Delusive Fate

#066

Lost in thought, I jumped at a sudden loud noise. Frowning, I glared to the side to see Ham Yun-ah scanning me as if worried I’d gone mad. She handed me a paper bag, saying:

“Snap out of it. The way you’re zoning out now, something’s definitely wrong with you. In many ways…”

“What do you know, Ham Yun-ah? You don’t know anything… Must be nice living so carefree, huh?”

“You pick a fight every time you open your mouth… Han-sol, why have you gone crazy like this? Seems like you’re getting reckless relying on your looks, but what if you run into someone with bad eyesight and get into big trouble?”

“Want to die? Stop with the sarcasm. What can I do about looking like this? You’re not that pretty either, you know?”

Ham Yun-ah’s consistent mocking of others’ appearances was almost admirable at this point. I don’t know why Ham Yun-ah, Seo Hee-ju, or Moon Octopus are so obsessed with criticizing others’ looks. Do they think they look good themselves? They all look equally disgusting… Damn, it’s irritating. I glared at her with hatred, and Ham Yun-ah just snorted and patted my back.

“Han-sol, stop talking nonsense. Anyway, those are supplements.”

“You mean poison?”

“You said you had a nosebleed, remember? I put in vitamins, iron supplements, and other stuff. Friends should take care of each other. Well… it’s nothing special, so don’t get too touched.”

Ham Yun-ah laughed like a pervert. She jabbed my arm with her elbow, acting friendly, which gave me the creeps. Does she think I’ll be all happy and go “We’re all friends, yay yay!”? I even told her several times that the nosebleed wasn’t mine, so why is she bringing it up again? It seems she’s expressing that she listens to what I say like a dog’s barking. Does she think I won’t understand if she says it like this? Who are you treating like an idiot? I don’t trust anyone and I don’t like anyone. Of course, others don’t trust or like me either.

Feeling disgusted, I pushed Ham Yun-ah away with my arm, but then Seo Hee-ju butted in.

“Hyung, come visit B District. Not for the gate.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I won’t be seeing you guys again.”

This happened today because I got caught up with Ki Baek-woo. Of course, I’ll be moving to B District soon, but I still won’t be meeting you guys.

I glared at the grinning Seo Hee-ju while grumbling gloomily to myself. Both Ham Yun-ah and Seo Hee-ju are tough nuts. They chatter excitedly without changing their expressions, seemingly unbothered even when I’m showing how shitty I feel.

“Meong got a girlfriend at the center. Princess. I told you before, right?”

“Do I need to know about a cat’s love life?”

“Princess looks just like you, hyung. Your personality has gotten really weird too. So you’re even more like Princess. Princess has a terrible personality.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“Last time, when I was giving Princess a snack, she suddenly scratched the back of my hand for no reason. She’s tiny and doesn’t have much strength, but she’s just nasty-tempered. Princess only survived because she’s cute. Just like you, hyung.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Blabbering about a crazy, nasty-tempered wildcat and telling me to eat poison and die or something. After glancing contemptuously at these guys spewing nonsense, I decided not to respond anymore. When I engage with them, these bastards get excited and pick fights endlessly.

I kept my mouth shut and strode ahead. As expected, there’s nothing for me to do. This was the first time in my life I’d met with people other than Ki Baek-woo for personal reasons, not work.

I came to this meaningless meeting to clear my head for a few hours, avoiding Ki Baek-woo, but instead of clearing my head, I ended up with an even bigger worry. The stupid Seo Hee-ju, who’s going around with that octopus-like boyfriend, has no idea about my anguish and clings to me saying, “Han-sol hyung. Let’s meet often from now on, okay?”

“Hey, don’t touch me as you please. Get away. Get lost. Are you crazy?”

“Wasn’t today fun? Right? Be honest. When Jin-oh hyung and Su-hyeon noona finish their raid, let’s all meet up, okay?”

Idiot. I sneered at Seo Hee-ju, who was babbling away cluelessly. Fun, my ass. At least Ki Baek-woo is handsome. Meeting that weird-looking ugly bastard Moon Octopus or Moon Kyung-chan or whatever, and dealing with multiple legs, not even two-timing? What a hopeless, stupid, foolish sucker.

I just found Seo Hee-ju pathetic for seeming so dim-witted, so I blurted out:

“Cut the crap and just break up.”

“Huh?”

“Why the hell are you dating such an ugly guy? He looks like a greedy pig bastard. Can’t you tell his size just by looking? He has the face of someone who can’t realize his place and tries to juggle ten households. I’ve reached enlightenment. I know everything, so listen carefully.”

You should consider yourself lucky. I’m telling you this because I hate affairs. Got it? Now get lost.

I spat it out rapidly like a chant, but Seo Hee-ju just blinked, unable to grasp the situation. I clicked my tongue, glancing at his stupid face.

Seo Hee-ju tilted his head and glanced at Moon Kyung-chan following behind. “How can he juggle ten households with that face? What enlightenment?” At his stupid muttering, I rolled my eyes and walked faster. I left home because I didn’t want to be there, but now I desperately want to go back. I don’t know what kind of farce this is.

Just as we finally reached the bus stop…

“Gasp, who’s that person…?”

Seo Hee-ju muttered to himself in disgust.

At the end of the long bench at the bus stop, a dark figure was sitting. The large man had his hood pulled down deep, sitting there like a shadow. With his back hunched, elbows on his knees, and forehead resting on his clasped hands as if in prayer, the man looked anxious and fidgety. The ominous atmosphere around him seemed to create a barrier, keeping people from approaching. Everyone kept glancing at him sideways. Abnormality naturally draws attention.

I snorted in disbelief. Wow. An exclamation close to a sigh escaped me involuntarily. When someone’s this annoying, I don’t even feel like cursing anymore. I approached the gloomy dark figure and kicked his shin.

“Hey, Ki Baek-woo. What are you doing here?”

I recognized him immediately. It was Ki Baek-woo.

“……”

Ki Baek-woo slowly raised his head. I momentarily held back my intended sarcasm. Ki Baek-woo looked completely out of his mind. His clasped hands, all ten fingers, were covered in blood. It looked like he had gnawed at them until there was nothing left to bite.

Even though his mouth was closed, I could tell Ki Baek-woo’s molars were clattering against each other from anxiety. His face was tear-stained. It was an exhausted face that looked like he had cried so much that he had no more tears left to shed. Ki Baek-woo looked up at me hazily, and then, as if coming to his senses, he stood up awkwardly.

“Hyung.”

“I asked what you’re doing here.”

“I, I had something to do for a bit, so, since you said you were coming here too, I waited while I was out. We met by chance. By chance…”

He stammered like an idiot.

“Did you wait or did we meet by chance?”

Ki Baek-woo opened and closed his mouth, then answered in a small, metallic voice.

“I waited…”

I was at a loss for words. Unable to even sigh, I examined his mess of a state. My thoughts became tangled. I came all the way out here because I hated how thoughts multiplied endlessly when I was with Ki Baek-woo, but even after coming out, I worried about Ki Baek-woo, and just when I thought I could finally go home, Ki Baek-woo appears and leaves me speechless. Ki Baek-woo, Ki Baek-woo, Ki Baek-woo. It’s all Ki Baek-woo. Everything is Ki Baek-woo. Still Ki Baek-woo. I turned my head away, not wanting to look at the precarious, tangled web that was Ki Baek-woo. I’m sick to death of this.

“Oh? Hunter Ki Baek-woo?”

Moon Octopus’s husky voice popped up from behind. Ki Baek-woo barely lifted his empty eyes. He looked behind me. Moon Octopus exclaimed, “Oh!”

“Hunter Ki Baek-woo, you’ve been sick…! I was wondering why you haven’t been showing up at the gates lately, but your condition is… Could it be an incurable disease? No, how could Hunter Ki Baek-woo end up like this… Ah! I see. Even with a transit point, if the original lover is pretty, one would worry- Ow! Hee-ju, ow. No, Yun-ah, why, ugh!”

Seo Hee-ju and Ham Yun-ah joined forces to assault Moon Octopus. The three of them retreated to a spot far away. I sighed and sat down on the bench. Ki Baek-woo stood hunched, staring only at me. He looked like he might crumble if someone just tapped him, like carelessly stacked blocks. I patted the seat next to me, calling him.

“Come sit.”

Ki Baek-woo came and sat down silently. He hung his head. He stared blankly at my feet. His gaze didn’t move. He was fixated as if determined not to miss even the slightest movement of my feet. As if he would follow somehow if the feet in his view moved somewhere.

We waited for the bus without saying a word. When the bus heading to the stop near our home arrived, we boarded in silence as well.

There were about two other people on the bus besides us. I plopped down by the window in a two-seater seat, reasonably far from the exit door. Ki Baek-woo stood quietly like a ghost, looking around my knee area. I turned my head to look out the window and patted the seat next to me. This time, even though I didn’t tell him to sit, Ki Baek-woo crumpled into the seat. It felt like someone had placed a deflated vinyl doll next to me.

The bus started moving. Through the window, the sunset outside passed by quickly. The sky smeared with red looked like Ki Baek-woo’s bloody fingers. As if sensing that I was thinking about his hands, Ki Baek-woo hesitantly stretched out his unsightly hand. The touch that very carefully covered the back of my hand felt weightless, as if it were hollow. It’s different from being soft like down. How should I describe this…?

It feels like I’m with a ghost. I clicked my tongue and leaned my head against the window.

***

When I opened my eyes, I immediately saw Ki Baek-woo. At a very close distance. Ki Baek-woo was curled up, using my arm as a pillow, and sleeping while clinging to me.

For a moment, I was furious, thinking, ‘What is this? Damn, is he trying to die? Who gave him permission to do this?’ But then I remembered the situation just before I fell asleep and nodded. Ah, right. I said it was okay yesterday. My eyes, which had flown open in anger, half-closed again with understanding. I watched Ki Baek-woo sleeping as quiet as a mouse, without even the sound of breathing, as if examining him.

Ki Baek-woo looked exhausted even while sleeping. The red around his eyes from fatigue, his roughly chapped lips, his jawline so thin it seemed devoid of flesh. The long, fine eyelashes cast over such a ruined face seemed pitiful. Pitiful, huh. Must be nice to be so handsome.

It felt like it had been a really long time since I’d seen Ki Baek-woo sleeping. Until now, he seemed to barely doze off even while holding my hand, but now he was really sound asleep. And my arm was numb. Damn. It had been under Ki Baek-woo’s head all night, so no wonder. No matter how small and pretty Ki Baek-woo’s head was, a head is still a head. It was surprisingly heavy.

“Ugh, shit…”

Feeling like my arm might not just go numb but fall off my body entirely, I slowly shifted my hips backward. I planned to move my body back and gently pull out my arm. If I followed my temper, I’d punch this bastard’s crown repeatedly and yell at him to get lost, but I decided to endure it today. Whether I liked it or not, Ki Baek-woo was sleeping properly for the first time in a while, so I didn’t want to wake him up like that. And considering what I saw yesterday…

There’s a reason this bastard needs to sleep deeply. That’s the whole reason why I bothered to hug this corpse-like guy to sleep yesterday.