guys that I've decided to cool it on using my powers for a while."
Zazel raises an eyebrow. "What? Why?"
"Because I don't wanna hurt anyone, and it's fucking with my mind too much."
Raelith scoffs. "It is foolish to waste such a beautiful power."
"Yeah," I say, nodding, "maybe. But I'm not saying I'm never gonna use it, but if the Limp Dicks aren't in our faces, it's not worth the risk."
Raelith spits on the floor. It lands with a thick splat.
"Gross. Anyway," I go on, "I'm not so sure it can be controlled easily. I can dip into it a little without much problem, but other than that, it's pretty much an all-or-nothing kind of deal, I think." I gesture to them. "And you guys are getting stronger, so there ain't tons of reason for me to pull all the weight, anyway." I sit back and sip my tea.
Zazel shrugs. "I guess that's reasonable. And yes, I can feel my powers coming back, thank you kindly. But I know what we can do to give everyone a very substantial amount of power very quickly?"
Here it comes.
"Make Thralls," she says, "and a ludicrous amount of them!"
Yep. "Okay, I'm listening."
"What's there to listen to? It's obvious that we need fighters! The more Thralls we make, the easier this all becomes." She folds her arms under her breasts. "We can start tonight. We must start tonight. After all, we require many thralls and each attempt has a low chance of success, so we need to allow enough time to make a large force."
Raelith nods. "Yeah. I want Thralls, too. I miss my soldiers. And I was told I would get to fight in an army!" She takes a big, hard bite out of what remains of her mystery animal.
"Yeah, yeah, you're gonna get your precious Thralls. Just- Just give me some time, okay?"
Zazel narrows her eyes; she looks almost disgusted. "I don't understand why you are being so reticent about this. We can make a pretty substantial force of Thralls if we focus on it for a few weeks, and they can be used to help us find more resources and other Elemental Domains. And we get to enjoy one of the greatest pleasures known to humans and Elementals alike!" She throws out her palms. "We get to increase our power, accelerate our plans, and experience ecstasy! This should be simple, even for you, you lump!"
"I mean, you're not wrong, but.." I shrug.
"But what?"
I see Kris' face for a second. "It's- It's complicated, okay?"
For a moment, Zazel ponders something as Raelith chews noisily on her meat.
"Oh, I do believe I've pieced this little mystery together," says Zazel, rubbing her cheek as she grins slyly. "You pair bonded with some other human back on your world, and you still maintain some foolish notion of loyalty to the creature."
"Creature?"
Raelith snorts. "Loyalty is good, but why would you take only one mate? A great warrior like such as yourself could surely mate with as many-"
Zazel holds up a hand to silence her. "Humans don't work like that, remember? They usually find a single mate, reproduce with that mate, and then move to a new one when they get bored or start to detest each other. I believe it's called 'serial monogamy', or some other such tripe." She looks at me, smirking. "Am I wrong, Hero?"
I shake my head. "I dunno what 'serial monogamy' means, but the rest sounds about right, I guess."
"Well, then, what is the problem, Hero? That was Earth, and this is Astraea. You need to forget about whatever human your animal brain is attached to, and give me my due recompense!"
"Look, I know we pretty much have to, but-"
Zazel sets down her tea with a clank, shoots up from her chair, and does a frontflip into my lap, nearly slamming into my nuts. "Listen to me, Hero. You have a duty to perform, and I will not have my rightful reward denied to me." She cups my face and stares into my eyes with her big, blue orbs. "I am Zazel, the Elemental of Chaos, and you, my dear, are the Hero who is going to save the world." She leans in close, her warm, soft body pressing into me. "So stop being a bloody fool and get on with it already!"
My junk stirs a little, which that happens when one of the Elementals touches me with certain intentions. I have to admit it's a little fun, but mostly it's just weird because no matter how I'm feeling or what I'm doing, it always revs the engines, and I have no idea why. It never worked that way with Kris, even in our honeymoon phase.
"Off, Zazel. That's cheap, and you damn well know it."
"I'm the Elemental of Chaos, and nothing is-"
Raelith plops her half-eaten mystery leg on the coffee table in front of her and stands up arms spread wide and high. "I, TOO, DEMAND SOLDIERS! I WOULD HAVE MY WAR BASTARDS RESTORED! AND WITH HASTE!"
We both see her coming, but there's not a damned thing we can do to get out of the way as she cannonballs her jacked body on top of us. The big fluffy armchair, which I thought was pretty damn sturdy-looking, cracks and snaps in half instantly with a massive popping noise.
We hit the ground, the chair in pieces, and I'm on the bottom of the dog pile, sandwiched between the two Elementals.
"What the fuck are you dipshits doing! I can't believe this is how-"
At that moment, I hear a rushing river of footsteps, a second later, Domina and her clones pour into the living room, filling the are with concerned-looking maids.
"Oh, Master! Are you okay?" Domina and her all her clones echo as several of them rush over to our pile of chaos. "Are you hurt anywhere?"
"I'm fine. I guess."
Domina scowls at the other two Elementals. "I'm ashamed of both of you. You should not treat Master so carelessly! You both owe him an apology!"
Zazel and Raelith look at her like she's gone batshit.
"It's fine, Domina. Really." I stop pushing against the two Elementals. I give up, lay back, and sigh.
The one who I assume is probably the real Domina looks at me with consideration for a moment, then a look of mild amusement as a little smile begins show in the corner of her mouth.
"Shall I prepare your room, Master?"
I take another look at Zazel and Raelith. They've had their dinner, and now they want some dessert. No, not just some; they want the whole damn cake.
Personally, I prefer pie.