DIE TRYING [A Roguelite Extraction LitRPG]

"Wow wow wow, buy me dinner first before you try and choke me." Play didn't even flinch or dodge the attempt his attempt to wring her neck.

Unfortunately the reason she could still talk at all was because her butler's hands had shot out and grabbed Wade's wrists with strength completely out of this world.

"Sorry to break your heart, a goddess like me doesn't do 3D anymore~" One of her fingers reached out and booped his nose as he remained trapped in the butler's hands, before she hopped back down on the couch with a bounce.

"Let go." Wade hissed to the butler. "I just want to murder her, that's all."

The man named Zinny looked almost pained as he turned and met Wade's glare.

"Listen kid, I really wish I wasn't strong enough to stop that. Because between you and me, and this is coming from a place of genuine concern, it just kills me I'm forced to step in."

"Who the fuck are you?"

The butler flashed a smile. The teeth were indeed just slightly sharp.

But Play answered for him, before he could say a word. "That's just Zinny, my summoned NPC butler that handles everything for me. Don't pay him too much mind, I'm the important one here."

Zinny stared at Play, who was already making her way to a small little fridge by the side of the TV.

The girl looked more like she'd gone five days without taking a step outside and couldn't be bothered to change her clothing anymore. An oversized pink shirt that said 'I'm the goddess!' in the most obnoxious pink font he could imagine - and what looked to be the bottom of equally pink shorts showing up under the shirt's hemline. Matched the cat-ear pink headsets at least, only thing missing was some soda stain or grim all over the shirt. She even had dark bags under her eyes, the kind one would get from staring at a screen in pitch darkness for far longer than would be healthy.

The man slowly turned to Wade with a look of utter despair as Play chugged an energy drink, burped, then tossed the empty can behind her.

"Right. Summoned NPC butler." He said the words as if they were ash in his mouth. "Because every terminally online basement-dwelling NEET needs a personal butler after all."

"Hmm, what was that Zinny? Are you suggesting you're not happy here?" She gasped, a mock thing. "Why if you're upset, I can always send you back to Azdrial whenever you want~ Just say the word and you're back to your old happy life over there."

Wade could detect a retail worker smile from ten miles away, and the butler lit up with the most flawless version he'd ever seen. "Whoa-whoa-whoa babe, darling, light of my eternal torment. Where else would I possibly want to be than right here, catering to your every whim and random desire? Simply. Cannot. Imagine."

She skipped back from the fridge, jumped to stand on the couch and used the added height to pat the butler on the head with affection. Given how short she was, she really did need the boost. "Also Zinny, where are the snacks I ordered? I had to get my own soda, what kind of service is this?"

The man closed his eyes and took a long steady breath Wade recognized with deep familiarity. "Right, snacks. Your wish is my command. Quite literally, as it so happens." Wade's hands were let go. The butler's eyes turned to Wade, down at his hands, then inched back to stare at Play's neck, head slightly tilting, eyebrows raising up and down as if trying to send some secret message to Wade.

Then he turned and walked right out the doorway, closing it somewhat shut behind him. The wires stuck at the bottom of the doorway prevented a full seal.

"That leads back to earth, in case you wanted to know." Play said, sitting on the upper couch pillow, socked feet on the actual couch seats. "But you probably wanna buy some stuff first while you're here." She patted the upper couch pillow a few times, the unworded request there.

Play turned to him, smiling wide.

All alone in the room.

…

Wade lunged to properly strangle her this time.

She didn't even bother to dodge, and his hands wrapped around her neck without so much a struggle, lifting her straight up and off the couch. She weighed nothing. Actually nothing. She was already short, and Wade was very tall for a man.

He didn't care, he was out to fulfill a promise.

"YOU." His thumbs pressed in. She still didn't seem particularly bothered, still holding the same expression she had two seconds go, empty eyes looking down at him as he twisted her away from the couch. Wade vented everything he'd gone through.

Play blinked at him. Then a deep smile stretched across her face as she typed something out on her phone and turned the screen so he could read.

lololol this is pretty fun. Maybe get some anger management therapy on the list of stuff to buy? (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

He saw red. Wade shook her like a maraca all at once, still trying and failing to strangle the life out of her. That finally got a reaction out of her.

"Mmpf- hey, hey! Careful with the headset!" She said, dropping the phone as she held onto her cat-eared pink headset with both hands before his throttling could shake those loose. "Those are limited edition! Zinny had to travel all the way to anime expo to get these babies, and I had to hear him complain the entire time. Besides, you were only there for three hours and thirty four minutes you big baby."

Wade hissed, but he had a new target he could go for. One hand reached straight for that headset and Play vanished from his grasp. One moment he had her in his hands, and the next he was holding nothing, lunging for air.

"Michael, Michael, you're really hurting my feelings here, I thought we were having good fun~"

He turned to where the voice was, and she floated above, like the Cheshire cat would. Smiling just as wide. She was laying down on an invisible plane, elbow propped up to hold her head, but nothing else was under her. No wonder she didn't care if he tried to hurt her. She was fucking with his head.

"I'll break everything in this little room of yours." He threatened. "I'll start with your figurine collection, and move onto your PC and bookshelf."

Now she frowned. "You break anything here, and I'll make you buy it. Would be a shame to miss out on a few important bills like… what do you mortals call it - rent?" She gave him a wink and a little blown kiss off her hand.

Wade had never felt the need to squash someone's head in any more than he did right this moment. He swung to punch her, and she vanished into stars just as his fist sailed through.

"Bold of you to pick a fight with a goddess. And here I thought you were so level-headed about most things, minus one golem." Her voice came from behind him. "I never lose, you know? I'm the goddess of games after all. And I'm very, very strong in this world." Her words echoed away, laughing like she'd stolen something.

He turned around but she wasn't there. Or anywhere in the room.

Wade walked around in three circles, letting the movement calm him down. Yes there were plenty of smashable things nearby, but some part of him was clawing back control: There were smarter ways to get some kind of revenge over all this without it coming out of his wallet, and he'd find it. "I hate you. I hate this game. I hate everything." He said, feeling the last of the rage bubble away as he sat down on the couch, exhausted.

"Aww, don't say that, you're just hangry." Play reappeared, falling into the couch with a slight bounce on the pillows.

She had weight then. Which means she'd made herself weightless earlier on purpose. She really was fucking with his head, or turning this all into her little personal game.

Wade cursed, using his hands to cradle his head.

"Relax big guy, Zinny should be back with snacks soon. Unless he's having another existential crisis in the hallway again." She sighed, giving the most exaggerated shoulder shrug there was, arms, closed eyes and head shaking included. "So hard to get actual competent help out here."

"I want to go home."

Play snapped one eye open at that, antics done. "The door's right there." She pointed where the rat's nest of wires were all leading up to, while she kicked up her legs on the coffee table. "Go on and walk on through it whenever. Just don't say I didn't warn you."

Wade stared at the girl sitting next to him. She didn't pay him a second of attention, grabbing a TV remote and going through the menus. She swapped from the playstation's ban message to netflix. In moments, she was continuing a korean drama of some kind.

"…Why shouldn't I go back to earth?" Wade finally asked as the opening scene wrapped up on the TV.

"You got no phone Michael, no alarms. You walk back home right now, you'll wake up naturally at whatever time your body decides is normal." She paused the TV for a moment, turning those soulless eyes to him. "It would be pretty ironic to see you lose your job despite making it out of Azdrial within the day. Get so close to what you were hoping for all this time, only to stumble on the very last part. Even I'm not going send you away without at least giving you a heads up on that~ I am a gracious goddess after all. But the rest is up to you mortal, so do as you wish. This is your life and world after all."

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Wade looked down, where Play looked up at him. "Gracious goddess." He repeated, and the tone in his voice said it all.

She tutted, "Look Michael, I'm really stretching my own rules here in giving you help, I don't help mortals out anymore. You all keep on dying so fast, it's bad for my mental health to keep caring about every single one. But I'll do you this one favor. Storefront says a phone like that's just basic supplies. And it's a single coin, and you'll get the entire phone all fixed up. Maybe you should do that~"

Halfway through talking, she was already turning her attention back to the TV to unpause and continue watching her soap opera.

Wade sighed, "Fine, do it. Give me my phone back."

Storefront coins: 8

She reached out to the system message that appeared before them both, a hand pulling out a translucent gold unadorned disk, then tossed it forward. It vanished before it so much as hit the table.

Storefront coins: 7

A phone appeared in front of Wade, floating just in reach.

His phone. Same color, model, and everything. The screen cracks were all fixed, and there weren't any scratches over it either.

Wade reached a hand out to the floating phone. It was completely repaired. Factory brand new. "Is it… a copy?"

Play laughed, "Probably? The System can move you across dimensions, and outright bring you back from death, you think making a new smartphone with all your data is at all a challenge to it?"

Wade thought about it. Then, was he still… himself? Or did the system-

"There's no second you by the way, to save you some trouble there." Play hopped up on the couch again, a hand grabbed his cheek and forced him to stare back at her. "Listen well Michael Valentine Wade. You can die as many times as you want on Azdrial. But if you die on earth, that's outside the game. You die for good here. Understand? Earth's where the real game happens, where all the stats and gear you collected really matter in keeping you alive from everyone else." She lightly tapped his cheeks, letting him go. "So don't do anything dangerous when you're home, I'd hate to lose my S-tier gacha pull."

Play tapped the air and an interface came up. The System again. "You've got seven coins left to use. Here's the base list of stuff you can buy with it, have fun~"

She passed him the blue window, tangible to her somehow. Then grabbed the remote control, and started her korean show again, digging herself into the pillow. "You humans really do entertainment right. Best decision ever."

Wade looked down at the screen of options.

Hah. The axe she'd promised all that time ago. Guess it was there after all. Rerolling points would be expensive, but not as much as he'd feared. He'd need to test how many quests he completed during the average round and then make a judgment over it. The next two items made his eyebrows rise.

"What are these two?" Wade asked, pointing.

"Extra retry and an extra respawn. Duh." When Wade didn't answer but instead glared at her. She eventually coughed up the information. "Fine, let me check. Hmmm, looks like extra retry means if you're eliminated from the game, you pay this up and get to stay in the game. Extra respawn says if you die during a round, you can heal back to full HP in the same place you died instead."

"Eliminated from the game?" That seemed pretty serious. "How does someone get eliminated?"

She shrugged. "It is a player vs player battle royal in the end, so you'll probably need to figure this one out soon. Before others figure it out first. Maybe ask some of your friends about it first, they seem like the type to know. Good luck~"

Dying didn't kick him out of the game, so it's probably something else. But Wade knew he didn't have any data to work on yet other than Illy.

He looked over to another screen.

"And that's?"

"Permanently unlock boons you used in the last round, and they appear here so you can equip them for any future round you want. The System always gives you a random one the moment you start the round, and you can equip one boon from your roster ahead of time. So you get to run around with two boons each round."

"And if I don't buy the boon, can I still buy it next round?"

Play laughed, "Nope. It's gone for good unless you randomly get it again for a future round, so make sure you get at least five coins each round or else you'll miss out. If you die off or end a round too fast, it's over for you. Likely you'll never see that boon again, so take your time and make sure you get those coins one way or another. I'd buy every boon you can get early on before you start being stingy about your coins. More options to work with, easier things get."

"What about my stats and levels?"

"You keep them. Duh. There wouldn't be an option to redistribute your stats if you reset each round. You'll be walking back into earth with plus one vitality and plus two strength. Congratulations. You could spend a coin, and respec all back into vitality to get rid of your limp and all that. If you want."

Wade shook his head. He had seven coins left to use, and he had a feeling they'd be important to use well.

The last window showed him a different menu, this time all listed under 'System upgrades"

The list went on from there with question marks, entire sections of the system closed off until it hit milestones.

Level 10 was a big one, as was fifteen, twenty and twenty five. The coins themselves seemed more throwaway for anything in the ten bracket, compared to what they unlocked. That could be a tutorial thing, where the system was slowly introducing something at a time. The rest of the upgrades past level 10 were clearly mid game to end game like Play suggested.

"What's 'Early Access Boon'?" He pointed at the very first one.

"Gives you the random boon you'll get right now instead of when you go into Azdrial. Knowing what you're going to get saddled with is probably important when picking what boon to pair it with from your roster, I'd imagine."

"And would I have that boon when I walked out of here into Earth?"

"Yep. Get to test out combos and prepare yourself on Earth for as long as the day lasts, until whichever hour the System yanks you back into Azdrial."

So, extremely important.

"And the rest of these items?"

She tutted, hand pressing the pause button, then rewinding back a bit, planning to unpause and rewatch what she'd missed. "Fine, fine, I suppose it is technically my role to answer. Be grateful I'm helping a lost little lamb like you."

Wade stared at her. Be grateful she says. Then he started to smile. "Oh, so answering questions is something the rules say you need to do huh? How… interesting. What a shame I have so many questions to ask. So many."

He might not be able to physically hurt this NEETess, but work and not being able to watch her TV fucking serials seemed to be the closest he could get to mental damage.
And he could see she had immediately realized his plan.

Because for once, he saw her face twist in what looked to be fear.