NOVEL NEXT Chapter 149: Starting to Love Her
Evelyn holds me tight, her arms wrapped around my waist as she kisses me. She has no idea just how lucky she really is.
In all my life, I've never given second chances to those who refused my offers even once. So after Evelyn turned down my help with learning to see Hikishin, I simply shouldn't have agreed to help her now.
But strangely, I did. Seeing her so desperate to learn this, so desperate to become just a little bit stronger, actually shook me a little.
'...' I look into her eyes and see small tears, a mixture of desperation, fear, and discomfort.
"..." I release my hands from her face and hug her instead. Like I said before, I'm helping her with the fastest method for this. I'm giving her my own stabilized Hikishin for her to drink.
'This is so difficult...' Having to stabilize my Hikishin to a frequency that another body can ingest is harder than Evelyn could possibly imagine. Compared to using a spell, the Hikishin cost for me just to stabilize it for Evelyn is 20 times more expensive than a mid-level spell.
'...' But at least Evelyn doesn't waste it. Our tongues meet as she actually licks and swallows all the magic I'm giving her. I notice her legs trembling weakly as I hold her waist.
She opens her eyes, and when I see her tear-filled, desperate eyes wanting to get stronger, my heart races and a deep blush spreads across my face. Evelyn might think I'm being mean to her, but I don't think anyone has ever made me so lenient with their actions before.
'Damn it, why does this girl affect me so much...' I break the kiss for a moment to let her breathe. I see her tongue has turned slightly purple.
'It'll stay like that for a few hours...' Hikishin is potent, so since she's drinking it directly from me, some pigmentation is naturally going to remain on her tongue, giving it a purple hue for a while.
She finally gives in to the weakness, staying upright only because I'm holding her. She seems to already be feeling the effects of drinking my magic. It's natural to feel weak and tired as her body gets used to receiving my Hikishin.
"...Evelyn, do you want to drink a bottle of wine?" I ask as she looks at me confused.
"If you're drunk, your body will handle the Hikishin better the first few times you drink it." It might sound crazy, but I'm being honest. When you're drunk, your body relaxes in several areas.
This allows the Hikishin to infiltrate the body more easily, though it only works at the beginning. Being drunk disorients you, so after the first few times it's useless since you'll need concentration to control the magic.
"...I-I want to..." she says as I release her and walk over to one of the walls. This isn't just my training room; this place is so sturdy it also has secret passages where I keep certain things.
'Where was that wine collection again?' I feel the wall for a moment until I find the gap. I slide my hand in and use my magic, causing the wall to open and reveal a complete wine cellar. I grab a random bottle since Evelyn is weak with alcohol and all of them here are strong.
"Drink this one," I say, opening the bottle and bringing it to Evelyn, who looks at the bottle for a few moments before sighing, taking it, and starting to drink it all down quickly.
She chokes a few times, tears welling in her eyes, and it takes her 10 minutes to finish the whole bottle, but the effects are quickly noticeable, her gaze becoming hazy and clouded.
'With this, her body should handle the Hikishin better...' I think if Evelyn is truly determined to learn this, she'll learn to see Hikishin voluntarily in 3 months with 40 training sessions. Maybe faster if I can give her larger doses of my magic.
Besides, this is also training for me, because I need to have absurd control over my magic while ignoring any stimuli. This will make me stronger in the long run.
"..." I look at Evelyn, who seems unsteady. She gets up, tries to walk, but stumbles as I catch her in my arms.
'I know it's somewhat wrong to try and get things out of my drunk wife...but...I have some questions...' I honestly don't understand all her fear and discomfort towards me. Even when I try to be gentle, she always seems to think I want to trick her.
"Evelyn, what are you afraid I'll do to you?" I ask while hugging her and stroking her back. She lets out a warm sigh as she hugs me back.
"Where am I?!!" she says in a more vivid tone. She almost seems to become a different person when she drinks alcohol.
"You're in my personal training room."
"Oh... so a secret place?!"
"...Yes, it's a secret place. So how about you tell me your secrets while we train?" I say, already generating more Hikishin in my mouth with great concentration.
"...Secrets! Secrets are like, secrets! We can't tell others!! That's wrong!!" she says in a somewhat childish tone as I think about how to get her to answer me.
"Yes, but secrets are better when shared with special people... so how about you tell me about Esther, since I'm your dear wife?" I ask, referring to myself in the third person.
Remembering Elizabeth's report about a drunk Evelyn, it's obvious that Evelyn, when drunk, can't recognize people, even when they're right in front of her.
"Oh!! Esther... I'm scared, she scares me!!" When she says that, I hold her tightly. It seems she really doesn't recognize me.
"Is that so... and why does she scare you?"
"...I-I don't want to die..." She suddenly starts crying, breaking down in my arms and sobbing. I end up falling backwards onto the floor from the sudden movement as she lies on my chest.
I finally see her gaze clearly. Her eyes are filled with tears and a look of fear that makes my heart skip a beat.
"...No one is going to kill you. Who said you're going to die?" I say, holding her waist with a strange tightness.
"I-I know! I know Esther will kill me! Hic! She's always so mean to me! She insults me! She knows that... that I have fears, a fear of being alone forever, a fear of having no friends, a fear of being useless." Her tears drip onto my face.
I don't think I've ever seen this side of Evelyn before. She usually tries to hide her feelings behind her narcissism.
"A-And she wants to kill everyone! How... h-how can I trust her?! Every time it seems like things are going well, s-she makes me feel insecure again... a-and I hate feeling so powerless..."
"J-Just like in the past when I just stayed in my room gaming, I hate the thought of going back to being so useless! But everything is so cruel to me. This world is so evil and malicious to everyone as if it's normal." She pours her heart out as her tears wet my cheeks.
"..."
"A-And Esther is the worst! She... she's mean, so mean! A-And I hate having married her..." When she says that, something in me seems to grow cold... I feel... like I've lost something.
"But... but I also hate liking her. Why am I so stupid? I hate it, I hate myself for being so stupid... all because I like Esther. If I didn't like her, I could just hate this marriage forever."
"When Esther does something nice for me, I stupidly think she's changing, that she's starting to love me and will become a better person, but then she immediately shatters everything with cruel words."
"Why do I like her?" When she says she likes me like that, despite the feeling of having lost something, an immediate sense of relief washes over me, as if I've gained something better in return.
"..." I look around. We are completely alone.
'Damn it...'
"I'm sorry for my words." I apologize, though I don't exactly understand why I'm apologizing.
"...Damn it, damn it, damn it..." I let her go, putting my hands over my own face, covering my eyes. I finally understand what I'm feeling, the reason I've been so contradictory. Evelyn gave me the answer I tried to destroy.
'I'm starting to love Evelyn...' I tried to destroy this. I try to be good to her, but at the same time, because I didn't understand what I was feeling, I tried to destroy this confusing feeling before it grew too strong.
But this stupid wife of mine, who hopefully likes me, just keeps trying to rebuild this feeling I'm trying so hard to get rid of.
'When did this start? When did my mere interest turn into love for her? Can love really appear this quickly? It's only been 3 months... It's only been 3 months since she started being interesting to me...' I move my hands and lift Evelyn's head.
I see her tear-streaked face while the haze in her eyes shows just how drunk she is. Only being drunk would make her say these words, reveal her insecurities, and say that she likes me.
"Evelyn, Esther doesn't want to kill you." I start telling her the truth. I don't want to kill her. I don't feel any desire or wish to kill Evelyn.
"H-How do you know? S-She just insults me... e-ever since we got married, a-and she always destroys everything..." she says tearfully as I wipe her tears away.
"Because I am Esther, and I'm telling you, I won't kill you." I say as her gaze becomes confused, her eyebrows furrow, and then her eyes fill with fear.
"S-Sorry! P-Please don't kill me! I-I don't want to die!! I-I'm scared of dying! I-I'm fighting so hard to live!!" she says desperately, with real fear of me. It makes me feel pain, a strange pain in my heart.
"...I will never kill you, Evelyn. I'm just bad with words." I say, hugging her as she sobs into my shoulder. It's true. I know full well how poorly I've treated her, but I've never treated anyone well before, beyond the fake politeness of nobility.
So when I have to show affection, appreciation, or good feelings towards Evelyn, I get confused and just crush anything that was supposed to be good.
"H-How do I-I know if that's not a lie?" she says with that childish, sweet, tearful tone I'm learning to like.
"Then how about you play with my body? I'll let myself be vulnerable for you and only you. No one else will ever have the chance to see me as vulnerable as you will. This is my way of showing I'm not lying." When I say that, she makes a strange, shocked sound.
"R-Really?!"
"Yes, you can do whatever you want with my body. I'll stay still and accept everything—your anger, your hatred, your fear, your paranoia, and any bad feelings. Even if you hurt me, I won't stop you."
"..."
"Y-You'll let m-me dominate you!? B-But that never happened in any route!!" She makes a silly, open-mouthed face.
"...?" I'm confused by her mention of a 'route,' but I ignore it as the delirium of a drunk.
"It doesn't matter, Evelyn. We're married. I can be cruel with my words, but you, as my wife, are important to me. So do whatever you want with me... I am changing, and you were the first to notice it... you were right..."
"You're just being... too anxious. Change takes time." I acknowledge that I'm changing for her, and she seems to have noticed this fact before I did.
"..." She sits up a little, now seated on my abdomen, looking down at me with a confused expression.
"I-Is this a dream?"
"No, this is reality..."
"A-Are you loving me? C-Changing for me?" she asks, wiping her tears with her sleeve as a silly smile slowly spreads across her face.
"Yes... I am loving you. Slowly, but I'm starting to love you... something I never expected to feel. I can't stop thinking about you, always thinking about you and what would be fun among the things I know..."
"So take the chance. This is my apology for hurting you so much that you broke down in tears just now..." She blushes, looking over my body.
"Y-Y-You love me..." She gives a huge, silly grin, as if she's won the world, unaware of the danger.
'My mother's warning... she knew... she knew I was starting to love Evelyn...' Along with the understanding of love comes a certain fear—fear of what I'll do with Evelyn when my "hunger" arises. But for now, I decide to just let Evelyn enjoy her moment.
"There are some toys in the secret area next to the wine cellar, which is also open. If you need to, you can go get them from there," I say while staying still, just as I promised, letting this drunk Evelyn do whatever she wants.