Dial H for Heroics

Josie wondered what she should do with her cursed princess. She would like to just dump the transformed elf across the line and let things work out on their own. She doubted that would earn her a quest completion unless she dumped Lorelei on her family.

Should she try to talk to the Princess’s parents? How would that go? Would they even talk to a human at all?

She needed something to use as a handle. She couldn’t just sit on this girl until she finished everything else.

She could but she didn’t want to do that. She wanted to knock this thing out of the park and meet up with Jack. The quest to destroy the Montrose would be the last major thing she needed to do.

And she wanted to know how he was doing with the Dark Rider. Maybe she should have went ahead and helped him instead of letting him go out on his own.

“I need to know what happened in detail,” said Josie. “Then I am going to have to talk to someone in charge to see what I can do about reversing things so you can go home. I still have a job to get done, even if I don’t know how to do it at the moment.”

“Won’t your gods let you fail at this thing?,” asked Lorelei.

“They aren’t my gods, and the answer to that is no,” said Josie. “They want you returned before there is trouble. Framing you for a crime and sending you into exile could mean anything. Do you have enemies?”

“I’m a princess,” said the old man. “I have tons of enemies. I couldn’t name them all.”

“That’s not good,” said Josie. “Let’s start with the crime. What was that?”

“I was accused of stealing a broach from one of the maids,” said Lorelei.

“Who accused you?,” asked Josie.

“My sister, Avelina,” said the princess. “She’s fifth from the top of the heir line.”

“Where did they find the broach?,” asked Josie. She assumed that Avelina took it to create a frame and get rid of her sister. She had seen enough family drama not to rule that out.

Jack’s four sisters had also been her friends. They were all over the top about what they did and how they did it.

“On a dress I had worn the night before,” said Lorelei. “I had been asked to attend a court function, and wore the dress, but not the broach.”

“Are you sure?,” asked Josie.

The old man wrinkled his face at the question.

“Are you sure about the number of fingers on your hands?,” she asked.

“Not always, especially when I have been drinking,” said Josie. “So it was your word against hers that you took the broach and pinned it to your dress?”

“Yes,” said Lorelei. “The maid, Mathilda, confirmed that it had been missing, and that she had asked around the other servants if they had seen it. Apparently my sister got wind of the search and took it upon herself to search my quarters.”

“And she moves up into your slot since you’re gone,” said Josie.

“She moves into the fourth slot,” said Lorelei. “There are a brother and two sisters ahead of her, and my brother is the only heir.”

“The princesses get nothing?,” asked Josie.

“They could get to be queens, but in general, the boys get to rule while the girls have to manage things,” said Lorelei. “I expected to have a marriage arranged in some other enclave in a few years if anyone would take me.”

“So Avelina could be trying to get to the throne,” said Josie. “She would have to take out the other three first in some way. I doubt she will be able to frame them all the same way she framed you.”

“You are talking about her killing her siblings,” said Lorelei.

“Not really,” said Josie. “But I wouldn’t rule it out. I think in your case, she definitely arranged for you to get into trouble.”

“But everyone knew I had borrowed that broach before,” said Lorelei. “Everything could have been explained as a mistake except for the formal charges being filed to strip me of my titles.”

“She get the titles?,” asked Josie.

“Some of them,” said the exile. “Some went to my other siblings.”

“I think we should start with a letter to the authorities,” said Josie.

“And what will that get us?,” asked Lorelei.

“It will get us a way in if we can work it right,” said Josie. “After that, we have to see what we can do.”

“Do you really think you can fix this?,” said Lorelei. “My family will never accept me back.”

“I don’t need them to accept you back permanently,” said Josie. “I just need them to accept you back long enough to clear my quest list.”

“I am glad that you are so clear in your intentions,” said the elf.

“I have been here about a week,” said Josie. “I have found that if I want to get

anything done, I have to be clear and concise and ready to punch somebody in the face. Otherwise, the knuckleheads I deal with won’t do a thing.”

“You would fit in at home very well,” said the princess. She sipped her beer and made a face.

“I need some paper and a pen,” said Josie. “I am going to send this letter and hope we can make things on an even footing. If we can, maybe we can clear your name, and get you something out of this other than the experience of being an old man.”

“It hasn’t been that bad,” said Lorelei. “But also not that good.”

“Don’t go anywhere,” said Josie. “Once we get started, you’ll be home where you belong and I can finish the rest of what I have to do.”

“Avelina won’t like this,” cautioned Lorelei.

“Avelina won’t like it if I turn Jack loose on her household,” said Josie. “She’ll

like it even less if I do something about her.”

Josie sipped the rest of her drink, and made her way out to the street. She took a moment to figure out where the local general store was and walked over. She paid for a couple of sheets of paper, a quill pen, and a bottle of ink. She also grabbed a bag to carry her new belongings.

What could she say that would get her a look at the crime scene? What would get her a chance to challenge the ruling? She had to be respectful but forceful in what she had to say.

Both of their lives were on the line if she went ahead.

Did she want to go home?

She didn’t know at the moment. Right now she had to deal with her quests. She would talk to Jack about the rest.

He always seemed to know what to do when he didn’t have a plan in the world.

She sat down at the table with Lorelei. He had finished his meal and set his cup aside.

She thought about what she could say as she placed the paper on the table in front of her.

She decided that the first thing she should say was howdy, let them know that she was talking to them. She filled the body of the letter with the most insulting to honor language that she could muster. She then signed it with her signature and ecks and ohs.

She waited for the ink to dry on her careful lettering. She folded the paper up. She took the other sheet of paper and folded it into envelope. She put the letter into the envelope and sealed it. She pressed the paper down.

“Address?,” asked Josie.

“Two twenty and a half of the Canary Road, left central side,” said Lorelei.

Josie wrote the address on the envelope. She looked around, changed to Zatanna long enough to send it, then changed back. Now all they had to do was wait. The magic letter could also be the end of their communication problem. All they had to do was write the letter and magic it to wherever it had to go.

She wondered if she could just write Jack’s name on something and let it go. Did she need the address of where he was. She doubted the wilderness counted as an address.

Elves appeared in the street outside. They looked around at the small town. Sunlight gleamed from their golden armor. They were two rows of infantry with spears. They formed up on either side of the street to allow a white horse and rider trot to a stop.

“It looks like someone didn’t like my letter,” said Josie. She stood. “You might

as well stay here. If I can work things out, well and good. If I can’t, my partner

is going to come looking for you.”

“Will he be as foolish?,” asked Lorelei.

“Maybe,” said Josie. “Certainly a better thinker about things.”

She walked out of the diner and stepped out in the street.

Who did she have in her watch that could do things she needed doing?

She didn’t want to call up Etrigan. A real demon if she took his body would be bad in her opinion. She wanted something a lot smoother if she had to go that route.

“Hola,” said Josie. “Como esta?”

“What foul language is this?,” said the knight on horseback. “Are you the one that sent the letter saying the king had lost his mind?”

“Are you an idiot?,” asked Josie.

“Do you know who I am?,” asked the knight. His hand dropped to his sword.

“If you so much as draw that weapon, I will wreck you,” said Josie. “Do we have an understanding about this?”

“Who are you to say such a thing to the likes of me?,” asked the knight. His hand didn’t quite drop from the hilt of his weapon.

“I’m the terror that flaps in the night. I’m the elf ear ripper of justice,” said Josie. “I’m Josie Fox. Who might you be?”

“I’m Sir Galestone of the Reach of Darkness, killer of monsters, and upholder of laws,” said the knight. Josie spotted one of the infantry rolling his eyes in the first position on her right.

“Now that we know who we are, what do you want?,” asked Josie.

“The king has asked me to escort you to court and have words with you,” said the knight. “You can come along quietly, or on your back, but you are coming along.”

“I don’t see why I should do that,” said Josie. “The king can come here if he wants to talk to me.”

“That is not possible,” said Sir Galestone. “He can’t leave the court at this time.”

“Turn around and lead the way,” said Josie. “I will be right behind you.”

“All right,” said the knight. He pulled on his reins to turn the horse into a circle.

He let it trot down the road. They vanished in a sunbeam.

Josie followed, hand wrapped around her upper forearm. She felt a tumbling

sensation and staggered but kept her feet. The infantry escort fell in at her sides.

The knight let the horse trot on a road made of gold bricks. The infantry sped up to keep up with him. Josie walked. She wasn’t running anywhere because some clown couldn’t let his horse walk.

The infantryman who had rolled his eyes fell in beside her. He cradled his spear on the shoulder of his armor.

“Sir Gallstone is probably going to want you to move faster than this,” said the

infantryman.

“Then he can provide a horse,” said Josie. “Otherwise, he is ess oh ell.”

“The elf ear ripper of justice?,” said the infantryman.

“Don’t you forget it,” said Josie. “I’ve been known to turn them into bags full of

marbles.”

“I believe that,” said the infantryman. “Name’s Bob. Don’t turn the king’s ears into bags full of marbles. The Royals will be upset.”

“If I start thinking about doing that, it will already be too late,” said Josie.

Bob smiled.

“I like you, Bob,” said Josie. “If things go down, run. You don’t need to be caught up in the storm that will come down.”

“You may be formidable, but don’t try to take on the Court unless you have to,” said Bob. “They’re all masters of their elements.”

We’ll see how much of a master they are against whatever I can dip into, thought Josie.

The procession walked to a set of buildings built in a spiral around each other. A wall ran around that. All of it seemed to be made of giant stones stacked on each other. Galestone paused at the gate, turning in his saddle to glare at Josie who waved at him as she walked along.

“Seems impatient,” said Josie. “I think we should walk slower.”

“I don’t think that’s wise,” said Bob. “The king is waiting for you to arrive.”

“All right,” said Josie. “Be my guide, Bob. That will get you out of work for a bit.”

“I suppose that’s fair,” said the infantryman.

They arrived at the gate. Galestone looked down at her. She smiled at him.

“You can go,” she said. “Bob is going to show me the Court chambers. We should be okay.”

“Really?,” said the knight.

“There’s no glory in this,” said Josie. “I’m just talking to the king and queen and then I’m leaving. There’s not going to be a war, or dead elves, or blown up castle, or anything like that. If you’re good, I’ll have someone bring you tea and cookies.”

“Tea and cookies?,” said Galestone. His face turned red slowly as he looked down at her.

“Or milk if you prefer,” said Josie. “Show me the way, Bob. I need to get this over so I can go about the rest of my business.”

“Yes, mum,” said Bob. “I’ll send the cookies with the extra sugar on them, sir.”

Josie walked through the gate and headed toward the castle.