Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Yeah, not surprising that I wound up leaving the last bits of my Grand Plan until almost too late.

Okay, that's not true. I've pretty much shocked myself because I've pulled all the parts of my Grand Anti-Poseidon Plan together before the Very Last Minute. As in, all pieces of plan together, ready to launch, just waiting for Poser to show himself, or for me to find his cowardly ass. Who am I and what have I done with Tabitha?

Fuck, maybe this is just another example of Big Black leaking into me. She's supposed to be the one who consumes everything, yeah, but she's also the one who judges everything at the end. She can't do that if she's just one big ball of appetite. There's got to be some kind of judgement there. Unless, y'know, her whole 'judgement' is culinary. What things taste like.

Oh, double fuck. Anise had fuckin' layers of flavor, absolutely delicious, if for a refined palate. Garde was sad, but not awful. Saffron, and to a lesser degree my ladies who visit my Maw every night are absolutely divine in terms of flavor. Shit, fuck, bless it, I almost fuckin' ate Siobhan her hair tasted so fuckin' good. Oliver and Octavio Orange tasted like absolute shit. Yeah, okay, the Dragon tasted sorta good, maybe like chicken, but not like awesome chicken, just chicken, and if anybody on the planet has a case for truly alien morality, it's the lizard from the dawn of time. I cannot fucking believe I have not noticed that somehow my darker half somehow tastes content of character until now.

Shit, I think I even talked about it to the fuckin' Baba Yaga.

Of course, the Fatass of Continental Proportions would enjoy literally consuming the Souls of good people better than bad people. I don't even know what the fuck to make of that shit at this point.

Okay, yeah, I do. I'm choosing to be grateful that my Poser Penalty Plan does not include him entering my Maw at any point in the process.

So yesterday I stood my now normal watches atop the West Tower and the mast of the Black Dragon while simultaneously answering the entire list of questions from my precocious little pony girl. Seriously, I didn't get pornographic with descriptions, I tried to stay clinical with everything, but Maze asked about so much fuckin' stuff. I almost maybe kinda sorta wanted to fudge one of the answers, about how two guys could have sex when neither of them had a vagina, but then she told me her question stemmed from seeing her birth Papa doing stuff with another dude, another mercenary soldier working for Calverton. Seriously, I got weirded out by some of the shit she asked, not because it's something I haven't done or wouldn't try, but because it was my daughter asking.

But in the end I think that's why not matter what she asked, I took her seriously and answered. My job as a mom, as Mama, or Papa, or whatever, my position as parent isn't about me being comfortable. It's about giving my kids everything I can that they might need to help them survive and thrive in the world.

I am, however, not a complete idiot.

After dinner, on the way to the Bath, I snagged her and pulled her up to my office. Then hopped both of us back to one of the linen closets, grabbed a couple blankets, tapped her with the anti-frostbite Jotnar whammy, then hopped us back up there. She looked up at me, a little cautious, but not frightened. "Am I in trouble, Papa?"

I shook my head, smiling at her. "Nah. Just making sure of something." I looked her in the eye to let her know I wasn't gonna fall for low quality bullshit and asked, "did your sisters put you up to asking all that?"

Her mouth worked for a bit as her face displayed surprise, then really good fake indignation, before settling into sheepish acknowledgement. "Maybe a couple things."

I nodded. "Okay. Remember how I said this is an adult topic? For young women, not girls?"

"Yes, Papa."

"That still applies. Now, I don't want your sisters scared if one of them starts puberty early and they start bleeding. You're fine to tell them all about that stuff, although I'd really like it if they came to one of the adults in the family for that."

Bold as brass, she smirked up at me, "but aren't I one of the adults now?"

I sat there with my mouth hanging open while my daughter tried unsuccessfully to hide her laughter. "Okay, first, I'd like it if they came to one of the parents in the household." I paused, thinking, then nodded. "Honestly, I'd feel some kinda way about it, like we'd fu... Messed up, but if they'd rather talk to one of the other parents like Anna or Devorah about that, I guess that would be okay too."

"Why?"

"That goes to the second part. You're a young woman. Young adult. Emphasis in this case on the 'young' part. Not that I'm not gonna do my best to treat you like an adult, but you've only just started learning about adult stuff. That includes all kinds of weird sh... Stuff about bodies that might or might not apply to you. Most of it probably doesn't yet, because you're still growing. Some of it doesn't even apply to me yet, really. But my point is that all of us have more experience than you. We've picked up knowledge that you haven't, and if you come to us, or they come to us, with some concern we might know the answer. It might be some stupid thing that we'd never think to tell you because it's so niche, but with two dozen of you at least one or two of you is probably gonna hit some niche stuff."

She'd pouted when I pointed out the 'young' emphasis, but started nodding along when I pointed out that 'young' just means 'inexperienced'. "Okay, Papa. What about the other stuff?"

I sucked my teeth for a second. "I'm torn."

"Why?"

I nodded, recognizing she'd hit the right question. "I want you and all your sisters to have as much knowledge as you can, so you know what you need to know to live your best life. But learning some things too young can hurt. Like, you know how I Translocate, right?" She nodded. "Well, Isnomi wants to learn how to do that. But along with not knowing how doing that too much too young would wind up affecting her growth as a person, I'm also entirely certain it would get her in situations that would get her hurt, probably in ways that would stunt her eventual growth."

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"Okay?"

I nodded. "So I asked her not to try to figure that out, to let me teach her when she's old enough. She agreed. Some of the stuff I'm talking with you about is like that."

"How do you know I'm old enough?"

I didn't need to think long on that. "Did any of the answers squick you just hearing them? Not, like, thinking about some of the weirder stuff you asked about, but just knowing that the answers exist?"

She scrunched up her nose. "I don't think so?"

I nodded again. "Okay. So that's a good sign. But the biggest reason is that you came to me, your Papa, and asked. You were mature enough to talk about it with an adult on your own terms. Nobody had to force you, and you didn't go hide it in a closet."

"Aren't we in a closet right now?"

I couldn't help it, I barked out a laugh. "This is not a closet, young lady. This is my office. And we're up here to get a little privacy, because at least some of your sisters are not old enough for this talk yet." Right then I got a brilliant idea. Ladies, an ear please? "Okay. I've got this office. Mom has the Academy suite office. Siobhan has the infirmary, if she needs it. Tallulah has her bedroom in the Overlord's Keep. Marie has the... Kitchen." So help me, I'd almost said 'Bedroom', because I was trying to think about a private area Marie didn't share with a bunch of people, but while the Bedroom had a lot of practical discussion aids for that kind of talk, I did not think it would be healthy to use them. For any of us. "So if any of your sisters ask you about something, and it's maybe something they should ask us about? You send them to one of us, tell them to ask us for a private talk in one of those spots, okay?" You hear that, ladies?

As I got a chorus of amused affirmatives from my High Clergy, Maze proved she was smarter than me by asking, "What about your other Priestesses?"

Fuck it, if they were in my head I trusted them to be there. "Okay, if one of them would rather talk to Karen or Madeline, or any new High Priestesses that pass the Trials, they're good too."

Truly? Madeline sounded stupidly happy, so much so I couldn't even be snarky when I replied.

Yeah, Mads. I trust you with my girls.

Weird getting a sustained long distance burst of Worship from Mads as Maze said, "okay, Papa. If they won't come ask one of you, should I answer them?"

I couldn't help the face I made at that, but fortunately she found it funny rather than threatening. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I trust your judgement. If you think they're gonna go do something stupid because they don't know, yeah, tell them. Otherwise, if you think they're just asking because they're envious you have answers they don't? Send them to one of us for an explanation."

"Okay, Papa. Can we go down to the Bath now? I'm cold."

"Sure kiddo. Let's go get warm." I head bunted her, stepped us down to the closet to put the blankets back, then dropped the Jotnar anti-Cold whammy off her, since I figured she might want to actually make her covers warm at night, and helped her shower before the two of us got into the tub.

"So precious," Saffron purred into my ear as we floated in the tub. "Papa needs special rewards, don't you think?"

Before I could open my mouth to argue, Marie shut it by saying, "Absolutely True."

On the one hand, I don't think I did anything special. I did what a parent is supposed to do. On the other hand, I think people wind up getting taken for granted way too often, and rewarding people for getting the basics right on important things is, y'know, important. So I shut my mouth. Okay, I shut my mouth after saying, "yes, dears."

To which Siobhan whispered, "good girl."

Yeah, more than the hot water made me melty and happy despite my ongoing anxiety over another stealth kaiju. Of course, once I got them all to sleep, with me guarding the Tentacles, they neither had one of Saffron's Maw board meetings or movie night. Instead they all kept playing pearl diver every time they reappeared, diving as deep as they could before dissolving. Which normally I'd be all 'nom' over, but I wasn't asleep, wasn't dreaming, I was Co-Located across the fleet and watching and listening from the top of the West Tower. While each and every one of them fed the sensations running through their dream selves directly into my brain.

Yeah, my ladies love messing with me like that, as they've showed with their impromptu Doctrine recitals. Honestly, if it weren't for the whole fuckin' impending kaiju doom thing, I couldn't really think of a problem with it.

As each of them showed on their respective Tentacles, I might have showed my appreciation by doing both a thorough oral inspection of their tonsils and manual inspection of their posteriors. Totally health related, making sure my High Clergy's digestion was... yeah, I can't even finish that with a straight face or brain.

Around noon I swung past Conrad's workshop to pick something up, then stepped over to Dad's cave. "Hey, Dad. How you holding up?"

At that point I realized some of what Maze had felt the other day, as Mom turned to face me and said, "Good day, Daughter. He's a little busy at the moment. I take my duties as his jailer and torturer seriously, as you can see."

It took me a second for my words to make brain noises. Okay, my brain to make coherent mouth noises. Whatever. "Yeah, uh, I kinda needed to talk to you. How's Dad holding up?"

She raised one eyebrow, clamped her thighs a little tighter, and said, "between you and me, I've been trying to distract him from mourning Angrboda. I bear her no ill will, nor am I jealous, but he mourned her for a fortnight, and his grief had begun to molder into self-recrimination. What happened to her was an atrocity, but it was in no way your father's fault, and I shan't have him feeling as if it was."

Tell your mother I can still hear her through your ears, and that I cannot breathe.

Yeah, think that's kinda the point on the latter, and no on the former, because she's right. "Yeah, anyway, I need to borrow your outfit."

She didn't look thrilled about that. "Might I ask what you intend to wear it for?"

I just laughed, holding out the box I'd brought from Conrad's place. "Nah. Not gonna wear it. Need to take it to Conrad's for some servicing." At her questioning look, I explained, "hey, I don't ask him why he needs to do stuff with his art, I just try to make sure his materials are ethically sourced."

She sighed, then hopped to her feet. As she walked over to me, Dad sucked in a huge breath, then snorted and said, "so is my torture done for today?"

Sigyn, who'd stripped out of her boots, stockings, garters, and belt surprisingly quickly, opened the box and grinned. "Of course not, my beloved husband. I simply need to change my attire." I had no idea what was in the box until she opened it. I did not expect to see a whole assed translucent negligee with fuzzy trim and matching slippers. I also did not expect her to get that giddy look, strip down and change right in front of me either. When she finished she twirled back and forth, then did a single pirouette. "How does it look?"

"Really nice."

She pouted the tiniest bit. "Only 'really nice'? Damned by faint praise."

I laughed. "Okay, what am I supposed to say? That it's a walking invitation to incest? I think Dad might object."

"I would!" he called out without raising his head.

"You lookin' through my eyes, old man?" I asked while closing them.

"Bless it. I hadn't thought of it until you said something."

I nodded, grinning my own self. "Okay, Mom. Go show him. Before or after you're done with his session, up to you. I gotta get back to work."

The fuzzy trim felt weird against my cheeks as she gave me a hug, my eyes still closed. "Be well, and be careful, Daughter."

"Never am." I stepped away to deliver Sigyn's boots and boot related items to Conrad, trying very carefully not to imagine her sashaying back over to him.

Daughter?

Yeah, Dad?

His mental voice strained, he thought, Please tell me my grandson did not make that.

Yeah, sorry, I'm shit at lying.

Fuck. That man has a knack for tying one's brain in knots, doesn't he?

That he does. That and beating any coherence in the brain to death with the libido. I'm so proud of him.

Dad huffed into my brain. He gets it from your side of the family.

Yeah, I was laughing too hard to respond to that coherently. I barely managed to think, best!

I know.