Dungeons Just Want to Have Fun

“You noticed the ship, right?” Kelsey asked.

“Of course,” Anton said. It was easy to know what ship she was talking about. There were other ships in the harbour, either tied up or anchored, but they were all slightly less black smudges in the night, their positions marked by a few lanterns that did nothing to illuminate them at this distance. There was only one ship that was well-lit, the military ship that was being loaded.

“Take a closer look,” Kelsey invited, holding up her strange spy-glasses. Anton took them and held them up to his eyes. He remembered how to turn the wheel for clarity.

“What am I looking for?” he asked.

“See if you can find the captain,” Kelsey replied.

Anton did as she said, scanning over the busy workers, looking for someone important. It wasn’t easy holding the glasses steady with the motion of the water underneath him, but he was getting the hang of it.

He found what he was looking for, on the raised platform at the rear of the ship. The courl there was dressed more importantly than the others. On impulse, Anton triggered Delver’s Discernment, just to see if it would work through the glasses.

Orhan Al-Demir, Level ???, Admiral, Midshipman/Reckless Pilot/Ship’s Captain/Admiral

“I can’t see his level!” he blurted out.

“Thirty-six,” Kelsey murmered. “Well into Tier Four. You haven’t found it yet, though. Keep looking.”

Confused, Anton looked around the Admiral. When he saw what Kesley was talking about, he swore. It wasn’t the Admiral, it was who he was talking to.

“Kusec and Erryan,” he spat. The two ex-prisoners were talking animatedly with the Admiral. It looked like they were under guard, but the Admiral was listening to them.

“I didn’t think they had it in them,” Kelsey admitted. “They must have found some way around the geas.”

“Or just bore the pain,” Anton suggested. “It looked like it hurt, but it wouldn’t necessarily stop someone from talking.”

“I really didn’t think I was going to see them again,” Kelsey mused. “But the game’s up now, so we’re going to have to take steps.”

“That ship isn’t coming for us,” the captain put in, coming up to them. “There’s no need for all those supplies, just to take a jaunt across the harbour.”

“Not just us,” Kelsey agreed. “My guess is, this is a response to the attack on the dungeon garrison.”

The captain blinked. “There was an attack on the dungeon garrison?”

“Haven’t you heard?” Kelsey asked with a smile. “It’s the talk of the town, let me tell you. They’ll be looking for a large force, the kind that can strip a fort bare, and leave no corpses behind. That’s the sort of force that comes in by boat, so they’ll be going around the island, looking for signs of a landing, and checking to see if their patrols are still in place.”

“Have you heard anything about this?” the captain asked his crew. They shook their heads.

Kelsey continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “That would have been the plan. Now they’ve been told that the source of all their problems is on this boat. They’d be remiss if they didn’t at least check.”

“I still want to know— fine.” The captain checked himself. “They’ll come aboard for a search. I presume you don’t have papers for any of these slaves.”

“Former slaves, and no, no papers,” Kelsey said. “Feeling like giving us up?”

Captain Farid looked at Kelsey warily. “I’m not one to go back on my word. And you’ve as much as told us that we can’t. I’ll take your passengers to Zamarra. I can’t help you if the Prowler comes after us, though. I can’t run faster than it, and I can’t fight it.”

Kelsey nodded. “Do you think they’ll come at us tonight?”

“Not unless we run,” Farid said. “Boarding is a nightmare in the dark. They’ll stay put until first light unless we give them a reason to leave.”

“Right. Then we’ve got tonight to get this ship ready.

“I’m still short on crew,” Farid objected.

Kelsey shrugged. “You’ll have to make do with what you’ve got. Some of your passengers are able-bodied, teach them how to be sailors. Right now, though, we need to outfit this ship!”

“Do what you like,” the captain said. “Just don’t put holes in the hull. No matter how it would light up the place.” He looked over to his two lieutenants. “You’d better unpack the sails.”

* * *

Outfitting the ship, it turned out, meant installing bunk beds. Kelsey had been directing her skeletons to turn out sections of steel frames that could be bolted together and then attached to the walls by the “self-tapping screws” that Anton had seen before.

At least Anton thought they were steel frames. They seemed remarkably light when he was fitting them into place.

“They’re actually aluminium tubing,” Kelsey said. “Hollow on the inside, and made of a lighter metal than steel, that doesn’t rust.”

“It’s not steel?” Anton asked, following almost nothing of what Kelsey had said.

“Nope! I imagine that the Empire will have some questions, if they can catch us, and they look closely at the hold.” Kelsey giggled at the thought.

“About that us,” Anton said. “I didn’t think we were going back in the same ship as these guys?”

“That was the original plan,” Kelsey agreed. “It’s been updated a bit since then. We’ll still be making our way south in a separate boat, though.”

“What boat?” Anton asked.

“You’ll see,” Kelsey promised. “First, though, we have to get this ship ready.”

“Fine. But do you have to hum that annoying song?”

Kelsey looked offended. “A construction montage has got to have the proper background music!”

She launched into another rendition. “Badap ba dum dum! Dum dum dum. Badad up pada dum! Dum dada dum.”

“I don’t know the original song, but I’m pretty sure your tone is off,” Anton said.

“Well, music was never my strong point,” Kelsey said.

* * *

It took them all night, but they got the ship ready to run. First light found most of the passengers fearfully packed away in their beds, with just a few of the able-bodied ones joining the crew making ready to set sail.

Kelsey, Anton, Aris and Zaphar were down on the tender.

“You can’t have the tender,” the captain had said. “That wasn’t part of the deal.”

“I’m not going to take it,” Kelsey had assured him. “The next bit needs to be done closer to the water.”

Anton was used to Kelsey’s surprises by now, but he didn’t quite know what to make of the tightly wrapped bundle she made appear. Then she undid the straps and unwrapped it, revealing… nothing? The wrapping was the point, apparently.

Kelsey had them spread it out on the floor of the tender, like a tent that had yet to be raised. Then she attached something she called a compressor. It made a low growling noise, quite unlike anything Anton had heard before.

Anton didn’t know why it was called a compressor when what it did was make things bigger. Perhaps the tent was the result of the compressor’s action, and now Kelsey was undoing it?

However it worked, they all watched in amazement, as the tent swelled and grew and turned into—

“It’s a boat!” Anton said, surprised despite himself. He’d known that they needed a boat, and yet…

“Yep!” Kelsey said. “Help me get it in the water.”

The new boat was surprisingly, ridiculously light. Despite being big enough to hold six people, it didn’t weigh more than the original tent. This, Anton felt, had to be magic.

Kelsey got into the boat first and busied herself placing boards in critical locations. A solid floor, seats… and a sturdy construction at the back. Meant to hold the heavy-looking object that Kelsey produced. She attached it to the side and lowered part of it into the water.

“All aboard that’s coming aboard.”

Anton felt it as soon as he stepped aboard. It was just a trickle of experience, far less than he’d gotten from the recent fight. It seemed that transporting slaves, even if it was illegal, was just logistics. Getting into this boat, whatever Kelsey had planned, was going to be an adventure.

Shouts came from above, yelling that the Prowler had left its dock, and was headed in their direction. Anton swallowed his nervousness and helped Aris down into the boat. Zaphar jumped down nimbly on his own.

“Right!” Kelsey called up. “We’ll distract them, you clear out once it’s clear that they’re not paying attention to you.”

“Stupid monkey!” the captain called back. “How are you going to distract them with a tiny boat when you don’t even have any oars?”

Kelsey grinned. “This is going to be fun,” she told the others in the boat with her. “Everyone sit down and grab on to something.”

Then she pulled a string out of the… thing at the stern.

It was similar to the compressor, the noise that it made. Where the compressor had growled, though, the unnamed thing roared. Anton gripped the side of the boat harder, which was just as well as the boat started to move.

It started at what Anton would consider a normal speed. They slipped out from behind the tender, and Anton had time to look up at the gawping faces of Captain Farid and his crew. Then Kelsey made the boat roar again, and they took off. Fast and getting faster.

“Not bad, eh?” Kelsey yelled over the roaring sound.

They were going to reach the Prowler in minutes, Anton realised. He tore his gaze away from the laughing Kelsey and looked forward.

Their approach had been noted, he saw. People were pointing at them. They were probably yelling as well, but he couldn’t hear. It wasn’t long before bows were brought out, and the soldiers started shooting at them.

As soon as she saw that, Kelsey made the boat turn in a wide circle. Arrows flew down, roughly where they would have been if they kept going straight.

“We don’t want to get too much closer, we’re not made for taking arrows!” she yelled.

“Is this really going to distract them enough for our ship to escape?” Anton yelled back.

Kelsey grinned in response. “Glad you asked!” she said. A big, metal object appeared in her hand. It was heavy, enough to make Kelsey strain to hold it one-handed.

“Grab the handle,” she yelled. Anton did so and grunted as he felt the weight for himself.

“Put it in the water. Point that end at the Prowler. Press the button on the handle. Then let go.”

Anton held back from saying “What.” The instructions were simple enough, they just made no sense. That was normal for Kelsey though. The increased tingle of experience he felt when he took the item was sign enough that following the instructions would have interesting results.

Not expecting enlightenment, he used Delver’s Discernment on the item.

Mk III Torpedo, Weapon, Average Quality, Tier 4

Anton blinked. Once again, Kelsey managed the impossible. Tier Four? For an average-quality item that wasn’t even magical? Just to be sure, he used his mana sight on the thing and confirmed it. No magic.

“Get ready!” Kelsey called. “I’ll take us in on another run.”

There was nothing for it but to follow her instructions. He leant over the side with the weapon, hanging onto the seat. He felt Aris grab his arm, and turned to meet her concerned gaze.

“It’ll be fine. Probably,” he yelled. He put the torpedo in the water.

It was much easier to hold, once it was submerged. He didn’t know how that worked, but it was probably deliberate. It was harder to aim though. The water wanted to snatch it away, and it took all his strength to keep it pointed in the right direction.

“Hurry up!” Kelsey called, “Gonna have to turn soon.”

With a last grunt of effort, Anton pressed the button. The next part was “let go”, but it wasn’t necessary. The torpedo tore itself out of his hand, travelling even faster than the boat.

“Whooo!” Kelsey yelled and turned again. Anton could see a white line of bubbles headed straight for the Prower.

Arrows were coming uncomfortably close, and Kelsey jinked back and forth, making them a harder target to hit. They didn’t have to wait long, though, before their own strike hit home.

The explosion ripped a massive hole in the side of the Prowler. It went below the water line and was big enough that Anton could see, even at this distance, the devastation he’d wrought across at least two decks of the massive military ship.

“Nice aim!” Kelsey yelled. She pulled them away from the ship and reduced their speed.

“You never intended to distract them, you always meant to sink them,” Anton realised, now able to speak normally.

“Yeah, but who would have believed me if I said that?” Kelsey said. “It should be clear sailing now, except…”

She looked over at the Prowler, puzzled.

“Why isn’t it sinking?” she asked.