Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

"If you're back on your bullshit,

Check yourself, or wreck yourself,

'Cause if you don't I will."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption

Yeah, I definitely need to make sure that folks know that I will, in fact, intervene if somebody's in desperate need of it. Like, a world where Gods are actively pulling strings all the fuckin' time would be a nightmare. But if I'm gonna be out there getting all this good shit like free room and board, hot women literally worshipping me, and fancy super powers, I figure I ought to be doing more than just pontificating about shit. Probably need to talk about that in one of the other sections too, but for now, I gotta focus on the whole Redemption, second chance thing.

I've seen people fuck that shit up. Oh, holy fuck have I seen people fuck that shit up. Baby daddies who come back to they baby mama, saying they're gonna turn over a new leaf, that they know they screwed up a good thing, then as soon as they're back in the house they're dialing up their side chick. Fuck, I've seen it the other way around, too, where a decent man gets a chick pregnant, does the right thing and stays with her to support her and the kid, but the moment he's not an exciting bad boy she goes looking for somebody who'll treat her like shit. I guess they think it's exciting, or think that somebody who treats them well must be 'weak' or something like that.

Not sure where I need to put it, but I gotta put something in this book about 'being an asshole' being different than 'being smart'. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of smart assholes out there. But way too often somebody says 'oh, hey, I succeeded because I'm smart', and when you look closer the 'smart' thing they did was con people. Get them to do work, then not pay them. Force people to work even though they want to quit by, like, threatening to cut their family's medical care off. Telling their customers they're selling top quality goods, then delivering the shittiest shit what ever got shat out of a shithole. The fancy term for it is 'Dealing in Bad Faith', and honestly? If somebody gets a rep for that, I am absolutely okay with my Clergy or even followers ending their ability to deal at all.

Just because assholes like that don't stab or shoot somebody doesn't mean they don't kill people. Somebody who has a diabetic working for them and they fuck with their employee's medical insurance so they can't get that insulin? Yeah, they fuckin' killed them, and they deserve the consequences. They pay somebody so little that the poor bastard has to choose between a roof and food, so they wind up dying of exposure or starving? Yeah, that's fuckin' murder, asshole. And I get that there's nuance to shit. Somebody's got to organize any big group effort. When times are bad, they're gonna feed themselves first. When times are good, they're gonna grab the lion's share. But I look around Lancaster House and I realize that those refugees staying in our suite aren't the only people who don't look exactly local. I don't exactly know how to describe it, but there's a look victims have, and refugees definitely qualify. Even after they've gotten away from whatever was hurting them, they've still got that look, and a lot of the folks I see around Lancaster House have it. But they also have that whatever it is that says they have gotten away from it, and they're starting to rebuild. Or maybe looking or waiting for a place to rebuild, like the ladies in our suite.

But the damage from the Bad Faith thing doesn't end with just the people they hurt directly. When somebody with power acts in Bad Faith, the whole fuckin system staggers. Like, I get it, the system's designed to funnel wealth and power upwards. That's just facts. But the whole reason everybody buys into it is that they're told that they'll get a fair share, and that when shit goes to hell, the folks who've accumulated that money and power are gonna come to the rescue. Which, fuck, I guess I've done here? Maybe? If what they tell me about Curing New Amsterdam hasn't been blown way out of proportion? But my point, which I definitely had, is that when somebody up the ladder makes it obvious that they're screwing everybody else over, people stop trusting each other. They start doing that 'every man for himself' bullshit that winds up with nobody able to do shit, because it takes a fuckin' village to raise a kid, and it takes a fuckin' factory to build a smartphone.

Yeah, this shit gets to me, because I grew up in a city that wound up getting the economic equivalent of nuked when the rich guys shut down all the factories, and then blamed the people living in the city for it, claiming the city was 'violent'. Which only happened after nobody had enough money to buy fuckin' food. Which, as a note, used to be fuckin' dirt cheap in the city, because that factory? Made canned soup.

Speaking of soup, after spending the latter half of the afternoon listening to Maze read, I got to taste Marie's liver and spinach bisque. Okay, I'm not sure it was a bisque, technically, but it had that consistency and creaminess, and holy shit the flavors. I eventually had to ask Marie for thirds just to make sure I had enough to feed to Siobhan. Which I did. Watched her like a hawk while she ate her first bowl, then sucked down two bowls of my own, then waved her over to me. When she sat on my lap, I scooped up a big spoonful and said, "Open wide!"

She whimpered a little, but opened her mouth. Like, full on, threw her mouth open, closed her eyes, over the top kinda thing.

After I got that spoonful into her, I said, "I thought you liked liver?"

She glanced away guiltily and said, "I've not had it much before. it's very..." She urped a little right then, but swallowed and said, "filling."

I snorted. "One bowl isn't enough to fill you, even if you are way too skinny."

"You... you want to fatten me up, Champion?" Her hand reached for the spoon, almost like she wasn't thinking about it.

I took her hand, holding it as I said, "I'd love you just as you are, if you were healthy."

"But I am!"

I shook my head. "No, Ice Pop, you are not. Anemia is not 'healthy'. Skinny is fine. Skinny is good. I'm not into walking skeletons, but you've got enough to you to be fun to fondle. But you are anemic." I let go of her hand and poked her in the chest with each word. "So until you're not passing out every time you blush, we're gonna stuff you full of what you need to get healthy." I lifted another spoonful, letting her sip the bisque out of it a little bit at a time. "If that winds up making you fat? We'll love you like that too, Siobhan."

She blushed just a little at that, but when she finished with that spoonful, she leaned into me and murmured, "keep this up and I'll be too stuffed to get stuffed, Champion."

I smiled at her, looked at Marie, and asked, "could you please bring me an empty gravy boat?"

"Tabitha, what are you mmph." Siobhan's question ended with a spoonful of bisque in her mouth. When Marie returned, the gravy boat was not, in fact, empty. Instead, it was brimming full of bisque.

"Thank you, Marie." I took the gravy boat from her, and a moment later instead of sitting on a chair in the dining room, I straddled the side of the tub in the bathroom, Siobhan still on my lap. I leaned her back, then brought the gravy boat spout to her lips. "It makes me feel kinda guilty doing stuff with you when you're passing out all the time."

"You... don't like that?"

"Oh, no. I definitely do." I growled. "That's why I feel guilty. So I'm gonna do my due diligence before I do any Ice Pop stuffing. Open wide." She looked simultaneously intimidated and eager, and opened her mouth even wider than she had earlier. I touched the bisque to my lips to make sure she wouldn't burn herself, then slowly poured the rest into her as fast as she could swallow it. She looked a little whelmed when I pulled the mostly empty boat away. But I am absolutely an over the top bitch, so I tried my new Co-Locating trick to pop back to my seat at the dinner table. Before Saffron could say whatever she'd intended, I grabbed my still mostly full bowl, said, "sorry, forgot this," and stepped back to the bathroom.

Ignoring the feedback, I poured the contents of the bowl into the boat, set the bowl down, collapsed back into myself, then turned back to Siobhan. "Ready for more?"

"No," she pouted.

"Too bad. Open wide." She opened her mouth, and I poured the rest of the bisque into her, bit by bit, slowing it down to a dribble every time she looked a little green. Eventually, as I heard the kids charging into the living room, she licked the last few drops off the spout and I set the boat aside. "There you go. Fully stuffed."

"I think I might be sick."

I shook my head. "No, can't have that. Do you have some kinda spell to stop nausea?"

"Even if I did, which I do not, I couldn't shape it on myself." She looked a little green. "I may vomit."

"No, can't have that. Must keep the nutrition in. No vomiting."

She grimaced at me. "I'm trying my best, Champion, but I fear I may fail you."

"Hey, hey, hey, you're not the one failing me." I sighed. "I'm sorry, I really didn't think three bowls of bisque were enough to make you sick."

Saffron walked in right then. "It probably wouldn't have been, but while you were eating your own bisque, I fed her another bowl full. So she's had four."

"Five." announced Marie as she walked over to her evening routine station.

"Ah, shit. Sorry, Siobhan. I fucked up."

She clamped her jaw shut. My only peeve is that should you fuck me like this, I'll wind up vomiting all over you.

Yeah, not my kink.

"Carry her very carefully to the bed, please, Tabitha."

As slowly, gently, and smoothly as I could, I carried Siobhan into the bedroom and, after letting Saffron set up some pillows to prop her up, lay her on the bed. "Sorry, Siobhan."

"Stop apologizing, Tabitha. We all failed her, even if we had the best of intentions." She turned to Siobhan. "Hold very still." She moved her hands through some gestures, and Siobhan kinda froze in place. Like, I almost saw something around her, I'm not sure what. "Do not speak."

Saffron waved her hands again, and Siobhan thought, what is this?

"A pair of Filtration Wards. One to keep you from moving and spoiling the other, which is to keep the bisque in your belly where it belongs."

I touched Saffron's shoulder. "Won't that risk her rupturing something?"

Saffron shook her head. "It shouldn't. She's only getting nauseous when she moves or talks. So she won't be doing either. And if she does herself a mischief, we will Heal her. Or Revive her, if that's what it takes." Then she leaned down next to her and quietly said, "should you wish?" When Siobhan made a little humming noise, Saffron continued, "Tabitha will need to practice with her tentacles at some point in the near future..."

No idea why Siobhan got such a gleeful expression at that, but if it helped her keep her dinner down, I was one hundred percent behind it.

I got myself a little Co-Location practice, leaving one of me sitting holding Siobhan's hand while the other helped the kids with the toilet. Then, once everybody got settled in, Marie and I sat up with her. Saffron, as the 'merely Mortal' one of the three of us, snuggled in next to her, saying, "wake me when she falls asleep."

Eventually, she did, although she looked pretty uncomfortable. Not, like, pukey uncomfortable, but bad sleeping position uncomfortable. When we woke Saffron, she did the finger waggling thing again, and a few moments later Siobhan shifted, rolling over and snuggling Saffron like a person sized teddy bear. That looked like a pretty good idea, so I climbed in behind Saffron, and Marie did the same on the far side of Siobhan.

Dreamt of Siobhan shoving my maw full of Siobhan shaped popsicles while Marie and Saffron laughed from the sidelines. Until she started shoving Marie pasta and Saffron soup dumplings in, which made them laugh even harder. I'd complain about not getting any respect, but I'm not sure I really deserved any tonight.

In the morning, other than taking maybe a little longer on the toilet than normal, Siobhan seemed fine. When we got down to just the four of us in the room, she looked at all of us, laughed, and said, "and what have we learned form all this, ladies?"

"We need to coordinate our efforts to fatten you up better." Saffron replied immediately.

Siobhan spluttered a little. "I thought you were worried about my health, not trying to fatten me up."

Saffron just shrugged and scrubbed her a little more vigorously. "Oh, we are worried, and Tabitha is right in insisting we fix your malnutrition issues, but along with that you're definitely too skinny to carry a child to term."

Siobhan spluttered a lot at that. "I'm not even sure I'm going to!"

"Not with that level of anemia you're not. Tabitha does want you to, you realize."

"Hey! Don't put that on me!" I barked out.

Saffron just raised an eyebrow. "But you do, don't you? Want us to get her pregnant?"

I opened my mouth, expecting a denial, but a sudden wave of gooey baby madness hit me. I smiled at our Ice Pop and said, "yeah. Yeah, I kinda do." Then I managed to beat my rebellious glands into submission and said, "but only if she wants to!"

Siobhan slumped. "I know. And... I want to, for you. I think? I worried for a bit about raising a child, but..." she trailed off, then smiled shyly at the three of us. "You're right. I wouldn't have to do that on my own." Then she snorted. "Not like any of us are likely to do most of the normal maternal tasks with Marie around."

Marie just nodded and looked smug, saying 'damn straight' without the need for words.

Saffron nodded, dumping a kettle of water over Siobhan before embracing her and saying, "and I shall see to our children's advanced education, while Tabitha keeps them active and teaches them to read, and you, my little Ice Pop, keep them healthy and whole."

"Our?" Saffron nodded. "You'd... trust me with your children?"

"Do." announced Marie, once again ending the discussion.

Okay, there was some weepies, and some very not safe for kids tub shenanigans, but the discussion was over.

Once we got done breakfast we returned to the Homestead. When we arrived, I looked at the ugly lump of metal and said, "can we do something with that?"

Saffron nodded, "I'd intended to use it for your Mana Blade practice today. I thought it might be cathartic. But Karen is, yet again, unavailable."

"Couldn't she, like, Co-Locate?"

"She could, but there are limits to Co-Location. Limits that affect Mortals and, apparently, yourself to some degree. Most notably, while you can be in more than one place at a time, you can only really think about one thing at a time. Can only concentrate on one task at a time."

She let me chew over that for a bit until the light bulb lit. "So, like, puppeting me is something you have to concentrate on?"

That got a laugh out of all three of them. "Oh, yes, love. It is not an easy thing at all, even when you explicitly permit it. When you do not? It takes all of our concentration. All of Marie's concentration, even, just to have a chance to force you to do even something simple."

I sighed. "Okay. I just..." I walked over to the misshapen lump of metal, kicked it loose with the heel of my boot, used my toe to flip it up into my hand, and yeeted it into the nearest cellar entrance. "That's better."

She nodded. "Let's get to work then."

So we did. By mid afternoon, with the exception of Mana Blade, I'd gotten at least the basics of everything on future me's list, along with another spell they called 'Fire Bolt'. Apparently at some point future me had come up with a variation that worked really well for heating stuff up to crazy hot temperatures. Saffron had me use it to boil all the water out of our cellar. I'm not sure how good of an idea that was, since it kinda stank to high heaven, but afterward she had me go through and flamethrower everything to ash, which stank even more, but by the end of our day the place was warm and dry. Not sure how long it would stay that way.

But then, a lot of life is like that. You do the best you can and hope it sticks around.