Draka

Mak followed me obediently as I led her away towards the stream, though she looked both unhappy and uncertain. I wasn’t particularly happy, myself. I had thought that I’d known where I had her, that I could predict what she’d do. Clearly, I’d been wrong.

"I won't ask you why," I told her. My voice was sharper than I’d intended. This was partly my fault, and I was annoyed with myself. I should have seen it coming… somehow. "I know why, and I understand. But why now? You've been… nice. Taking care of him. What changed?"

"Nothing changed." From the slight tremble in her voice I knew that she was fighting to keep it under control. "I didn’t sleep well and I lost my temper, that's all."

"How far would you have gone if we hadn't stopped you?"

"I don't know. I’d like to think that I would have stopped before I killed him, but… I don’t know." She clenched her hands into fists and unclenched them again, over and over, as though she wished that she had Ardek in front of her so that she could keep beating him. At least her hands looked better now. They would probably be good as new in a few days at this rate. That’s what plenty of food, plenty of rest, and constant magical healing did for you, I supposed.

"So, again,” I said. “You've treated him kindly so far. What changed?"

"Nothing. I mean that. The only reason I've been soft on him is that if I don't force myself to be nice, I might kill him." She laughed bitterly. "Perhaps an activity where I have to hit him wasn't the greatest idea."

That was news to me. Maybe I should have seen it, but I just figured that it was Mak having a naturally caring personality or, after what Ardek had told me, that she was being affected by his ‘Love me!’ advancement. Excessive kindness to avoid committing murder had never occurred to me. "I didn't realise that you hated him that much," I said softly.

Mak’s voice when she replied carried more venom than I’d ever heard from her. "He worked for that putrid bitch! He sat in that guard room and watched them take Herald down, and then carry her back up again because she was too broken to walk on her own! I don't know if I hate him, personally. Maybe he couldn't have done anything even if he tried. But he's the only one of that whole rotten gang that I can touch, so he’s a good start. In his cell, when you told me to tear his throat out, I… if I’d had a knife, he’d be dead now. But I didn’t. And when you told me to use my teeth, it scared me. I was going to do it, but I was fighting myself every step of the way."

“Because you didn’t want to be a monster?”

Mak laughed darkly. “No! Because I was afraid I might enjoy it. Not the act itself, but doing it to him, to what he represents. I had the perfect excuse. You’d ordered me to, and I couldn’t refuse, right? We both know what the situation is. I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but we both know that this isn’t just fear or respect or remorse. You say go, I go, you say stop, I stop. You say kill… I’ve never killed a person before, but I will if you tell me to. I don’t know if I’m physically strong enough to actually tear a man’s throat out with my teeth, but I would have tried. What held me back was that, when I imagined the satisfaction of doing that, of destroying something belonging to the Night Blossom in such a primal way, I couldn’t help but imagine Herald seeing me, covered in gore and grinning. That terrified me. The idea of her seeing me do something like that and enjoy it. Of her seeing me with his blood on my hands at all, and thinking less of me for it.” She ran out of steam there and walked in silence for a while, before managing to say, “It would destroy me, I think.”

Her voice was hollow at the end, and the way she looked at me… there was such pain there, just from imagining, that I never wanted to see what she’d look like if she actually lost her sister’s love. I knew that fear all too well, myself.

As much to reassure myself as Mak I said, “I tore a man’s head from his shoulders, and she didn’t seem to judge me for that.”

Mak shook her head slowly. “He was not a defenceless prisoner. And you, with all due respect, are a terrifying creature of legend, not an older sister who’s coddled and cared for and consoled her for her whole life. I think she expects some extreme violence from you.”

“Maybe. But we have that in common at least, you and me. We both want Herald to love us. We worry about her opinion.”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “So what now? What about me? What about Ardek?”

"I can’t let you kill him, obviously. I don’t want you hurting him at all. Not for its own sake. At this point, as long as he cooperates, it would be really messed up to kill him. And he's our best source of information on the Blossom, right now."

"I know. And I’m… I don’t know if I’m sorry for beating him, but I’m disappointed in myself for losing control. It won’t happen again. I've just been so angry these last few days. With the Blossom, with Ardek, with myself…"

“What about me?”

She stopped and looked at me in silence for a while, as though she was searching my face for something. “No,” she said. “Whatever you’ve done to me, it’s less than I deserve. I made my choice. I betrayed you. For Herald’s sake, sure, and I would probably do it again, but I know what I did. And I can’t blame you for retaliating. I would say that I forgive you, but I am the one who needs forgiveness.”

“Herald can’t bring herself to be angry with me either,” I said suddenly. The words just came and I wasn’t sure why. The idea of a Mak who couldn’t be angry with me should have been a comfort, but for some reason it disturbed me. Maybe I was goading her, trying to force some kind of negative reaction out of her.

But all she said was, “Yeah, that figures. That girl has worshipped the sky you fly in since the first time we met. She talked about you all the way back from the mines, and then again until we fell asleep once we were back in our room at the inn. She was always a romantic, fanciful girl. The idea that a dragon might want to be her friend? I can’t remember the last time I saw her so happy and excited.”

“I think it’s more than that. I think that I’m in her head somehow, too, same as with you. Some kind of magic that I can’t control.”

“Maybe. But in that case it works fast. Like I said: from day one, she never stood a chance.”

There was no point in arguing. She was doing the same thing as Herald, I thought, rationalising away what I was doing to them. It was uncanny. No one wants the people close to them to be mad at them, but when you know that they literally can’t be angry with you, it’s not the same thing. But I would just have to learn to live with it until I could hopefully get whatever this was under conscious control. If that was even possible.

At least there was the comfort of knowing that neither of them would turn on me. Betrayal hadn’t been a big concern a few weeks ago; I’d thought that I knew who I could trust. But now, knowing that I could trust Herald and Mak completely, knowing that I could control them to a lesser or greater degree… as distasteful as it was, it was a great relief. It calmed the dragon in me.

But there was still the issue of whether I could trust them with others, which currently meant Ardek. He was mine, and I didn’t want to turn up one morning to find him dead and Mak looking embarrassed.

“Anyway,” I said casually, turning us back toward the gate. “Do you think that you can keep yourself from hurting Ardek any more?”

“Yes. But I should probably let Herald take over the training, if she’s willing.”

“That’s probably best, yeah,” I said, then brightened as an idea popped into my head, something that I should have been doing for months and just never got around to. Now there was no excuse. “You know what, though? I could use some training, if you’re up for it.”

“You?” Mak said, surprise saturating her whole demeanour. “I saw you tear through a whole house less than a week ago!”

“And I got wounded badly enough that I might have bled out doing it,” I pointed out. “You saw the wound. Hell, you healed it. And as you pointed out, you’ve seen me fight. I do well in fights, but I am not good at fighting. I charge in, fight by instinct, and hope that I’m hard enough to come out the other side mostly unscathed. Ideally I should strike from the shadows, and there shouldn’t be a fight at all, but I need to learn to fight properly. One day I’m going to come up against someone who’s prepared and really good at fighting big, dangerous creatures like me, and I have no idea how that’ll end. What do you think?”

“I… if you want to spar with me, of course I accept. I’m sure it would do me good as well, in case I have to fight a bear or something.”

“Heh, yeah. Did Laila tell you about the bear we fought?”

“Loudly, and with gestures. She was pretty drunk at the time. Did you really wrestle the thing?”

“That… is a very generous description of what I did. The thing had me pinned, trying to literally eat my head. Then Lalia comes charging in on that horse of hers, screaming like a banshee or a valkyrie or something–”

“I have no idea what those things are.”

“Whatever, she was impressive, alright? So Lalia comes charging in…”

*****

When we got back to the gate Herald and Ardek were nowhere to be seen. I almost got a little worried when we walked over to the campsite and they weren’t there either, but then I heard a Thuk, closely followed by Herald’s voice, calm and measured.

“Better,” she said. “But you are moving your left shoulder when you release. You are trying to throw the arrow. Release it! Again!”

We followed the sound towards Herald’s improvised archery range. A dead tree had snapped in half at some point, and the remaining half still stood, dry and crumbling. The previous day Herald had marked a simple target on the trunk and used it for archery practice. Now we found her standing behind and to the side of Ardek who was holding her bow, watching intently as he nocked one of the simple practice arrows she’d brought. He fumbled a bit but got it lined up after a few seconds. With a look of complete concentration he drew back the string, trembling just a little under the unfamiliar strain, then released. The arrow sailed towards the trunk, barely nicking it before continuing towards the bushes and the hillside.

“Well, you hit the target that time! Not bad for a beginner! Once you get it inside the lines a few times we can start to work on distance. Again.”

I knew nothing of archery so I couldn’t comment, but I didn’t think that hitting a tree from ten yards looked that impressive. We watched Ardek shoot a couple of arrows, missing some, hitting some, with Herald giving him feedback between each shot. She spotted us two shots in and gave us a silent nod before going back to instructing Ardek.

“Good,” she said after he’d fired all the practice arrows. “Now comes the fun part. Those things cost a couple of bits each if you get the really cheap ones, the ones that are not quite straight and have fletchings that fall off after a shot or two. Mine are a Peacock each. So now you go and find them.”

“Shit. Really?”

“Think of it this way. You can only bring so many arrows with you. Learning to keep track of them is an essential skill for an archer. But you can always go back to sword drills with Mak, if you prefer.” She jerked her head towards Mak and me.

Ardek looked our way, locking eyes with Mak for a second. “I’ll go look for those arrows,” he said, handing the bow to Herald before jogging off past the dead tree.

“So, you found something to keep him busy,” I said, the Tekereteki coming naturally. “How is he?”

“Shaken, but bodily he is fine now, and will be completely recovered by morning. He was hurt, not injured.” She turned to Mak. “How are you?” she asked, slowing her speech a little and making her enunciation just a little more careful, her voice a little softer, more caring.

“I am… not satisfied. With myself,” Mak replied, speaking slowly and carefully, her face reflecting her words. “Lost control. Should not have happened.”

“I spoke with Ardek. He understands. He had hoped that he was forgiven, because you were nice. But he understands that he was not. If he is angry, he hides it well. I think that he is scared, and sad.”

Mak shrugged, her expression showing just how little she cared about how Ardek felt about her. “If he wants forgiveness, he should help us… hurt? Night Flower. I know that’s not the right word but you know what I mean,” she added in Karakanian.

“He should help us defeat the Night Blossom,” Herald corrected with a nod.

“Defeat the Night Blossom. Thank you.” She gestured towards the bow in Herald’s hand. “You teach him bow?”

“I am teaching him archery, yes. I think it would be good.”

“Agree. Will you teach him the sword as well?”

I cut in. “Mak and I thought it would be better if she does not have any more sword practice with Ardek for a time. But it would be good for him to keep learning. Would you take over until Tam and Val are back?”

“I am far from an expert, and I have never taught anyone the sword. But I can try,” she said, with only the slightest bit of doubt. “Do you think that he will listen to me?”

“He did just now, when you taught him archery.”

“Fighting with swords is more personal, more dependent on individual strength. He may not like being taught by a girl younger than him.”

“A young woman,” I corrected her. “And I commanded him to listen to you and Mak. If he is difficult, remind him of that.”

“It will not be a problem. I think.” Mak said. “I am a small woman. He did not question me. Wants to please, I think. And Herald is bigger than him.”

I chuckled. Yeah, she sure was. Taller than most men I’d seen her with and with a strong build from years of archery, Herald was, quite simply, bigger than Ardek. He wasn’t short, being around Val’s height, but he was also no bruiser.

“Your Tekereteki is coming back quite well,” I told Mak. “Have you been practising with Herald?”

“No. But try to think in this language, sometimes. To remember. Helps, I think.”

“That sounds reasonable.” It did. I knew nothing about language learning, but surely forcing yourself to keep a language in mind must help?

“Miss Herald?” Ardek’s voice cut clearly through the trees. The kid could call, I couldn’t deny that. “How many arrows did I shoot?”

“Twelve!” Herald called back. To us she said, “He shot ten. But I think this will help him keep track of his shots better in the future. I was not exaggerating about how important that is. Remember with the trolls? I almost ran out of arrows on that trip.”

“Some were broken,” Mak objected.

Herald only nodded. Then she looked between Mak and me. “That only makes it more important to recover what you can.”

She was right. It is important to recover what you can. And I got a strong feeling that she was talking about more than just arrows.