146. I Wanna Be in the Cavalry
“All right, Tammy. Remember what I want you to do?”
I’d brought Tammy to within half a mile of the Spurs’ camp. While she didn’t try to hide how unhappy she was about leaving me, she wanted to disappoint me even less.
“Stay with the company, if they’ll have me. Learn all I can about the slaves taken or bought from Karakan. Get my hand restored,” she recited obediently, then turned hopeful. “Return to you?”
I snorted. “No. I’ll tell you if I want you back.”
She looked absolutely crestfallen at my casual rejection. “But— But my lady, how will I tell you what I’ve learned?”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll come to you, wherever you are. Just make sure that you get a proper night’s sleep whenever your duties allow.”
She, of course, took that as a religious commandment. “I will, my lady!”
I watched her go with mixed feelings. She was a murderer and a slaver, or at the very least a repeated accessory to both. She didn’t have a shred of remorse that I’d seen, and I was glad to see the back of her. At the same time, she was mine now. Letting her go took some genuine effort, and despite everything I worried for her. She’d lost her sword hand. Without it, how could she remain with the Spurs? How would she make a living? I’d been told that it was possible to have lost limbs restored, but would she be able to afford it? Did she have any skills that would let her work without it? Would she end up a cripple on a corner somewhere, begging passersby for bits?
I shouldn’t have told her to go. Surely Sarahem and the Spurs wouldn’t miss her? And if they made a fuss, I’d deal with them. I should just call her back, take her back to the inn where I could keep an eye on her. Or maybe she could guard my hoard? I should—
I should let her go, just like I’d decided. She was a bad person, I reminded myself. I didn’t like her. I didn’t want her around my family or anyone else important to me. Especially not around Kira, who’d made it clear that the only person in that company she could stand was already dead. Besides, I’d made a deal with the Spurs, and the idea of going back on it didn’t sit well with me. Tammy was on her own.
Well, unless things got really bad. Then we’d have to see.
I watched from a distance as three riders met her. One of them got off their horse and wrapped her in a blanket, turning the action into a hug that lingered for a few seconds before whoever it was helped Tammy onto their horse. I thought I saw her look back my way, and then the horses turned and rode for their camp.
“So, Draka,” Lalia said once I was back with the others. “What the hell was that?”
“I have no idea what you mean,” I lied. I didn’t even try to do a good job, either.
“Ler– Lat— whatever her name was. Tami. You wrapped her up in your wings and said a few words, and ever since she’s — and I do not use this word lightly — worshiped you. That little display before you flew her away, that wasn’t just fear of you carrying her. I don’t know what you both said, but I know what adoration looks like. What. Did. You. Do?”
“My waves and stars,” Garal said, putting his hands gently on her shoulders. “Perhaps we should not—”
I cut him off. “I am a dragon, Lalia. I am a creature of magic, and I showed her what that means. I showed her the living hell I can reduce a human’s life to without ever touching them. And I would show you what I mean by that, but honestly, I like you too much.” And not nearly enough to have you hanging off my tail for the rest of your life, I added silently to myself. “Though I was surprised at how effective it was. Maybe she’s one of those hidden dragon worshipers Kira told me about.”
“She looked happy at the end,” Maglan said from where he sat, poking at the fire with a long stick.
“Yeah. I told her what to do to make me happy with her. She liked that. Now drop it.”
Lalia went for a sook after that, going off to “look for firewood” among the sparse trees near the little campsite they’d found. I could hear her swearing and hacking for a while, before she returned with a few sticks. “You ‘like’ me now? Not just ‘tolerate?’” she asked, putting the sticks on the already entirely sufficient pile near the fire.
“I guess, yeah. You haven’t been nearly as much of a bitch to me these last few months, and you’re a decent person from what I’ve seen. Damning with faint praise and all, but yeah.”
“You’re all right, too,” she admitted sourly. “You can be infuriating and frightening and creepy as the Sorrows themselves, but at least you look after the people close to you. And you care about innocent people. So keep your secrets for now. I’ll just have to trust you not to do anything terrible to anyone who doesn’t deserve it.”
“I’ll try not to disappoint.”
The next two days passed without incident, but not uneventfully. The others, my friends — though Lalia and especially Maglan were still on probation — continued along the road, and I stayed in the air, flying long back-and-forths between them and the Spurs. The mercenaries kept moving south, and I made sure that they saw me behind them to keep them motivated.
From the air it was easy enough to follow them, but they must have been good at what they did, because more than once I saw smaller groups of horsemen pass within a few hundred yards of their column; cavalry patrols from the Karakani army, no doubt. Sometimes the Spurs would change direction, sometimes they’d speed up, other times they’d do nothing. They made their camps in hidden places, ready to move at a moment’s notice, and not once were they caught.
As I circled one of those camps I imagined Tammy looking up at me, and I wondered how she was doing. My Tammy.
I’d made a not entirely welcome discovery about myself since I returned her to the Silver Spurs. It had happened before, but I’d written it off. Quite simply, I found myself worrying about the people I’d — what? Touched? Subjugated? Dominated? Broken? — and I’d realized that it was no more natural than their adoration for me. I just hadn’t noticed it until recently.
There had been reasons for me to think a lot about all these people. Herald needed no explanation. With Mak, and Ardek, I’d thought that it was simply because they could be useful, and then it had felt natural, since I was around them all the time. The same with Kira, once she joined us. Jekrie had a whole little tribe that I’d promised to protect, and they were mostly an extension of him in my mind, so he was the one I focused on. And of course I’d thought a lot about Zabra and Kesra, both before and after we worked out our differences. Avjilan… well. Even before I broke him I’d wanted to keep Avjilan for myself for entirely different reasons.
I’d wondered about Barro and the scholars as well, but I’d gotten to know Barro, and the scholars might still be useful to me. It was harder to explain why I should sometimes wonder about what had happened to some random mugger that I’d seen for all of two minutes in an alley.
With Tammy it became impossible to miss. The transition was simply too sharp. Until I broke her, I’d wanted her dead. I hated what she represented, and I despised her for what she’d allowed herself to be a part of. It didn’t make much difference to me if she’d done it because of cowardice, indifference, or malice; she’d taken part in the murders of innocent people to cover up that they were enslaving others. Defenseless or not, I would have gladly killed her myself in that village if Lalia hadn’t been so insistent on keeping our prisoners.
That had changed once I broke her, and because I’d already had my suspicions, I knew what to look for. For all that I’d thought and said, for all she still genuinely disgusted me, I still cared about her. Not in the way I cared about people I liked, nowhere close, but I wanted her to live and grow and remain useful to me. To be happy, even. As the Spurs forced their way across a bridge into what must be Happar, judging by the unfamiliar standards on the other side, I worried about her; there had been a small Karakani force guarding the northern end, and the mercenaries eschewed diplomacy and simply charged across. Once they were over the bridge I wondered if I’d ever see her again. If she’d get her hand back, and be able to make a living. And try as I might, I couldn’t make myself indifferent to her possible future hardships.
I couldn’t help but think about how this was only a small part of what everyone I’d touched must be going through, and I didn’t like it. It was disturbing to have my head messed with like that, even when it was myself doing it.
Not that Conscience cared about my discomfort. Don’t be so bloody pissy about it, she’d told me. Empathy is a good thing.
Prior to my revelation I’d been thinking about how much easier things would be if I just started subjugating everyone who didn’t need to die immediately. Sempralia, for one. I couldn’t think about her without tasting venom. I didn’t know what game she was playing — Lalia had read her letter, but there were no clues there, only instructions from the council to Sarvalian, the general in command. But she would tell me. I was going to finish this little mission of hers, and then we were going to have a long talk. And if she didn’t want to be open and honest with me, well… I had ways of making people talk. I’d just have to deal with Kalder first. And wouldn’t he be useful, if I could take him, too?
Thoughts like that had made Conscience decidedly uncomfortable. Violating someone’s free will was no better than any other kind of violence, as far as she was concerned. So, for us to be able to feel even a little of what that meant, to not have it just be something abstract that was easily disregarded at my convenience, was entirely positive in her eyes. Or her perspective, rather, since her eyes were mine and Instincts, too. Now that I knew for sure that claiming someone as my own meant that I would feel responsible for them, whether I wanted it or not, that should make me a little more careful about whose head I messed with.
Or I’d just go all out, create a cult of worshipful former enemies, and set myself up as queen somewhere. That was Instinct’s suggestion, anyway.
On a completely different subject, at some point in our trip, the nagging desire to consume Nest Hearts stopped trying to pull me north and turned south instead. The Need had been getting stronger as time passed, especially after I broke Tammy and intimidated the Spurs’ commander, and my guess was that I’d used some of the power I’d devoured. It fit; all my magic became easier as long as I was “charged,” so to speak, and Instinct agreed, though she didn’t go so far as to explicitly confirm it. I wished that she would; she’d been a lot more helpful back before our merger, when I still thought of her as the dragon.
When I watched the Spurs thunder across that bridge into Happar some of the threads had been so thick and bright that I considered going after them. A dozen or two miles, at most, and I’d have a Heart to feast on. I knew it in my bones. But I’d also be in what was not officially but actually enemy territory, and I couldn’t risk passing out if the same thing happened once I finished absorbing the Heart. They would just have to remain there, achingly, tantalizingly close.
Perhaps I’d have a look when I did my scouting flights. Just a look.
It was weird, though, how there were any Nest Hearts here at all. On the Karakani side there was maybe one, and that was somewhere towards the coast. So why were there so many on the Happaran side? Did no one live there? Did no one clear them out when the monsters became a problem? Maybe they just didn’t have any of those Nest killer crystals? There had to be a reason for it; I just didn’t see it. Another reason to look for them when I went out scouting. Perhaps a closer look, just in case. This was important, after all.
When I thought that I’d be heading south on my own I’d figured that I would just take things as they’d come. I figured that there was no way that Sempralia would send me there without warning the general ahead of time, and their patrols must have seen and reported on my approach, so I’d just find whatever looked like the main encampment, circle it for a while, and then land in the open some distance away and namedrop General Sarvalian when someone came to talk to me. If things turned sour I’d just bug out. With three companions by my side, things went even smoother.
The army camp I found was a small town. I had vague ideas from modern media about army sizes in different time periods and camp followers and all, but that didn’t help all that much with guessing how many people might be there. There certainly were a lot of tents. Hundreds of them for sure. Probably not more than a thousand, but most of them were big. I found it a full day before Garal and the others reached it; it was near the bridge that the Spurs used to cross back into Happar. Since we moved along a major road it was inevitable that one of the cavalry patrols would find them and move in to investigate, and once that happened I gave my companions five minutes to explain the shadow circling them before I landed and approached.
I walked as casually as I could, trying to imitate the relaxed saunter of a friendly cat. The six horses of the patrol snorted and stamped nervously. “Are they ready for me?” I called ahead, and the mounted soldiers, who’d been keeping themselves so cool and collected, startled at my words.
Lalia burst into laughter. “Weren’t sure if she was real until she spoke, were you?” she asked. “Don’t worry. She’s harmless.”
The man I’d pegged as the leader of the group, judging by the fancy crest on his helmet, looked at her incredulously.
“Well, I say ‘harmless’… She will absolutely destroy you if you give her a reason. But it needs to be a good reason, like killing kids or trying to pick up a silver eagle she had her eyes on. For a terrifying monster out of legend she’s nice, really.”
“My love, please…” Garal drew his hand over his face.
At the same time I said, “Nah, yeah, don’t leave any valuables out. That’ll trigger a negative dragon interaction.”
“Draka! Please!” Garal turned to the leader. “Captain Vestem, please allow me to introduce the dragon, Lady Draka. I ask that you try to put aside any prejudices you may have from stories and myths, ignore her unfortunate sense of humor, and judge her on her own merits. She is not a threat to your men or to any other soldier of Karakan.”
“I’m here to help,” I confirmed, getting as close as I could before their horses started acting too uncomfortable. “And I should hope that General Sarvalian is expecting me.”
“Mercies preserve us,” the captain whispered low enough that I barely heard him, as he did his best to calm his horse without taking his attention off me. This close I could see how young he was, about Maglan or Ardek’s age, and I figured they must assign ranks based on wealth here, like in the dumb old times back home. For all his shiny armor and his very impressive horse, it was almost cute how nervous he was. “Well met, ah, L-Lady Draka? I’m Captain Vestem, ah, captain of the second group, fifth wing of the Karakani cavalry. Well met? No, I said that. A ple— we will be escorting you!”
I sat down. “Thank you, Captain. Lead the way! I’ll stay back here with my friends, yeah? Give your horses a little time to get used to me.”
I couldn't smell relief, but with Vestem I didn't need to. “That’s, ah— yes! Splendid idea, Lady Draka! If you would all please follow, then. Horsemen, with me!”
With that Vestem took his fearfully whispering soldiers, turned them around, and started down the road. We followed. I trotted along next to Melon, who had been used to me for ages, while Lalia and Maglan stayed a short ways behind. Windfall could tolerate me, but I doubted that the gelding would ever be as comfortable as Melon, but Maglan’s mare still needed time.
“Look at that little pay-to-lead run,” Lalia chuckled behind me. “Too bad his House couldn’t buy him a stiffer spine!”
“Please, miss Lalia,” Maglan said, though there was laughter in his voice, too. “They’re not all bad.”
“You have a rivalry with the army, or something?” I asked, bending my neck so that I was looking right behind me.
Lalia threw me an exaggerated grimace. “Remember what I told you about being creepy?”
“Not my fault you’ve got a short neck. So, rivalry?”
“The army tends to look down on us mercenaries,” Garal answered from beside me. “The cavalry more so than others.”
“Rich boys and girls, all of them,” Lalia said. “And the officers are the worst. They elect their officers, right? But there’s nothing that says you can’t bribe your wingmates, so the richest bastard usually ends up as the captain.” She snorted. “‘Captain.’ A captain in command of eleven wingmates. And look at that kid. He’s not half the leader Garal is and not a third the soldier that I am. And even if he’s the type that actually takes his position seriously, and not just as a way to get impressionable girls to spread their legs, I doubt he’s even got his first major Advancement yet! And they have him leading eleven other boys and girls around like he knows what he’s doing. It’s got to be funny, or it’d be sad, wouldn’t it?”
I imagined what would have happened if Vestem and his group had run into the Silver Spurs. I couldn’t imagine it would’ve been pretty. “Why would they do it like that?” I asked, and Lalia snorted.
“Got to be able to afford the horses and the arms to be a horseman, don’t you? City doesn’t want to pay for a standing force of cavalry, so they raise them from whoever wants to and can afford to join when they’re needed. And the cavalry’s a bit of a social club for rich children, so there’s no will in the council to change it. A stupid relic of the past, really. Look at Maglan, here! He’s got a salary, the army pays for all his gear, and his officers usually know what they’re doing.” She looked quizzically at Maglan. “Or so I hope.”
“Assholes, the lot of them, but they know what they’re about, yeah.” He lowered his voice. “Until you get to the regimental commanders. Luck of the draw there. Political appointments, you know?”
Lalia spat, making her opinion of that perfectly clear even before she spoke. “We’re lucky Karakan hasn't had a land war for decades. The Happarans may be poorer, have a smaller population, and be ruled by absolute scum, but at least they have competent commanders on every level. They don’t just let anyone who wants to and has the clout to make others vote their way lead a regiment, or worse, an army. The Wolves worked for them a decade ago, expanding around the south end of the island, and as Rallon says it they have the best land commanders around the Sarey, infantry and cavalry. And their navy is no joke, either. Without the league I’d be really worried if it came to a fight for this island.”
Neither Garal nor Maglan argued with that. Those were the last words on the topic, and the last thing anyone said for a long while. It was hard to ignore that there was likely a war brewing, one that might be hard fought. Most of the rest of the walk was spent in thoughtful silence.