Dissonant

I reached up, trying to push my now-exposed ears down flat as Colette stared at me with eyes wider than I had ever seen from her before.

What was I going to do? 

There was no getting away from this. There was no hiding my ears and tail in front of Colette. I just had to trust that she would still… accept me like this.

She would, right?

...Right?

Her eyes flicked between the top of my head, at the ears that I was trying so desperately to hide, and to the mercenary standing just beside me. The silence that had formed between the three of us seemed to stretch on into eternity, until it was suddenly broken by Karla.

“Who’s Fenne?”

Colette quickly reached out, putting her arm behind me and ushering me inside. A chaotic mess of thoughts swirled around inside my head, and I stumbled past, unable to pull away.

Did Colette mistake me for Fenne? Though not quite to that extent, she had said previously that I looked somewhat like her even in my old form. Alvin had said I looked like our mother too, after I had… swiped at him in the middle of our training session.

Were we really that similar?

I turned around in the doorway, standing just behind her as she stared outside at the waiting mercenary. The two of them seemed to exchange a brief look, before Karla threw a salute in my direction.

“Looks like you’ll be fine,” she said, adding a cheeky grin onto the end of her sentence. “I need to get to my patrol, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Fine? Would everything really be… okay, here? Colette hadn’t turned me away or anything… In fact, she had pulled me inside, away from Karla and... any other eyes. 

How was I going to explain what happened to me? Or who I was? If it went wrong, the idea of losing the place I felt safest… 

It terrified me. 

I watched as Karla disappeared into the night, bounding off like she didn’t have a care in the world. Whatever the case, with the curfew being put in at sundown, it wasn’t as if going anywhere else for the night was an option.

Not unless I wanted to get spotted by the patrols she was talking about.

Colette shut the door, then, and with only one passing glance in my direction, turned around to lead me further into her house. I followed behind, ears perked up to hear her faint murmuring.

“I didn’t think Fenne had another…” she trailed off. As we reached the main room, she turned around to face me. “You’re… Are you related to Fenne? Her… daughter?”

How was I supposed to respond? Would she figure out I was… Matty, if I said yes? Would she figure out that I wasn’t a… a girl with fox ears and a tail, and instead I was really a guy? I looked away, unable to meet her scrutinising gaze as I felt my tail press against my bare legs.

“Are you… Triss?”

...Triss? I glanced back towards her, seeing a face full of concern staring back at me. Who was… Triss?

“I don’t know if you have somewhere else you’re staying,” she continued, “or… if you’re staying with the mercenaries currently, but… you’re always welcome here.”

“Th-thanks,” I croaked, my heart thumping so forcefully in my chest that it felt it might burst. She was safe… right? This meant that I would be safe to stay here? But… 

“What’s your name?” Colette asked.

“I…” What was I supposed to answer?

It should’ve been easy. I was Matty. I always had been. I could just answer with… that name, and then explain what happened to me. Colette was one of the few allies I had, in the village. She would be safe to talk to.

She should be safe to talk to.

But I had no way of knowing that for sure until I spoke up.

“I’m…” I tried, but my voice came out as barely more than a whisper. What was I meant to say? I had to explain it to her. I had to. If I couldn’t stay at home anymore, this was the only other safe place I could go.

“I…”

As I tried desperately to put more force into my voice, I felt the all-too-familiar sensation of a blanket being thrown across my senses.

Why did this have to happen now? I staggered forward, unable to keep my balance as my vision blurred and shifted, the sound of my racing heart slowly dulling in the background. 

She knew.

I had transformed back right in front of her.

After an agonizing few moments, my sight finally cleared. I fell a few steps backwards, trying to regain my footing without the weight of my tail. How was I going to explain this?

Colette’s eyes were wide as I finally looked back at her, and she whispered a single word.

“...Matty?”

At that moment, the dam that had built inside me suddenly burst, and words began to tumble out of my mouth faster than I could think.

“I-I don’t know what happened to me — a few nights ago Alvin and I… we stumbled across a-a cave, and in it…” My voice caught in my throat for a moment as I ran out of breath. “I-in it was a really scary monster and this crazy liquid that — ever since it dripped on me, my body’s been weird and… every so often it changes like that and I can’t turn back and I don’t know how to control it and…”

I looked away, holding onto my upper arm with my other hand. 

“I-I don’t know what to do.”

“Hey... hey, it’s okay,” Colette began. “It’s safe here. It’ll always be safe for you here. I’ll always—”

Her voice trailed off as a long, thunderous growl emerged from my stomach.

“...For now, though, how about you have something to eat?” she asked, a small hint of a smile showing on her face. “I have some food left over.”

I nodded, following her into the kitchen as my cheeks grew hot with embarrassment.

*     *     *     *     *

My dinner was spent in silence, sitting on a stool next to the kitchen counter. An assorted plate of vegetables from the fields, cooked or steamed where appropriate… It wasn’t much, but after a day’s worth of training, and with how small my lunch was — I had forgotten to bring food, so Alvin had to run off and grab some from home — any food at all was very welcome.

Colette, after pulling together enough leftovers for me to eat, had left me to my own devices. I could see her through the door to the main room, sitting on her chair with needle and fabric in hand. 

Did she know what happened to Fenne? Did she know why my mother had to leave the village?

When I was younger, I had asked my father about it, multiple times. Each time, however, he brushed me aside. Saying I was too young, or I wouldn’t understand… Eventually, I stopped asking.

Alvin didn’t have an answer either when I had asked him about it. Though that was because he didn’t remember, since he’d still been quite young when it had happened. Other than her appearance, he didn’t remember much about our mother.

As I ate, I went over in my head what had happened when I arrived at Colette’s front door.

She almost definitely mistook me for my mother, and… she was shocked. I could only assume her reaction had to do with why my mother had to leave, but… just as important as her mistaking me for Fenne, was her reaction to seeing my ears.

It almost seemed like she was trying to… protect me.

Had she met someone like me before? Someone who… wasn’t human?

She asked if I was Fenne’s daughter, too. Was that just because I looked so similar to my mother? I didn’t think she had ears and a tail like mine, though — otherwise, Alvin would have said so when he first saw me in that form.

Actually, since she seemed like she wanted to protect me… did she know what I was?

At this point, I still barely knew anything about myself… about why I had transformed like that. Why was it only me that had ended up with ears and a tail, and not Alvin, even though we’d both been exposed to the same monster fluid? Why was I transforming back and forth between the two forms? And why… was I a girl in my new one?

So much information still yet eluded me. As I brought my now-empty plate over to the kitchen sink, I tried to organise my thoughts.

It was about time that I finally got some answers. I had to figure out what she knew.

Once I had washed my plate using water from the nearby washbasin, I left it out to dry, and slowly made my way back to the main room. What was I going to ask her first? I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but I needed somewhere to start.

I took a deep breath, sitting down on the couch across from Colette as I mentally prepared myself.

“Hey, Colette,” I began, my voice slow and hesitant. “Can I ask you something?”

She glanced up from her sewing. “What is it?”

“Do you know why Fenne… why my mother had to leave the village?”

Her hands twitched for a moment. She knew, didn’t she? I leaned forward, waiting through the almost excruciating silence before she responded.

“I…” Colette paused, breaking eye contact with me as she gazed out the nearby window. “I don’t know for sure… what happened. Just hours after the fog came in, she knocked on my door. She was wearing a cloak just like yours…” 

I leaned in closer as Colette’s voice started to waver.

“She looked upset… sounded upset… and she wouldn’t meet my eyes. I asked her what was wrong, and… she didn’t answer. She asked me to take care of her children, and then…” Colette choked. The woman was silent for a second, and then when she finally continued, her voice was hoarse. “That was the last time I ever saw her.”

I looked away, a pang of guilt creeping into my heart. 

That… explained why Colette spent so much time making sure I was okay, when I was younger. Giving me an escape from my father’s attempts to train me to fight, letting me stay here when I didn’t feel safe at home — all in place of Fenne.

“...Thank you,” I whispered.

Despite knowing why Colette had done the things she’d done… I still didn’t have an answer to my question. I still didn’t know why my mother had to leave... just that she had, and that she’d made time to say one last goodbye to Colette before then. Colette didn’t seem to know more than that, and I didn’t want to make her upset again... I sat back, resting my head against the couch as I thought about her words.

It wasn’t until a few minutes had passed that I spoke up again, this time even more hesitantly. “Um—also… Colette...? Why did you…” And how was I going to ask this? From her reaction when she saw me, after my hood fell… “Have you… seen someone like me before? With… when I had those ears and tail?”

“...No, not that I can remember.”

She hadn’t? A chill ran down my spine. If Colette hadn’t seen anyone like me before, then even she wouldn’t know what I was. If that was the case…

“Then why… why did you let me in? I’m not… human.

”

She set aside her fabrics onto the desk next to her, gently pushing the needle into a small pincushion.

“I couldn’t just turn you away,” she whispered. “You looked so scared.”

*     *     *     *     *

Filling a small bowl with water from the basin in the corner of the bathroom, I splashed it over my face. 

Did I get anything out of asking those questions? 

Colette didn't seem to know, well… much of anything. I still had no idea why my mother left the village. Even just… was she forced out, or did she leave of her own volition? Even something as simple as that, I didn’t know. 

She’d held no clues as to what I was, either. Honestly, she seemed almost defensive about the topic, as much as she’d said that she would be safe for me to talk to. I kept asking different questions about it, but eventually she just stopped responding at all. 

Filling the bowl up again, I poured it over my head, soaking my hair through. In the end, I hadn't learned what I wanted to know from talking to Colette. 

I needed information. 

I slipped my shirt back on, pulling my still-damp hair through the neck and spraying water droplets behind me. It left a wet spot on my back, and started to soak the outside of my shirt, but I couldn't be bothered to dry it. Since it was still warm out, it’d dry overnight anyway. 

As I left the bathroom and returned to the main room, a slight glow from the window caught my eye. I wandered over, passing Colette as she continued her sewing.

The faint shine of torches lit up the insides of the nearby houses, creating a patchy orange glow around the village. Normally, there’d still be a few people out and about at this time, carrying lanterns as they finished up their daily work preparing the fields for tomorrow. 

Now, though, it was almost silent outside. Eerily so.

As I was watching, the silhouette of a figure passed over the glow from a nearby house. The mercenaries were patrolling, then. Would they be moving around all night?

I silently made a plan to close the window when I went to bed, just in case. I didn’t want a mercenary peeking in and seeing me transformed.

Although, I didn’t have the flask of black liquid with me... I wasn’t sure if I would end up transforming overnight. No, the flask was still back in my room, sitting with the journal. If I didn’t have it, would I still dream like I had the past few nights?

At this point, a dream would most likely end up being helpful. Since my visit to the crypt, every time I’d had one of those dreams, I had learned something. Whether it was what the mercenaries thought of monsters, or about what happened in the crypt, or even what my mother looked like.

If I had another dream like that, would I be able to learn why my mother had to leave the village?

There was no way I was getting the flask tonight, though. With the curfew in effect, I’d be caught by the mercenaries if I went outside. And I couldn’t ask anyone else to go and get it, either. If it really was monster fluid as I thought it was, and they realised… they’d probably confiscate it. 

Even Karla, I didn’t trust her to go and fetch it for me. Given her line of work, she probably wouldn’t approve of me having a bottle of monster liquid next to my bed.

Maybe I’d go and fetch it tomorrow, when I had a chance. It was likely that I’d have to stay here again, until I finally gained control over my transformations. Having it here would end up being helpful, as long as I could hide it from Colette.

For now, though, I’d have to sleep without it. If I didn’t transform overnight… or have a vivid dream like I had the past few nights… then that just confirmed my theory that the liquid was truly related to it all. I stared out the window for a little while longer, taking a few deep breaths of the night air.

In the distance, a faint silvery light shone out from an upstairs window.