Eldritch Exorcist

Ophelia still felt strange waiting next to a massive Maine Coon cat on the side of the road. There was something about it that made her feel out of place, like the animal would start a conversation any time, and she wouldn't know what to do if people overheard them. She wished Sam would arrive already, but he was running late.

It took another fifteen minutes before she saw a taxi stop next to them, and her teacher greeted them with a wide grin on his face.

Ophelia furrowed her eyebrows. There was something strange about his smile. She couldn't put her finger on it, but had it changed? Also, his presence seemed stronger, although she had gotten used to it, so it didn't bother her much.

She looked at the cat, and he, too, looked at Sam with furrowed eyebrows.

"Sorry, sorry. Was doing god stuff and lost track of time," Sam said as he came closer.

Ophelia was about to say, "That's fine," but Q'Shar cut her off.

"Doing something fucked up is not an excuse."

His tail was close to the ground, the tip swinging from side to side in evident irritation.

"Ohhh, don't be like that. I was praying for well-being and happiness."

"Aha, and the downfall of humanity while you were at it?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "I needed to do a ritual."

"Right this day and right this hour. Couldn't wait?"

Her teacher started speaking in a mysterious, deep voice. "The stars were aligned once again."

"Cut your bullshit. Feed souls to your chaos or whatever horrid thing you pray to on your free days, please."

Sam rolled his eyes once again.

"Yes, moooom."

They looked like they were about to continue arguing, but Ophelia stopped them, raising her hand like a student getting the attention of a teacher.

"Um, should we have this conversation here?" she asked, glancing around at the people standing nearby, some of whom were looking in their direction.

"Ahhhh, don't worry, they're too far away to hear us. At worst, I look like a crazy person arguing with a cat." Sam dismissed her concern.

Ophelia wasn't happy about that, considering she would get the crazy-person label by association. But then again, maybe it was time just to accept it already.

"So are we waiting for my new teacher?" she asked once the two stopped having what looked like a staring contest.

"No, we can move. He will join us soon," Sam answered, and they started to walk towards the entrance.

"So I want you to get us a table," Sam told her as he matched her pace.

"Okay? Like, call them?"

"No. We will approach the bouncer, and you will bend toward the little head pendant and tell it we want a VIP table for four."

Ophelia knit her brows and looked at the man. She sometimes couldn't tell if he was joking or being serious.

"Okay?" she answered hesitantly.

To add to her stress, she noticed that Sam was leading them straight to the bouncer, ignoring the long line of people. A few not-so-pleasant words made their way to her ears, but she was way past caring.

They finally made their way to the front.

"Sorry, but you need to wait in line," the man politely said, pointing towards the end of the long line of people.

Ophelia looked toward Sam, and not seeing the annoying grin he would put on when he pulled one on someone, she took a slight step forward.

"Um... Excuse me," she said awkwardly and bent down a bit. "VIP table for four," she whispered to the head.

She could have sworn she saw it nod lightly, and the man just moved aside, showing them into the club.

Sam led them through some corridors, and they finally ended up on a terrace overlooking the dance floor. Ophelia looked around, interested. If not for the strange incident with the head, she would have thought Sam had taken them clubbing.

They walked to the end of the balcony. One of the men sitting there got up, and Sam showed him a card of some sort. Afterward, the man opened a hidden door.

They walked down stone stairs. Ophelia was unsure how long they had been descending, but she was certain they were pretty far underground.

She finally saw the end of the stairs, and they entered a hall. A hall like she had never seen before. If not for the bar, chairs, and decorations, she would think she had entered a sizable underground cathedral.

Everything was made of stone, with high ceilings and statues that reminded her of Renaissance churches.

She then looked around the floor they were on. There was a massive bar to her left with many tables to her right and a small stage in the middle. Not every table was taken, but she could see quite a few people around, making the place look fairly lively.

Not people, she realized after a second. The shapes were there, but she could see some discrepancies. Pointy ears, stout, short bodies, animal parts, strange eyes, cats. She then noticed a guest looking like a massive walking mushroom.

"Don't stare."

She heard Sam say as she tore her eyes from the room.

Ophelia then paid attention to the small stage as the music finally reached her ears. A pale man was singing some sort of blues and strumming a guitar, with a few women as a choir. They sang something about the undead.

"No sirens today, sadly," Q'Shar said, also looking toward the stage.

Sam led them to a bar where he pointed at a chair for her.

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"So what's your poison?" he asked.

"This isn't a literal question, right?"

Sam smiled. "You think they sell poison here?"

"Nothing will surprise me anymore."

"Wanna bet on that?"

The annoying grin made its way to Sam's face, which usually spelled trouble.

"No," Ophelia almost shouted, making sure he didn't get any bright ideas.

But then she finally noticed what was wrong. When Sam gave her a wide grin, she could see that his canines were longer and sharper. It wasn't to the point of being completely inhuman, but strange enough to be noticeable.

"And they do sell poisons here. But you can have something non-lethal. If you want, that is," Sam answered

Ophelia broke her gaze from him and looked at a massive wall of bottles behind the bar. She didn't recognize any of them. Some looked relatively normal. Others were glowing or looked to be in constant movement. She even noticed a few that had something inside that looked suspiciously like an eyeball.

"Ummm, how about a beer?"

"Beer it is."

She looked around for a barman and then almost fell from the stool when a massive head with tentacles ending in eyes arrived behind the bar.

It even had a bow tie.

She watched in stunned silence as Sam just held eye contact with it for some time before it started preparing drinks for them. The process was fascinating, with bottles and ingredients levitating within a short range of the tentacles.

"Isn't he burning mana for that?" Ophelia whispered, her eyes glued to the creature.

"Levitating? No. Observers are a psychic race. They have an organ for that, like we have legs."

The barman turned to them and blinked the massive red eye.

"You saw that?" Sam whispered.

"What?"

"He winked at you."

It took Ophelia some time to realize the joke before looking at Sam with the most disapproving gaze she could muster.

Not that it seemed to do anything.

The creature finally arrived with the glasses. Sam took them and started looking for money, but the creature raised a tentacle.

"Allies of the clan drink for free," it hissed, so that this time even she understood.

Sam nodded but still slid a gold coin toward it.

They then went to a room upstairs. It had a comfortable-looking sofa with a low table. But Ophelia was mostly interested in a massive metal magic circle in the middle. The runes were complex and unlike anything she had seen in the books she'd read. Sam put a few crystals to the side, but didn't insert them into the holders.

"We are waiting for one more. Sit for now."

Q'Shar and Sam started with the drinks, as Ophelia began sipping on her beer. It was… interesting. It had a slight mushroom flavor, but the taste wasn't the main point. She could sense something within her, something nourishing and relaxing.

"So," Ophelia started once she felt slightly relaxed by the alcohol. "What happened to your teeth? You look slightly… animalistic," she asked Sam.

"Oh yeah." Q'Shar piped up. "Did you join the vampires?"

"Oh?" Sam asked, with a grin on his face. The kind Ophelia really didn't like. "Watch this."

The moment he said that, something happened... Ophelia didn't know what was more traumatizing. Was it the iris that snapped apart and started floating inside the eye, revealing another eye underneath, or was it the second tongue that Sam showed them just by sticking it out?

She heard a loud hiss from her side and saw that Q'Shar was on the table with his fur standing on end and his tail high in the air. He bared his teeth at Sam, who in turn smiled even wider, amusement clear on his face even in this state.

Ophelia looked back at her teacher. What was he? Was it a prank? A mutation? Did something happen to him? She read about soul mutations and human experiments. Did he do that? She wouldn't put human experimentation past him, after all. But why?

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" the cat shouted. "Is that an illusion? Please tell me it's an illusion."

"Nope. All organic, like the Abyss intended. Outcome of, well… something awakening during ascension."

The cat calmed down slightly, his fur flattening out.

"Bloodline?" he asked slowly, getting back to his seat.

"Please, tell me it's not an effect of a bloodline," Ophelia said instantly, going a bit pale.

"Why? It's not that bad. I can make some fascinating sounds. I should be able to make a fortune as a singer if wizarding doesn't pay—" Sam stopped as he had to dodge an ice cube flying at his head.

"By the endless sands, take this seriously, you goddamn moron! What happened, and does it have any side effects?"

"And will it happen to me?" Ophelia added quickly.

Sam rolled his strange eyes and made everything go back to normal. "I'm not sure what caused it. I assume it's some sort of bloodline, but the author of the changes was the Abyss or my God. Whatever it was, it didn't come from mana."

The cat furrowed his eyebrows. "Strange."

Ophelia understood the basics of bloodlines to know this was unusual. "So do all bloodlines mutate you like that?" she asked.

"No," Q'Shar answered before Sam had the chance to say something stupid. "He's a strange case, as usual."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have anything that drastic happen to you," Sam reassured.

After that, they had a short discussion about what the changes did to Sam. Ophelia had to agree with their assessment of them being useful. The ability to heal faster and cast better sounded really interesting.

After a while, the cat seemed to get used to the new Sam, while Ophelia still tried to catch a glimpse of his second tongue whenever he spoke, as if confirming it was real.

"That explains it," Q'Shar said out of the blue as they were discussing what wounds Sam could now survive.

"Explains what?" her teacher asked curiously.

"Your father. If those changes came from your mother… yes, it all makes sense," the cat proclaimed, now all serious, looking at the table with brows stitched closer together.

Sam tilted forward, waiting for the explanation, as did Ophelia.

"Your father was a madman. A powerful master of the arcane, driven insane by forbidden knowledge. But whenever he mentioned your mother, and that happened rarely, he spoke with a certain softness. I always wondered what kind of woman could do that. But… if she had two tongues, that could explain—" It was this time Q'Shar's turn to dodge an ice cube as the cat snickered and Sam stared at him flatly.

"How do you do that?" Ophelia broke their staring contest.

"Do what?"

"Just accept it like that. You're not fully human, that's… strange." She tried to find the words but failed.

The two looked at each other.

"Well," Q'Shar started. "I worked with his father, and all that was left of the man was a head. And Sam is well… Sam. But I don't think you're that bothered by it either."

Ophelia wanted to protest, but stopped. He was right. She was more worried about Sam losing his humanity than being weirded out by the changes. But he looked and acted like the same crazy person she knew and grew to respect and even enjoy his company. When he wasn't having his 'good ideas,' that is.

After that, they sat and talked about the changes and what ascension entails, until there was a knock at the door. Ophelia only then remembered that they were waiting for one more person. The shock of Sam's presentation made her forget why they were here.

Sam went to open it, and in walked a person.

Or so Ophelia thought. She was sure that today wouldn't get any weirder, but her new life had a tendency to surprise her.

It was a mushroom person that crossed the doorway. The creature had a humanoid shape with stubby, thick limbs. It had longer arms and torso but shorter legs.

The body was white, reminiscent in texture of, well, a mushroom's stem. It was also covered with smaller mushrooms growing evenly around the arms, legs, and upper torso, with some moss in between.

The lower part of the torso was white and devoid of any growth, and slightly larger, giving the impression that the creature had a beer belly.

But the most fascinating part was the head. It had a face. A wide, flat mouth without lips, barely pronounced nose, and two small glowing eyes, as if fireflies made their home in the eye sockets. To her surprise, she noticed that the moss on the face moved into something akin to an expression.

As the mushroom walked closer, its thin mouth stretched into a smile with the moss moving up and forming wrinkles.

The top part of the head was, of course, the cap. It had a sizable brown mushroom cap, resembling a thick and wide hat.

It entered and regarded them all. She saw the belly move as the creature took in some air and spoke. The voice was melodic, steady, deep, and reverberating as it said with a smile.

"Iii hope your bodies rot and nourish the ground."