DIE TRYING [A Roguelite Extraction LitRPG]

Robert Mendelsohn hunched over his desk, absentmindedly tapping his phone with sausage fingers while eating what looked like his third sandwich of the morning. Grease stains and a bit of ketchup had dripped on his tie, but the man clearly didn't care at all. When he looked up from his mobile game to see Wade walk into the office, his eyes lit up with the predatory gleam of a man who lived for these moments.

"About time you finally show up." Bob started. "You know what this is Wade? It's what we in management call 'job abandonment.' Could be grounds for immediate termination, you know?" Bob turned back to his phone, still tapping away. "Hope whatever little emergency you had was worth it."

"Well, it wasn't a emergen -"

"Don't care, didn't ask." Bob held up a finger without lifting his eyes from the screen. "You know what I had to do this morning? Unload the fucking truck myself. ME. All because I thought you'd be an actual reliable employee and fucking show up when you said you'd show up. So what do you have to say for yourself?"

Wade hadn't ever seen Bob do something physical in the entire time he'd known him. Even in training he'd have other employees show him the ropes. He was pretty sure Derek had been tossed to the wolves here instead.

"Well Bob, it's your job to organize around no-shows. They pay you to do exactly this. Maybe do the only job you have better?"

Bob opened his mouth to continue the usual yelling tirade, and then snapped it closed, as his mind mentally parsed through Wade's answer and realized it wasn't groveling or giving excuses.

For a moment, something flickered across his face. Confusion, then wariness. In two years, Wade had never talked back. Not once. Never been late, always accepted last second schedule changes, worked hard and never complained.

Something had happened.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Bob's voice was dangerously low. "I think I might have misheard."

"Which part? The part where I'm saying you're shit at your job, or the part about how you expect others to do it for you?"

He really didn't need to dig into Bob like this. Just put the letter down, turn and walk away. After that, he'd be free of all this for good and never have to worry about Bob making his life miserable.

But Wade didn't leave.

Because watching this little tyrant on his swivel chair, Wade didn't feel any fear or anxiety about standing here on the other side of the desk.

He'd fought undead. Been killed by and then later killed a walking tank. Met gods and demons. Used magic, outright magic, just an hour ago.

Bob was just a middle aged asshole working in a dead end job because it was comfortable.

Wade knew he had to finish this chapter of the life with something that would give him closure to it all. That would make the inner Wade that had slaved here for two years now, feel like he'd been avenged.

Bob was, of course, not going to go down easily. He stood up abruptly, his gut slamming into the desk, sending his sandwich sliding. "You think you can just waltz in after a no-show, then lecture ME about MY job? One more word out of line and you can kiss full time GOODBYE. You'd be lucky to get two hours a week for the next month. Try me."

"Sure."

That single word, delivered with complete indifference, seemed to hit Bob like a bat and reset the anger down. Bob glared at Wade, then slowly sat back down on the chair. "I was only going to write you up for this morning and send you off with a yelling, nothing worse than that. I've been real patient with all your past screw-ups Wade. Real patient. But HR's not as nice as I am. You don't want them called in to run the show here. Trust me. That's when the lawyers get involved."

The only screwups Wade ever ran into was being told to do ten things at the same time, and then blamed when only five of those things magically got together through sheer force of will on Wade's part.

What he found more interesting was how Bob changed like a chameleon. Suddenly bringing out HR as the boogieman. Acting like he'd been nice all this time, protecting Wade.

It was so crystal clear to Wade he thought he'd gotten some kind of buff that let him see things he had been blind to before.

Was Market's buff active right now? Was it giving him additional context clues?

If anything, Wade felt more curious about his old boss. Like examining a hissing snake from the safety of a glass enclosure, fully seeing it despite the camouflage it had used prior. "Well Bob, if HR runs the show as well as you do, I'll take my chances."

Bob started laughing. "Oh, boy. Now you've gone and done it. See, what you're not seeing here is that I don't just run this store. That's not what corporate actually pays me to do. What I actually am Wade, is a cost saving measure. I save them money just about everywhere, and they love me for that. When people fuck around, I'm the find out part of that equation. And right now?" His voice was rising again. "You're rapidly approaching the part where you find out. I'm going to give you one chance. One single chance, to apologize for this fuck up, get your vest on and work till closing. We'll clock you in as having come on time and done truck, and then left at 11, like you were supposed to. And maybe I'll reconsider bringing corporate into this."

Wade placed his resignation letter face down on the desk. "Naw. Let's go Bob, let's find out."

Bob glanced down at the folded paper, then back up at Wade. "The fuck is this?"

Wade shrugged.

The man narrowed his eyes, head calculating what could possibly make Wade of all people act up. "If you think a signed doctor's note is getting you out, think again. There's three hundred and one ways to legally step around these things, they're worth less than the fucking paper you printed it on, assuming you even had the money to print this out in the first place."

When Wade said nothing again, Bob slowly took the paper and started reading. The color drained from his face, then rushed back in a wave of red. "Effective immediately? Funny joke Wade. I'm laughing real hard."

"I'm not joking."

Bob stared at the letter, then at Wade, then back at the letter. And then Wade saw the snake turn colors once more. Like shifting through the spectrum to see what would work best. It was so bizzare to watch, Wade wasn't even sure if this was actually deliberate or if Bob was just doing this intuitively.

He gave a deep sigh, hand going to his forehead, all anger gone as if it wasn't there. "What am I going to do with you Wade? You were this close to full time. Just a few more weeks, and I'd have you lined up for an interview with HR. I still could do that."

Wade didn't move to take the letter back. "You and I both know that's not what you're going to do, ever."

"Wade, I'm trying to help you here. You're always begging for extra shifts, picking up every hour you can get. You think I can't tell desperation when I see it? You need this job because I pay more than any other store out here. You need me. But here's the thing: I don't need you. I've got twenty-seven applications on my desk from people who would kill for your position. People who show up on time. People who understand RESPECT. So are you going to keep playing this stupid game?"

Wade gave him the widest grin he had in his soul. "Bob, you have no idea the kind of game I'm playing these days. I think I'll keep playing."

At this point, Wade just wanted to see by sheer morbid curiosity all the different attempts Bob could pull.

His ex-boss did not disappoint.

"You think you're being smart here. Acting out, making poor decisions. But this?" He waved the letter as if it were evidence in a court case. "This isn't how the adult world works Wade. I'm guessing this little stunt is because you got another job offer somewhere else?"

"Something like that, sure."

"There's a sucker born everyday. See, resignations require acceptance. From management. From me. And I don't accept this."

Huh. He didn't see that one coming. Odd choice from Bob. "Don't accept this? I don't think it works that way."

"You signed a legally binding contract when I first hired you on." Bob leaned forward, his voice taking on a… concerned tone? "If you abandon your position without proper two week notice, that's breach of contract. I'll be forced to send an official lawyer's notice to whatever place hired you informing them that you're still a Hobby Froggy's employee and it's their asses on the line if they continue to employ you while you're on an outstanding contract. Their HR will kick you out faster than you can say 'Toxic Asset.' And then you'll be back here begging for this job back."

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Ah. That's the angle he picked. Wade had seen a few lawyer youtube videos, so he knew a thing or two. "California's an at-will state. And that sounds like retaliation."

Bob laughed. "At-will for employers, Wade. Not employees. Employees still have contractual obligations. Two weeks notice, proper documentation, management sign-off. Did you even read your employee handbook?"

Gaslight, gaslight, and gaslight. Bob really did not disappoint. If Wade had been a teenager that hadn't been curious enough to look around the internet for info, this might have even sounded legit. "I'm pretty sure state and federal laws supersede anything you write on that contract. You can't just write 'slavery is legal' and think my signature would actually make that binding."

The man's demeanor changed up, and Wade could see as Bob swapped his tactics on the spot again. "Look son, you're about to ruin your entire life and you think a few laws are going to protect you." He stood up slowly, moving around the desk with calculated calm. He held the resignation paper up, and then ripped it in half. "Maybe you could win at court, but it'll take a few years of being dragged through it and more money than you can afford. Hobby Froggy's is huge. Corporate does not fuck around, and we do not allow employees to screw us over."

He let both ripped parts of the paper down into the trashcan. "Submit an actual two weeks notice, and then we'll talk."

As in he would try to find where Wade was 'being employed' next and get them to let him go.

Maybe because Wade was worth holding onto, or maybe out of petty spite. Wade stood up. It was time.

"Naw, how about you go fuck yourself Bob."

That finally sunk a dagger behind Bob's carefully maintained face. "You little shit, you have NO idea what you're doing. You think you can just walk away without any consequences?!"

"Actually, as of right now? Yes. Yes, I do."

Bob's face went purple as Wade turned toward the door. "YOU'RE MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE! I'LL BLACKLIST YOU! I'LL MAKE SURE NO ONE IN THIS INDUSTRY EVER HIRES YOU AGAIN!"

"Bob, that's exactly what I'm hoping for." Wade said, walking out the door.

Wade stepped out of Hobby Froggy's feeling like he should just buy himself some food from a restaurant. Maybe some ice cream even.

Bob's micromanagement, the desperate scramble for hours, the constant anxiety about making full-time. All gone.

He was free. He had power over his life again, and the freedom to do something with it. Walking out that door felt like he'd just closed a long chapter on his life and opened a new one.

He didn't even look back as he walked away, Bob's threats fading into background noise.

If his younger self could see him now, Wade was certain he'd have felt happy.

He flipped his phone out to check the time. 8 AM right now, which meant in the UK it would be… 4 in the afternoon? Illy should have gotten his facebook invite already. What was taking her so long to answer back?

Well. He'd still get her to wire him funds after, so all good. Maybe he should go looking for Leon on social media, but… ah. Illy was international, it made sense to use a third-party app instead of relying on actual texting and numbers. But Leon wasn't actually living in Russia. He was Las Vegas, right? He probably had a normal phone number Wade could have gotten.

Balls. Well, wouldn't change the overall plan anyhow.

The sports shop was in the opposite side of his apartment, and that would be his next destination, so no reason not to stop by and check on Eri, and then start heading out. He walked home with a spring in his step, even whistling a little chanty to himself. Nothing to do, no pressing work to get done, no responsibilities, his time was his.

A leisurely fifteen minutes later, Wade unlocked his apartment door, opened it, and then froze. His place looked like it had been harrassed by the world's most curious ghost. His few possessions had been systematically examined, moved, and arranged in slightly different positions. The kitchen drawers were partially open, utensils rearranged. His laptop had been closed when he'd left it open. And also moved, then put back upside down. Places that should have been filled with dust, showed signs of said poltergeist roaming around.

But Ann's red fortress of tarps and divider screens had been left politely untouched.

"Eri?" Wade called out, hearing water running from the bathroom.

He pushed the bathroom door open to find Eri, skeletal hand extended into the shower spray, his skull tilted in apparent fascination. Water cascaded through his rib cage and down his spine, pooling on the bathroom floor. Then Eri turned at Wade's entrance, somehow conveying excitement despite having no facial features. He held the shower spray up, pointing at it as if it was the world's coolest toy.

"You're sorta flooding my bathroom buddy." Wade shook his head with a smile, reaching past Eri to shut off the water.

Eri gestured with one hand in apology, then stared at his hand, again looking unnerved that he knew what the gesture meant and how to use it.

The Nathir didn't really have any body language to communicate apology. Slaves had come up with workarounds, but having a dedicated way of showing apology by itself was unnatural.

"All good, it's just a bit of water to mop up." Wade said, unaware, as Eri handed it over. "I'm guessing Nathir slave quarters didn't have running water?"

Eri shook his head.

Nope.

So they either didn't care how dirty the slaves got, or they had a more magical means of cleaning off filth. Or it was just cheaper and easier to let the slaves handle that part on their own. Rough life.

He'll have to explain to Eri more about the world, and somehow not get caught by people. Telling someone the most basic information about the world would be a surefire way to get the wrong kind of attention.

Wade went to the living room to collect the mop and some towels to clean up, and got a more detailed view at what Eri had been up to while he was gone.

Every surface really had been harassed. The more he looked, the more he found oddities. Books pulled from shelves and replaced, his single potted plant rotated, even the refrigerator magnets rearranged in some sort of pattern.

Yeah zero chance of leaving Eri alone in here, poor guy would be bored to tears once he was done examining human culture.

"You've been busy. Did you find anything interesting in your archaeological dig through my life?"

Eri pointed to the window, then to the ceiling, then made a sweeping gesture encompassing the entire apartment.

"Yeah, I know it's not as big as a literal slave quarter." Wade rolled his eyes. "And trust me, the irony of that hasn't gone over my head either, especially for the rent this place charges me. Come on, let's get everything dried up before we head out for the rest of your disguise."

The skeleton went right to attention at the mention of disguise. Wade gave him a Leon-inspired thumbs up and grin. "Oh yeah. It's ready. Got all the items for it right by the door, we'll get you covered up and then head out of here."

He went back to mop the rest of the bathroom, and when he came out to the living room, he found all the thrift store purchases upended on the table, with Eri looking at each item.

Wade pulled out a beige worn trench coat from the pile. It had definitely seen better days. Might not be one to one accurate, but got the entire thing across.

"Arms up." Wade instructed, holding the coat open.

Eri obliged, extending his skeletal limbs. Without muscle or fat, Eri was basically a walking anatomy model, making the trenchcoat hang far too loose around his bones. But so long as it was buttoned up, it'd be fine. Looked more like a walking coat rack.

"Not bad. Now for the most important part."

Wade pulled out the white fabric he'd bought at Hobby Froggy's and a package of black fabric paint. He carefully applied the black paint in symmetrical patterns, following an online image reference, creating that symetrical Rorschach inkblot effect by folding the mask up and squeezing the ink across. All done, he turned to give it a test trial.

"Hold still." The fabric stretched across the bone, creating a flat surface. It did completely cover the full skull though, so that's all Wade really needed.

"There's something... off about it." Wade said, frowning. "I mean, besides the obvious walking skeleton part."

Ah. The mask lay completely flat against Eri's face, lacking the usual contours of a human nose and cheeks. The effect was subtly disturbing. Odd how small things like that alongside the loose clothing gave an uncanny feeling. Like something was off, but nobody could quite point to exactly what...

"It's the nose." Wade realized. "You're missing a nose. Makes your face look two-dimensional. Actually, I mean… that might work even better? People will just think it's an elaborate costume with some weird mask trick."

Wade added a few finishing touches to the inkblot pattern, then handed Eri a pair of gloves and some worn leather boots.

By this point, the skeleton was basically vibrating in those new boots, excited to go out and see what the world beyond the underground looked like. What it was supposed to look like. And the sports shop should be open by now too, which should have just about everything Wade would need to get.

Eri slipped on the gloves, then took the hat off Wade's hands and put it on top of his shoulder, trying to see if it would hold there or where to strap it.

Wade took it off his hands, and then settled it on top of his head, completing the transformation from undead skeleton to comic book cosplay. He circled him once, making minor adjustments to the hat and coat. Then took out his phone, and snapped a full body photo of the skeleton, before showing him the screen.

Eyes or no eyes, Eri could clearly see the photo and took some time checking himself out. The video on reverse camera mode also did some good. He seemed mostly curious to the fedora and how odd it looked. He took it off and put it back on a few times over, trying to see what it did.

"Like the hat?"

What's it used for? The skeleton all but asked.

The only hat Wade had seen was miner helmets, so this might be the first time Eri had ever seen alternative options to what could be put on the head.

Wade shrugged. "Style."

The skeleton froze in place, then slowly turned to him. If he could give a confused single blink, he would have. The heck is style?

Wade thought the blessing of language hadn't fully translated what 'style' meant properly. It had. Eri simply hadn't believed it.

What Wade didn't know is that in Nathir culture, to wear things that had no purpose was a display of identity and power.

And tools did not have either identity or power. Slaves would never carry any clothing that had no function. It would have been punished by torture and death.

Everything else Eri was wearing had a purpose, to conceal his bones. The hat? The hat had no purpose. And he was about to wear it.

Eri held it in hand carefully, looking at it with a degree of reverence that Wade failed to notice. Then slowly, like a king would a crown, he put it on his head.

It was his now. He was Eri LE-10, and this was his hat. His power. His freedom to wear it.

"Just remember to keep the talking to a minimum, got that?" Wade said, busy putting away the plastic bags for reuse. "Can't have you gossiping to everyone you see out there."

The skeleton clicked his jaw once, flatly, then stared at Wade.

"Why, I am pretty funny, thanks for noticing." Wade grinned then slapped the skeleton's back then pointed to the doorway. "All right, we're set. Just push down on the lever on the door there all the way and pull. Go on now, you should be the one to take the first step out. It's not everyday you get to see the sky and sunlight for the first time."

Eri touched his hat, then pulled down the door handle.