Dungeons Are Bad Business

Casys walked with her left hand behind her back and her staff held tight in her right hand. Her fur was brown and there were white spots around her eyes and on her neck. She wore a sleeveless green and gold robe that almost touched the ground, and a cream colored tunic underneath it.

At first, she walked much faster than Vee could hope to match – her stride was almost twice as long as his own – but she noticed pretty quickly and slowed her pace to match the little [Dungeon Master].

“I enjoyed my run of your dungeon,” she said once she was moving in sync with Vee. “It’s not often that I get time to actually go and run dungeons for myself. Most of the dungeons in the continent are too highly leveled for me to have much of a chance of making it far at all, let alone to the [Dungeon Champion]’s arena.”

Vee wasn’t entirely sure if that was meant to be a compliment or an insult, and decided that the truth was probably a bit of both. “Is that part of your job with the union then? Studying dungeons?”

The elkin thought for a moment and then nodded. “I suppose you could say that. Technically, though, I’m a [Dungeon Analyst]. My job is to study the ways that [Dungeon Masters] like you design their dungeons and evaluate what works and what doesn’t.”

Vee kicked another bit of trash out of his path and scowled at it. It was probably going to take the orchestra a month or more to actually get the street to look nice, if not even longer. He looked up at Casys. “And you think Crestheart is bland, huh?”

She shrugged. “I think that it’s rough around the edges. The first floor is trying too hard to be dangerous. The fights are repetitive and suffer from a lack of variety.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that too. I was actually just talking about ordering some new batches of minions to help break up the monotony a little bit.”

“That’d help, but it wouldn’t solve all the problems,” Casys said. “Even with different minions, trying to have a series of escalating fights in each room is tedious. The most successful dungeons have a natural ebb and flow between the fights in each room. They build an ambience with puzzles and traps and treasure rooms. Right now, adventurers going through Crestheart are just going to assume that it’s a minion gauntlet all the way down. Now that could work. There are plenty of dungeons out there that make it clear that every foot of progress needs to be fought for, but your thematics are all wrong for that sort of experience. Plus, I can see that you’re trying to save some fleurs, and if you keep throwing minions at adventurers the way you are now you’re going to end up spending way too much on replacements.”

They paused for a moment and Vee knocked on the gate. While it creaked and groaned, Vee rummaged around his pockets looking for something to take notes with. Casys had made some good points and he didn’t want to forget them. Unfortunately, his pockets were empty but for a bit of lint and his handbook, and making paper and ink out of ectoplasm wasn’t a skill he’d ever thought to learn. He wasn’t even sure it was possible. It would probably be some sort of bizzarro approximation of both.

“In other words,” Alforde said as the gate clanged shut behind them. “You’re saying that less is more?”

“That’s one way to think of it,” Casys said. “But not quite. I’m saying that you need to build your dungeon with purpose, and not just blindly add more things for the sake of adding more things. It’s natural for [Dungeon Masters] to think that the best way to make a dungeon harder is to add ever more difficult rooms, but easy rooms can serve a purpose too. For example, they can lull adventurers into a false sense of security, and then when you serve them a harder room afterwards, they’re not ready for it. Build for the entire dungeon, not just a single room, or even a single floor.”

Vee hadn’t thought about it like that before, but the idea seemed logical enough. “Doesn’t the fact that Crestheart is so short make that more difficult though? With only two floors, we don’t really have a lot of rooms to work with. It’s hard to create much of a coherent experience with the space we have.”

A good number of people were out on the street, and a few of them pointed at Vee and Alforde as they walked by.

“Hey there, [Dungeon Master]!”

“Looking good, [Dungeon Champion!]”

“Keep it up! Go Crestheart!”

Smiling, Vee did his best to return the waves and respond to the greetings that were shouted his way. He was a bit embarrassed that they’d recognized him, but the attention felt good, nonetheless.

[Charisma +1???]

Something in the ethereal shifted, and Vee stopped walking as the hairs on the back of his neck prickled. Casys was still talking, but her voice quieted to an incoherent drone in Vee’s ear as he closed his eyes.

“[Third Sight].”

Unlike [Second Sight], [Third Sight] didn’t fill Vee’s visions with the colors and shapes of spirits that already existed. Instead, it caused the world to shift and wiggle with the outlines of spirits and ghosts that were yet to be made. Recognizing such figures was tricky work, and Vee wasn’t a high enough level [Ghost Maestro] to truly understand what he was seeing, but he knew enough to be wary. They were lined and coiled and reaching towards him with a gravity that he was unused to. With his skill active, he felt a weight like nothing he’d ever felt before settling itself around his shoulders. It took all of his strength to keep his feet. Something tells me that this is only going to get heavier as time goes on.

“Are you all right?” Casys asked as she grabbed Vee’s shoulder. Her grip was surprisingly strong, and she gave the [Ghost Maestro] a little shake that distracted Vee so much his skill deactivated. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”

“Can’t be. He’s used to that,” said Alforde.

While that was technically true, he wasn’t used to seeing a ghost like this one, if that was truly what it was. However, hearing his friend’s voice helped Vee shake off the lingering sense of unease that clung to his skin like a wet pair of pants. “I don’t know why everyone thinks seeing ghosts is such a bad thing,” he grumbled as he tried to sort his thoughts. “Most ghosts are harmless. It’s people you have to worry about.”

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. It’d been a strange day. First the revelation about the orchestra, and now this unknown spirit forming in the city. Plus, there was still the matter of ordering new minions for Crestheart. He took a deep breath and looked up at Casys. She’d taken her hand from his shoulder but still watched him with a wary gaze.

“Master Vales?”

“I’m fine,” he said through clenched teeth. “Just too many thoughts bouncing around. I’m sorry that I was distracted. Please, go on.”

The elkin [Pyromancer] reached into her robe and drew out a pair of scrolls. “I have some meetings elsewhere that require my attention before sunset, but I took the liberty of writing down my thoughts for you to review at your leisure. I’ll also give you my card. Should you have questions about my comments, please feel free to contact me via the method listed there. The union is committed to providing its [Dungeon Masters] with all the advice and intellectual resources they need to be successful.”

“Thanks,” Vee said as he carefully tucked the scrolls into his jacket. With a bow, Casys bid them farewell and walked down a side street before disappearing into an otherwise unremarkable building.

Vee tapped Reginald’s brim. “What do you think?”

“I think that she gave us some really good things to think about, but I’m not sure how much we can really fix and improve until Crestheart’s a bit bigger. Let’s take a look at the scrolls once we get back to Sculla’s.”

Vee’s stomach rumbled loud enough for Alforde to hear it, so the friends decided to go to the Grinning Pig and get a bite to eat.

The restaurant was busy, and they had to wait a few minutes to be seated. While they did so, Vee looked up at the window and saw a small stained glass image in the top corner. Reminded of the snail in Thien’s shop, he looked more closely at it and saw that the image was of a kitrekin’s paw. He wondered what that meant.

Big Simon came over with a smile and clapped Alforde on the pauldron. The armorsoul’s body rang out and the kitrekin laughed as he led them to a small table in the corner.

“Soup today is corn chowder,” Simon said. “We just made a fresh pot, so it’s good and hot. Or would you like something else?”

Vee picked up his menu and looked at it. “I think I need a minute,” he said after paring down his options to the roasted chicken or the pasta bake. “But I’ll take a glass of emberberry wine if you’ve got it.”

“Of course,” Simon said with a slight bob of his head. “I’ll go get that right away.”

Vee put Reginald down on the table and opened the scrolls Casys had given him. They were covered in most of the same things she’d told him earlier, albeit in a more formal and wordy manner. He let Reginald read them. Odds were that if he’d missed anything, the spirit would notice it and point it out to Vee.

After making their orders – Vee ended up flipping a coin to decide that he’d have the pasta bake – Vee put his handbook down on the table next to the scrolls and opened it up to the section on traps and puzzles. They weren’t something he’d really given much thought to when he’d first been setting up Crestheart – he’d simply thrown some in at the last minute at Reginald’s suggestion – but now he looked at the pages with keen interest. The pressure plates had worked wonders in the hallways of flame after all.

Taking a sip of his wine, Vee smiled. It was sweet and spicy, and made his entire body feel warm.

Tier one traps were all fairly simple. The first heading in the handbook was for false floors, which were great for dropping adventurers down to a deeper level of the dungeon that they’d be unprepared for. Unfortunately, given how small Crestheart was, doing such a thing probably didn’t make much sense. A variation on this idea were the wall panels that Crestheart used for the elementals. Other sizes and options than the ones Vee already had were listed, and Vee stared at the floor and ceiling versions for a moment before turning the page and moving on.

The second type of tier one traps were different variations of pressure plates and hidden switches that were to be installed in the floor. These could be used to rig up spikes to shoot out of the floor, ceiling or wall, or drop nets on unsuspecting victims. Crestheart already had a few of these, and Vee didn’t think adding more would really do much, so he read on.

Other arcane traps were the focus of the next section. Gates made out of lightning, false doors that fell onto the person trying to open them. That sort of thing. None of them really seemed to fit Vee’s vision for the dungeon, and so he flipped to the next section.

It was labeled “Ambience and Thematic Devices”, and was filled with machines that offered ways to create a given mood. Things to create rain, or sweltering heat, or…fog?

Now, that was kind of interesting. Most people here in Oar’s Crest associated ghosts and spirits with the classical ideas of vengeful dead or haunting monstrosities. That was clear from the way they all seemed to jump and jitter whenever anybody mentioned them. Why not buy a fog machine or two and help build that mood a little bit more? Filling the entrance and the first few rooms of dungeon with fog, not to mention the halls would surely— wait, no that’d be too much. I’m trying to find a way to increase the variety of experiences the dungeon offers, he told himself. Not just replace one singular design decision with another. Some fog would be good, but too much would detract from the experience he was trying to create. Whatever that was, exactly.

“What can we do with fog?” Vee asked aloud. “Other than being creepy, what does it do for us?”

“It could obscure minions and traps,” Reginald said.

“I could use it to make a dramatic entrance before each champion’s fight,” Alforde said. “Imagine! An adventurer walks into the arena, and then the lights go out. Fog covers the platform, and then I rise out of the center with Hammy held over my head! Now you face the champion of Crestheart! Hyah!”

Vee shook his head. “You’re not a [Performer], you’re a [Dungeon Champion]. I don’t think such a spectacle is a good idea.”

“What’s that matter?” Reginald said. “An exciting entrance is a great way to really build up the energy for spectators. Eventually, if we start offering broadcasts of the dungeon runs, we’re going to want something more exciting than him just standing on the platform like a guy who’s lost and looking for directions. The crowd will want a spectacle.”

“We’re a long way away from that,” Vee said. “For now, we just need to focus on making the dungeon better so that it grows. I don’t think spending money on a more exciting entrance for Alforde really makes much sense right now. Instead, I like that idea about obscuring minions and traps. Let’s think about that a little bit more.”

Simon came and brought the food, and for some reason, Vee focused on the way the kitrekin’s fingers held the plates in place. It gave Vee an idea. Alforde thanked Simon for the food and the kitrekin wished them happy eating.

Vee rubbed his chin and took another big sip of his wine. The glass was almost empty and there was a pleasant rumbling in the back of his skull. The room seemed to be rocking back and forth a little bit too.

“What if I rigged up some ghost hands and put them on the floor or the ceiling in one room? We could hide them with the fog, and then they grab adventurers walking by.”

[Plotting +1]

“Oh, I like that,” Reginald said. “Then while they’re stuck, we can have a slime creep up on them and get them. Since the ghost hands will prevent them from escaping, it should be harder for them to avoid the slime’s attack.”

Vee grinned like an idiot and drained the rest of his glass. Now that was a good idea. Who cared how much the slimes cost? Combining them with the hands was a surefire way to scare off plenty of adventurers, and that meant it was basically free fleurs. Vee liked free fleurs.

Knowing that the sparks of inspiration he was currently feeling had a nasty habit of fading into the ranks of the forgotten once sobering up, Vee asked another kitrekin waitress passing by for a pen. Then, with just a touch of difficulty, he started scribbling ideas down on a napkin. His pasta bake sat untouched beside him as he worked, and by the time he, Alforde and Reginald had finished their brainstorming, it was fairly cold. Vee didn’t mind though, because it still tasted good and now that the burst of creativity had faded, he was hungrier than ever. He wondered if it was the wine.

They’d talked so much that the Grinning Pig was virtually empty, but the bells on the door chimed and Vee looked over to see who had come in.

Standing there, with her purse and hat, was none other than Luna. Vee thought his heart might burst out of his chest as Simon walked over to her and led her to a table on the other side of the room. He rubbed his cheeks as hard as he could. They felt as if they’d been set on fire.

“Boy howdy, you do not hold your booze well, do you?” Reginald said. “Gawain’s balls!”

Character Sheets

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 18

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 6

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 1

Might: 6

Wit: 22* (Temporary Status: Tipsy)

Faith: 15

Adventurousness: 8

Ambition: 7

Plotting: 7 (+1)

Charisma: 4 (+1???)

Devious Mind: 9

Leadership: 7

Guts: 4

Intimidating Presence: 3

Citizenship: 3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 14

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 8

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 8

Additional Class: Clunker (Vee Vales), Level 4

Might: 27

Wit: 10

Faith: 24

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 6 (+1)

Endurance: 8

Intimidating Presence: 7

Heart of a Champion: 2

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 29

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 4

Might: 1

Wit: 25 (+1)

Faith: 3

Ambition: 23

Greed: 18

Deceptiveness: 32

E$@$: $%

[-------------------------]

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 1