Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Funny how people will follow traditions even when they don't make any sense. Like, I get it, a lot of stupid little traditions are just fun ways to connect with the folks around you. Trick or Treat lets the neighborhood kids meet all the neighborhood adults and vice versa, which is normally a good thing. All of the gift giving holidays are ways to share with folks you care about, to connect with them in little ways.

Then there are the food holidays. Summer feasts are usually celebrating the first big harvests after Spring. Harvest feasts in the Autumn let everybody pack on a few pounds for the winter. Yule lets you finish off the stuff that's gonna go bad before it does, Spring Solstice feasting lets you commiserate with everybody else about how badly bare the cupboard is, and maybe lets everybody share what they've got, so if we ran out of veggies before meat, and the neighbors ran out of meat before fruit, and the ones on the other side ran out of fruit before veggies, and the guy across the street has nothing but cereal, we can all get together and even if everybody's a little hungry, nobody's gonna die because they're missing their essential vitamins and minerals.

Okay, maybe everybody's gonna be a little malnourished, but even shared suffering can help a community bond. Like I said, that's what a lot of traditions are about, bonding a community together, because Humans are social primates. Hell, Human Adjacent people are too, even if some of them get a little off on either the 'social' or the 'primate'. Sidhe and Trolls come to mind for the former and latter. Although that's not really fair. Sidhe aren't anti-social. If anything, they're like autistic folks whose whole Special Interest is Proper Social Behavior.

Huh. That makes me wonder if Ria and Cailyn aren't as Sidhe as their mom for some reason, or if maybe she's just set in her ways because she's old as fuck. Now I'm also wondering if Tallulah is anywhere near as old as Marie. Like, I don't think she's as old, but... I'm sure she's got to be twice Cailyn's age, and Cailyn is... decades? I don't think she's over a century. I'd ask Ria, but I think that might get weird.

At any rate, I'm not against tradition as a rule, but sometimes real life is a round peg that does not fit in tradition's square shaped hole, no matter what the video says.

So last night dinner was kinda weird. I'd say awkward, but for whatever reason Grandma Aetos decided she didn't want to sit through an awkward dinner, so instead of making us feel weird about spoiling Marie, she mostly got a weird kind of parallel treatment from all the kids, and made offhand little comments whenever Marie seemed like she might in some way stop blushing about all three of us taking turns pampering her. Like I said, a little bit weird for a little old lady to be soft trolling our bride-to-be, especially what with the old lady being the grandmother of my wife, but it wound up not being bad weird.

Best one liner of the night had to be when the kids, which mostly meant Isnomi and Alex, were complaining something about 'bear stew again', Grandma Aetos hushed them by saying, "bear's better than fish, even if it is a little gamey. Not as gamey as feline, though, if you don't wash it real good before you eat it."

I almost dropped the spoon headed for Marie's mouth at that, and barely managed to save it a second time when Menace chimed in with, "yeah, theyah thingth tathte nathty!"

At that point Ria turned to Isnomi and, brows drawing down, said, "you didn't eat one of our Steeds, did you?"

Menace got all of the shifty in her eyes when she said, "no?"

"Then how do you know what they taste like?'

"Because... uh... I'm hungry!" She then filled her mouth with stew and didn't stop shoveling it in until it was time to go get washed up.

Of course, now I want to know exactly how my two year old knows what Fae Steeds taste like. I mean, a goat is one thing, but a whole assed not-horse thing is something else entirely. Although now that I think about it, she's right, they do have a lot of feline going on, now that I think about it.

When everybody'd eaten their fill, I took Grandma's hand and stepped the five of us up to the Bath. Saffron stepped away to help Grandma undress, but before they got too far the kids stormed into the room and took over. I tried really hard not to stare, and mostly succeeded. Gotta hand it to Grandma, she managed to field all the questions about why she had wrinkles, or saggy bits, or just generally why she looked all decrepit pretty fuckin' well. Mostly just by bluntly pointing out that she's old as shit.

Weirdest thing had to be Ria, who looked low key horrified by the whole concept of getting old. Then again, it's not something she ever has to worry about, apparently. But Grandma didn't seem upset or even put off by that. She just ruffled Ria's hair a little, smiled, and said, "don't get as old as me if you can avoid it. Live as long as you can, but," she turned and sighed as the hot water from the shower sluiced over her, rinsing off the soap from where the bigger girls had helped with her back and the haphazard job the littler girls had done helping her scrub her legs. "Stay young as long as you can, too. It's no fun when things stop working."

As we moved to the Bath, I murmured to Siobhan, "is there anything you can do for her, Ice Pop?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry." She looked at Saffron, who'd rejoined us once Grandma had the horde hoard surrounding her. "Truly sorry, but she's not ill. Not injured. Just... old. So very old. Were she Dan, she would still be elderly, but she's Human. It's something of a miracle she's lived this long."

I pulled Saffron into a hug. "Say the word, Kitten. Dad owes me plenty of favors. Shit, I'm sure Marie would make you a Maenad if you want."

"Yes."

She snorted at me. "Oh, please. I've at least two decades yet before I need to worry about that. I'm Bag, not a literal cat."

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"For your Grandma, then?"

Saffron's gaze slowly dropped. After a long moment, she shook her head, a single convulsive jerk. "No. Not... not by my decision. You're welcome to make the offer to her, if you like." She looked up, shooting Marie a wry smile. "I'm not sure Marie could do the same."

I hadn't often seen Marie look guilty, but just now she did. "no" Her whisper almost didn't make it to me.

"Hey, not your fault, Mittens. You didn't set up the rules on making new Maenads, did you?"

"No."

"So you're not responsible for them. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work if you started banging somebody just to turn them, would it?"

She got a speculative look, but shook her head. "No?"

Saffron snorted. "Not like Grandma would be up to Reveling with a Maenad at her age."

Right then Grandma's voice cut through the chatter of the kids around her. "Heck of a way to go, though."

None of the kids had any fuckin' clue what she was talking about, and none of us could stop laughing long enough to explain. Not even Saffron, Mom Extraordinaire and Face Tanker of Hard Questions.

When the laughter eventually died down and the kids went back to playing games and waiting on Grandma, Saffron murmured, "so, my beautiful soon to be wife, did you like the preview of your fate Saturnday?" Marie blushed a little and nodded. "Would you like to see more?" Marie blepped.

I pulled Siobhan into a hug. "What do you think? You recovered from yesterday yet?"

She smiled goofily then said, "I am absolutely not, and I absolutely want to anyhow."

I wound up having to carry Siobhan to work this morning and settle her in to her seat at her desk. "I think maybe we pushed you a little too hard, Darling."

She smiled up at me despite looking a little haggard, then winced as her butt hit the seat. "Nonsense. I can think and Shape just fine."

I grinned down at her. "Yeah, but can you walk?"

She grinned right back at me. "I can think and Shape just fine." Marie? A moment later I got a little feedback as one of me followed one of Marie into the Infirmary. Siobhan waved her down and quietly asked, "it was your heartfelt wish to have Tabitha remove your ability to walk on Saturnday, wasn't it?" Marie blushed and nodded. "Well then." She turned to me. "Last night's fun ought to work. Just more, and probably more vigorous. Marie is, after all, far more durable than I."

Then she reached up, pulled Marie down, and kissed her right there in the Infirmary. Definitely took the two Cadets by surprise, especially when Marie started to purr. I looked at them and said, "yeah, Sister Siobhan and Marie have a lot more in common than you might think."

So while one of me stuck around the Homestead, bopping between Marie in the kitchen and Grandma Aetos with the kids, while another of me hung around Siobhan acting as her feet and hands where needed, but mostly needling her trainees, most of me followed Marie around all day and checked in on the wedding plans. Right up until after lunch, that is. At that point the Marie watching over Saffron stepped up to her, lay a hand on her shoulder, and said, "Come."

"So forceful. Right here?" Saffron murmured, then flashed Marie a smile before looking out at the gathered Grand Council members. "Ladies, Gentlemen, I am needed elsewhere. I will return as soon as I'm able."

"Go on then," laughed Mrs. Driver. "We'll be fine for a while on our own. We're Grand Councilpersons, not children. Even if some of us act like it sometimes."

Saffron nodded, and Marie stepped the three of us to the basement of the Academy. A few moments later a couple other Maenads joined us and before we knew what hit us, they'd stripped us down to underwear. Okay, stripped Saffron down to underwear and me down to my normal lack thereof. Then just as quickly and efficiently they slipped boxers and undershirts onto us, then fancy shirts, slacks, shiny shoes, cummerbunds, and jackets. They even put swanky top hats on us. I glanced at Saffron at one point, and the sight of her in the tuxedo from Raven's drawing hit me so hard I didn't even notice when one of the Maenads hissed at me a little bit and turned my head back to face front while they pinned things and marked them.

"Saffron?"

"Yes, Tabitha?"

"I want you in that Tux."

"Well, I'm certain we'll have the opportunity Saturnday."

"Yeah, no, that's Marie's day. Birthday maybe?"

Saffron just chuckled at me, the sound crushed velvet against my Soul, not to mention other parts. "Like this?" Her voice dropped, and he said, "or like this?"

He laughed as I whimpered and the Maenads hissed until Saffron switched back to herself. At that point I looked at Marie, who'd been orchestrating the whole thing, and asked, "so, when do we get to see you in your dress?"

"Friday."

Saffron snorted. "You mean you don't have that tradition either?"

"Which one?"

"The groom isn't supposed to see the bride in her dress before the wedding."

I shot Saffron a booger look before being chivvied back to face front. "Groom? I'm a groom now? Aren't we all three brides?"

Saffron just snorted her opinion of that. Then followed up said snort with, "do I look like a bride?"

"You always look like a bride to me, Kitten. Forever and always."

I heard the blush in her voice when she said, "Fine. Whatever. We're still not wearing dresses. So the tradition doesn't apply."

"So it's still bad luck for the bride to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding?"

"Correct."

"But not for the bride to see her brides in their tuxedos?"

I watched the Maenads get annoyed as she nodded, their gazes tracking the movement of her head. "Now you're getting it."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "I ain't getting nothing of the sort. Only thing I'm getting is the two hottest Wives in the Alliance in my Bedroom Saturnday night."

"You mean three," Saffron corrected me.

Marie, like she always does, ended my argument before I even started. "Yes."

Took like half an hour for Marie and her Maenad assistants to get our tuxes marked up for final adjustments. I'd say I'm not sure why it took so long, given how quickly Marie managed to custom fit my uniforms back in the day, but then I can't really say the uniforms were 'custom fitted'. More 'one size fits all, tailored just enough not to get in the way'.

As they stripped the tuxes off us far more carefully than they'd pulled off our clothing, Saffron asked, "do you really want that? For your birthday?"

"You in that tux? Oh, fuck yes."

"Both ways?"

"How would Siobhan put it? Oh, yeah, 'Yes, please!'"

Saffron just chuckled, that dark velvet rubbing against my brainpan. "Conditions..."

"Done."

"Oh, no, Goof. You'll hear these, and accept them, and think about them often between now and then."

"Yes, Ma'am. Done. Yes, Dear." My mouth had taken over and was just spouting affirmations of Short Stack Saffron Supremacy in an effort to ensure my eventual Tuxedo devastation.

They finished with her before they got the tux entirely off of me, and she stepped over and ran a hand along my arm. "First, no complaining about any other gifts. We give, you say 'thank you' and accept. Understood?"

"Yep. Absolutely. Got it. No complaining. Just taking."

"Or being taken. Now, as to this birthday in particular, you'll be wearing yours, too." I nodded. "Both ways." I glanced over at her, and she Grinned that inhibition disintegrating Grin of hers. "I rather expect after four times they'll be in desperate need of repairs." I swallowed, trying to come up with a witty response, but she cut me off with, "yours definitely will when Marie's done with you."

"Yes."

I may be a Goof and an S plus plus tier dumbass, but I knew the only appropriate response to that. "Yes, dears."