Esa Promesa

“I, I…”

The words caught in my throat. I needed to speak. I had to clearly refuse, saying, ‘I’m grateful and happy that you love me, but you’re too much for me. I cannot accept your feelings.’

But the words only swirled inside me, and what rose up instead, all the way to my throat, was something else.

I had to refuse, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I already knew the reason why. In the end, I chose to flee. I lowered my head deeply to escape Diver’s gaze.

“Teian.”

Diver pulled me into his arms.

Just like I had done in the past, Diver patted my back. I lifted my hands, gripping his back and the collar of his clothes. My body went limp, and my hands slipped away. I should push him away, but all I could do was tremble; I couldn’t gather any strength.

“It’s alright, Teian. You don’t have to answer.”

Hearing his gentle reassurances, I buried my face deeper into his chest.

And I made a decision.

I had to leave this palace as soon as possible.

*

I had always prepared for my death starting from the beginning of each year when I turned 35.

To put it more precisely, I focused on erasing all traces of the human ‘Teian’ who had lived.

I discarded everything in my room, spent time removing every trace I had left behind.

Once this task was somewhat complete, I would make up an excuse to those I had met in that life, saying I was going on a trip, and before it was too late, I would leave to die in the cave where my chimera was waiting for me.

This time was no different.

“Ugh, my back.”

It felt like my back was going to break. Until last year, my body was still strong enough that I thought I could lift boxes full of books without any trouble, but that was just my mistake. I rubbed my back and pushed the next box with the tips of my toes.

Thanks to having organized little by little, once I threw these things away, the process of closing this life would truly be over.

I looked around the room. A bitter smile crept onto my face as I saw the same scene I had seen when I first opened the door to this place. I had tried to keep it clean, but now that I had removed all of my belongings, it felt empty, like no trace of my existence remained, and I couldn’t help but feel a little hollow.

Once I threw out these last boxes I had sorted for disposal, the commoner Teian who had worked as a royal advisor and bodyguard for 15 years in this palace would no longer exist.

I pushed the bed aside for the final task. I quickly wiped the dusty floor with my slippers and traced the surface with my fingertips.

The flatness of the floor slightly pressed under the weight of my hand. A person unfamiliar with the place might think the floor had just slightly sunk, but this was proof that the magic I had engraved with painstaking effort in this spot still existed.

Still, the fact that Diver had never noticed it meant that the struggle I endured back then had done its job.

This was my final measure.

A way for me to go directly to the cradle of death from here.

Originally, I had no intention of using it. However, my mind had changed as of yesterday.

‘I’ll say it again. I love you.’

‘Teian, I love you.’

I need to leave the palace quickly.

I cannot remain with Diver any longer. No. I cannot continue to be a part of Diver’s life.

I know well that Diver will be hurt if I leave like this, but I’m certain that the pain Diver would bear if I stayed and accepted him would be nothing compared to the wounds he would face now.

As long as I exist, Diver can never be truly happy.

Even if Diver were to learn about the curse placed on me, nothing would change.

At first, he might find happiness. But as time passes, every moment with me will turn into nothing but pain for him.

Diver will witness my death at least twice, and I will suffer as I live through death and life, watching Diver live through a different time from mine.

If Diver dies in the future, I will…

“This isn’t the time for this.”

There was no time. I could afford to lose myself in thought after I returned to the cradle of death.

I pressed the spot on the floor with my fingertips, tracing the pattern I remembered. As I drew the pattern, the magic would activate, and the tool I had prepared would appear. Then, I could…

“Are you planning to leave?”

“Ah!”

Startled by the unexpected voice, I let out a pitiful scream and immediately jumped to my feet. So surprised, I didn’t even have time to calm my pounding heart, and as I locked eyes with the familiar golden irises, a sigh of relief escaped me.

“Why are you suddenly appearing like this?”

Even if you’re a dragon, shouldn’t you at least make some noise before entering someone’s room?

“Sorry about that.”

“You don’t seem sorry at all.”

“Then should I make it up to you with a kiss?”

“Goodbye.”

I gave a polite bow and then kneeled back down, starting to trace the pattern with my index finger from the beginning.

I could feel Raspeim’s gaze silently watching me from above, but I ignored it. No matter what anyone said, I was going to leave.

“Indeed. So this is what you’ve been hiding.”

Raspeim’s muttering sparked a question in my mind. No matter how much he was called the Dragon King, the magic using this pattern was something I had personally created when I was still a magician, long before my first death. …Or so I thought.

In any case, the magic hadn’t been activated yet, and I was just tracing the activation process with my fingertips, so I never expected he would recognize it right away.

“Do you recognize it?”

“Of course I do.”

Given that Raspeim knew about it, it seemed like the magic was something recorded in magic books or the like. It was a bit disappointing, but it didn’t really matter now. I decided to continue what I was doing.

Or at least, that’s what I intended to do.

“…Um, Raspeim, if you keep watching me like that, I’ll feel uncomfortable.”

His gaze, which seemed to be trying not to miss even the smallest of my movements, felt uncomfortably intense, making me more aware of him than I wanted.

“I don’t mind. I have no intention of disturbing you.”

“…That’s exactly why it’s uncomfortable. Could you please move away?”

It would be nice if Raspeim would just sit in that chair in the corner instead.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Not exactly. It’s just… when you’re watching me like that, I can’t help but feel defensive.”

“If that’s the case, don’t worry, Teian. Even if you try to ambush me, I won’t be hurt.”

His words left me speechless. He was right. Unless I was a dragon hunter from the past, there was no way I could inflict even the slightest injury on Raspeim. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed, so I pretended to focus and lowered my head deeply to hide my expression.

“By the way, Teian, is there something you’ve forgotten?”

“Forgotten? …Ah.”

The memory from yesterday suddenly flashed in my mind, and I couldn’t help but frown.

‘We’ll talk about the price later.’

The price for helping me after I pushed myself too hard to catch the wedge, injuring myself and almost fainting. Raspeim had certainly come to collect that price now.

“If you’re referring to the price for helping me, would it be okay if I settle it later?”

“Right now?”

“Right now, as you can see, I’m a little busy.”

Finally, I finished drawing. Watching the light lines follow the path my fingers had traced, I activated the magic.

“‘Ah Quien Smawilit’”

The magical device, recognizing my voice, immediately activated. The glowing lines that had risen above the floor changed into burning-like trajectories and sank into the ground. After a brief moment, the tool I had hidden revealed itself.

A pure white magic stone, about the size of two adult male fists. This was my last tool, enchanted with a teleportation spell that would send me directly to the cradle.

“Indeed.”

Raspeim murmured in an admiring tone, and I felt a sense of triumph inside me.

“So, this is where it vanished to.”

“What?”

I jumped slightly at the unexpected words, and when I looked at Raspeim, he was staring seriously at my magic stone.

“What’s wrong?”

“Where did you get this magic stone?”

“This was the one that had been buried in my cradle. Is there a problem with it?”

Since I had almost no memory of my first death, I didn’t remember how I got the magic stone, but I was certain I had found it in the room where I kept all the magical items.

“No, it’s nothing.”

That seemed like a lie. But judging by Raspeim’s expression, it didn’t seem like he was lying, so I felt uneasy but decided not to dwell on it.

“Then, Raspeim, I’ll be on my way now. As for the price, feel free to come and find me whenever, except for this year or next.”

I didn’t need to tell him where my cradle was. If I activated the teleportation magic in the stone, he would naturally know.

I tightened the clothes I was wearing one last time.

It was warm here, but the place where the cradle was located was freezing cold, so I needed to bundle up. Even though I was dying, if I caught a cold, I would suffer through it, and my chimera would be emotionally distressed as well.

Just as I was about to cast the spell to activate the magic in the stone, a flash of brilliant gold entered my vision.