Earth Dies

As Alice started downstairs to the smell of coffee, she saw Colin sitting at the kitchen table and eating a bagel with a steaming mug in front of him. He was wearing a flowing robe she didn't recognize, sitting a bit awkwardly as he tried to get comfortable with the new garment. Colin turned as he heard the girls enter the kitchen and broke into a disbelieving laughter.

Colin laughed so hard he fell out of his chair, landed on the floor of the kitchen, and started coughing and wheezing. He stood up a minute later, gasping for breath with tears streaming down his face. When he could finally catch his breath and climb to his feet, he turned to Bridgette, who stood smirking in the center of the kitchen garbed in her new battle dress, Alice peeking out from behind her with a blush on her face.

"What in the actual fuck are you two wearing? Did you go raid a porn shop or something when I wasn't looking? You know everyone is going to think I'm gay, right? Just immediately typecast as the gay best friend. And it's all your fault."

"It's okay, Colin. We love you no matter what."

"I am absolutely, 100%, irrefutably not gay. And that's the problem following you two around, dressed like that. I can't help but to stare, and I don't want to, as you are my friends, and that would be rude."

"Sounds pretty lame to me, being celibate in an apocalypse while living with two lusty followers of Aphrodite. And I don't mind if you look, that's half the fun - just no touching."

"You are impossible, Bridgette. Absolutely impossible. We went through this back during summer school three years ago. I tried, you shot me down, making it very clear you had no interest in me, and while wallowing in self-pity and depression, I stumbled into my love of elves. I know there's a beautiful elven maiden out there somewhere, just waiting for me."

"You can just say you started watching cartoon porn instead of 'found your love of elves.' It's less weird. Well, about as less weird as watching cartoon porn gets. What do you see in that stuff anyway?"

"Elves, Bridgette. That's the point."

"Yea, but like ... aside from the ears, what's different? Girls all look the same when getting railed by a cock, right? Or do the ears make for good hand-holds during sex?"

Colin growled and threw a cookie at Bridgette in mock anger, which she snatched out of the air and took a bite from. "Stale. Not worth the calories. So did you get any good gear last night?"

"Yea, I finished crafting my spell book - which completed a quest for me. I got a storage ring, a basic wizard's staff, and a basic wizard's robe. Nothing too fancy, just provides a little armor and a spellcasting focus. I also have that chain quest series to upgrade the staff later on, so that should pay off with some decent rewards I hope. AND a bonus, my gear actually looks like reasonable adventuring gear someone who isn't a total pervert might wear. I can be seen in public without starting a riot."

"Sounds boring. You look like a department store wizard."

"Not all of us seek the attention, B. Anyway ... looks like we've got just under ten minutes until the countdown. Everyone finish breakfast?"

Alice stepped around Bridgette and grabbed a muffin, which she proceeded to butter and eat quickly while saying, "Nom nom, eat up!" Bridgette grabbed another muffin and started munching, while pacing around the kitchen and tapping her forehead, clearly thinking. "What's the matter, babe?"

"I think we're missing something. We need a proper way to begin the adventure. Something ... dramatic. Something they'll remember in the stories."

Colin blinked, "The stories?"

"Yea, you know. When we save the world, someone's going to write a book about how we did it. Or maybe a movie deal. I hope the costume department has a fun time figuring out how to make our outfits accurate without the movie instantly being NC-17, it would definitely make a lot less money that way. Just a lot of very careful framing in the shots, perhaps? Oh! Shots! I got the perfect idea! Alice, where does your dad keep the good bourbon? Grab three shot glasses. I'll be right back!"

Bridgette tore off into the other room, frantically trying to find a suitable bottle in Alice's father's significant bourbon collection taking up half the dining room wall. Colin grabbed three shot glasses from an upper shelf in the kitchen and placed them on the table as Bridgette came running back in, holding a half empty bottle of something brown that looked expensive.

Alice blinked, looking between the two of them while holding half of a muffin next to her mouth. Bridgette quickly poured out three shots. "You're kidding, right? It's 7:57 in the morning, the world is about to end in three minutes - again, and you want us taking shots of bourbon?"

"Yup! Just the one, but we'll have to time it right. Even Colin thinks this is a good idea."

"I didn't say it was a good idea, it's more that my morbid curiosity is willing to go along with your shenanigans because I want to see how poorly this can end."

"See? He's into it. Thinks it's a great idea."

"I'm pretty sure that's not what he said."

"Close enough. Okay, when the timer hits 15, we grab our shots. On three, we shoot. Deal?"

"Bridgette, why do I listen to you?"

"You love me, and you trust my judgement, even if you're too chicken to admit it most of the time. Now ... here's to the beginning of our grand adventure. To us, to the new world, and to the stories they'll write about us!"

The three friends picked up the shot glasses, clinked them together, and poured back the brown liquor.

<< WAVE ONE - PHASE 1 - BEGINS NOW >>

<< IF YOU FAIL, EARTH DIES. >>

"Well that's not ominous, like, at all." Alice deadpanned.

"So many questions, so little exposition!" Colin mused. "I could really go for a deus ex machina showing up and explaining the rest of the plot."

The three friends glanced around the kitchen, before finally Alice questioned, "Fi? You out there somewhere spying on us?" Silence. She shrugged. "I guess not."

Bridgette stood, pacing around the kitchen and glancing out the windows. "Okay, so. Here's the way I see this going. We need a base of operations to stage from. Alice's house is as good as any. The building is mostly stone, there are good fences around the farm, there's a root cellar stocked full of food, we have a basement with more food and supplies, the doors are thick, sturdy wood. I think it's pretty defensible."

She continued, "I think probably the next steps are to go back to my parents' house and raid absolutely everything out of it we possibly can with our storage rings. If it's too much for one trip, then we'll take multiple. As much as I love that house, we need everything here and there are a lot of supplies we can use. I know my dad's got a full set of tents, sleeping bags, climbing rope, etc. from his days in the Army plus just his random camping trips with his buddies, and we'll probably need it all. Then we lock it up, ideally add traps, and we don't need to go back. After that ... Colin, thoughts? Anything at your parents' house that we should salvage?"

Colin thought for a minute. "Honestly, I don't think so. We've got the usual midwesterners pantry, but other than that my parents were fairly lacking in the self-defense or adventuring gear department. If technology still worked, that would be different, but as it stands I don't think it's worth the trip into town to try to get anything else."

"Makes sense. Alice, anything we're missing?"

"Nothing comes to mind. Obviously if modern technology worked, guns would be the play, and we could loot lots from your house - but we tried one of my dad's hunting rifles the other day, and it didn't work. Made absolutely no sense. We took apart the shell casing and poured the gunpowder into a pile and it lit. Put the rifle together, wouldn't fire. Repeated the test with multiple bullets and rifles. Nothing. Something about this magic world doesn't want us using guns to solve our problems. If we knew some of the kids at school who enjoyed bow hunting, that might be useful - but I don't think they lived anywhere nearby. Plus the two I remember really talking about it were jerks and I wouldn't want to hang out with them anyway."

Bridgette nodded, confirming her thoughts as her two friends laid out their explanations. "All right, I think that settles it. Let's make sure we lock up everything here and head out to my place. If we travel quickly, we should be there by lunch, which will give us an hour or two to loot, then we can be back by dinner, easy-peasy."