Dungeons Are Bad Business

Hopping like a bunny, Kai pulled Vee across the menagerie. He hummed a strange little song, and paused briefly to show Vee the minor frost elementals. They were happily sliding back and forth across the smooth ground of their enclosure, making chittering noises when they bumped into each other.

In the next pen, the slimes were…not doing much. They were just kind of oozing around, eating some of the random bits of debris that had been scattered around. That was perfectly normal behavior for slimes though, and Vee was pleased to see that there were far more of them than there had been the last time he'd visited, including a half-dozen armored specimens with thick plates on their bodies. Pretzel, Vee's Royal Slime, was sitting atop a rock. Its crown and cape were fully developed now, and they wobbled slightly in the breeze passing by. It was surrounded by a handful of gray ghost-slimes, which were skinnier than the rest of the monsters in the pen and had also grown nubby arms.

That was mildly interesting.

Over inside their triply-reinforced pen, the skeletons were up to their usual antics; some had popped an arm off and were using them as makeshift clubs to batter each other, while a few were trying to combine into some sort of greater bone horror by exchanging their ribs and femurs.

"No. Forming. Gestalts!" Kai yelled as he ran over and started yanking this latter group apart. "I've told you that a hundred times! No combining, got it? Give me that, you–hey! No!"

Wrestling with one skeleton mage that was trying to pull an arm free of the treant's grasp, Kai looked over at Dandelion and wiggled his leaves. "Can I get a little help over here?"

Vee's fiend bounded across the pen, grabbing a couple of the skeletons and dragging them away from the mess of intermixed bones. With the ease of long practice, it started pulling the skeletons apart, sorting their pieces out on the ground by size so that they were easy to identify and get back into the right position.

That entire process took a few minutes, and when the [Menagerie Caretaker] and the fiend were finished, Kai gave the skeletons another stern warning, his barkbody animatedly waving its hand in their faces before returning to Vee with his eyes blazing.

"I swear, Vee. They're way too smart for how dumb they are," the treant said, gesturing for the [Dungeon Master] to follow him once again.

"Does that happen often? Do you think they're seriously trying to escape?" Vee asked, looking back at the skeletons, which were now doing cartwheels and throwing their skulls around like they were kids playing ball. If they were bothered by the fact that their hijinks had been interrupted they showed no sign of it.

"Nah, that shaman of theirs has put an end to earnest attempts at that I think. They just like trying to see what they can get away with. Besides, what I'm about to show you will cut the risk of them getting out down to almost nothing. Here, it's right up ahead."

Their destination was a small makeshift pen of warding hedges with a little wooden gate on it. Vee could hear a strange, swishy growling as he approached.When he looked down inside, he saw four small creatures with bodies made of leaves and sticks. They had stubby legs and stick-like tails, and were the same green color as the hedges themselves. Their teeth looked like thorns, and they had bright little sunflowers for eyes.

"What are they?"

In answer, Kai muttered a long string of syllables that Vee didn't understand, but hurried to correct himself when he saw the [Dungeon Master]'s raised eyebrow. "Sorry. That's the grove-language version. Uh…I think you'd probably call them hedge hounds?"

"Hounds, huh?" Vee looked again. "I guess they do kind of look like dogs if I squint a bit. Still, I have a hard time imagining that these tiny things are capable of doing much against the skeletons."

As if to prove his point, one of the hedge hounds tripped over its own feet and went rolling, getting up with a crinkly bark that reminded Vee of walking on dry leaves.

"That's because they're only a couple of days old," Kai said with a laugh. "Give them some time; they're properly terrifying once they're full grown. They're proper weedbeasts after all."

"Weedbeasts?"

"Sentient weeds," the treant said with a shrug. "You humans probably call them something else. Fairly rare these days, though they pop up in the groves sometimes. The elders always said that they were some of the best guardians you could ever ask for, but the Green Spirit required to bring them into existence is basically nonexistent among us treants."

"Where'd these come from, then?"

Kai raised his arm and pointed it right at Dandelion. "It's Blossoming, which means that its Green Spirit is starting to manifest in its own ways. Apparently the first form of that is that it can now use [Summon Weedbeast]."

"Seriously?" Vee asked, turning to Dandelion? "I didn't get a notification that you'd learned a new skill."

His fiend, looking rather bashful, nodded. "System notifications…inconsistent. Little voice in head hard to hear sometimes."

"Any other new skills I should know about?"

Dandelion shook its head. "Not reliable yet. Some idea of how to care for hounds. How to give orders."

Vee rubbed his chin. Well, that was interesting. Maybe Dandelion was unlocking some sort of [Summoner]-slash-[Tamer] class? He closed his eyes and checked his bond to the fiend, seeing nothing unusual or new. He made a mental note; he'd definitely have to write to Rortenferry – his old [Professor] and tell him about this. Surely the fiend's ability to gain new classes and skills without necessarily sending an update through its bond to him would be of interest to the old [Ghost Maestro].

He looked at the hedge hounds once again. They were sitting and watching him intently, their tiny tails thwacking against the ground. The seed of an idea sprouted in Vee's head. "How long until they're fully grown."

"My best guess is a year or so," Kai said, kneeling down and giving the little weedbeasts a pet. "Though it could be faster if Dandelion keeps leveling up. Why do you look so upset about that?"

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"I'm not; I was just half-hoping for a miracle and that you'd say a month. It's fine. Do you think they'd be useful in the dungeon?"

Kai grunted. "Maybe, though I don't think there will be enough of them for a long time. This was just one litter, but there's no guarantee that there will be more anytime soon. Dandelion doesn't seem to be able to use its skill with any degree of consistency yet. I'd say that they're probably best as just menagerie attendants for now. Could even turn them into some sort of security presence for Westown once they're fully grown though."

"Are they actually strong?"

"Oh yeah, these things can be vicious. I suspect even Alforde would struggle to handle them if they were properly mad."

Vee sighed. Now he really wished that they grew faster. Giant, vicious plant dogs would be great to have around if things got dicey with Sacre.

Turning to Dandelion with a smile, Vee held out his hand. "I'm proud of you, Dandelion. You make sure you keep working hard and take care of them, okay? I want to see how scary they actually are."

His fiend nodded. "Of course, master."

"Speaking of taking care of them," Kai said, turning to a large basket filled with bits of grass and random flower petals, "it's probably time to feed them again, Dandelion. Will you do that?"

The fiend nodded eagerly, and it remained behind when Vee and Kai walked to the other side of the menagerie, picking up the basket and walking to the pen to a chorus of scratchy barks.

"How's your verdant construction coming?" Vee asked, kicking at a clump of dirt and seeing that there were a ton of seeds scattered all around. Elsewhere near the menagerie, little vines had been artistically arranged so that they formed bloom patterns, and Kai and Dandelion had installed several wooden arches in a few of the nearby alleys.

"We're making slow but steady progress," Kai said. "Once more things start blooming I think it'll be really pretty, but next year is when it'll probably start wowing people."

"That's good to hear. Is there anything I can help with?"

The treant thought for a moment. "Actually, if you could get your medium section of fiends over here that'd be a huge boon. There are few mostly clear lots nearby that I want to start decorating but the wild fiends are a hassle to deal with. Having some extra eyes would be great."

"Of course. I'll send them over this evening."

"Thanks. You're the best, Vee."

Bidding Kai a fond farewell, Vee left and started heading back toward the dungeon. It was still early in the afternoon, and while Vee hadn't made much progress in terms of thinking up a solution to his Sacre problem he'd gotten some other stuff done.

That had to count for something, right?

Vee sighed, knowing in his heart that it really didn't. Partial credit didn't exist as an adult; either things worked or they didn't. It was like his father often said: close only counted in horseshoes and unstable alchemical concoctions.

He walked past Juniper's flower shop and saw that there were all kinds of flowers blooming in her window. The [Herbalist] herself was nowhere to be seen, but that was fine. Vee didn't much feel like talking to anybody else just then anyway.

Still, he stopped and looked around at the other little would-be shops around Juniper's. There were four of them, each only just a few hours of cleaning away from being ready to let other people in.

Vee clenched his teeth; he'd been looking forward to the process of slowly turning Westown into a proper part of the city and hated the fact that he didn't know how to stop all of that from being ripped away from him.

So many ideas and variants on them flittered through Vee's mind that it was hard for the [Dungeon Master] to properly sort through them all. Ugh. On further reflection, he'd been foolish to come out here and try to solve the problem entirely by himself.

Doing his best to crystallize his feelings – and increasingly sure that his heart was urging him to tell Sacre to stay out of Westown – Vee made his way back to the boarding house.

Main Character Sheets:

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged):

Vee Vales

Primary Class: Ghost Smith (Self), Level 10

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar's Crest), Level 25

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 8

Might: 16

Wit: 42

Faith: 25

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 21

Charisma: 18

Devious Mind: 30

Leadership: 22

Guts: 16

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 7

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 5

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 19

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar's Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 13

Might: 60

Wit: 16

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 34

Intimidating Presence: 16

Heart of a Champion: 15

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

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Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 14

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 2

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 29

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 47

Patience: 11

Irritability: 26

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

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Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9