Dirty Switch

“Who knows? I guess he just prefers women.”

The answer was so flat it made the question—which Taehyun had nervously agonized over—feel almost laughable.
Well, Choi Yeonjun had said the exact same thing, hadn’t he? A foolish question deserved a simple answer.
“I mean, in the States, it’s pretty normal for people to bring their partner to casual gatherings with friends, right? So at first, everyone just figured it was no big deal. Over there, not bringing your girlfriend would get you treated like there’s something wrong with you. What else could he do?”

The real problem started after he came back to Korea. Every time Seo Baekhan returned, he’d bring a different girlfriend with him. Eventually, the adults began murmuring about it.
“People here like to say dating and marriage are separate things, but just look at how he acts. The Crown Prince’s a damn fool, sure. But still, he’s the Crown Prince! When even he starts throwing a fit about someone meddling in his personal affairs, the elders know exactly what’s up. They’re like, ‘Wow, Seo Baekhan isn’t just playing around. This is serious.’”
“Is… is it really interpreted that seriously?”

“Of course it is. Baby, don’t even think about marriage until you’ve gotten used to this kind of politics, alright?”
Is that how it works? For Taehyun, it had been surprising—no, deeply unsettling—to hear that Baekhan changed girlfriends so frequently. But he hadn’t imagined so many people were involved behind the scenes, or that there were politics layered beneath it all. Hearing that now, after getting upset over Yeonjun’s stories without even knowing why… he just felt like a child.
“And then there’s Assemblyman Seo Hongkyu and Director Ahn Yeseon—not even trying to rein in their son. Everyone’s thinking, ‘If we send our precious daughter into that mess of a family, she’ll be miserable.’ So they all backed off.”

“…I see.”
“Still, if Seo Baekhan actually did say he was ready for a formal engagement, they’d all line up in a heartbeat.”
Taehyun felt himself relax a little at that… and then immediately furrowed his brow, confused.

What was I just relieved about?
And why do I care so much about understanding Seo Baekhan’s choices?
Whether he dated men or women, whether he changed lovers every few days—it didn’t matter. The spark that Seo Baekhan had ignited in him wasn’t going to burn out because of any of that.

It didn’t change the fact that it was Baekhan who had expanded the borders of Joo Taehyun’s small world.
Even if Baekhan never saw that summer night as anything special.
“So, my baby…”

Yoonwoo gently raised her hand to cup Taehyun’s cheek. Maybe it was the reflected lights of the passing roads outside the car window, but for a second, it looked like tears were glistening in her eyes.
“I just… I wish you’d like someone else. Not Seo Baekhan.”
“…What?”
Taehyun forgot how to breathe for a moment. He could feel his pulse thudding out from the spot where her fingertips touched his cheek. Thump. Thump. Thump. A slow drumbeat that suddenly surged, threatening to break through his ribs.

It was like she was stealing the last secret he’d buried deep inside, like she was about to rip open his chest just to prove she could. The pain flaring behind his sternum was so sharp he couldn’t stay still. Instinctively, he clutched at it.

“…N-Noona, I—”
“I don’t care if it’s another Alpha, a Beta, a man, a woman—just someone who loves you like your family does. That’s all I want.”

“…”
“Maybe Baekhan is a good person. I’ll admit he’s impressive for his age. But he’s not a good guy, not by a long shot.”
“…”

“Taehyun. Love, marriage—they don’t work just because your feelings are sincere. The more sincere you are, the more it’ll hurt.”
Yoonwoo let out a deep sigh. It sounded like someone who’d finally submitted a long-overdue assignment. But there was a weight to it too, like she was still worried about her confused little brother.
Taehyun could only mutter, “No, noona, no…” over and over, before finally bowing his head low.

…Admiration?
No. I think I really like him.
No—I’m sure of it.

I like Seo Baekhan.
A person I barely know. Someone I’ve only exchanged a few scattered messages with. Someone who sees me as just some much younger kid. A fellow Alpha. A man who calculates even his relationships, and who—just like noona said—probably isn’t a good person at all.
His face flushed hot, burning with shame. Seeing Seo Baekhan with a girlfriend had made his chest ache… and then he’d scrambled to collect any crumbs of understanding, like a fool. And now, someone he cared about the most had seen straight through it.

It was humiliating that his feelings had been so visible. And the fact that it took his sister pointing it out for him to even realize what he felt… that was what really stunned him into silence.
“H-How… how did you know?”
“At first, it was just the way you lit up whenever someone mentioned him. I thought, ‘Damn, that fox of a bastard even got to my baby brother.’ But then… you started getting all careful whenever his name came up. Like you didn’t want anyone to know what you were thinking or feeling.”

“…”
“That’s when I knew. My baby likes Seo Baekhan.”
“…”

“But Taehyun, if you really like him, it’s okay to stay that way. Even if he ends up with someone else, nobody can control what’s in your heart. Just… don’t go thinking you have to make it work no matter what. Don’t talk yourself into doing anything just to be with him. If it doesn’t work out, then screw marriage. Just live for yourself.”
They say love is the [N O V E L I G H T] one thing you can never fake—but here was someone he couldn’t even express his love to properly. What was there to like about that?
Yoonwoo let out a loud prrrft with her lips, like a disgruntled cow, as if that thought alone ticked her off.

“That’s why I’m not getting married either… still hung up on Cha Sojin.”
“…What?”
“What other reason would I have for drinking alone and ditching my baby?”

She shoved a mouthful of bitter chocolate into her mouth and chewed in silence.
Taehyun didn’t know what to say, so he quietly unwrapped another chocolate and offered it to her.
So noona liked Sojin noona…

Wait—hold on. Didn’t she just say… that Sojin noona was—
“Yeah. Cha Sojin’s getting married. She probably still has no idea I ever liked her.”
“…”

“So when I saw you acting the way I did back then, I got all weird and nostalgic and… went full naggy noona for once.”
She leaned her forehead against his shoulder and mumbled, “I just don’t want my baby to make the same dumb mistakes I did. I want you to be happy.”
“Noona.”

“Yeah?”
“…Thanks.”
“If you’re really thankful, stop liking Seo Baekhan.”

“…”
“Oh? No answer, huh?”
Taehyun shifted slightly to make sure she could lean comfortably against his shoulder. Then he blankly stared out the car window at the glowing Seoul night.

I like him. I like Seo Baekhan.
But just because I feel this way… does that mean anything’s actually going to change?
All he could think about was how this feeling—what started as admiration and should’ve ended as respect—had grown out of control. He couldn’t figure out when it happened.

From now on, he’d be running into Seo Baekhan more often through Haechi. Maybe that would finally break the illusion. Maybe the fantasy would fall apart on its own.
The truth was, just like Yoonwoo, just like Choi Yeonjun, Taehyun wasn’t in a position to be objective about Seo Baekhan. He barely knew anything about him.
Maybe he had projected fantasies onto his memories and given his heart to someone who wasn’t even real.

So maybe—just maybe—if they met more often, it would get easier.
Taehyun clung to the memory of that moment, when Baekhan didn’t remember where they first met. The way it made his heart crumble.
Yeah. It hurt that much.

And still, I like him.
Unrequited love.
First love.

I’m not an idiot. If that kind of pain keeps happening, I’ll snap out of it eventually.
And then—
The next morning, there was a message from Seo Baekhan.