Dreamland

I screamed, covered my face, and started to cry: I was utterly broken. Fragments of thoughts were clashing in my mind: this is not a game, I don't want to play this game, I want out, I don't want to feel these worms, I don't want to feel this pain.

The whirlwind of thought clashed again with the impossible images and feelings that were assaulting my mind: I saw and felt those worms against my skin, against my body, against my soul, while my mind screamed: I want out; this is not a game, I don't want this, I do not want to feel this!

There were actually no images as such, as I haven't seen anything; however, I felt it, and that is what translated into images, and that is what my body could not forget. That sensory overload had burned itself into my mind plunging me again and again into the same but everchanging nightmare: more and more parts of my body were being chewed up, penetrated, and digested alive.

My brain was running in circles. I did not realize my thoughts had no logic, as I could not think logically. I did not realize there was no pain anymore, as the pain was inside me. I was the pain.

There were reverberations of pain and horror that washed over me, that circled inside my brain, enough to keep me forever insane.

All I could do was cry. There was some pressure on me, and it triggered my brain as it brought in fresh memories of teeming leeches all around me. I screamed again. I did not even realize I was free to cry; I was free to breathe. I screamed.

Forever insane.

I don't think I would have been able to break the circle by myself. I don't know how I could have done that.

There was a voice that penetrated through my madness. It superseded it. It broke the circle and removed some of the pain.

At first, it was only a feeling. The feeling of belonging to something. The feeling that I was not alone. It helped. It made me susceptible to more.

Then it got meaning. The feeling moved into some kind of words. It was a natural transition.

Those were not real words, but they got a meaning as if they would be told in words. I cannot repeat what it told, but I can try to put it into human words. It sounded something like:

“Feel the power! Feel that you are not alone, pup! Darling? Honey? Sweetheart? Kitty?"

It could have been any and all, and it was so comforting! It was naive and simple, yet it was precisely what I needed.

"Feel the power! We are the top predators, pup; they must fear us. Nothing can scare us. If you are weak now, you will be strong. We grow! You'll grow up and become as strong as I am. Until then, I am by you! Feel the power!"

It was only a feeling that got a meaning in my mind, and I clamored with all my soul towards that meaning, tearing me out of the whirlwind of madness.

Thousands of wolshi tried to tear me apart to pull me back into that whirlwind of madness, but now I had something to rely on; I had something to support me.

There was a furry leg I was clamping myself to. This was different. This was not like the leechy worms that had been around me. It was radiating warmth; the strange words comforted me, and the warmth soothed me.

I am a lynx.

I was feeling better. A growl escaped me. Even if I was a pup, I'll grow big and powerful and not fear anything.

Slowly the warmth spread through my bones, and I took a deep breath.

“Don't be afraid; I am here by your side. Do you feel me? Do you feel the power? Do you feel the energy?”

Still, these were no words; this was again a feeling. I kept my eyes closed, enjoying it, hugging with all my power that furry leg. A soothing warmth spread over me. Why was I even afraid?

A rough giant tongue washed me, and I laughed.

I took another deep breath. My brain started slowly to function, and I opened my eyes and saw.

I was hugging, desperately hugging one of the Lynx's forelegs. Alice, Tina, Spartacius, and White Flower were looking at me.

“You were lying; I am not your pup Lynx!?” -I said between tears and laughter, then added - “But that was a good lie!”

I hugged him again and got another swipe of the tongue.

“When did I ever say that?” - wondered the Lynx

Tina was looking strangely at me:

“Are you OK?”

Wrong question to ask. Something dark came back from my memory. I moved again closer to the furry leg and turned my face to watch her.

“I don't know...”

I blinked my eyes, trying to take reality in.

I was more or less naked, hanging there on the furry paw. Even my spelled-out shirt seemed to have greatly suffered from the corrosive liquids inside that...

A shiver passed through my spine. Fuck, I was inside something.

“I had been swallowed by something, isn't it so? By what?”

An alien scream came as an answer from not far away. I turned my head towards the source of the noise, still hanging at the furry leg, but trying to look behind me.

Spartacius nodded:

“Yep, that was the beast.”

I turned to look at Spartacius. He seemed to have gotten older, more mature, but his face had a greenish taint, and he had some traces of vomit over his clothes.

“Bleah, you should clean up your vomit, Spartacius; you look dreadful like that!”

Everybody laughed as if I would have said the best joke around. I was confused by their sense of humor, but I added:

“Just turn around; I want to dress.”

His face became red, and he tried to protest:

“That's not my vomit; I cleaned it up yesterday; this is...”

Alice interrupted him, looking at me:

“Let me wash you first, then you can dress.”

She smiled and turned her head toward Spartacius.

“Spartacius, please be so kind as to prepare some hot water. A big bowl full of steaming water?”

Another alien sound came from not far away. I tried to look in that direction.

“Don't worry, it cannot come here inside.”

I looked at White Flower as she spoke and sighed.

“What is it with those scars?” - asked Tina.

Scars? She was looking at my left eye and neck and...

I instinctively put my hand on my neck. Strange, I can feel the scar! I should not be able to feel it. I know it is here, but I should not be able to feel it. Why do I feel it? What does this mean? I moved my hand over my left brow.

Oh. Yes, it is there. I looked down at my breast. Yep, the deep scar dividing my chest in two was there between my breasts, cutting a little into my left breast. Now I looked at my ankle. Oh!

I swallowed, trying to think what to say.

“Oh, these... How did my anklet get off my ankle? Where is it? Alice, have you seen it?”

“Ahm...”

Alice was trying to give me an answer; she looked at White Flower. Why that?

My brain was slowly picking up normal speed. I took another deep breath and looked around. Thinking about other things helped. I pushed my hand against the furry leg.

“You! What was that with the puppy thing?”

I asked that, trying to gain time. The Lynx grinned, lowering his head to look straight into my eyes:

“A little spell to comfort pups.” - He looked now slantwise at me, then rephrased his answer - “It is a Lynx soul spell. It creates or uses an existing soul link to help support a pup or a consort or a good friend whose soul is in great danger.”

“Pup? You are my mount!”

I said that, hitting the furry leg with my hand. The Lynx laughed.

“Yeah, sure. Only my pups may ride me. I rather think you are my cute pup.”

“Me cute? Don't you see what I look like? I look like a zombie! I am a zombie! What the fuck happened to me? Why would you need to fuck with my soul?”

“You are my cute pup, not a zombie!” - he answered whilst I spoke. Hearing my question, he paused and became more serious - “Ahm... It is not soul fuckery. It is simply soul support, from soul to soul, from mind to mind. You can say soul strengthening. Don't try too hard to remember everything... The spell has attenuated some, and you may have forgotten other parts of what happened... You will remember eventually at a later time.”

I watched him, unsure. Alice and White Flower exchanged a look. They were wondering if I was OK.

“Yes, but why a pup?”

He sighed.

“It is how your brain interpreted the spell. As I said, it is not only for pups.”

Oh. My brain did it.

“I don't want to forget! Look,” - I turned to Tina - “You asked about these scars? It was when I died the third time. I got a flaming arrow through my left eye. That fucking bastard got me in the end. I saw it and felt it burning my brain. It disrupted me long enough that I got a flaming sword into my heart. See this scar here? That was it. Not enough that I got the sword into my chest, a third bastard beheaded me from behind. See the scar on my neck? I fucking saw the sky as my head rolled on the ground before I died. Was this fucking horrible enough?” - I turned to the Lynx - “So why do you think I have to forget something? What could have been worse than this?”

He bowed his head.

“Pardon me if I intruded too much. You were in delirium since yesterday; we did not know what else to try.”

In delirium since yesterday?

“You did not eat, you did not drink, you screamed, you did not want to move from that fucking stinking place, and you just spew over me the last soup we tried to feed you,” - said a reproachful Spartacius.

Oh. That's why it was so funny. I watched him again, then hugged the furry leg. The warmth was still there, and it comforted me. Something in the back of my mind told me that he was right. I closed my eyes and sighed, then opened them again. I turned towards Tina and Alice.

“Well, look at me.” - I shrugged - “You need to get used to my new look. I wonder how did that beast extract my anklet that should not go off my foot unless I want it to happen...”

Finally, I got my answer from Spartacius:

“I guess it must still be there on your ankle...”

First, I stupidly looked at my ankle. It took my brain several seconds to process the thought. I looked at White Flower.

“Oh. I got new feet? Thanks, Flo!” - I turned towards the grotto's entry - “I guess that beast has now a hell of a drop. A relic class item!”

Tina wondered:

“What is a relic class item?”

Whilst Spartacius was looking with big round eyes at me.

“A relic class item!?!”

“Don't turn! Look away! A relic class item is a unique item that was done in an angel's forge or similar. Forged by an angel.”

“And you had such an item?”

He was standing now well behaved, looking away from me. Alice was giving me the second bath in this journey, and I was starting to get used to being treated this way. It really helped calm me down, and I badly needed it. I nodded:

“Yes, I had such an item.”

“Who handed it over to you? Those items are of inestimable value. You must be in very high esteem, loved by an angel or the equivalent to getting such? What was the item doing?”

“Yeah, Spartacius, I was very much fucked by an angel!”

“Fucked? Angels? Is there anything in this world that you did not fuck with? Now really!”

I sighed. Boys! They always take it ad literam.

“Not fucked fucked, but fucked.”

A furious Tina turned towards Spartacius:

“Not what you imagine, you idiot!”

I chuckled. I might need to find out what Spartacius and Tina had talked about in the carriage during the trip. She seemed too aggressive. Spartacius raised his hands in exasperation. To remove all doubts, I explained:

“I was speaking of Tenebra, the angel of death. The item could store and make illusions cast over me to be tangible. I could interact through that illusion. Well, I only used it to be me without scars, but I could be anybody else as long as it fit above my body.”

“Wow, that's a powerful item!” - exclaimed Spartacius and Tina at the same time.

Spartacius turned towards the entry:

"It is almost worth risking killing that thing!"

A surprised Alice wondered:

“Tenebra is the name of the angel of death? Is it ok to tell her name?”

I shrugged:

“She has many names and many faces. I know her under this name. Might be her true name.”

I sighed. I can tell them the whole story. I don't see why I should keep it secret from them anymore. Not now, when they can see me as I really am: a zombie-like assassin.