Day Six Hundred And Thirty-Eight
Dear Diary,
It's funny sometimes how little superstitions, even ones mostly cited for comic effect, can seep into the fabric of our lives, staining everything we do so subtly and completely that we don't even realize how quietly toxic and corrosive they can get. Like, stuff so small and ridiculous and apparently innocuous that we all do it, but any of us who take it seriously, or who wind up having to take it seriously for whatever reason, wind up... Well I think it says a lot that I 'have to take it seriously'.
I'm not just talking about the fact that here and now I have the ability to affect the Laws of Physics with an effort of will. I can stop Time and bring the dead to life with a word. I'm not sure how exactly I'd do it, but I could turn the planet itself into another asteroid belt. I suspect that the greater part of Mimic, the part to whom the Continent Tipping Fatass is only the tiniest portion, could do more than that if I pushed her to do it. So I've got to be very aware of my own beliefs and shit like that.
I'm also not really talking about the little traditions we've built up around certain events. Marie never threw her bouquet, although I'd have been hard pressed not to fuck with where it landed if she had. While Marie herself qualifies as 'old', she's not 'something', and I can't think of a single thing in our Wedding ceremony that qualifies. Yeah, we had something borrowed, whether you want to point at the altar or the venue itself. Her dress was new, and some of the flower petals were blue. So, y'know, we very much did not follow that particular tradition either. Marie did do the 'no seeing the Wedding Dress on the Bride until the ceremony' thing, so there's that.
Kinda lost the thread there. My point, and I did have one, is that the traditions and superstitions of and around Murphy and his Law are something a lot of poor people, a lot of military people, a lot of engineering types, and a lot of other sundry people who can't afford to deal with disasters on the fly wind up following. But there's a downside to it as well. When anything that can go wrong will go wrong, will do so at the worst possible time, and even suggesting that nothing will go wrong, or that everything is doing well, or any other kind of statement about how things are good is a sure way to ensure that things that couldn't possibly have gone wrong a moment before now not only can, but will, it locks a person into a constant state of vigilance. I've felt the awful edge of that. I was thinking about my life back in the day, where I spent most of my time hiding in my house or doing shit to forget, but I've just realized that it's happening to me now.
I've been waiting since New Years Day for the other shoe to drop. For shit to go wrong in some kind of big, explosive way. Every single Good Thing that's happened, I've waited for the other shoe to drop. Worried about another, bigger dragon, or another City lost to the Undead, or somebody else looking to go to war with us, or another God visiting with a bug up their ass. Worried about Murphy himself showing up to steal whatever happiness we've worked so hard to build away. I guess maybe worried about something like what happened with Grandma, but even there, that was just... part of life. Old people die. Not super awesome, but I guess if they're gonna die, going out knowing that in any kind of practical sense they've Won At Life, even by proxy by way of their grandkids winning, isn't the worst way to go. Getting to find out she'd outlasted the Gods who tried to end her family line tickled her too.
So I'm still waiting, still nervous. Which just isn't good when I'm tryna enjoy some quality time with my ladies. Not talking about sex, either, because if anything that quiets that anxiety down for a little bit, like dopamine do. Maybe what I need is the other one. Uh... Sera... Sora... Serotonin! That shit. Maybe that's what I need, but I have no idea how to get that shit to happen. Meditation and mindfulness, maybe, but right now I'm not exactly in a position to meditate. Filling in for Marie is not exactly relaxing or conducive to a state of calm Zen self awareness.
So yesterday I wound up doing laundry at the Homestead on top of laundry at the Academy, cooking at home and at the Academy, guarding the bodies of two of my favorite ladies while sitting with the third in my lap watching the kids play while rubbing her shoulders, not to mention occasionally stepping in to mediate when said kids got to bickering unproductively. Like, kids are gonna bicker. Part of the whole 'playing around outside' thing, which I'm happy to report some of the other kids at the Homestead are doing with our seven now. Siblings even moreso, although even there I kept a weather eye out for anything that deviated from the kind of gentle ongoing nudges kids do to make sure nobody forgets about them.
Went back to steak and bread and veggies for dinner. Fed Marie while Saffron did the same to Siobhan. Cutest thing, Siobhan got a little pout and said, "wait, aren't I the Concubine? Aren't I supposed to be spoiling someone here?"
While Marie and I both pointed glanced at her still bare belly, then realized we'd both done so simultaneously and broke down giggling about that, Saffron just raised another bite to Siobhan's lips and said, "while you are carrying my child, I will absolutely be caring for every aspect of your health, Darling."
After chewing and swallowing, Siobhan pouted again and said, "so I get to spoil you once the little one arrives?"
Saffron smiled, shaking her head. "Of course not. Then I'll be watching over you to ensure you can nurse our little one properly. After which I'll likely think up some other excuse." She grinned and glanced over to me, clearly channeling her inner gremlin. "Until I get you pregnant again, of course."
Siobhan nearly choked at that, but before she could reply, I blurted out, "hey! My turn next!"
She just looked over at me and deadpanned, "oh, don't worry, I plan on getting you pregnant too, love."
"I meant..." I couldn't help it, I started laughing, and that set Marie off, and the two of us finally broke through Saffron's composure and she started giggling as well.
Meanwhile Siobhan pinked up and squawked out, "you meant what?"
At that point I couldn't resist. I reached over, ran a hand down the line of her chin, and said, "my turn to make a little one with you, Sister Siobhan Darling."
It had been a while since I used her full title and name, and she swayed a little when I did. "Say that again?" she half whispered.
"Which part? Or did you want to hear again how much I'd like to make a baby with my Concubine, Archmage Sister Siobhan Darling?"
She blushed, but also snorted, then giggled, and soon she joined the rest of us laughing. When she caught her breath, still swaying back and forth, she said, "that was a little too much."
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"You loved it."
"I did. I might not be upright if you'd just called me Sister Siobhan Darling again though."
"Oh, noes! I made you laugh instead of making you pass out! I'm sure there's some downside there. Probably that I can't have my way with you or something."
She gave me one of those adorkable tryna be sultry and still too innocent and pure for it to hit as anything but endearingly dorky looks and said, "oh, I think you still could."
At that point Isnomi declared everyone at our table silly, and all her sisters joined in. The few kids visiting from the South House did as well. Then again, with all the laughing, it did feel a little silly. Bath time got fun when the visiting kids realized that our girls were allowed to actually play in the Bath, so long as they kept any waves minimal by the time they got to us. I'm pretty sure Maze had something to do with their more energetic games doing nothing more than washing some soothing ripples over the adults in the Bath. I'd never told her to do that, but at some point if she keeps doing that I'm definitely gonna tell her how proud I am of her tryna help her sisters have just a little more fun in their lives.
Got to sleep late, after a visit to the Bedroom. Ways were indeed had, but Siobhan instigated most of them. I'd heard pregnancy does that to some women, but I thought it was later in the whole deal. Then again, Siobhan. I think she's tryna make up for lost time or something.
Dreamt of my other three ladies presenting my two baby bun bakers to my Maw like the main course at a fancy restaurant. Dreams, even Mimic dreams, are still weird sometimes.
Today I wound up splitting my attention even further. I can't really focus on two places at once even now, but the places I'm not focusing on are kinda like... When something's in your field of view, and you're not focused on it, but you can still see it enough that you can glance over if something changes. So I could just do repetitive shit over and over again and as long as nothing went wrong, I could just let it happen. A half dozen of me gathered laundry at the Academy, while one of me did the same at the Homestead. Gotta say, doing clothing once a day may seem like more work, but one load of eleven outfits is way easier than doing a load of seventy seven. Same numbers did food prep in both places, although instead of the nicer Academy food, back at the Homestead I kept stuff simple, since I didn't have a cadre of Maenads to back me up. I guess I could ask Marie about cooking, but that feels like cheating, or not pampering her enough or something. Of course I also had one of me bodyguarding Saffron in the Grand Council chambers and one watching over Siobhan in the Infirmary. I also had one of me hanging around in our Academy Suite.
Apparently it is still 'ours', even with the overcrowding. On the one hand, I feel a little bad about that. On the other, apparently Saffron has literally altered the Aura in the room to facilitate her Shape creation process. Like, she's set it up as her own personal coding space. Which, when what you're coding alters reality, sounds like both something that's tough to do and important to have, not to mention something you don't want someone else stumbling into. Even or maybe especially the kind of rich kid who'd get a top floor suite.
Midway through the day I wandered over and checked the armoire. No door in the back of it, which simultaneously gave me a pang of... I dunno, homesickness or something. "Conrad's moved his Workshop entrance to the Homestead?"
"He has indeed."
"Whereabouts? If I need to pay him a visit?"
"The southwestern closet in our bedroom."
I nodded, then paused. "Wait, we have closets?"
She snorted, then laughed. "Yes, love. the corners of the room were square before those curved wooden walls were added. I suggested the southwestern one for the connection to his Workshop."
"Why that one? Just curious."
She smiled and leaned back in her chair, just looking at where I still stood by the empty armoire. "Because the northwestern one has shelves rather than closet rods, the southeastern one is empty, which would rather make an extra door obvious, and the northeastern one is where our toilet is."
"We have a toilet in our room?" Yeah, I'm clueless. Fuck off.
She just laughed, shook her head, and said, "yes, Goof. I fully expected at least one of the four of us to be pregnant eventually, and walking hundreds of feet, not to mention up a set of spiral stairs, just to pee when pregnant? Not a good plan."
"Sorry. I think I've gotten out of the habit of thinking about things like that." I might have sagged a little bit. I don't really know what caused the Gods here and now to turn into such colossal dickheads, because I'm sure some of them were half decent based on the myths I read back in the day. Which means I clutch kinda hard to anything I can that reminds me of not being one. I mean, I am one, I'm not trying to deny that, but I'm also trying to say connected. Stay grounded. Stay aware of issues normal people face. Like, y'know, peeing.
Right before I dove headfirst into melancholy moping about not being able to take a piss, Saffron stood and swayed her way over to me. "It looks to me like you've forgotten something else just as important?"
"What's that?"
She hopped up, wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed me. "We're all alone in here, and beyond the two beds, the floor is also padded."
After lunch, when my tiny tyrant finished banishing boredom and melancholy alike, then stood and walked back to code naked for the afternoon, I kinda stretched out and poked at Karen. Hey, how's the trip to Compton going?
I caught the edges of a sigh as she replied, very slowly. I'm... frankly, Goddess, I'm not paying close attention.
Uh, why? She tensed, and I thought, Not judging, just curious.
She relaxed, although I got the sense that she was doing something at the moment. Probably overseeing lunch at the Temple, at a guess. The Seeking Tentacle is ostensibly updating navigational charts as we travel down the coast.
Ostensibly?
I suspect the Imperator has some of the crew scouting out spots for watch towers, possibly small fortresses.
After a moment's thought, I remembered Saffron's Grand Plan to basically turn the Alliance, or even all of eastern Atlantis, into one giant fortress, able to withstand any Mortal forces the Deities of Europa chose to throw at us. Amphibious assaults were kinda a bitch back in the day, I could only imagine they'd be even harder here and now, which meant forcing the Spartans and anybody else pissed at us to do one had to be some part of her plan.
Hey, you mind if...
Karen picked up on my hesitation. Please, Goddess. Ask. I remember your First Commandment, but please remember, I chose to Worship you, to become your High Priestess.
You mind if maybe I borrow your body down there on the Tentacle, if you're not using it?
I felt her moment of hesitation, then a bit of weird bashfulness and anticipation mixed together. I only ask that if you, ah, are about to bless any of the crew, you let me know?
It took me a moment. Ah, c'mon, Karen. I'm not gonna do you like that.
After the way you did me during the New Years Revel, I'm prepared to entertain any other types of doing you desire in the future, Goddess.
At that point Saffron cut in with a brief, be at peace, Karen. If she Just Happens to any or all of the crew, I'll be sure to bring your attention to it.
Thank you, Archmage Aetos-Diaz.
Think nothing of it, Highest Priestess Smith.
At that point I decided the two of them were yanking my chain, so I slipped into the Karen aboard the Seeking Tentacle. She'd been seated in the big cabin at the rear of the ship, which had windows on both sides and the rear. In one direction a smaller boat rowed toward shore. On the other side and out the stern waves lazed across toward the shore. Above deck quiet orders barked back and forth, and the patter of rain drummed on the roof above me. Everything rocked gently, almost like a babe in a cradle. Overall, a surprisingly idyllic scene.
I lounged back in the chair and tried to just enjoy it.
By sunset, I'd realized all that about never really being able to relax. Fuckin' Murphy.