Deviant's Masquerade: Get Ink'd (A Toon Villain Quest/RPG)

Third Heist: Jewelry Store Japes (Pt. 1): Ritz And Blitzin The Store

--- Joshua Durand ---

Deciding that he needed to make a proper entrance, he quickly entered the mall in his civilian guise before tracking down a couple of stores, buying a couple of things to spread out the receipts, and then summoning Blobby to help properly arrange those things after a quick Toonification experiment in the mall bathroom.

Once he finished stuffing all of the evidence into the bathroom trash that he doubted anyone would search -and washing his hands, (because I'm evil, not unhygienic)- he began shifting through the net for something thematically appropriate… only to find that significantly more difficult than he thought under the current circumstances.

(Wait, wait! I think I know this one!)

Eventually though he did find something that at least partially fit the aesthetic he was going for.

Which is how -after making his way back out and to the limit of his phone's bluetooth connection- the whole mall found itself being filled with the slowly growing sound of music. So much so that it began to quickly overwhelm the sound coming from the various store radios.

Kicking open the mall's front door, he started swaying through the store a faint sway to his steps and an umbrella -he bought, because the stealing had yet to begin- spinning in his hand.

One by one his exaggerated steps and swinging dance slowly drew the eyes of everyone in the mall, a few of them evening pulling out their phones to record him when he began singing along to the song, the words just coming to him as if he already knew them.

"Have you seen the well to do? Up that avenue?" He asked a couple. "On that famous thoroughfare? With their noses in the air?"

"High hats, and narrow collars. White spats and all their dollars, spending every time for a wonderful time?" He continued adjusting his collar and tapping his shoes with a spin, a little jig as he skipped a verse before calling, "Puttin' on the Ritz!"

Like this he continued through the mall, the smarter members of the crowd trailing him like the trail behind a shooting star as he danced past the crowd he knew to belong to whatever junior hero was competing for the spotlight tonight.

Still he focused on his own performance as he entered the jewelry store with a twirl of his umbrella before going with the flow of the song and beginning to tap dance around the store. (Holy shit? When did I learn to do this?)

(It's the magic of the stage boyo~)

(This is so much fun!) He couldn't help but laugh to himself as he took in all of the dumbfounded stares watching him. (Still I've got a job to do…)

He pulled back the umbrella in a twirling spin, to continue the performance.

(True, I'm just glad it's not as racist as I remember.)

Glass shattered under his umbrella, just as that thought hit him. (Wait, what?)

He blinked all eyes on him with a growing sense of horror that he could feel himself, if for completely different reasons.

Still the song continued to play, and his audience continued to watch as he took a deep breath through a stiff smile, before deciding (kid, the show must go on!)

A sentiment that had him reach past the broken glass as he pulled out a diamond necklace from the case before holding it up with a sway of his head, he gave another call of, "Puttin' on the Ritz!"

Letting the music continue to play with only a faint sway, he continued to break open the various glass cases before stashing the jewelry into a pocket in his coat, letting it fall into his hammer space as he continued to rob the store.

At least until he turned to find a shaky taser pointed at him.

Not because he viewed the taser as any kind of threat to him, but because he recognized the person aiming it at him. In fact seeing the man actually brought a smile to his face, "Bill!"

"Oh god, it is you!" The security guard cried before pulling the taser trigger, and causing its prongs as Joshua's head slid to the side letting it fire behind him and zap a stuck up looking man behind the counter. "Oh, no!"

"Oh, yes!" He laughed, the rest of his body sliding beneath his head even as it stayed in place. (Not that he noticed that.) "I haven't seen you since the museum, what are you doing here?!"

"I-I lost my job at the museum because of you!" The security guard answered, starting off shaky but finishing with some bass to his voice.

"Oof!" He hissed through his teeth, unable to help but feel a little guilty about that. "That sucks…" He reached into a broken case and pulled out a necklace probably worth a couple hundred. "How about this necklace? I'm sure it'll make your girlfriend happy!"

"I don't have a girlfriend…" Bill frowned, clear depression settling onto his thirty-something face.

"Ah…" He winced. (That was kind of presumptuous. Just because you've got a dozen girls in your life doesn't mean everyone does.)

"She left me the same day the museum fired me…" The guard continued

"..." He simply blinked at the security guard before hesitantly asking, "Because you… lost your job?"

"I didn't even get to tell her before she broke up with me… over with a text message…" Bill slumped even further, a dead sort of look to his eyes.

"Ah, well… That's not my fault then!" He smiled, feeling so relieved as he tucked the necklace into his coat.

The security guard narrowed his eyes at Joshua as he began to violent huff. "N-no, maybe not but-but I'm not going to let you rob this place like the museum!"

"Technically speaking? I've already robbed this place." He pointed out as he picked up a diamond bracelet. (Maddie might like this.) He grinned, as he thoughtlessly added. "Just like the museum!"

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"Well I'm going to stop you so that they don't fire me like the museum did then!" Bill tried to argue.

Joshua found himself glancing towards the store clerk that Bill had tased, laying limp and drooling, before glancing back at the security guard with a raised brow, because (pretty sure that ship has already sailed…)

The grimace on Bill's face said he was realizing the same thing. "Um, maybe he won't… remember who did that?"

Joshua pointed to a small black object on the ceiling watching them. "There are cameras recording all of this." He then pointed towards the handful of store patrons cowering instead of running. "And witnesses too."

Bill looked between the cameras and the witnesses as he began to once more slump. "They're going to fire me again aren't they…"

"Probably." He nodded, while giving the former security guard a 'there-there' pat to his shoulder.

"This was my first day too… What am I going to tell my mom?"

Joshua broke another case before reaching in and pulling out a necklace. "Would she like a diamond necklace?"

"Maybe?" Bill frowned, looking unsure.

"Then here, give her this." He told the man as he put the necklace in the guard's hands before giving the back of them another pat.

"I-I can't steal this!" Bill shouted after a moment as Joshua slipped a few more gems into his pocket dimension.

"Then it's a good thing you didn't!" He grinned at the guard, with rather shit luck.

"W-what?" Bill's face scrunched up.

With an exasperated sigh, a shake of his head and a roll of his eyes Joshua explained that, "I stole it. And then I gave it to you to give to her. Ergo you did not steal it!"

"That's… that's not how that works!" Bill yelled, throwing the necklace to the ground and causing it to shatter into multiple pieces.

He looked down at the rolling gems before feeling the need to point out that, "If it's not, then… you're probably going to have to pay for that."

Bill blinked, before slowly looking towards the price tag where said necklace had been hanging and promptly paling. "That's more than they were going to pay me for a whole month here…"

"Really?" He blinked himself, before actually looking at the price tag. "Damn, I would've given you something cheaper if I'd known it was worth that much."

They were both silent in a commiserating moment over money lost, before Joshua felt a faint ping from his danger sense. Nothing overtly drastic like an actual attack incoming, but still enough for him to know that, "Ah, the hero has arrived!"

"The hero?" Bill repeated in confusion.

"Yes!" He grinned with just a touch of madness as he tossed the gems in his hand to the side. "You see this was never about stealing these probably fake goldfish rocks, this was always about challenging the hero chosen to guard the mall this fateful day!"

"Wait, you… you did all of this to pick a fight with a hero?" Bill asked, face contrite.

"Yes! After my previous conflict with Terraform and Power Flight, I realized that I needed a fair and proper rematch with the Jr. Heroes so that no one could say I am a coward who flees from my enemies!" He declared as dramatically as possible as he turned towards the store exit. "Now I shall go out there and kick the ass of whatever hero dares attempt to thwart my dastardly plans! And prove that one on one I am not a little bitch who runs."

He suddenly grabbed Bill by the collar and began shaking him. "The streets talk man! Do you know the shit they're saying about me for running from Terraform and Power Flight… Twice! My supervillain street cred is in jeopardy! I can't have that man! I can't have it!"

Bill simply stared at him, unable to form a valid response in the face of Joshua's very valid fears about the critics and their opinions on his shows.

Seeing that the man understood -or rather fully aware that his hamming it up to cause as much confusion as possible meant that Bill did not in fact understand anything from Joshua's only half-psychotic performance- he gave the soon to be former security guard a firm nod before letting him go.

Bill stood there for a moment before eventually shaking his head and moving to follow Joshua towards his coming confrontation. "Wait, wait!"

He did not wait, instead stepping out the door to find a large crowd had gathered to watch the coming battle of the ages. A performance that nobody would forget, before his eyes fell onto who his opponent actually was. (We may have miscalculated here…)

Uncaring of the way he suddenly froze, Bill continued to rant, "You're telling me you did all of this to pick a fight?"

Joshua's terrified eyes stared into a pair of cold beady pitch black eyes staring out from behind a domino mask, doing little to obscure the actual appearance of (the wretched abomination) trying to hide behind the thin veneer of a secret identity.

Feeling his resolve harden as he realized what he must do for everyone's sake, he answered. "Yes." (Because there is no way I can let this… this monster go unchallenged as it continues to con the innocent souls around it!)

"Seriously?" Bill frowned at him, looking disgusted as he was clearly caught under the monster's spell. "You're picking a fight with a ten year old? And proud of it?"

That brought him up short before he glanced a foot lower than those beady black eyes as he realized (the abomination) was currently sitting on the head of a very angry looking blonde girl, wearing her own mask and hero outfit reminiscent of a magical girl outfit.

He was also suddenly aware of a great many judgemental stares being thrown his way, as he realized that (Uh, kid… this is not a good look to be having.)

"What? No! No. No, no, no, oh-ho-No!" He tried to explain. "I-I'm not here to fight her! I'm here to fight that, that vile evil thing using her as a mount!"

Bill looked between him and Stella Star, the youngest of the Jr. Heroes, before finally noticing the white ball of fluff panting with its tongue out of its mouth sitting on her head. "The fluffball?"

"That is no mere fluffball!" He warned the former security guard with a hiss. "That is a Flufflepuff, an evil mind controlling abomination from the eldritch depths that corrupts everything it comes into contact with. Slowly terraforming our very reality to meet its sick and twisted desires!"

"Snowball isn't evil!" Stella Star -(The poor naive child.)- shouted at him.

He gave her a pittable stare. "You only think that because of the intense brain washing, you poor, poor, deluded little fool…"

Little Stella lost her angry glare to a confused look as she picked (the abomination) off of her head and looked between it and him. Eventually she spun it around so that the basketball size ball of fluff (and pure fucking evil) could look him at him with its souless black eyes.

"You… you seriously think that Snowball, Snowball, is evil?" Stella asked him, her voice making it very clear who she thought was the fool between the pair of them.

"Yes." He nodded firmly before clarifying that, "I don't mean mischievous evil in a roguish prankster kind of way like me. But rather Evile with an extra e because a four letter word cannot contain the sheer amount of vile evilness pouring off of that, that thing!"

The (abomination) known as Snowball continued to happily pant with nary a thought in its empty little head. (A falsehood I shall not fall for!)

Stella continued to stare at him for a moment before setting the Flufflepuff on the ground where it proceeded to ever so slowly roll onto its back.

The young heroine gave him a clearly skeptical look. "Seriously? You think this is evil?"

"As sin." He confirmed.

The fact that no one present believed him, simply meant that he'd have to prove it! (I'll show them. I'll show them all!)