Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

I do not understand for the life of me why the people here and now seem so thirsty for somebody who stands up and shows some common decency. Or maybe it's the muscles. Never had muscles before, maybe that's what I was missing back in the day. Or maybe it's the penchant I've developed for big damn speeches that does it.

I really ought to know better. 'Nothing but terror and regret'? Who talks like that? I mean, I guess I do now. That's just a thing that I said talking about literal forces of nature and shit. I mean seriously, how does that even work, where I say shit that is right along a Caligula level of sanity and somehow everybody in earshot gets all gooey and wanting to get horizontal. Or worse, do it standing up. Okay, standing isn't all that bad, especially now that I'm in the kind of shape to appreciate it, but still.

Maybe it's that whole 'refusal to bow to paltry things like the laws of physics'. Because I guess if you're not sure whether or not you're gonna get your joy buzzer sounding, you want somebody who at the very least talks a good game about not stopping until everybody gets a cookie.

Or I'm just a dumbass and I've somehow forgotten, yet again, that Karen deciding that I needed to take over the Temple of Love has had some side effects. Possibly the kind where the label said to contact your doctor if they lasted longer than four hours. Shit, if my partners' lasted four hours back in the day, I wasn't calling a doctor for him. Maybe one for me for the friction burns when I ran out of lube. Maybe calling out of school because I couldn't walk to the bus stop. Heh. In a world of sixty second soldiers, get you a four hour freak of nature.

Right, so yesterday Rabbit invited me over for dinner. I maybe got a little frustrated and handsy with Lily, but I apologized afterward. Then I explained that I just wanted to leave the world a better place than I found it, and if that meant fighting against Gods and Primordials and anybody else who decided to fuck around with my friends, or even just innocent Human Adjacent people in general, I would absolutely throw down. Not just that, but given the record so far, odds are whoever chose to throw down with me would not enjoy the experience.

Next thing I know, Lily is straddling my leg, grabbing me by the jaw with both hands and growling some shit about, "I like men!" Then she kissed me.

Kitten! Kitten! HELP!

Tabitha! What's... Then nothing but uproarious Kitten laughter while Lily's eyes slipped shut and I got more than a little bit distracted. Look, I'm moderately capable of flirting and following through with my ladies, but I have no idea what to do with a woman whose every word is declaring how much she's into cock havers while she's riding my leg like it's got three vibration speeds and one of those fancy form fitting gel inserts. Just Happening, I see?

I didn't start this!

Hmm... I know. Siobhan really was an outlier, it seems.

That boggled me even more than the tall, leggy brunette humping my leg like a particularly lusty chihuahua. Huh?

You didn't start things with me, either.

Okay, fair point, but not the information I needed just then. What do I do?

Enjoy the perks of being a successful diplomat?

I'm serious!

Wait, did you not want to? She's very beautiful, and seems very eager.

I... I mean, I don't not want to. But I wasn't really here to add somebody to my body list, y'know? As I tried to sort out exactly what I wanted, especially with Saffron caring more about my personal desires than the hottie riding my leg like she stole it.

Perhaps you should say something? Like 'no', 'not right now', or even 'come back to my Bedroom so I can tie you to my sex saddle and watch your brain melt'?

Right about then Rabbit must have realized that I wasn't actually responding. "Lily?"

"Men!"

"Fine, Lily, but are you certain she likes you?" When Lily froze, Rabbit continued. "You have been more than a little dismissive and rude to her."

Lily snorted at Rabbit, then pushed me just far enough back to glare into my eyes. "This means nothing! I like men in my bed!"

I dunno why, but for whatever reason that kinda pissed me off in just the wrong way. My hand shot up into her hair, grabbing her and holding her face inches from mine. My other hand landed on her ass, getting a nice grip while my tentacles wrapped around her thighs, her biceps. Then, with her writhing while she moved exactly as much as I let her move, I forced my Mana into a couple very strategically placed Stabilize.

"MEN!"

I couldn't help it. Something about screaming about how straight she was while she treated me like her very own personal massager had been pissing me off a moment before, but as I watched her pupils dilate, then contract, and her breathing catch, I couldn't help it. I laughed. "Okay, Linguine." I held her there until she sagged. "Feel better?"

She just tuned her eyes away from me and grunted. I looked over at Rabbit, who had the good grace to look embarrassed on her friend's behalf. "I'm sorry, Tabitha Diaz. She's... not normally like this."

"Yeah, so I've heard. Somebody mentioned she's normally into dudes. Can't remember for the life of me who it was, though."

Rabbit's shoulders sagged with relief even as Lily tried to wriggle free, only to find that she wasn't fuckin' going anywhere until I decided to let her go. After forcibly reducing the virtue of my thigh while simultaneously increasing its humidity, she could just chill there for a minute. "I... Would you really face the thing that lives in the lake?"

"Abso-fuckin'-lutely. If it can't talk, or won't talk peacefully, I will absolutely do whatever it takes to end it, too."

Rabbit didn't look real copacetic about that. "What if it will talk, but its price for peace is us?"

I shook my head. "Fuck no. No appeasement. If maybe whatever it is wants everybody to stay out the lake? Maybe we can come to some arrangement." I turned my head, since I couldn't really express myself with my hands other than, y'know, manhandling Lily. "Not gonna say I'm happy about letting some formerly genocidal asshole walk away, but... people learn. People grow. I was reminded recently that an old... I dunno... enemy? He stabbed me the first time we met. Tried to kill my wife. But since then, he's come a long way. I've recently realized that I'd trust him to teach my daughters shit."

"But... you'd abandon us then?"

I shook my head. "You guys have gotten screwed over one time too many. I will not be abandoning anybody. Even the one who just made more laundry for my wifiest of wifes." I turned to Lily. "Y'know, she doesn't often get to get with a chica even close to her height. You wanna give her a try next?"

"I. Like. Men."

I shook my head and turned back to Rabbit. "Tell you what. D'you know how to get to the Homestead from here?" She shook her head. "Okay then, you wanna follow me home? You can meet the women there. You've met my kids, but I'll show you where we all sleep. Heck, the bed's big, if you wanna sleep over you can join us, or we've got plenty of spare rooms."

"You're... inviting us to your home?"

I nodded to her pot of succotash. "You kinda did. To me. I'm still tryna figure out why, because after that first little bit it didn't seem much like you were just being neighborly. I guess it could have been you tryna figure out why I do what I do, but..." I turned to look at Lily, turned her to look at me. "Is that what this is? You tryna make sure I won't leave your people high and dry?"

She just looked away with a muttered, "men..."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Okay, okay. You like men. I'll invite a couple nice ones over for you to sample. Might need to, what with God knows what coming out of the lake next."

I'm certain I don't know specifically, but I suspect it will be ursine.

Thanks Dad. So insightful. You're the best.

I know.

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I turned back to Rabbit. "So. Wanna come see my place? Like, all invited and being an honored guest and shit?"

Her head jerked, but then she sighed. "After you came here, declared you would defend us despite Lily's provocation, and have been nothing but patient and gentle, it would be rude to refuse."

"So is that a yes?"

She nodded, and I stood, gently setting Lily on her feet. "Okay then. You guys wanna follow me here in M-Space?" At Rabbit's look, I said, "the Spirit World or whatever?"

"You lead, we will follow." She turned a stern look at Lily. "We. Will. Follow. Right Lily?"

She muttered something under her breath, but nodded. I stood and jogged toward the edge of the village. They followed, Lily running with great bounding leaps, Rabbit kinda scurrying from cover to cover, surprising me a bit when she popped out from under different cover than the bit she'd ducked into. I realized a couple things as I took my first couple steps outside the village, those long, jumping steps that were only really possible in M-Space. First, they were keeping up with me, so I bumped up my pace. Second, I was still un-Blended and fuzzy, which... I dunno if that affected Lily one way or the other.

We ran. From what I'd done with the Cadets, the run between Grandmother's Village and the Homestead is about a two day trip. When we crossed what I'd thought was a flat, dead meadow mid-winter when snow covered it, but which turned out to be a broad, slow moving river now that shit was melting, I thought ahead. Murder Mittens? Do you know any succotash recipes?

She didn't sound terribly enthused, but thought back, Yes.

Okay. Could you maybe have that and some veggie heavy stuff tonight? I don't think our incoming guests are much into meat.

She agreed by sighing an affectionate, Vlickies into my brain.

In the perpetual twilight of M-Space, the West Tower stood out something fierce. "Is that where you live?" Rabbit quietly called out to me.

"Nah. Just the West Tower. I mean, yeah, it's part of the Homestead, but I wouldn't say anybody lives there."

She dashed next to me as we crossed the open field we'd created. "Your people like stone."

I shrugged. "It wears well."

Then we got to the gates. The bone gates made of Jotnar and Ursine long bones. "Welcome to the Homestead, ladies. So long as you're here and polite, you're safe as houses."

Lily's leap over the gate didn't surprise me, but Rabbit's gate clearing hop definitely did. I reached out my hands to them. Rabbit took my hand gingerly, but Lily just grabbed it and muttered about the masculine gender. I stepped us across to the Courtyard in the Mortal Realm as the sun passed behind the West Tower. I smelled dinner even all the way out here. Onions. Carrots. Marie even made celery smell good. "Smells like dinner's ready. C'mon in!"

The two followed me in, and we went straight into the dining room. Most of the women seemed to be back at their own places tonight, leaving just my kids and ladies. "Ladies, kids, you've met Lily and Rabbit before."

"Be welcome in our home, Rabbit and Lily."

Of course Lily took that moment to look around the room. "Where are your men?"

Saffron shrugged. "The male Cadets are out with the rest checking to make sure we haven't missed any smaller threats."

That seemed to mollify Lily, although she damn near froze up again when Marie brought out dinner. As the two almost glared at each other, I decided that if my Murder Mittens was at all willing, I had to get Linguine into her clutches. I mean, yeah, I'm technically a Love Goddess, and I've got a few tricks up my sleeve, but Marie? She's got the kind of Skills that could bring out revelations about one's own orientation. She had the kind of Skills that could make a Gay dude regret living a cock filled life. I mean, yeah, if Lily wanted to maintain that she was straight, sure, whatever, but I wanted to hear her doing so while Marie pulled some of her 'you thought you were having an orgasm, but she heard you liked orgasms, so she's gonna give you an orgasm in the middle of your orgasm' tricks.

What, I'm not allowed to wax rhapsodic about my fiancée's bedroom Skills?

The kids were stunningly well behaved. Not sure why, but I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Of course, by midway through the meal I realized that neither Lily nor Rabbit ever let Menace out of their line of sight.

When dinner wrapped up, the kids stuffed and the adults pleasantly fed, I stood and stretched. "Y'know, you two really do look like you could stand to relax a little. I've got just the thing for that."

Before Lily could even mutter, "Men!", Menace leapt out of her seat.

"Baff Time!"

She led the horde hoard through the kitchen to the Bore. The rest of us followed at a more sedate pace. Rabbit even got up the courage to reach out and touch Marie's hand. "That succotash was very good. Not a recipe I've had before. Carrots?" Marie nodded. "Thank you for the meal."

"De nada."

Kinda weird. Rabbit just went with the flow as we all stripped down and paired up for the showers, but Lily kept her head on a swivel, like she expected somebody to jump her at any moment. I sighed and said, "hey Kitten, can you help Rabbit with the shower?"

She stood up on tiptoe to kiss me on the cheek. "Of course, love. Enjoy your new toy."

"She's not!" I petered out as I saw the twinkle in her eye. It only got worse when Rabbit joined her, and both of them started snickering. I walked over to Lily, my own clothes already in the laundry. "You need a hand?"

She glanced down my front. "I prefer..."

"Men. Yeah, I get it. Look, I'm kinda sore after that run, and just want to lie back for a soak in the Bath. I think it might do you some good, too, Linguine." I figured it was 'heads, she relaxes, tails, she gets hot and wet and even less straight', but fuck it, mostly I just wanted to relax.

"What do you expect of me?"

I nodded to the shower head, then to the other pairs helping each other scrub down. "Little help with my back. I'll do the same. Then we go soak?"

She never really relaxed. Even in the water, when Rabbit practically fell asleep between Saffron and Siobhan, Lily just kind of squatted there. As the steaming water and the sounds of the kids playing Bath games slowly eased my cares away, I could not bring myself to give a fuck. Even a really shitty one like I'd used to get Lily to shut up about 'men' earlier.

So, she likes Men?

So she says.

Hmm...

I really should have been a little more worried about my Kitten pondering like that, but as noted, hot water, kids playing, all fucks melted away.

With six nominal adults putting kids to bed, we managed to get all of our little miscreants asleep in our big bed without the six of us actually joining them. We pulled the curtain shut, then Saffron looked all the way up at Lily. "So. I heard you like men?"

He stood there in all his glory, the towel formerly wrapped around Saffron's magnificent mammaries dropping to hang loose around his hips. Lily looked at me, then back at Saffron, then back at me. "What are you?"

I'm not sure what exactly saved her. Maybe the fact that she was looking at Saffron, not me, although that probably would have made me more angry normally. But I was at least one part amused for each part pissed, so I wasn't really rough with her when I slipped an arm around her waist. "That's my wife. Being a very, very good hostess, since one of her guests has made it very clear what she likes." I turned her to face me, tilting my head just a little to grin up at her through my eyelashes. "So. You wanna go someplace a little more private and maybe see what's under that towel?"

Throwing your latest conquest at me?

You're the one standing there looking like that. I'm just being a good hostess. Kinda hoping she'll want me to taste test things first though.

I'm honestly surprised you hadn't thought of this first, Goof.

Yeah, well. Thinking isn't my strong suit. Although right at the moment I'm thinking it's probably not diplomatic to run a train on a guest. No matter how much I'd like to.

Two is hardly a train. And tell me you would have even made it home by now if she'd been all 'oh, Goddess, plumb my depths with your strong tentacles'.

Yeah, but I'm thinkin' it'd be fun to sic Siobhan on her after Marie changes her religion.

Saffron just snorted and held out a hand to Lily. Who reached out, as tentative as I'd ever seen her. The moment their fingers touched, Marie put an arm around both of us and stepped the three of us to the Bedroom as Siobhan did the same with Rabbit and Saffron.

Which is right when Lily lost her damn mind, running around in a circle and shrieking in terror. Rabbit just froze, looked at me, and said, "where are we?"

"Uh, the Bedroom we use when want some private time without the possibility of the kids wandering in?"

She tilted her head. "You leave your children alone?"

Marie just ended that line of thought by saying, "No." Then she snagged Lily as she tried to bounce past, pulling her snug to her chest. "Stop." Lily froze.

"Apologies for startling you so. We've used this place for so long, I've stopped really thinking about where it is." Saffron sighed, slumped, and then pulled her towel up to cover her magnificent mammaries. "I take it you would return to the Homestead? Or even to your Village?"

Rabbit took herself in hand and shook her head. "No. No, but... this place. It is your place? Yes. Yes, it smells of you. But... it is not in your place?"

Saffron just shook her head. "I've been meaning to move it, but things keep coming up."

"How... how long would it take?"

She didn't react to my changed question, just shrugging. "Several hours."

I looked at Rabbit. "So. Wanna help us move?"

It turned out Rabbit was more copacetic with sitting on the very comfortable bed next to Marie, who kept a rigidly tense Lily seated in her lap. Saffron pulled me over to the center of the big mirror behind the divan. "I'll need to borrow your Mana, love, then the rest will be up to you."

I held out my hand, and she lay her palm on the mirror. Mana poured through her, a hair thin blade extending through the wall. I Co-Located to the Practice Yard, glad that nobody'd stayed late today, but didn't see anything beneath me. "M-Space, love," Saffron murmured. I stepped there to see a glowing square of stone flake away to ash. "Wait for it to cool."

I stood there behind my Kitten, maybe enjoying getting a bit of a handful of her magnificent mammaries, heating us up as the stone cooled. When she nodded, I reached in and around with my tentacles, wrapping the whole room fully before lifting.

Weird thing, lifting myself. The room seemed light as fuck, even with five other fully grown adult Human Adjacent women in it, but lifting myself was a bit of an oof. Even more when I lifted off, towing the cube of stone along behind me. By the time I saw the West Tower rising over the hills ahead of me, sweat ran down both of me. "We're here."

Saffron inhaled, smiling. "I need to get you sweaty more often." Then she stepped out of the room to cling to me where I hovered next to the East House. She leapt lightly across to stand atop the cube of stone, then reached out to me. I stepped next to her, and if holding one of me up was tough, holding two was absolutely kicking my ass. Then she pulled Mana, a weird razor fine mesh of Blades reaching out and scooping a perfectly rectangular chunk out of the hillside. I pulled her off the Bedroom and slid it into the hillside, then grit my teeth and picked up some of the still molten rock, layering it over like mortar.

"I was going to handle that, love."

"Sorry. Tired. Stupid."

She just Grinned up at me. "Would you perhaps like to lie down for a bit?"

I nodded, and she pushed me backward; I landed on my ass on the Bed. "So, now that we're back at the Homestead, do you feel less out of sorts?"

Rabbit just stared at her. "You would do this thing for us?"

Saffron shrugged. "As I said, I'd intended to do it before. You just gave us an excuse. Now, would you like to..."

Not sure what she said next, because right about then I fell the fuck asleep.