Dreamland

I began getting dressed, opting for some jogging attire: a T-shirt, a pair of shorts, and sneakers. My hands were shaking as I went about this, and I had to consciously focus on them and regulate my breathing until the trembling subsided. Fuck, I'm really frightened!

"White Flower!"

"Yes?"

"Would you mind leaving? Just give me some space. Let me free?" I whispered, worried that Clara or Lola might overhear.

Instead of a direct response, she began to question me. "Why are you whispering? Why not talk to me in your mind?"

"Because it's weird. Only crazy people talk in their mind."

She chuckled.

"Oh, and speaking out loud to yourself is normal?"

"Well, strangely, yes. Many people talk on the phone... Wait, why aren't you answering?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that. I can't leave on my own; we need a caster to help."

"Can't you at least try?"

"No. That could be fatal for you. I don't want to risk it."

"Oh."

Why would she say that? Was that a threat?

I sighed. She talks as if she's the same White Flower from the game. Is she truly the AI from the game that's linked to my brain, or have I completely messed up my mind? Those seem to be my only two options, and neither is good.

I finished getting dressed, then tiptoed out of the room and carefully closed the front door behind me. Clara was still in the bathroom, and Lola was in her room, likely asleep.

I decided to skip breakfast, too preoccupied with my own issues to risk facing Clara's questions about my tattoo.

My conversation with the AI was bizarre, but at least it gave the impression of caring about me. That was somewhat reassuring. I headed to the basement to retrieve my bicycle.

My bicycle... It was an old one that had been left in the cellar by the previous tenant. My parents had been against me riding a bike here, fearing an accident, but I did it occasionally. Of course, no one knew about it; it was one of my little secrets.

I have been riding bicycles since I was three. Admittedly, the streets in our neighborhood were much safer back then, but I knew the rules well; I should be safe here, too.

I was relieved to see that the bicycle was still in good condition. It needed to pump some air in the tires from time to time, but they were fine now.

I wheeled it out of the house and set off.

"Wow, what kind of spell do you use for this? How does this thing work?" she asked, genuinely curious.

I chuckled. "There's no spell involved. This is a bicycle; it operates purely through mechanics and relies on my muscle power. That's why I might seem slow."

"Slow? You're actually quite fast. And what are those fast-moving carriages? This world seems rather strange," she remarked.

"They're called cars, not carriages."

"Can you explain how they move without magic?"

"Sure, there's no magic in this world. Cars run on either gasoline or electricity, and they use mechanical systems to function."

"Gas or electricity? Is mechanics a type of magic?" she inquired.

Although the road was relatively empty, occasional cars passed by. There wasn't a dedicated bike lane on this road, which was why my mother was concerned about me cycling there.

I shook my head, finding it intriguing that the AI continued to play its role, pretending not to know about this world. Well, maybe that was genuinely the case; it might only possess information from the game.

I paused, taking a moment to explain and show the basic mechanics of a bicycle to her. It was oddly relaxing to discuss these topics with her.

Eventually, I reached a fork in the road where I could veer off the asphalt onto a forest road, where there were likely no cars.

"Ah, the forest! This is so much better!" the AI in my head exclaimed, still playing her role.

Yeah, sure, I thought, you'll be quiet soon.

I continued pedaling, knowing that my mobile signal would likely drop any moment now.

"What's that device?" she inquired as I took the phone in my hand.

"It's my mobile phone," I replied. "It's a tool that allows me to communicate with people. I want to check if it still has a connection."

"How does it work without a spell? A connection? To where?" she probed.

To your server, I thought, but didn't say it aloud. I remained silent, and she didn't appear to be angry.

As I ventured deeper into the forest, it grew denser and darker. My heart pounded in my chest, and I gripped the handlebars tightly. I had never been here alone before. Perhaps I should have asked someone to accompany me, but I was even more afraid of their reaction if they knew I was hearing voices.

However, paradoxically, being in the forest felt oddly secure. I felt safe here despite my brain warning me of potential dangers. Strange thing to feel those conflicting emotions.

The road led down into a valley. I knew that somewhere around there, I should lose my mobile's connection. I double-checked, and yes, my mobile's signal had disappeared. Finally!

"Are you still there? Hey! Yuuhuuu!" I called out.

Silence. I took a deep breath. Oh, great! It worked!

"Do you mean me?" the voice in my head innocently responded.

I sighed, annoyed by the delay in her response.

"Yes, I mean you."

"Why do you keep asking? Where else could I be?" she questioned.

Despair began to grip my heart. What did this mean? Hadn't I gone far enough?

Now, I was walking alongside my bicycle as the road turned into a narrow path winding through trees and bushes. Occasionally, I could ride, but more often, I had to walk. I still held onto the hope that she might disappear. Perhaps it had a better connection than my phone, but what if I ventured deeper into the forest?

The fear that should have been there for walking alone through the forest was simply not in my heart. I was feeling damn good and watched the old trees with unexpected sympathy as if meeting old friends.

A noise behind me made me suddenly realize that I was alone in a dark corner of the woods without any phone connection.

“Don't move!”

The voice froze the blood in my veins. The voice of a man. He had only whispered that, yet it sounded like a thousand-watt scream in my ears. My heartbeats accelerated to the moon.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” he said.

I instantly dropped the bicycle and started to run. No, I do not freeze in place. He yelled behind me.

“Hey! What do you do! Hey! Lady!”

I heard him running behind me and I felt again those contradictory feeling. My brain told me to run, but I did not fear him as much as my brain told me to fear him.

I didn't have time to make sense of the madness. I darted through the bushes like a deer fleeing from wolves. They tore at my skin, but I paid it no mind. Bursting into a meadow, I was struck with horror to find my path cut off by dense bushes on all sides. Gasping for air, I surveyed my surroundings: there was no way to keep running, I was trapped.

I succumbed to my crazed alter ego: "You wanted to face him? Now you've got it!" I thought as I turned to confront my attacker. In my mind, I already envisioned the news: High school girl found dead in the forest after a brutal beating. Brutally beaten and repeatedly violated. Tears were in my eyes. Was that to be my fate? But somehow, I didn't believe it.

A voice echoed in my head: “Let me lead! Let me blast him! Don't be afraid; I can do that.”

Blast him? I took a deep breath and gazed at my would-be assailant. Can you look your victim in the eyes?

He was an older man, and he stared at me accusingly.

“You scared them! You damn mountain bikers, you have no care for the forest!”

That was unexpected. He stopped, not coming any closer, holding something in his hand.

All I could muster was, "That was no mountain bike?"

He scrutinized me, looking surprised.

“Now, now, there's no reason to cry over that,” he said.

I lifted my eyes to meet his. He didn't seem intent on hurting me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

He observed me, a hint of shame in his eyes.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you... Um. I live here. Sometimes... when there's no other option... um... yes... okay. Why are you crying?”

“You're not going to... um, not going to harm me?”

“I can blast him to dust!” - the voice in my head reassured me.

He looked at me with horrified eyes.

“Why would I do that?”

“But... but... why did you tell me not to move?”

“Oh, that? Because of the birds. Didn't you see them?”

“Birds? What birds?”

“The redwing blackbirds? They were mating! You disturbed them!”

“You stopped me because two birds were mating?”

“Um, yes? They're protected!”

My breathing returned to a more normal rhythm.

“Why were you running after me?”

“You dropped your phone; here it is!”

He handed it to me. Yes, it was my phone. I took a deep breath and sighed. A fucking retarded idiot scares me to death because of two birds mating! Well, maybe he was not that retarded and I overreacted...

“What are you doing out here?” I asked again.

He raised an eyebrow. “I already told you. I'm homeless... um, this is my home.”

He gestured toward a shabby construction at the end of the clearing that wouldn't pass for a house, not even for a Neanderthal.

I deflated as I looked at the 'house'. He glanced at me. It was his turn to ask: “What are you doing here?”

“I was looking for a place without internet.”

“Here? Without internet?”

I nodded.

He shook his head. He didn't ask why I was looking for that.

“Not here! You need to go to the North Pole, lady. Or further down in the ocean; maybe they have it even there now.” he said, shrugging.

“What do you mean by that? My phone lost its connection!?” I exclaimed.

He huffed in response.

“Oh, that. Pfah!” he said, pointing up. “Satellites. There's always a connection!”

I sighed. Oh, damn it! There's the connection to your server, you blasted AI. A homeless man knows better than me!

He added, “If you want a place without internet, you should ask Tohera!”

“Tohera?” I wondered.

“Yeah. The crazy woman built herself a Faraday cage. You can shake hands with her. She sleeps inside it; she says it's the only place where she can sleep without hearing voices.”

“Without hearing voices?”

"Oh, fuck me! Me and some crazy nut," I muttered to myself.

Talking with him slowly alleviated my fear. I was still afraid, but no longer in panic mode. Besides, the voice in my head kept assuring me that it was okay, I shouldn't fear him. Same with my feeling, and that was confusing. I didn't feel in danger, but my brain thought I should be close to panic.

“Where is that cage?” I wondered.

Maybe I can still find my answer here, I thought.

“I thought you would be interested in Tohera's cage," he nodded wisely. "She thinks of building more for money. A good business opportunity, she says. Many people will want to find a place without interference since they built the satellite net. Well," he chuckled, "you are the first one so far to show interest!”

That was not very comforting, but what can I lose if I ask?

“Oh... Where is it?”

“Just behind you," he answered, pointing. "Behind those bushes.”

I turned to look at the impenetrable bush-wall.

"There's a way behind those bushes?" I wondered.

"Yes," he nodded. "You just need to know how. I'll show you!"

I took a deep breath. Why do I feel so confident while my brain tells me to panic? This disconnect between my brain and my feelings bugged me.

He could have been trying to trick me, but I was confident he wasn't. I followed him through a narrow zig-zag path between the bushes and, indeed, there was a woman called Tohera behind those bushes, peacefully reading a book.

Reading a book!

Once he explained why we were there, she started to show interest and enthusiastically showed me her project. Her Faraday cage was like a giant dog house made of smaller metal barrels. It had an interesting architecture, resembling a nineteenth-century villa made out of tin cans. If you could call it architecture when looking at a tin can construction.

“Tin cans?” I wondered.

“Not only,” she explained happily. “They have to work electromagnetically, or else you still have waves inside, so all must be well connected. And if you want it to work one hundred per cent, we have to close the door and make sure the connections between the door and the wall are solidly made.”

Was it the 'architecture,' the attention to detail in the construction, or the comforting feeling I had that made me enter? Or was it my desire to end this suspense and gain a clear understanding of my situation as quickly as possible?

Inside the doghouse, there was not too much room left besides the two of us, even if it was divided in what she called 'rooms'. I could not stay straight, yet I did not panic. I waited for Tohera to check the connections to the door and looked at the 'walls'. Why did I know that I could blow this thing up if I wanted?

There was some uneasiness but not outright fear in my head. I'm sure I would not enter the burrow of a homeless if you would beat me to a pulp, and yet I did it of my own volition. I felt really like a crazy nut. I shook my head.

“Are you still here?”

“Of course. I can feel your fear, but you don't need to fear them. What are you trying to do?”

I looked at Tohera:

“Can it be that there is still a connection?”

She shook her head. She explained importantly:

“No. I feel perfect silence. I also have measured it; trust me, I have some devices.”

“But I can still hear...”

She smiled. A sad smile.

“Then it is in your head, honey, whatever you hear...”

I closed my eyes.

Now, I have my answer. It is not an AI connected to my brain; it is simply that I am crazy. I don't know how I could have thought that a connection to my mind was even possible. I grasped at straws to avoid facing the fact that I got crazy.

I fucked my mind, does anything matter now?

I am crazy. Nothing matters anymore. Tears started running down my cheeks.

Crazy, I am crazy! I hear voices in my brain that tell me what to do!

The longer I stood there, the more I realized: I had been running from the truth. Maybe that's why I lost my fear, my common sense, as I was starting to understand the sad truth.

“Whoaa. Girl, what happens?”

“I am getting crazy... I played with the dream interface, and now I hear voices! What can I do?”

I cried and cried. Tohera and later Max, I learned the man's name was Max, tried their best to cheer me. It is not so bad. They had a friend who was hearing voices, too, and he was most of the time OK.

I was so down that I didn't even want to leave. This is the right place for me. Should I go tell my parents my good news? Should I go and tell Lola and Clara: hey girls, meet my imaginary friend!

So I stood there and had breakfast with them. There was some bread Tohera had gathered from a supermarket yesterday evening and some onions with some eggs Max had gathered from the woods.

In the end, I decided to leave. Even if I hear voices, there are people who live with similar problems. It does not make sense to put myself to risk as I just did before.

I tried to ignore the voice in my head.

I left them some change; it was all I had in my pockets.

When I left them, I was very depressed. Max accompanied me back to my bicycle, and I started walking back towards the town.

“You are depressed because of me.” - the voice in my head observed.

I sighed, but I did not answer, continuing to ignore her. She persevered:

“I am sorry, but I can assure you that you are not crazy.”

I harrumphed:

“I am not crazy? I hear voices in my head. Is this not crazy enough for you?”

“Why would you be crazy if you hear voices?”

“Because you do not exist. You are only in my imagination!”

She protested:

“That's not true!”

I heard a noise and a voice behind me again. It was almost the same tone as before.

“Now, what do we have here?”

“Oh, shut up! I'm not going to get impressed a second time! Where are the fucking birds?”

I turned. It was not the old man there. Three guys, not very appetizing people, were behind me. One of them had spoken and now continued:

“I think we have a crazy bird that will get fucked!”

That was the smaller of the gang who spoke.

“Let me lead. I will show you I exist!”

Now what I feared will happen. Oh fuck, Dolores, and who will believe a crazy bitch? What was I looking for here?

“You lead! Take the lead or whatever...”

I said it aloud in spite. Do you want it? Now get it, you lead, and now..., and I lost control of my limbs.

Panic gripped my heart, but to my surprise, I did not hear my heartbeats accelerating. My breathing stayed calm. She tested their magic and found them wanting.

Magic?

Suddenly I was moving with much more grace. I saw it in their eyes. This, however, won me no brownie points with them.

"Get lost, idiots!" - she said

The bigger of the trio came and tried to grab my hand. A small thunder touched him, and he flew backwards as if he had stepped on a catapult. His hair stood stiff on his head like some kind of hedgehog. The other two hesitated a second and jumped at me... and flew back catapulted at their turn. There was a smell of ionized air, as if I were too close to a high-voltage line. Or maybe a welding station.

They were all on the ground, wailing, trying hard to get back on their feet. White Flower approached the guy that had named me crazy bitch. She grabbed him by his crotch, and another wave of shocks shattered the man. I fucking saw electric discharges coming out of my fingers while his pants got wet.

"Is it ok if I kill them?"

"Noooo!"

"Really? They are a nuisance!"

I did not know how to react. I could not say a word. She stood there calmly, waiting for my answer until I gathered my wits.

"No, please don't kill them!"

She shrugged. I felt how my shoulders moved.

"If you wish so."

She did not comment any further. She looked at her hand with disgust, then raised her gaze to look at the idiot.

“Pfuh! Still feeling like fucking me?”

A fire flame cleaned the hand. She looked again at the three still wailing on the ground.

“Next time, I will not be so kind.”

She turned and walked away, ignoring them. I was speechless.

She gathered my bicycle and asked me:

“Do you trust me now?”

“Wow, wow. Was this real?”

“Do you want to see them again and put your hands on those idiots to realize they are real? I can let you lead and do it?”

“No, no. What if they attack me again? What have you done?”

“A tiny thunder spell. These spawns have no magic in them; a higher spell would have cooked them alive.”

“A thunder spell?”

“Yes.”

“What else can you spell?”

“A lot. I am White Flower! We've been together with Cala; you know several of my spells. Tell me, what happened to Cala?”

“Cala is not here. Cala cannot be here.”

"What is this? Another world?"

"This is the real world. This is reality!"

"It does not look more real than the other!?"

"But it is real. This is the real world. Trust me. The other world... Tell me, is it true that you can make my tattoo disappear?"

"Of course, I told you!"

“Can you please do it?”

“OK. Already done.”

“Wow. Can you give me back the lead?”

“Of course. Anyhow, I cannot ride this kind of thing.” - she pointed at the bicycle that she was pushing along the road.

“It is called a bicycle. It is easy.”

Back in control over my limbs, I took my bicycle. My brain was trying hard to make sense of what had just happened. It is one thing to hear voices and something else to shoot thunder and fire from your hands.

She was right that I didn't have to fear them. With my newfound confidence, I rode further through the forest, thinking about what had happened.