Deus Ex Machinarium

Bivos had already set when they arrived at the roadside inn, imaginatively named ‘Cat and Mouse’, having traveled about forty kimers over the muddy plains of the Veisa Valley and then the Gisean Plateau. So far Anh has presented himself as an easygoing companion. Mostly because he was busy making observations, sketching, or scribbling, only occasionally asking questions about a particular location. As if Brandt was his tour guide.

Although, in a way, the hoomin felt exactly like one. He has already prepared a route from Sheridawn to Isdelburg, with estimated times of arrival, inns earmarked for the night’s rest, and additional time allowance if something went wrong. He was worried that the tempo he envisioned would be too much for his companion, but thankfully the tanai had proven to be much less of a burden than he anticipated, and even with the considerable delay they managed to catch up. Barely, but they did.

The ‘Cat and Mouse’ turned out to be a large, sprawling complex of timber buildings. Brandt knew the layout well, as there were several such roadside stops situated along the tract to Isdelburg, all of which were built recently with loans from the king’s offices. Each of these consisted of spacious stables with a tiny smithy attached to the side, several cottages intended to house all of the staff, and finally a large main building with commons, kitchens, and rooms for rent. They were all built in a manner typical to the central provinces - with thick logs used for the walls, a mixture of moss and clay for caulking, and tiny windows with real glass. Although some of these had already been replaced with stretched membranes of animal origin, or straight up shuttered.

The fact that this particular building technique was even used at all was both noteworthy and silly, as typically only peasant houses were built this way. Perhaps the builders thought the travelers would feel right at home, or maybe the lack of funds was the real reason.

The Nord stopped admiring the architecture and concentrated on the task at hand. The place was absurdly busy, to the extent that everyone, including Anh and Brandt, was forced to wait in a queue before they could even enter the forecourt. There were several carts, both covered and open, guarded without exception by grim men, armed to the teeth. Two nobleman’s carriages were parked on the side, the servants were quietly cursing whilst unloading a huge chest off the roof of one of them. A stern voice came from the stables, as the current shift’s master yelled at his subordinates. Delicious smells coming from the kitchens mixed unfortunately with the putrid scent of mud and horse manure. And since it was already past dusk, each working person carried a light source - a torch or a light stone, thus adding to the woeful chaos of the eerie spectacle of hoomin impatience, shouts, and haste, submerged in a veritable bouquet of sweet and sour odors, and punctuated by dancing lights.

It took half a candle for Anh and Brandt to finally do away with their animals and luggage before they managed to enter the main hall. Unsurprisingly they found the inside of the place to be filled with people, just as the state of its outside would suggest. Brandt looked around, noting familiar details. One of the walls of the hall housed a large grill on which a partitioned oxen continuously rotated on a spit over a roaring fire. A large, square counter with several small barrels taking a third of the available space, occupied another wall. Behind it was the kitchen, as evidenced by a near-endless string of servers emerging and disappearing behind the curtain covering the entrance. In the opposite corner of the hall, standing on a rather minuscule wooden platform, two young minstrels were playing some unobtrusive melody, a common act known in the Kingdom as "The Lute and the Flute", making an effort to create the ambiance - which was obviously and unfortunately completely drowned by the noise of the patrons, eating, drinking and laughing. A few nobles occupied the premium spaces by the fire and their servants made sure no rabble came close. A group of merchants sat in the corner, loudly arguing about something, undoubtedly as a part of negotiating a serious contract. A trio of well-armored men sat in the middle of the commons, playing dice and laughing rowdily. The remaining patrons were a jolly mixture of peasants, workers, drivers, and servants.

Brandt smiled, feeling right at home in this environment. Inns such as this one were an inseparable part of his life - first as an adventurer, then as a mercenary, and now as a banker. Or an ex-banker, really.

There was always a place to go, always a road to take, and a bed to sleep in. After all these years all of the inns blended into one abstract notion of ‘a place’. Because, in the end, all of them were just that: a place to eat, sleep, and listen to gossip. He once again lustrated the commons in search of a free table and, once located, moved towards it, ignoring everything and everyone.

He did glance behind though, if only to make sure that the hapless bookkeeper followed. He did. It was quite obvious that, in stark contrast to the goal-focused Nord, Anh seemed to be far more interested in the people surrounding them, as evidenced by his eyes constantly darting between the patrons. Brandt also noticed, with a smirk, that almost everyone they passed by, gave them at least a curious look if not a wide berth. For most people, a sight of the elusive ‘thin ones, thus hexergists’ was still quite rare and interesting. The same people were equally interesting to Anh, although for different reasons.

Brandt slammed his satchel on the table, marking his territory, and sat heavily on the bench beside it. Anh joined him a moment later but eschewed sitting for floating with his legs crossed, just over the bench. Which caused a minor sensation at the surrounding tables.

-” I have made up my mind. ” - casually announced Brandt, causing the tanai to sharply turn his attention towards the Nord - “ Considering your reservations and other factors, I've decided that we are going to visit Katzburg first.”

-” But… " - protested Anh but Brand cut him off.

-” I understand your objections and they are valid. It is possible we won't find much. But I sponsor this escapade. So I make the decisions.”

The tanai escaped into his mind for a fraction of a drip.

-” I... guess that is fair.” - he finally replied in a defeated tone - “However we still believe this….”

Brandt leaned over the table.

-” My decision is final.”

Anh opened his mouth and raised his hand, wanting to protest, but the nord just shook his head and started looking around the room. He quickly spotted an adolescent boy, easily identifiable as a server by a sizable tray filled with dirty bowls and cutlery that he was carrying. Nord whistled and then waved at him.

The serveboy nodded. First at Brandt, then at his tray. The Nord nodded back and smiled. The boy veered into the direction of the kitchen skillfully balancing the tray in his hands.

The hoomin turned his head towards the tanai.

-" What do you know about Wildlands Mr. Trawins?" - he asked leisurely.

Anh immediately stopped sulking.

-" Geographically the westernmost part of the Continent." - he recited with an air of professionalism - "What little has been charted so far comprises mostly primeval woodlands, hillocks, and swamplands."

Brandt put on his practiced smile of a merchant.

-" That's right. That means no roads, no inns, no provisions. No pack animals. No..."

The bookkeeper interrupted by raising his hand.

-" I understand. I truly do. You don't have to explain." - he said with indifference in his voice - " More resources, longer preparations, and so on. You're the chief here so…"

The tanai wriggled his eyebrows, which, according to Brandt's limited knowledge of these people’s face language, meant 'whatever', then returned to watching his surroundings.

The hoomin checked around the commons to see if the serveboy was anywhere to be seen, but since he wasn't, Brandt turned back to the tanai wanting to speak some more, but noticed that his companion was already busy observing a trio of workers sat at the neighbouring table and passionately engaged in a game of dice. The men were loud, boisterous, and quite drunk already. Brandt recognized the game played as Punt, quite popular in central and eastern Cammot, where each player would first choose a number, bet on it, and then try to match it in no more than three throws, by either adding or removing dice. The winner was the player who got the closest to their bet.

Nothing seemed to be happening at first, but then the nord noticed that Anh raised the corner of his mouth in a sly smile and all of a sudden luck started to favor one of the players. At first, his two companions didn’t seem to mind or notice, but after a few consecutive wins, they began to glance suspiciously at the 'lucky' one. Two more wins in a streak, and finally, one of them snapped.

-” All right, Bohdan cut it out!” - he barked in a tone, which could best be described as a friendly threat - “Stop using your gift to cheat”.

-” Me’s not using the gift!” - protested the 'lucky' man - “ I swear on my mother’s!”

-” Oh! Come offit! Ya really wants us to believe you’re not cheatin?!”

-” No! I swear!”

The gambler got up menacingly and for a tense couple of drips it seemed that a violent conclusion was inevitable, but then he just drank the remainder of his tankard and slammed it on the table.

-” Have it your way. Whatevers” - he announced, wiping his mouth with the sleeve, then turned to leave - “I’m done for today."

The third man exchanged glances with Bohdan, then shrugged and stood up.

-” Right. Let’s go, you’re right.” - Bohdan too got off the bench - “But me was not cheatin!”

-” Sure, sure. You were not.”

All three men then went towards the exit, and the tanai, as if nothing happened, returned to looking around the room.

-” Was the experiment a success?” - asked Brandt in a voice tinted with sarcasm - “May I ask what was the desired outcome?”

-” I don’t know.” - responded the bookkeeper, blissfully oblivious to whatever the hoomin wanted to convey - “ I was expecting nothing in particular. Mere curiosity.”

The Nord scoffed and wanted to berate his companion for such inappropriate behaviour but at that precise moment, the serveboy finally arrived.

-” Good evening, sirrahs. Welcome to ‘Cat and Mouse’. Are you ready to order?" - said the boy.

Brandt raised his eyebrows, quite perplexed. There stood a boy, no more than twelve winters old, in a worn attire and with a straw sticking out of his turnshoes, a peasant, adorned with a simple face and straightforward gaze, and yet his greeting wouldn't be out of place at The Undercastle, a posh restaurant in Sheridawn's gentrified Old Town. And while there was still a hint of a common accent in the boy's speech, it was barely noticeable. This servant was trained to speak well.

-" What's the house specials?" - replied the Nord after a couple of drips of awkward silence.

-" The ‘Cat and Mouse’ is famous for its ox ribs in marjoram and apple gravy. Which I suggest." - woodenly recited the waiter.

-” Very well. I’ll have the ribs with a side of flatbread and a mug of light mead.”

-” And you, sir?” - the servant nodded a few times, blinking, while he committed the order to memory, then turned to Anh.

-” Food.” - said the startled tanai, interrupting his ritual of gawking at the inn's patrons. His eyes glazed over for a moment before he continued in an annoyed tone - “ I mean a large bowl of porridge cooked in milk, lots of honey, and any fruit you can find in the kitchen. Except pear. Pear is disgusting. Add a loaf of white bread and two spoons. I haven't eaten since noon.” - that last sentence wasn't directed at anyone in particular as Anh returned to his observations even before finishing the process.

The serve boy blinked slowly and then nodded.

-” Ribs with flatbread and a mug of mead and a big bowl of porridge cooked in milk with honey and fruit, except pear, and white bread. Yes?”

-” Yes. ” - confirmed Brandt. The boy made a shallow bow and then rushed towards the kitchen.

The food arrived not even a quanter later, surprisingly fast, and certainly faster than the wait for someone to come and take their order. Brandt spent this time pretending to look through his satchel, whilst quietly observing Anh, who in turn busied himself ignoring his companion and continually observing people around the inn. At a certain point, he even dug out a sheet of parchment and started scribbling and sketching on it with the help of several reed pens and inkwells, which also mysteriously appeared as if out of nowhere. He of course never physically touched any of those utensils. They just floated out of the ‘aether’, adding to the spectacle the tanai so far has created around himself.

As soon as the food arrived, Anh moved the parchment to the middle of the table, and the Nord could not help himself but stare at it. It turned out to be the floorplan of the inn, the positioning of tables, and also the paths of all the waiters and patrons, as they moved around the commons. Not only was the drawing fairly precise, but it was also picked out with black, red, and green ink drawing attention to different features of the plan.

-“ What have you created here?” - intrigued, Brandt pointed at the drawing.

-“ I traced the paths of the waiters in the inn.”

-“ I can see that.” - replied the Nord with a hint of annoyance - “ However, I fail to see the purpose…?”

-“ Well. Through careful consideration, I have determined that the landlord could add at least two more tables without making it an obstacle to the flow of waiters ”- nonchalantly answered the tanai - ”or they could get rid of four of the staff if they changed their paths around the inn. In the current configuration, this establishment is barely functioning, and certainly way below optimal threshold.”

Hoomin looked around the inn, chewing thoughtfully on a piece of meat.

-“ I fail to see a reason to do so. Everything seems to be just fine.”

-“ But it could operate better. You, sir, are a man of commerce, considering your occupation, I presume, you should understand the motive to do so.”

-“ I would, if there was a failure to be addressed. There isn’t one.”

The tanai blinked a few times, surprised, and then his eyes glazed over for a few drips. When he came to, his demeanor changed to a much more dismissive one.

-“ If you put it this way, I have no option but to agree.”

Brandt had enough experience to deem the conversation concluded. Short of shrugging, he decided to instead focus on the food. And so did the tanai, and, without as much as a hint of distress or indeed care - and to the astonishment of the nearby patrons - started to devour his porridge by telekinetically juggling two spoons and having a bite of bread every once in a while.