Dungeons Just Want to Have Fun

“I think the hole’s getting smaller,” Aris shouted, peering over Kelsey’s shoulder. They were running out to sea, pursued by the apparently unsinkable Prowler and she had to shout over the sound of the engine.

Anton couldn’t be sure, but he thought she was right. It was hard to tell from this distance, and the bouncing of the boat made it impossible to train the spyglasses at the oncoming vessel. Kelsey had been confident that they could get away, but…

“It shouldn’t be able to go that fast!” she complained loudly.

Anton shrugged. There were plenty of explanations for that: high-levelled rowers or another Trait of the Admiral. Going faster seemed like a fairly obvious thing for a captain to have. The staying afloat with a big hole in the side was much more impressive.

It looked like their captain had a similar trait because his ship had also been quick to move once the way was clear. It was just a dot on the horizon now, and Anton was starting to harbour hopes that they’d make it.

“Well, it is!” he shouted back.

“What— what are we going to do?” Zaphar called from the front of the boat. He had been pretty quiet during the adventure thus far, but things had quieted down a little.

“I dunno, I guess we keep running out to sea. It’s not faster than us, just not slow enough for me to lose them. At this rate, it will still be in sight when it’s time to refuel. They’ll be able to catch up and we’ll start all over again.”

“Is it safe, to take such a small boat on the open sea?” Zaphar asked.

Kelsey got a thoughtful look on her face. “Probably? I’m not sure what the issues are with small boats. Lack of propulsion and supplies are the ones that come to mind, and we’ve got that sorted.”

Zaphar didn’t look at all reassured, so Kelsey kept on.

“Look, we’ll be fine. This hull is buoyant enough to float even if it fills with water, so no storm is going to sink us. We can just tie ourselves on and we’ll live through it. In fact, maybe going through a storm will dissuade our stalker.”

She adjusted the angle of their travel.

“It looks like one’s forming to starboard, we’ll go through it and lose them.”

“Unsinkable, remember?” Anton reminded her. She scowled in response.

“We don’t know that,” she said. “It might still be worth trying.”

“We don’t want to go in there!” Zaphar shouted urgently, looking ahead of them.

“We’ll be fine, a little rain never hurt anyone,” Kelsey said.

“You don’t understand, it’s green!” he yelled.

Anton looked at the trembling thief. They were all wet from the spray of their passage, but he cut a particularly bedraggled figure. Anton and Aris’s clothes were rugged, made for the outdoors and for protection. Zaphar’s shirt and pants were made of the thinnest and cheapest cloth available, and they clung to him now, like he was wrapped in a wet sheet.

Kelsey’s strange clothes didn’t seem to get properly wet at all.

“Well, whadda ya know?” Kelsey drawled. “You’re right!”

Anton looked. There was a greenish tinge to the centre of the swirling clouds, one that was steadily growing more intense.

“What does that mean,” Kelsey asked. “Some kind of superstorm?”

Zaphar shook his head. “I’ve heard stories, from the sailors,” he shouted. “Sometimes, when it’s crowded on the waters, a green storm will come. It takes one of the ships, and then it goes away.”

“Takes? You mean, like, sinks?” Kelsey asked. Zaphar shook his head again.

“Just takes, is what they said. They never saw those ships again.”

Kelsey narrowed her eyes and muttered something that Anton couldn’t hear.

“Well, that changes everything!” she exclaimed. She adjusted their course again. Not away from the storm, Anton was alarmed to note. Instead of skirting the edges, they were now headed straight into the centre.

“What are you doing!” Zaphar yelled. He twitched, caught between two different urges of self-preservation.

“It’s fine, I think I know what this is!” Kelsey called.

“Are you sure?” Anton shouted.

“Not really, but if I’m wrong, just consider the logic!” Kelsey called. “If it takes the Prowler, we’re golden!”

“What if it takes us?” Zaphar yelled shrilly.

“I wasn’t planning on coming back to this podunk town, anyway!” Kelsey cheerfully yelled back.

Anton opened his mouth to say… something, but he was interrupted by a voice that cut through the engine noise, despite being spoken in a normal conversational tone.

“Well spoken!” The voice said. The voice was coming from a direction that Anton couldn’t quite describe. It wasn’t from the front, the back, or the sides. He could turn his head that way, though, to see who had spoken.

It was a green man. His skin was green, his hair a darker green, and his eyes were glowing emeralds. He wore a light green shirt with a fancy cut and darker green pants. His shoes were of green leather and pointed.

He was all of three feet tall.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Kelsey said, cutting the engine. The sudden silence seemed deafening. “I was worried we’d have to make it all the way into the storm before you showed up.”

“Since you were so good as to accept my invitation, it would hardly do for me to keep my guests waiting,” the green man said.

“You move pretty quickly,” Kelsey said, flicking a glance at Anton. “I don’t think he transitioned more than an hour ago.”

“Not as quickly as you, it seems,” the green man said sourly.

“Kelsey, do you… know this person?” Aris asked.

“Kelsey is, you might say, a colleague of mine,” The green man answered before Kelsey could speak. Kelsey shrugged in response.

“I’ll take the compliment, but there’s a wide gap between us and what we can do,” she said.

“One that you seem to be in the process of surmounting,” the green man said. “You’ve taken risks, but they seem to be paying out for you.”

“Thanks,” Kelsey said wryly. To Aris, she said, “I met someone like this a while back.”

“Did they give a name?” the green man asked.

“No,” Kelsey replied. “I got the impression that they were a no names, no pack drill kind of person.”

“Very wise of them. I believe I’ll be following their example.”

“What do you want?” Anton asked, his mind reeling. A colleague of Kelsey’s? What could that mean? Kelsey had referred to another dungeon as a sister, but she’d clearly felt herself to be superior to it.

“What do I want? Why, merely to make a deal,” the green man said.

“Like Kelsey did with Anton?” Aris asked. The green man winced.

“Exactly like that,” he agreed, “But it seems that option has been taken off the table.”

“Kelsey’s geas,” Anton realised. “It’s because she’s an Outsider. Like a demon or a fae.” He glanced over to Kelsey, sitting calmly by the motor. “She’d be a lot more worried if you were a demon, so you must be—”

“Indeed, you’ve reasoned it out. No need to use the word, it isn’t one that I’d choose.”

“All right?” Anton said, confused by the request. “But why do you want a deal with me?”

“Wanted, is the right word here,” the green man said.

“I don’t think our goals are incompatible,” Kelsey said quietly. The green man shot a look in her direction.

“I can’t bind myself to him like you did,” he said. “Pull him from two directions and he’ll split himself. Then neither of us will get what we want.”

“There’s still the possibility of a token,” she said. “And of course…” she nodded at the other two people still in the boat.

“Companions on the journey…” the green man said. “You haven’t… no, I see. Well, perhaps there is room for some benefit here.”

He turned back to Anton. “A deal,” he said. “I can grant much, but only for the right price. It must be fair.”

“You don’t want ordinary things, I guess,” Anton said slowly. He looked over at Kelsey, but she shook her head.

“They hate it when people hand-hold,” she said. “I guarantee you that you’ll get better terms if I don’t say anything,”

“Quite,” the green man said wryly. “You are correct, I do not want ordinary things. From you… perhaps the grief you hold for your family?”

“What?” Anton exclaimed incredulously. “You can take that? You want it?”

“Yes, to both questions,” the green man said. “I won’t be feeling it, of course, just contemplating its beauty. Such a strong, pure emotion. And, I think, you would be happier if you didn’t have it, yes? These feelings, they wear at you. Better to trade it for something nice.”

“Like what?” Anton asked.

“Hmm… let’s see. You are seeking your sister-in-law, cruelly taken from her home. How noble. I could aid you, send you to the next city that is your destination. All it would cost is something you don’t need.”

“I… don’t know,” Anton said. If he stopped grieving for his family, would he still be himself? Or someone else? He looked over at Aris. The look of concern in her eyes settled it for him.

“No,” he said. “If you want something out of the ordinary, how about this?”

He held up Chainbreaker. As a Tier Three magical item, it was the most unusual thing that he had.

“How disappointing,” the green man said. “Humans never let go of the things that are holding them back.”

He looked at the sword. “This isn’t bad,” he admitted. “It has a history, despite someone’s attempt at filing it clean.”

“No apologies,” Kelsey said. “I thought he was going to use it, not stick it in a museum. Speaking of which, don’t you need that, Anton?”

“You’re still holding on to my father’s sword,” Anton said. “I can find myself another Tier Three eventually.”

“Quite so! I feel that even higher Tiers will be in your future,” the green man said. “It’s a deal!”

Then he turned to Aris.

“You… she may not have made a deal with you, but she’s got her claws in, nonetheless. Let me take a look at that gun of yours.”

Aris hesitated, but she pulled the gun out of its holster and held it out. “Do you want to trade for my weapon, too?”

“Oh no,” the green man exclaimed with distaste. He picked up the weapon and held it in front of his face. “It’s an ugly machine for killing, and new besides. It has no story. The lives that it has taken don’t speak to me, they still don’t know how they died.”

“Uh, sorry. Why did you want it, then?”

“So that I could offer you this,” The man said. He handed Aris her gun back and then made another gun appear in his hand. It gleamed silver, the handle a pale ivory with a golden design inlaid.

Aris gasped at the sight of it. Anton tried Delver’s Discernment

Eclipse Whisper, Weapon, Perfect Quality, Tier 4, Enchantments: Final Darkness, Silenced

“Show-off,” Kelsey snorted.

“It’s something, isn’t it? I’ll wager you’ve never seen a Tier Four item before,” the green man said. “And it can be yours for… let’s say, the love of your husband.”

“Wait, what?” Anton exclaimed. He started to stand up.

Suddenly Kelsey was beside him, holding him down.

“Settle down, big man,” she said. “Have some faith.”

She stepped aside to let him see that Aris was shaking her head. “It’s amazing,” she said, “But I can’t give Anton up, not for anything.”

“Too bad,” the green man said. He threw the gun up into the air and it turned into glittering dust. “It was a long shot, but I had to try. You don’t have anything else that interests me.”

Anton felt something unclench in his chest. He scrambled over to give Aris a hug. She accepted it with a surprised laugh.

“Now,” the green man said, ignoring Anton. He turned instead to Zaphar. “That just leaves you.”