Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Y'know, it's kinda weird realizing this here and now, after being pummeled with how I was some kind of substandard demi-human back in the day, since I was obviously and unmistakably Brown, but apparently some folks who buy into the racist thing aren't the root of all evil or anything like that. They're just following along with what people told them, or using racism because it's convenient for their bank account or narrative, or some other variation on 'not actually racial supremacists'.

Like Lenny. I'm pretty sure his whole 'Dan are Superior, Bag are Inferior' schtick had less to do with any kind of active hatred of Bag folks and more to do with him being Dan and a massive narcissist. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's an asshole, but at this point I think I understand what his motivations are, and they have less to do with 'Dan uber alles' and more to do with 'Lancaster House Forever'. Saffron and I stomped New Amsterdam while he hid in M-Space, and then set up the Alliance, and not once has he said a fuckin' word about 'Dan' or 'Bag' since then that I can remember. So long as his family and House are prospering, he's cool with it. Still not cool that he was so down with it, but I can work with someone rational like that. I think.

Then there's Larry, who grew up with Lenny's bullshit and dove into it headfirst. He didn't snap out of that shit until I pulled his head out of his ass, and I still think he might have dove back into racial cranial rectal inversion if a certain Bonita Obol hadn't stepped up and sacrificed her arm to keep him alive. Again, once shown that no, Bag aren't cowards, or weaklings, or lazy, he straightened up and flew right. Flew right into Bonnie's cleavage once everything was said and done, but I can't really blame him for that. Not like my own facial contours haven't been semi-permanently embossed into Saffron's magnificent bosom.

Lachlan's kind of a different kettle of fish. Other than in the brains department, he really is just plain better at most shit than most of the people he's ever going to meet. He's stronger, faster, tougher, shit he's even taller than most of them. But he grew up with Lenny going on about Dan being better just like Larry, except where Larry's little man's disease had him angry at everyone and looking for someone to take it out on, Lachlan really did buy into the 'strong protect the weak'. He just assumed that 'Dan' was the same as 'Strong'. Which, again, Larry isn't exactly a pushover, and even if I hate to admit it, Lenny is, in all ways except certain aspects of morality, a superior human bean. So after being told that Dan are better, and shown the evidence of his own family, he just... assumed. But even there, his best buddy is now a Bag dude who is just a squinch taller and a chunk stronger than him. Okay, without the Hero Title buff Carruthers is stronger, I think. He's also the only person I've met who is slower than Lachlan, so I'm not sure if Lachlan thinks of him as 'best buddy' or 'sidekick'. But frankly, if every racist person I ever met used that as a reason to put themselves in danger and protect the people they're prejudiced against, that would be a shit ton better than shit I grew up with.

Y'know, 'I feared for my life when a twelve year old boy held up a toy truck' and shit. I swear, I didn't leave my house for a week after that. Worried I was gonna get shot because I didn't fellate the officer fast enough, or well enough, or, I dunno. I think that kind of thing happening so often really fucked with my sense of 'normal'.

Thinking about that because of my day on Saturday, although I can't really ignore the night before. I took the kids home a few hours after lunch. Apparently the Temple serves dinner for the kids, but not all of them stay for it. Some of them their parents had picked them up already, others their parents were showing up for the Revel and sat down to eat dinner with them. I'm not sure whether they got free dinner or not; I saw a couple of them bringing food down from the restaurant, which makes me think not, but holy shit I just realized right then that other than 'some people sell things for coins', I have no idea how the economy works here and now. I mean, it clearly does, but I have yet to see anything resembling a 'bank'.

Anyhow, I got the kids home and brought dinner home from the Academy at just about the same time. Saffron took one look at me, turned to the kids and said, "we'll be right back, girls. Help yourself to dinner," then stepped the four of us up to the Bath.

"Uh, why are we up here again?"

"Plausible Deniability." I turned, mouth dropping open at those words coming out of Marie, and her tongue invaded my throat before I got it closed again. I lost a little bit of time as my ladies stripped me down, hosed me down, toweled and licked the water off me, and yoinked my uniform back onto me before I could really get my bearings. At no point in the process did I ever lack for lip to lip contact for more than a few seconds. It reminded me of one of those NASCAR pit crews, only way hotter. Unfortunately, I suspect NASCAR drivers may get off more frequently during pit stops than I did just then, since I did not, in fact, do so.

I stood there panting as Saffron picked Marie back up and Siobhan leaned against her other side. "Not that I'm really complaining, but what was that for and why did you stop?"

All three of them grinned at me, and Siobhan said, "we miss you, Goof." I realized just then that all three of them were definitely holding each other back. "But it's time for you to get going to the Temple."

With that, they stepped back down to the dining room. I sighed, briefly considered self-service before realizing that I am an idiot, what with a literal line of Worshippers waiting to do just that awaiting me at the Temple. I miss you guys, too.

What returned to me as I stepped to the Temple and settled onto the Altar was a wordless wave of reassurance laced with the tiniest bit of impatience and anticipation. Wasn't about to delve into that, because if I was gonna do this thing, I was gonna pay attention to each and every person who came up to the altar. While I watched Karen speaking with a trio of guys and one woman, I mentally reviewed the night before. The important parts. Olive the sweet middle aged mom, Delta the straight laced businesswoman, Hazel the older cook, Rose the cleaning woman, Allesia the bookkeeper who definitely fulfilled all the 'quiet ones' stereotypes including Not Going Quietly into even a Small Dark Night, Livia the one who sang a duet with me until she passed out mid-word, Lyra the young woman who I only now realized I'd seen serving meals to the kids, Emily the one who told me exactly what she wanted in a voice and using terms the whole Temple heard and cheered, Scarlet the one who made Siobhan seem domineering, who seemed stunned that anyone would spend that much time focused solely on her and what she wanted.

As I finished reviewing that mental list, Karen led a quiet, soft looking middle aged guy up to the altar. "Goddess, this is Devon. He works with Allesia and handles most of the Temple's bulk purchasing."

I'd risen from my seat as the two approached, and now I nodded to let Karen know I'd take it from here, then reached out a hand to Devon. He almost reflexively took my hand to shake it, and seemed surprised when I didn't let go afterward, but pulled him closer. "Hi Devon. Nice to meet you. You do all that for the Temple for free?"

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He shrugged. not quite meeting my eyes. "I'm a trader. I buy stuff what people don't want, sell it to those who do. Done it all my life. This," he shrugged. "Seems like..." he trailed off.

"I'm not gonna be mad, Devon." Something inside him flared at that, hope mixed with darker images, and I leaned forward, maybe shrinking the tiniest bit so he could get a good look down my suddenly loose uniform as I did. "So long as you're honest with me. You've helped out. This is a reward, not a trial." He still hesitated, and I smiled a little wider and said, "my only goals here are to get to know my most helpful Worshippers. Find out what they're Passionate about. Maybe give them a taste of Ecstasy, if I can."

I felt a little bad as his gaze dropped straight past my very much on display specifically for him assets and dropped to my feet. "I saw you at your birthday. You gave me that chili and bread. I... Nobody important ever gave me nothin'." He looked back up at me, his gaze snapping past my boobs again and locking on my eyes. "I figured maybe I could give back?"

"Hey, you paid it forward. Helped out everybody the Temple is helping. Which includes all those kids who eat here every day." I stared into his eyes, and carefully school my face to a warm, interested smile rather than the maybe laughter that wanted to leak out when the imagery in his head snapped into clarity. One hand still holding his, I unbuttoned a few of my jacket buttons. "So, you want to take?" He froze. "To do unto me like I've never been done unto before?" His breath got a little ragged. "I gotta tell you, that's a really tall order. Also, fair warning?"

He forced out the words, "yes, Goddess?"

"I'm not gonna fake shit for you. I'm gonna be a little disappointed if you stop before I'm done. But if you see me coming, it's because you earned that shit. Got it?"

He shuddered. "But... but I want to..."

I pulled him down close, and stage whispered into his ear. "I know."

Funny, I never thought that 'acting' would be quite so high on my list of things I needed to do as a Goddess. I mean, I wasn't so much 'acting' as 'not struggling', because my boy Devon definitely wanted to be the big macho man, tearing my clothes off and taking me right there. I think he maybe ripped my shirt ties a little, but that's about it. Funny, I think my own fuckin' uniform held me down more than he did, but I wasn't about to tell him that. He wasn't Skilled. He wasn't as strong or well endowed as Lachlan or Carruthers. But oh, my, did he have a lot of enthusiasm. Not a lot of Endurance, but a lot of enthusiasm. With his heart beating so hard and fast I could feel it, I might have taken pity on him. Or maybe just given my very helpful and devout Worshipper what he so dearly wanted, I'm not sure. Because as he wheezed one final time and kinda seized up, I looked him right in the eye and crooned out, "don't stop until I'm finished."

That's cheating and you know it, love, thought Saffron as Devon collapsed over me with a rictus grin seared onto his face.

I rolled over, lifting him up and applying a surreptitious Stabilize, then an equally obscured Assess Health Yeah, but he was so sincere! Not like I faked it. Just pressed the button my devious little Kitten baked into my brain. Uh, Siobhan, could you?

Confirming my suspicion that my ladies had, in fact, been along for the ride, Siobhan took over long enough to Shape what amounted to a 'fix aneurysm' Spell. Poor bastard gave it his all, wasn't about to let him suffer for trying, y'know?

"Hey Karen?" I said quietly as she lifted him from the alter where I'd gently laid him.

"Yes, Goddess?" she answered equally quietly.

"Maybe get him a little Endurance training before he comes up here again?" When she looked a question at me, I said, "Kinda want to see him bask in the satisfaction of a job well done next time."

She just smiled and nodded as the next Worshipper came up.

Devon who dreamed of dominating his Goddess. Marleigh the sweet simple woman who greeted Worshippers and watched their coats. Graham the Temple's legal advisor who wanted the full Siobhan treatment and got it, no matter how messy it left the steps. Julien the groundskeeper who'd only ever been with Temple professionals. That last one left me a little worried that, despite being satisfied, satiated, and sent to dreamland, he wasn't gonna wake up impressed with his Goddess.

I realized right then that it was maybe a little past midnight. I flopped back on my throne and thought, Karen? Who's...

Then I was staring right at the most mesmerizing part of Glowing Midnight. "No more volunteers, and it seems a little silly for you to visit the Temple in Calverton so late in the evening."

"So you're just gonna monopolize me for the rest of the night?"

"Imperator's privilege." I stared at her, one eyebrow going up. She blushed the tiniest bit and said, "Priestess Most High?" I shook my head the tiniest bit. She smiled at me and said, "Wife?"

"Yes, wife?"

She waited for a moment, then said, "please?"

I leaned forward, my arms going around her as I replied, "you'd already said the only reason I'd accept or need, Saff." She tensed, growling a little, then melted against me as I said, "my Wife."

I guessed the Alliance would run just fine without the Imperator for a day, because by sunrise she was no longer among the conscious. I carried her home and tucked her into bed, kissing her smile before stepping off to start my day.

In the Dining Hall I stepped up in front of Lachlan and quietly asked, "hey, can you start the class on their warmup while I sort some things out this morning? I'll be there, just not quite firing on all cylinders for a bit."

He smiled down from the slightly raised elevation of the high table and said, "sure, Commander! You can count on me!"

Got the kids fed and settled at school, the Grand Council notified that the Imperator was attending to religious matters, which got an absolute guffaw out of Mrs. Driver, Siobhan settled in the Infirmary, the laundry started, and stepped back to the Practice Yard to find Lachlan running the class around the perimeter singing cadences at the top of their lungs. It only just occurred to me right then why DIs did that; you can only run somebody so far so fast in a day, but singing at the top of their lungs as they do it not only keeps them all in step, it also adds another layer of 'good training'.

When I got them all back in formation, I called out, "Good Morning, Cadets! Did you miss me?"

I'm absolutely not certain who yelled out, "so did the assassins!" the third time I had them shout out their answer. I managed to keep a straight face, at any rate.

Even managed a snappy reply. "Oh, no. That's this one here." I banished my jacket and blouse, pointing at the puckered scar where Svart had put a bolt through me. Then I stood there letting the light rain wash over me for a moment while they all stared, then popped my jacket back on. Yeah, something about a night full of Worship at the Temple of Love had me giving absolutely no shits about dumbass shit like 'nudity taboos'. I only put my jacket on because as noted, cold rain. "Okay, now. Today Hero Lancaster and I will be running you all through your paces. Assessing how you've progressed over the past Season. For those of you who know the Status Shape and have been using it to keep track of your progress, this will give you some practical idea what those numbers mean in terms of how much you can lift, how fast you can run, how long you can keep it up. All that good shit. For those of you who haven't mastered the Status Shape yet, he and I can and will Inspect you if you like, just to give you some starting numbers. Totally voluntary, no pressure, just trying to give you some idea as to where you compare to your peers maybe."

I stopped and looked around. A few faces looked kinda bashful; most of them wearing colors other than Phileo's. Hildegarde stood out purely on how belligerent she looked, like it was anybody's fault but hers that she hadn't mastered Status yet. Not that I knew she hadn't, but I knew that look. Plenty of others looked kinda gobsmacked, like they'd never thought of the idea of tracking their progress. I shook my head and called out, "for those of you who have mastered Status and haven't thought to use that to assess your own learning? I'm not sure what to tell you other than, y'know, get good, scrubs. Now, let's get to it!"

Y'know, 'up all night being Worshipped in my Temple' was a hell of a lot less stressful than 'up all night hunting Dire Bears'. Who knew?