Dungeons Are Bad Business

Back in their room at Sculla’s, Vee unfurled the scroll and laid it on the table. As he’d seen inside the adventurer’s guild, it was a map of the city, but it was enchanted so that the user could see more information than the simple layout of streets and landmarks. With a flick of his fingers, the map transformed to show all of the waterways, another flick let him see the topography of the land, and a third let him see the city in miniature as if he was a bird flying overhead. It was a powerful relic, and useful, and Vee knew that he’d need to spend plenty of time with the map to figure out how to best set his dungeon up for success.

But first, there were other tasks that needed to be taken care of. He wanted to investigate his new class and check out the skills he’d earned from it, but before that, there was still the matter of cleaning the hat to attend to. It was still nasty and gross, and Vee had been raised to see one task through before starting another.

But, skills! Seeking out a cleaner would take time, and sounded both menial and boring.

“Hey, Alforde,” he said as he saw the obvious solution. “Go find a [Laundress] or something and get that hat cleaned up.”

Alforde, who had a broom handle in his grip and was pretending it was a hammer, looked like he wanted to protest, but one of his [Right Hand Man] skills, [Pick Up The Slack], activated and he nodded. “Fine.”

To sweeten the deal, Vee drew out a golden fleur from the pouch the receptionist had given him and tossed it to the armorsoul. “There’s a weapon shop over here,” he said, pointing to a building on the map that had a pair of crossed swords floating over it. “See if they have a hammer, and if they do, go ahead and buy it for yourself. That’s the condition to fully activate your [Hammer Afficionado] class, right?”

Alforde nodded and brightened considerably. “It is! Yay! But, are you sure about giving me so much money? A golden fleur is a lot, and we only have twenty!”

It was, but Vee knew that in order to be an effective [Dungeon Champion], Alforde was going to need good equipment. Plus, the longer he was left alone to think, the better plan he’d be able to come up with for the dungeon. Things he would have never considered before were swirling around his mind, and he wanted to ponder each of them in turn.

With the money and hat in hand, Alforde left the small room and Vee closed his eyes. His soul’s mirror appeared, and he focused on his new class so that he could get a better idea of what it was all about.

[Dungeon Master, Level 1]

Dungeon Masters are the driving force of every dungeon. They dictate the thematic direction, design the layout, manage all the minions, and handle all financial and legal considerations to keep things running smoothly. Dungeon Masters need to be capable of wearing many hats, or able to find good employees whose heads fit the ones they can’t.

Skills:

[Found Dungeon] (Consumable, 1 Use Remaining): Establish your dungeon by marking a physical location for it to manifest.

[Big Picture] (Passive): To be successful, Dungeon Masters need to be able to keep things in perspective, and as such, tend to be better at thinking about macro concerns than micromanaging. Stop sweating the small stuff.

[Budgeting] (Passive): Money is the lifeblood of any dungeon. As such, your knack for numbers, finance and all things quantitative have all been enhanced.

[(Budgeting Sub Skill)] Excellent Spreadsheet: Summon an ethereal spreadsheet familiar to record anything you need kept track of. Great to have at tax time!

[(Budgeting Sub Skill)] Bargain Hunter: Use your inherent understanding of markets and prices to find the best deals on raw materials.

[Would You Kindly?]: Impose your will on a minion or construct. Great for repetitive orders and tasks.

[Inspire Loyalty]: Give a rousing speech that entices your followers to do their best.

[Detect Lies]: Investigate if someone is telling the truth or not.

[Recycle Materials]: Convert broken structures you own into their basic components.

Vee blinked. That was it? There were surely other [Dungeon Master] skills that he could eventually learn, but not until he leveled up the class, and who knew how much or how long that would take.

He hated to say it…but he wasn’t particularly excited about any of it. The most useful skills he’d gotten was the ability to summon a sentient spreadsheet and break structures he owned into their component parts. He didn’t own any structures yet, so the skill was basically useless. Eventually though, it’d probably be pretty useful.

Well, he might as well see what the spreadsheet looked like.

“[Excellent Spreadsheet]!”

There was a pop and a small, folded piece of paper appeared in the air next to him. He touched it and it unfurled to show him a familiar series of rows and columns that he’d seen often enough in his father’s financial journals. Unlike those though, this one was empty.

“Um, hello? Do you talk?”

Instantly, a pair of bulbous eyes appeared atop the folded paper, with two ethereal paperclips for eyebrows. Despite the fact that it didn’t have a mouth, it spoke with a squeaky voice all the same.

“Hello, Master! My name is Cecil, and I live to serve! What do you need done? Have sheets to balance? Income to state? Flows of coin to keep track of? Just say the words, using proper formatting of course, and I’ll be happy to take care of whatever you need.”

“Thanks,” Vee said, and spent the next few minutes labeling a few of Cecil’s pages for the things his [Big Picture] skill told him that he’d need to keep track of as he moved forward: Building Materials, Treasures, Minion Counts, Trap Inventory, Non-Minion Employee Payrolls, and Total Funds. All the sheets were blank for now but funds, which had “19 Gold Fleurs” in the top left cell, but that’d change soon enough. Once he really got things rolling he was sure that all the pages would be filling and emptying on a near-constant basis.

When he was done with Cecil, he dismissed the spreadsheet and put his head in his hands. Perhaps it was just because his ambition stat was fairly low, but he could already feel his motivation flagging a little bit. There was just so much to keep track of, so many things to focus on.

It was then that Reginald, who’d been peacefully inside his core the entire time since coming back from the adventurer’s guild crawled out in his spirit form and tapped Vee on the shoulder.

“You’re looking a little overwhelmed, kid. You know what you need? A [Majordomo].”

“A what?”

“A [Majordomo]. You got [Big Picture], right? That means that you’re necessarily kind of crappy when it comes to the little details. A majordomo is someone who can handle all of those for you so that you can focus on other things. Now, normally, that’d be the perfect job for a [Right Hand Man] like your armorsoul friend, but he’s going to have his gauntlets full being a [Dungeon Champion]. That’s a heavy job, and I don’t think he’s up to doing both.”

Vee prickled, and he raised his gaze to meet the spirit’s. “And let me guess, you’re volunteering yourself for the job? You know, Reginald, I’m starting to think that there’ve been an awful lot of coincidences in my life lately. It’s almost like your thumb has been on the scale with all this stuff, so to speak. What exactly do you want from me?”

The spirit balked. “I am volunteering, but if you think that I’ve got any ulterior motives, you’re wrong. I’ve been stuck inside my core for decades, and now you’ve got this cool dungeon thing going on. I want to be involved, I want to be part of it. Let me help you! I’ve got a great head for details.”

Vee activated his [Detect Lies] skill, but either he was too low leveled to see through Reginald’s deception or the spirit was telling the truth. He was uneasy about having to trust the spirit, but some part of his new intuition told him that Reginald had made a fine point and that he’d do well to offload some of the more intricate details of his new profession. No man is an island and all that.

“Fine. You can be my [Majordomo], but if you betray me, I’ll make you regret it.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, a popup appeared in front of his face.

[Congratulations, by delegating you have advanced to Dungeon Master, Level 2!]

[Your budgeting skills have gotten more powerful!]

[Your distrust of Reginald has improved your stats!]

[Wit +1]

[Plotting +1]

[Devious Mind +1]

Vee dismissed it, and the spirit seemed satisfied with his new job.

“Well, I suppose we should start planning the best place to build our little dungeon,” Vee said. “Everything else comes after that.”

Reginald nodded and perched himself on Vee’s shoulder like a cat. He didn’t purr, thankfully.

Vee stood over the map and changed its view so that he was once again looking down at the entire city. It was neatly divided into four sections. Northtown, where he was staying, was marked by a series of guilds and other financial service offerings if the symbols floating over various buildings meant what he thought they did.

The western quadrant of the city, nearest to the mountains, was filled with remnants of forges and factories. Most of the buildings looked like they were on the verge of falling over, but there was a single tower next to a large, empty lot that immediately caught Vee’s eye. A promising spot, but he’d be foolish if he didn’t at least consider the other parts of Oar’s Crest.

With a twist of his hand, he rotated the map so that Southtown was right underneath him, and touched the symbols he didn’t recognize to see what sort of places they’d once been. Restaurants, theaters, stages, and art galleries were the most common types of buildings, with residential housing close behind.

“Southtown is no good,” Vee said, and Reginald agreed with him. It was too cramped and too crowded to be a good location for a dungeon. Thanks to his new class, he knew that he’d need space to build and expand as the dungeon grew bigger and more powerful.

Wait, what? Powerful? That was a weird thought to have. Vee shook it away and spun the map once more so that he could see Eastown.

If open space was the only metric he was considering, Eastown would have been the best dungeon site hands down. It was basically nothing but open space: ancient farms and orchards that had long since been abandoned and left to grow wild. Vee was tempted to pick one for the dungeon site, but the thought of clearing away so many overgrown fields and forests was daunting as could be, and Vee had a feeling it ultimately wouldn’t be worth it. The ground was hilly and there were plenty of creeks running every which way, which would make building whatever structures he required more difficult than it needed to be. Not to mention, prohibitively expensive.

Westown it was then. He spent the next hour and a half examining every street and building, looking for a lot that would serve his purposes better than the tower and the adjacent empty lot. Nothing stood out, and so Vee decided to trust his gut and go see who owned the rights to that property and how much they wanted for it. He didn’t have a ton of money, but he was willing to spend almost all of it to secure the lot, because like any good real estate venture, the most important thing to consider for a dungeon was location, location, location.

The best place to find what he needed was surely the bank, which was apparently located down by the market. Vee stood up, adjusted his jacket, and opened the door into Alforde, who’d just come back from the laundress and weapon shop.

The top hat still looked raggedy, but it was clean now and would be the perfect vessel for Reginald. Vee took it from Alforde and turned to the spirit on his shoulder.

“Last chance for you to keep your original vessel. Are you sure you want to move?”

Reginald nodded and so Vee activated his [Zipper Fingers] skill. His hands glowed orange with power, and he neatly severed Reginald’s connection to the core as easily as if he were unzipping a jacket. There was a spot of resistance, as if the zipper were stuck, but Vee overwhelmed it without any issues. Reaching into the ethereal, he found a suitable spot to anchor the spirit to the hat and zipped Reginald in.

Almost immediately, two eyes appeared in the hat’s side and a jagged mouth tore itself open as the hat’s hue shifted to match Vee’s coat.

“Now, that’s much better,” Reginald-the-hat said. “This is so much more comfortable than that dreaded rock. Finally, I'm free.”

Vee raised an eyebrow. “I thought it was a core? As I recall, you were quite insistent on that point when we first met.”

“Yes, yes, of course!” Reginald said a little too quickly as he blinked his new eyes and practiced making all manner of sounds with his new mouth. “Just caught up in the spirit of the moment.”

“Hey, Vee, look what I got!” Alforde said as he held up a gleaming Warhammer. Its head was a slightly blueish gray color, and there was a platinum inlaid flower on its front and back faces. A little bit of a chill floated off its head, and Vee shivered. The shaft was made of well-polished dark wood, and looked sturdy enough to actually be used. Definitely better than an old broom handle.

“Wonderful,” Vee said. “Did that let you get your class?”

Alforde nodded. “It did! I’m going to start practicing with Hammy right away!”

Hammy? Vee shook his head. Sometimes, Alforde was something else.

“Glad to hear it. While you were gone, I found the perfect spot for the dungeon,” Vee said. “I’m off to the bank to see about buying the property. Do you want to come with me?”

“Sure thing,” Alforde said. “So long as I can bring Hammy.”

“I wouldn’t dream of stopping you,” Vee said wearily.

“I’ll come too,” Reginald said. “I don’t want to be stuck here alone.”

Not wanting to go to the bank and ask about a matter of business with his hat literally in his hands, Vee picked up the top hat and put it on his head. It fit perfectly.

Stat Sheets:

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 13

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 2

Might: 6

Wit: 20 (+1)

Faith: 11

Adventurousness: 8

Ambition: 5

Plotting: 3 (+1)

Charisma: 2

Devious Mind: 3 (+1)

Leadership: 2

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Clunker (Vee Vales), Level 9

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), level 8

Tertiary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 1

Additional Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), level 1

Might: 18

Wit: 10

Faith: 23

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 4 (+1)

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 26

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 1

Might: 1

Wit: 24

Faith: 2

Ambition: 19 (+1)

Greed: 16 (+1)

Deceptiveness: 37

[%$#_&$# --- CORE SEAL CORRUPTION/MANIPULATION DETECTED! ALERTING MALUW ESTATE FOR IMMEDIATE REPAIR!]