Dungeons Are Bad Business

Vee Vales leaned backwards in his seat so that the beam of sunlight coming in through Crestheart's office window wasn't directly hitting him in the face. It bathed his bare arms with warmth, but the [Dungeon Master] didn't mind. He'd gotten pale over the winter, and hoped that his color would come back sooner rather than later.

Looking out at the beautiful blue sky – filled with tiny wisps of cottony white clouds – Vee couldn't help but wish that he wasn't stuck here in his office working. It would have been much more fun to be outside enjoying the weather and taking it easy.

"That's just life for you though," he muttered, shaking his head.

"What was that, boss?"

Vee looked over at the rumbled blue top hat on the table beside him, who was staring over with one felty eye opened wider than the other. "Nothing, Reginald. Just thinking out loud."

The hat flapped his brim and turned back to the dungeon's vault. "Hey big guy, hurry up in there! The boss is getting melancholy again!"

"Understood," Vee's best friend Alforde said from inside. "Just one more pile here to—oh no!"

The sound of spilling coins filled the office, and a handful of silver fleurs rolled out of the vault. Still carrying a hefty armful, Alforde hurried out after it, his blue eyes shining and his helmet ever so slightly askew.

"It's surprisingly cramped in there," the armorsoul said defensively, dumping the coins onto the massive pile on the table next to Vee. "But I'm pretty sure that's it. A few stragglers might have fallen under the shelves or something, but if you want them you'll have to get them, Vee. I'm too big to reach under there."

Vee nodded, getting up and going over to the vault to grab the handful of coins that were indeed under the shelves of the vault where his friend couldn't reach. For good measure, he picked up the ones that had rolled off into the office too and added them to the pile, then regarded the mountain of silver fleurs approvingly.

It was…substantial. Had he been inclined to stand on the table to measure, Vee was pretty sure that it would have reached his mid-thigh, which was great. Participating in the dungeon circuit had been stressful and all-consuming, but there was no doubt that it had also been lucrative. Sure, the silvers would be a lot less visually impressive once they were properly converted into golds, but for now he could fantasize about having tons of money.

Or…rather, having tons of money that he'd earned instead of just being born into. There was definitely a difference, even if he was only really starting to appreciate it properly.

The [Ghost Maestro] – wait, no, he was a [Ghost Smith] now – shook his head and sighed. Of course, as was so often the case, their good fortune came with an appropriate downside too: he had to count all of the coins.

Summoning Cecil, his [Excellent Spreadsheet], Vee sat back down in his chair and pulled a handful of coins over toward his body. A few were somewhat dirty, but they were cool against his hands and Vee carefully started arranging them into towers ten coins high. When he finished, he gave Cecil the count and looked around for a vessel to store them in. He hadn't made one yet, Vee realized with another sigh, but making one shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Pinching his thumb and index finger together, Vee activated [Shape Ectoplasm] and looked around the room. Swirling currents of energy were everywhere, and Vee plucked threads out of the air until he had enough to make five-sixths of a box.

His hands moved with a confidence that was still somewhat surprising to him, shaping the ectoplasm into long flat sheets that he fused together with [Weld Ectoplasm], another of his [Ghost Smith] skills. Compared to the fuss he was used to for getting ectoplasm to stick together, the skill still seemed somewhat miraculous.

With his box done, Vee resumed his counting.

"Are you sure you don't want any help?" Alforde asked, adjusting his pauldrons and sitting down on the floor next to where Vee was working. "I'd be happy to at least stack the coins up for you or something."

"Nah, I'm fine," Vee said, smiling at his friend. "You take it easy, you had a pretty rough time of it over the past few days with all the extra challenges."

That was true; Alforde had battled against nearly seventy adventurers over the course of the circuit, and he'd won just under half of them. Technically that was another damper on the pile of money too; replacing all the prizes they'd had to give to victorious challengers.

Oh well, Vee thought. Considering that there'd been nearly two hundred and thirty challengers in total they'd still come out significantly ahead, and most of the losses Alforde had suffered had been to adventurers that were a good number of levels higher than he was.

"You didn't really seem to be thinking about that when you made the big guy get all the coins out of the vault," Reginald crowed, his mouth curling into a grin.

Vee blew air through his lips. "We would have been here all day if I'd tried to do it myself. Do you see how many coins there are?"

"I don't think that helps your argument!"

"It's fine, it's fine," Alforde said, holding up his gauntlet and shaking his helmet. "I was happy to help."

"That's what you always say," Reginald said, grinning.

Chuckling, Alforde pulled out his book – the newest Alrick the [Cursed Swordsman] novel – and started to read. Reginald turned his attention to the clouds passing by the window, and Vee kept counting.

Pushing another chunk of fleurs into his little box, Vee reached for another handful. It was simple work, albeit repetitive, and the newly-formed pulleys of the [Ghost Smith]'s thoughts started to spin. Could he rig up some sort of machine to automate the fleur counting for him? He'd seen similar ones before but had never paid particularly close attention; other than knowing that they contained a chute he was clueless.

Definitely something to look into in the near future, Vee thought grimly, realizing that he'd miscounted his stacks such that each one only had nine coins instead of ten. Thankfully it was an easy fix, but he'd have to be more careful going forward.

"Alright Cecil," he said. "Go ahead and add another forty to the count. What are we at now?"

"Of course, master. You are now at one hundred and ten silver fleurs."

Vee groaned. While the simple mental math of multiplying the number of challengers by the entry fee wasn't going to be totally accurate on account of things like potion sales to adventurers inside Crestheart, it was probably close enough that Vee could be confident in his knowledge that this was going to take all day.

Ugh. At least he didn't really have anything else to do: the circuit had moved onto Old Narluc, and apparently it was considered bad manners for other cities in the same circuit to continue operating while it was going on elsewhere. Vee wished someone had told him that before he'd agreed to participate – the prospect of having to stay shut for a few weeks at the minimum was unpleasant – but it wasn't the end of the world. His mental math also convinced him that he probably had enough money there to coast until he could properly open back up again.

Plus, if things got really tight, there were other things Vee could do to earn some fleurs. He'd kept decent track of the common sticking points for Crestheart's challengers and had been idly thinking about offering some classes about how to navigate them to the low level adventurers in the city.

He'd have to think about the details a bit more, but it seemed reasonably easy to implement.

Letting his brain bounce back and forth between his fleur counting machine idea and the best structure for such a class, Vee continued to count.

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After six hours, Vee finally admitted defeat. He'd gotten through a little more than half of the pile – nearly sixteen thousand silvers, or just over a hundred golds – but his eyes were glazing over and his hands were aching. Who could have guessed that counting coins, of all things, would be so physically taxing.

Stacking up his counted coins in a collection of ectoplasmic boxes, Vee started dragging them over to the vault. That was slow, grueling work, and after the second such box Alforde took pity on him and took care of the rest, shoving the coins yet to be counted – minus two large bags full – into the vault where they'd be easy to retrieve the next day.

"You reckon Thien is still in her shop?" Vee asked Reginald. "Or did you see her leave already?"

His [Majordomo] flapped his brim. "I didn't see her at all, actually, but it won't hurt to go and check. Why?"

Vee pointed to the smaller of the two bags he'd filled with fleurs. "We owe her some money for the pendants, and I figured we'd go ahead and pay that back while also ordering the next batch too. Our stock is pretty low. Come on, let's go see if she's in."

Picking Reginald up and putting him on, Vee picked up one of the coin bags and looked pleadingly at Alforde. "Can you take the other one?"

The armorsoul nodded, and the trio made their way down the tower's steps, with Vee cursing and taking a break every few floors to catch his breath.

"We've really got to work on your physical fitness, boss. You're way too young to be having such a hard time with that."

"Shut up," Vee growled, hoisting up the bag and clutching it to his chest. His arms were burning and so were his legs, but both of them were dwarfed by the discomfort of his lower back, which was hurting in places and ways that Vee hadn't really known to be possible.

"I'm just saying!"

"You want to be left on the steps all night?"

Reginald's brim tightened. "No."

[Congratulations, you are now a level Eight Guy-Who-Takes-Things-Way-Too-Far!]

Dismissing the notification, Vee led Alforde out onto the quiet street and headed toward the small [Goldsmith]'s shop across the way.

The door was open, and Thien was at her workbench, bent over the pronged attachment and sawing away at a small ring. She looked up at the sound of the door opening, but nodded and returned her attention to her work when she saw who it was.

"Just a second, Mister Vales. I'm in the middle of a pattern here and then I'll be right with you."

"That's fine, take your time," Vee said. He looked around, pleased by the way Thien had slowly started to accumulate more things inside her little storefront. It was a good sign that she enjoyed spending time in Westown, and would hopefully consider turning this into her "main" office in the months and years to come.

There weren't many pieces in the small display case yet, but the gold and silver rings caught his eye. They were simple but elegant, and Vee liked the way the light bounced off the gemstones set in their center.

"Thinking of buying something for Luna?" Reginald asked, his voice thick and teasing.

"No," Vee said quickly, though the thought had indeed crossed his mind. He hadn't been going to buy her a ring or anything – they were nowhere near the point for such things – but the idea of giving the [Pumpkin Witch] a nice bracelet or something was definitely appealing.

Pushing the thought out of his head, Vee paced back and forth for the next few minutes until Thien finished her task and got up.

"How can I help you?" the [Goldsmith] asked. "Are you almost out of pendants for the dungeon?"

"Getting there," Vee said with a nod. "But I wanted to make sure that I squared up with you for the last batch too. Does this cover the bill?"

Thien looked down at the bag of fleurs and raised her eyebrows. "I'd say so. Thanks, Mister Vales. You're a real stand up guy. I half expected that I'd have to beat down your door to get you to pay up."

Vee laughed. "Nah, I'll always do my best to settle up fair and square on time. While I'm here though, I was wondering if we could talk about some other prizes for the dungeon. I think our current offerings are a little on the sparse side."

The [Goldsmith] nodded. "Of course. What did you have in mind?"

The sun was sinking low in the sky by the time Vee and his friends made it back to the boarding house. After going over some designs with Thien and talking for a few minutes about the details – most importantly, the price – Vee had taken the other bag of fleurs to the local bank, where he'd exchanged them for golds in anticipation of his next payment to Sacre. He'd have to make another such trip tomorrow, simply because golds were more convenient than silvers.

Sculla, the ogre who owned the place, was sitting on her stoop with her pipe in her mouth. She looked up at Vee and blew out a ring of smoke as he approached.

"Guy in a suit came by looking for you," she said. "He waited around for about half an hour, but when I told him that you'd probably be late getting back tonight he gave me this and left."

She handed Vee a small folded piece of paper, wiggling her eyebrows.

Though he already had a suspicion of what the letter said, Vee unfolded it and saw that it was short.

Mr. Vales –

Mr. Sacre requests the pleasure of your company this evening at his restaurant for dinner and a friendly chat. Bring your appetite.

"Well, I guess that saves me the trouble of having to bring these back to the dungeon with me tomorrow," Vee said, jingling the bag of coins and feeling an odd sense of calm settle over his stomach. "Thanks, Sculla."

The ogre inhaled slowly, nodding before blowing out another ring of smoke. "Sure thing, it wasn't a big deal.You must be moving up in the world though, if Sacre is inviting you to dinner."

She looked up, staring into Vee's eyes. "That's not necessarily a good thing, either. You sure you're up to it?"

The Expectation on Vee's shoulders shifted, and the [Dungeon Master] nodded.

"Yeah. It'll be fine."

He turned to Alforde, whose eyes were narrow, and shrugged. "Guess we're off to Eastown, huh buddy?"

The armorsoul nodded, shifting Slammy – his oversized hammer– from one pauldron to the other. "Yeah, I suppose so."

"At least it's a lovely night out," Reginald said, his voice full of forced cheer. "Let's go see what the [Honest Businessman] wants, eh?"

Sticking his hands into his pockets, Vee turned away from the stoop and led the way toward the restaurant.

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales

Primary Class: Ghost Smith (Self), Level 9

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar's Crest), Level 25

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 8 (+1)

Might: 16

Wit: 42

Faith: 25

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 21

Charisma: 18

Devious Mind: 30

Leadership: 22

Guts: 16

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 7

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul (Unchanged):

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 19

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar's Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 13

Might: 60

Wit: 16

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 34

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 15

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald (Unchanged):

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

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Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 14

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 2

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 29

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

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Loyalty: 47

Patience: 10

Irritability: 25

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

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Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9