Dungeons Are Bad Business

As the last adventurer for the day exited the dungeon, Vee slumped against his chair and closed his eyes. His throat felt like he’d been gargling razorblades, and he had a headache from the near constant focus controlling the dungeon had required. Unlocking doors, activating the magnifying crystals and following his scripts, and resetting the hallway traps were all surprisingly time consuming. Eventually, he’d have to find ways to automate as much of the boring stuff as possible. Or hire someone else to handle those things for him.

He rubbed his temples and opened his eyes. Next to him, Reginald flailed and squirmed as much as he could, as if staying silent was causing him pain. Could a hat spirit feel pain? Would it be insensitive to ask? More food for thought, but Vee was full just then.

Reaching across the desk, Vee touched the magnifying crystal linked to the boss arena.

“That’s it for the day, Alforde. Go ahead and come on up to the office. We have to go through the day’s earnings and stuff.”

“Sure thing, Vee, I’ll be right up.”

Vee tried to shake the exhaustion away by standing up and doing a few jumping jacks. They didn’t do much. His eyelids still felt as if they were made of lead. How am I going to keep doing this day after day? We just opened and I’m already exhausted.

He pressed a button on Dheart’s side and a portal opened in the center of the room. From here, he could access Crestheart’s vault.

Walking into the small room felt a little bit like walking into a closet, but Dheart assured him that the space would grow as the need for it increased. The more money and treasure they accumulated, the bigger their vault would be. Two small chests sat on the floor inside. Vee bent down and tried to pick up the larger of the two, but it was too heavy for him and so he had no choice but to wait for Alforde to come and lift it for him.

“Put it on the table there,” Vee directed as he reached down to pick up the second chest. It was light enough for him to carry with ease, which was not a good thing.

Frowning, he opened the first chest and stared at the small pile of silver fleurs inside. Thirty-one adventurers had challenged Crestheart, and twenty of them had paid the extra fifteen fleurs in order to challenge Alforde. Vee did some math. Twenty times thirty five was…seven hundred silver fleurs. And then, another eleven had paid twenty apiece, which was two hundred twenty. All told, they’d earned nine hundred twenty silver fleurs today, or nine gold fleurs and some change.

But, that wasn’t the entire picture. They’d also had to pay out approximately two hundred and seventy silver fleurs in adventurer rewards, which meant their one day take home was only six hundred fifty silver fleurs, exactly six and a half gold fleurs.

It was simultaneously incredible and horrendous. On the one hand, this was the most money Vee had ever earned in a day in his life, but on the other he was in debt to Sacre for thousands of gold fleurs. At this rate, paying back the debt was going to take more years than Vee wanted to count.

And it had been a good dungeon session. Alforde had only lost one match, so they’d only had to pay out a single full reward. If his best friend had a bad day and started losing every few matches, they’d bleed out fleurs faster than they could ever hope to make them. He really had to start thinking about other ways to bring in some coins. Or find a way to get the dungeon to grow. A few more floors and the numbers would improve dramatically.

“[Excellent Spreadsheet].”

Cecil appeared and started chattering. “What is it, Master? Do you have some numbers that you need to enter? I’m here to help!”

Vee told him to record the total for the day, and Reginald bounced on the table, blinking like crazy.

“I think he wants to say something,” Alforde said. “What is it, Reginald?”

The hat was apparently a spirit of his word though, and so he didn’t answer the armorsoul. He simply stared at Vee with a piteously forlorn expression until the [Dungeon Master] decided told him to go ahead.

Reginald only said a single word: “Taxes.”

Vee cursed. How could he have forgotten about taxes? The plague as certain as death, his father had called him, and now as he looked at his pile of money which was sure to get smaller in the days to come.

“What’s the tax rate here?” Vee asked.

“Two percent of gross income,” came the hat’s reply.

Vee swore again, and told Cecil to update his records to show that the day’s earnings were only six-hundred thirty one silver fleurs because nineteen needed to be set aside for taxes. How often do those need to be paid? I’ll ask Reginald tomorrow.

Cecil made a noise and updated his ledgers, using double entry bookkeeping for each account to properly reflect the new balances. Vee couldn’t bear to see how far in the red they were, so he didn’t look at the balance, and dismissed the spreadsheet once the data had been entered.

He looked over at Alforde. “How are you feeling?”

The armorsoul shrugged and leaned Hammy up against the wall. “I’m not as tired as I thought I’d be. That dungeon buff is really something. To be honest, it was pretty boring. I didn’t have to fight nearly as often as I’d expected, and I spent most of the day waiting around for someone to show up. Do you think we could make the dungeon a bit easier so I get to fight more often?”

Vee shook his head. “Sorry, bud, but that’s a no. In order to have any chance of making any money, we want you to fight as little as possible. We want to minimize our need to pay out rewards as much as we can.”

“But fighting is fun!” Alforde protested. He lifted his hands into the air. “Besides, I’ll go crazy if I have to stay down in that little room every day. There’s nothing to do! Can I at least bring a book with me tomorrow?”

“I’ll think about it,” Vee said as he turned to the second small treasure chest. He didn’t think that having his [Dungeon Champion] reading a book as an adventure came looking for a fight would make for a particularly intimidating impression, but he also didn’t want Alforde to be so bored.

The second chest held the shards of chaos that had been redeemed by adventurers in exchange for fleurs or other prizes. There were only four inside. Letting out a soft moan, Vee slumped into his chair and let his head fall into his hands. He fought back the burning in his eyes and collected himself. How could there only be so few? He’d been hoping for at least ten. With such a small number, he wouldn’t be able to really upgrade Crestheart at all.

Well, that wasn’t quite true. He could buy some better minions, at the very least. There were a decent number of tier one monsters that only required a single shard of chaos to recruit. He’d have another look at the minion catalogue tomorrow and consider his options. The lesser fire elementals had been great, but Vee had felt that the fights on the first floor had been a bit bland and uninspired. Spicing up the rooms with some more variety could only improve the dungeon experience.

That was work for tomorrow. He just wanted to bask in the glory of today for a bit first. The day had undeniably been a success, but Vee felt like he was climbing a mountain and had only reached the first plateau. Who could say how long it’d take to reach the peak? There were so many little things to keep straight and take care of. However, every time Vee tried to collect his thoughts he found that they wriggled free and tried to escape. Stupid [Big Picture]! That’s what I have Reginald for, he told himself. He can help me manage all the little things, so I can focus on the big stuff.

He wanted nothing more than his bed back at Sculla’s boarding house. The prospect of sleep sounded divine, though it was only a temporary respite before tomorrow, when he’d have to come do this all again. At least he could be reasonably certain that the number of adventurers coming to Crestheart tomorrow would be a lot less than the number that had come today.

Down on the street, the day’s festivities were basically done. There were a few lingering adventurers and spectators – including Pierre the [Balloonbarian], who was juggling five small balls for a pair of pretty girls – but almost everyone else had heeded the council’s order to leave Westown well before sunset due to the threat of the fiends.

After paying upkeep once again, Vee directed his orchestra to spread out around the city and prevent any unfriendly fiends from harassing any of the lingering celebrants.

As he walked in the shadows of the barriers that kept the street relatively fiend free, Vee’s mind turned to placating or driving out the rest of the fiends in Westown. The Adventurer’s Guild offered bounties for clearing them from buildings, but based on the fact that the gates hadn’t moved in ten years, Vee couldn’t help but think that their efforts weren’t yielding much in the way of results. Maybe there was a way that he could – no, this wasn’t his job and he had too much on his plate as it was.

Or was it? Technically speaking, the fiends were making his business environment worse than it would have been otherwise, so he sort of had a vested interest in making sure that it was safe for people to get to and from his dungeon. Yes, when he put it that way, he almost felt that he had an obligation to figure out a way to solve the problem of the fiends in Westown. He silently apologized to Future Vee, who would no doubt curse him for planting these seeds of thought, but as the gate swung closed behind him and Alforde, he packed down the proverbial soil and gave them plenty of water.

[Ambition +1]

“Crestheart is the talk of the town,” said Wureini, the little salamander gate guard. “Congratulations, Mister Vee! And you too, Mister Alforde! I heard that you’re quite the fighter!”

The armorsoul held his hand up to his head and chuckled. “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m doing my best!”

“If you keep it up,” the guard said, “Maybe you’ll be as famous as Darlene Curlytail one day!”

Vee and Alforde looked at each other, both hoping that the other had heard of whoever that was. Neither of them had, and Wureini saw that reflected in their blank expressions. “She’s the best!”

That tidbit – while interesting – didn’t really do anything to help Vee and Alforde gain any idea of who this Curlytail was.

“Is she…a [Dungeon Champion]?” Vee asked.

Wureini rolled her eyes. “Yes, duh. She’s the [Dungeon Champion] of The Emerald Delves. You know, the big dungeon in Adlez?”

Adlez was a sprawling city far to the north, famous for its spice and silk trade. Vee had been there once as a child on one of his father’s business trips, but he’d been so little at the time that he didn’t remember much about it. He recalled that it was hot there, and that he’d met a nice woman who’d given him some sort of sweet blue fruit that he quite enjoyed. Hardly a crystal clear recollection.

The Emerald Delves, huh? Back home, Vee had never really paid much attention to the world of dungeons and adventurers, but now he wanted to take a look at this dungeon for himself. Visiting was, of course, out of the question. He was sure that a carriage ride all the way to Adlez – past the cold, rainy mountains of Hethock Heights – was far more expensive than he could afford.

If only there were some way he could just go over the mountains. Alas. He’d have to settle for requesting a brochure from the union or finding old vision sphere recordings of famous runs.

Vee and Alforde walked along the dingy streets of Northtown on their way back to Sculla’s. When they got back to their room. Vee considered going and taking a hot shower, but he was simply too tired and the whole thing sounded like too much work. Instead, he spread out on his bed and closed his eyes. Sleep took him almost instantly.

He was woken up a few minutes – or maybe a few hours? – later by someone pounding on the door. He snapped awake and looked at Alforde. The armorsoul was already up and ready, with Hammy in his hands and his orange eyes narrowed. Ready to fight.

Alforde walked to the door. “Who is it and what do you want?” he called in a loud, authoritative tone.

A voice that Vee recognized despite having only heard it once answered. “Mister Vales, are you in there? There’s an urgent matter I must speak with you about. Please, open the door!”

Vee nodded to Alforde, who did as the voice requested. Standing there in the hallway, looking haggard and drained but still sufficiently dressed to attend a high society social function, was none other than Jacques Maluw X.

The [Enchanter] raised his hand and a sphere of light appeared in his palm.

Character Sheets:

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 15

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 6

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 1

Might: 6

Wit: 23

Faith: 12

Adventurousness: 8

Ambition: 6 (+1)

Plotting: 6

Charisma: 3

Devious Mind: 8

Leadership: 6

Guts: 4

Intimidating Presence: 3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 12

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 8

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 7

Additional Class: Clunker (Vee Vales), Level 4

Might: 26

Wit: 10

Faith: 24

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 5

Endurance: 8

Intimidating Presence: 7

Heart of a Champion: 2

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 29

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 4

Might: 1

Wit: 24

Faith: 2

Ambition: 22

Greed: 18

Deceptiveness: 34 (-1)

E$@$: $%

P*&^%$#g: *@7

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