Dungeons Are Bad Business

Yawning every few steps and feeling like someone had strapped invisible weights to his legs while he'd slept, Vee trudged through the late morning crowd near the city's adventurer's guild branch. Gawain's beard, was he tired! Even two cups of strong coffee had failed to do anything to chase away the exhaustion, which meant that it was probably going to be a crappy day no matter what he did.

Given the amount of people on the street, some jostling was inevitable, but when Vee felt someone clumsily try and reach their hand into his front pocket – which was not where he or any normal person tended to keep their coins – the [Dungeon Master] panicked. Alforde wasn't with him that morning; the armorsoul had apparently "dreamed up a sweet new move to practice" and left for the dungeon as soon as it had gotten light so that he could go and practice it.

Without the luxury of his best friend's presence, Vee was left with only one way to respond to the situation: he shouted as loud as he could.

"Stop! Thief! Guard! Guard!"

As fortune would have it, there was indeed a [City Guard] nearby – a kitrekin with such prodigious girth that the buckles of his armor protested with his every step – who managed to grab the would-be pickpocket.

"Oy, lemme go!" the salamander kid hollered. "I didn't do nuffink! These is mine!"

His protestations would have probably carried more weight if he hadn't had three thick envelopes clutched in his fingers, which Vee was able to identify immediately for the [City Guard].

"Those are letters I wrote last night," he explained, looking through the others that were still in his pocket to see which ones had been taken. "The first is addressed to Artem Rortenferry, a [Professor] at Locksmagister University in Bardis. The second is to Emma Vales, also a resident of Bardis. The third is to…Hendon Trisdale, [Dungeon Master] of Shontsdale."

The [City Guard] looked at the letters, nodding when he saw that the addresses were all as Vee had said.

"Come on Neiz," he growled at the salamander, who was squirming in a vain attempt to get away. "You've got some explaining to do down at the station…again."

"Nah, lemme go, lemme go! [Burst of Strength]!"

The salamander flashed red for a second before bursting out of the kitrekin's grip. However, the skill didn't apparently last for all that long, because the [City Guard] simply grabbed him again a second later and tackled him down to the ground. After a brief, curse-heavy scuffle, the [CIty Guard] hoisted the salamander back up and shook his head.

"Alright, that's enough of that," he said, spitting onto the sidewalk and dragging the salamander away. "Sorry about that folks; feel free to resume going about your business."

"Wasn't nothin' personal, Mister Vales," the salamander said to Vee as he was led away. "Just saw that you were by yourself and figured that you'd have some loose fleurs on you, yeah?"

Reginald, who was perched atop Vee's head, tightened his brim.

"Talk about bad luck," the hat said. "You go through all that trouble to try and pick someone's pocket and instead of getting cold hard coin you end up grabbing some worthless letters and getting arrested immediately. Poor kid."

"You seem awfully sympathetic to someone who was trying to rob me," Vee grumbled.

"Sorry boss, I can't help but root for the underdog, you know?"

Turning around, Vee watched the [City Guard] and the salamander walk away and disappear into the crowd. His thoughts lingered on what the salamander had said – Saw that you were by yourself – and a bit of paranoia filled the [Dungeon Master]'s thoughts. Was this why so many powerful people always had [Bodyguards] around them at all times? Because opportunistic jerks would take a crack at you the instant they thought you were alone?

Ugh. That premise led to a series of unfortunate conclusions that Vee didn't like one bit, and his mood – which was already poor – soured further as he headed into the adventurer's guild.

It was surprisingly busy that morning, with adventurers decked out in full kit standing around and listening to a man wearing dark green robes with a bow slung over his back.

"Now this blight nest might not be any different than the ones we've faced before but that's no excuse for us to go and get sloppy," Vee heard him say as he passed. "Blight brutes are always dangerous, and they'll take your arms off as easily as they breathe. Now let's go over proper party tactics for handling a single blight brute."

The [Dungeon Master] shook his head and got in line for the nearest [Receptionist]'s desk. There were a couple people in line, but it didn't take long for Vee to reach the front and find himself facing a middle-aged woman with thick glasses.

"Good morning," she said. "How may I be of assistance?"

Vee reached into his pocket and drew out another letter. Smiling sheepishly, he handed it over to her and said, "Hi there, I'm [Dungeon Master] Vee Vales and this letter is for the [Guild Master]. Would you deliver it to them for me? I'm a bit embarrassed that despite all my time here I haven't met them yet."

The [Receptionist] tucked the letter away in her desk, marking it with a small red strip of paper as she did so. "Of course, sir. [Guild Master] Brighton isn't in today, but she'll be in tomorrow and I'll make sure that this gets over to her. Is there any other business you'd like to take care of?"

Vee nodded. "I was also wondering if you guys had anything that's kind of like your job board but isn't your job board."

The woman raised her eyebrow quizzically. "Excuse me?"

"What my boss means to say is that he'd like to know if you have an advertising board here in addition to the job board. If so, he'd like to put up an ad."

"Oh I see. Yes, we have an ad board over in that corner," the [Receptionist] said, pointing to the far side of the room. Vee looked over and saw that there was indeed another board there, though it was so much smaller than the one in the center of the room for most adventuring jobs that he would have never seen it if it hadn't been pointed out to him.

Thanking the [Receptionist] for her time, Vee went to go and put up his ad, but the woman coughed pointedly and stopped him.

"There's a fee for non-members," she said apologetically. "Three silver fleurs, please."

Well, that was annoying but not entirely unexpected. Reaching into the pocket where he actually kept his money, Vee drew out a trio of coins and put them on the counter.

"Thank you, sir. Have a wonderful rest of your day."

Waiting until he was out of earshot, Vee reached up and tapped Reginald's brim. "Three silver fleurs is kind of steep, don't you think?"

"Eh, I suppose."

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Finding a tack to hold the paper up on the board was somewhat tricky, but Vee eventually managed to find one that wouldn't knock down a bunch of adverts and posted his sign to the board.

It was extremely simple: Time sensitive: Commercial space available. New and existing ventures welcome. Please contact Vee Vales if interested.

Now, whether or not anybody would reach out was anybody's guess, but Vee had a hunch that there'd be at least a few adventurers in Oar's Crest that had dreamed of hanging up their weapons and opening up their own shops. It was just a fact of life that if you got enough people in a room together there were bound to be a couple that thought they'd have an easier time doing something else with their time. He just hoped that they were also the type of people who tended to act on that feeling sooner rather than later; he really didn't have time for them to dilly dally.

With his ad posted, Vee's business at the guild hall was complete. All that he had to do was head to the post office and mail his letters, and then he'd be free to head back to the dungeon to see how Alforde's training was going.

However, before he left the guild, Vee smelled the familiar scents of vanilla and warm spices lingering in the air. He stopped where he stood and turned around, looking through the crowd of adventurers until he saw the familiar shape of Luna's pointed hat sticking out of the gap between a pair of spear-wielding adventurers.

By sheer chance – or not – Luna looked his way at almost the same time, and Vee felt his cheeks growing warm.

He walked over toward the [Pumpkin Witch] and waited for her to extricate herself from the adventurers. Luna seemed to be in her element as she ducked and dodged through the mess of bodies, pausing occasionally to clap someone on the shoulder or laugh at something somebody said.

Eventually she freed herself and walked over to Vee, leaning in and giving him a hug when she got close.

"I thought I saw you walk in a little while ago," she said, lingering for a few seconds longer than was strictly necessary before pulling away. "What brings you by?"

"Nothing particularly interesting," Vee said. "I had a letter for the [Guild Master] that I wanted to deliver and also wanted to put up an ad for something I've got going on out in Westown. Are you going out with that party to hunt blight beasts?"

Luna shook her head. "It's tough for me to justify leaving the city much these days. I never know if something that needs my help is going to pop up. I just wanted to hear what they were planning to do and see if I could offer any advice that they might find useful. I've fought a decent number of blight beasts and there's a trick to it that not everybody realizes on their own."

Vee couldn't help but hear the bitter tinge to Luna's voice as she spoke, and he suspected that she'd really wanted to go along on the blight beast hunt. Those were good paying jobs – on account of the fact that they were pretty dangerous – and Luna was even more money oriented than he was.

Giving her a sympathetic smile, Vee tried to change the subject. "Well, in that case, if you're not busy right now, would you be interested in coming along to the post office with me and then maybe grabbing something to eat afterwards? I have some other letters that I need to get mailed out before I head back to the dungeon."

Luna's face brightened, and she nodded enthusiastically. "Sure, that sounds nice. I actually needed to go to the post office anyway; I've got to talk to my boss about picking up some extra shifts if he's got any available. My ma took a bit of a turn for the worse the other day."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Vee said. "Is there anything I can do?"

Luna shook her head. "It's just a [Witch] thing."

Apparently Vee's expression compelled her to elaborate, because she went on, "See, our magic is tied to the season, and since my ma and I are connected to autumn this is our weakest time of year. It's inconsistent, but it's possible for our magic to get depleted in the springtime. Now, normally a [Witch] doesn't have to worry about that all that much because our wells keep the depletion from bothering us all that much, but unfortunately my ma's are basically useless. As such, she gets pretty sick every couple years. We didn't think it would happen again since it happened last year, but that's just how things go sometimes."

"That sounds rough," Vee said. "Can it be managed at all?"

"It is what it is," Luna answered, shrugging. "There's some medicine that the [Doctors] and [Healers] can make for her that eases the symptoms, but since it's such a rare condition they never have any stored away. Beyond that, it's expensive to get compounded, so I'm trying to grab some extra work here and there so that I can get a batch made."

"I see." Vee thought for a moment, then asked, "Are you having any issues with the season change?"

She shook her head, her smile returning. "Not really. My wells are definitely less…bursting with power right now than they were a couple months ago, but I'm not feeling limited in any way. I just have to remember to use my regeneration skills more frequently. Plus, if anything major happens around here Holly and Calico can help me take care of it. Holly's in her neutral season and Calico is coming into her boon season so she's almost as strong as I am."

"Well, that's good," Vee said.

"Yeah. Now let's go ahead and get going," Luna said, tucking her arm through Vee's and gently pulling him toward the door. "The post office is always a madhouse around lunchtime. You can tell me what's been going on with you while we walk."

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged)

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Smith (Self), Level 10

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar's Crest), Level 25

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 8

Might: 18

Wit: 42

Faith: 25

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 22

Charisma: 18

Devious Mind: 30

Leadership: 21

Guts: 16

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 25

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 7

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 6

Patience: 4

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 20

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar's Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 13

Might: 62

Wit: 16

Faith: 27

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 36

Intimidating Presence: 16

Heart of a Champion: 15

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 10

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

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Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 14

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 3

Wit: 38

Faith: 17

Ambition: 29

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 28

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 48

Patience: 11

Irritability: 27

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

Pragmatism: #@$%@$

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 10