Dave vs The Devil (Original) - [Urban Fantasy/Comedy]

At first I couldn't keep up with Ziz. She kept slapping her butt in front of me, which was very unladylike, but she didn't seem to care. I assumed I didn't have the speed ring power anymore since I lost the crown, but eventually I instinctively reached for the power and it activated. A line of purple rings formed in front of me, sending me blasting forward past Ziz, whose look of shock was priceless.

Surprised, I looked inside myself, only to realize the wreath had transformed back into the Crown of Corruption. Damn it! I didn't know when it happened. I never felt it change. Had it changed just now, or had it changed when I was lusting after Ziz or when I was commanding her to help me in the battle?

If I could slip back into sin that quickly, what did that mean for my fate? Would I always be a slave to sin, diving deeper and deeper until I lost sight of my true self and my original goals? I had wanted to be a benevolent ruler of Hell. A better ruler than Lucifer.

But if I became a slave to the Crown of Corruption, would I ever be able to do that? I might even slip deeper than Lucifer did and become worse than him in the end. I couldn't allow that, but I needed these powers, and I still didn't know much about how to activate similarly useful but selfless versions of them through the Wreath of Virtue.

I needed to master the wreath before I lost my battle with the crown, but I didn't have to time to mess around and experiment with it. Too many lives were on the line. I had spent enough time letting people die while I was messing around with Ziz. I justified it by saying it was to gain a new powerful ally in Ziz, but the reality was I got distracted. I lost sight of my goals and allowed my emotions to take over.

That wasn't good. I felt guilt about it, but I realized that was another path to sin. Negative emotions led to negative behaviors. Still, I couldn't help but feel bad.

"Do you mind explaining to me exactly what it is you are engaging in right now?" Ziz said, flapping her wings.

I was stopped in the air, flapping my wings as well. Huh. My internal thoughts deactivated my powers and stopped my forward momentum. I guess I really did have to keep indulging in the mental state of hubris in order to keep zooming forward.

It was too bad that we had flown so far away from the battlefield. Traveling at Mach 15 or higher will do that. I had to indulge in hubris so long that I was afraid I would lose my mind all over again by the time we got back.

I had been looking down, getting lost in my thoughts, but movement in my peripheral vision made me look up. "Oh, God! Why?" Ziz was making a lewd gesture with her body that I will not describe, because I would rather not veer into pornographic territory.

Ziz turned her head back to look at me and said, "I like your reactions."

"I don't understand you. Why are you so lewd all of a sudden?" I said.

"You mean why wasn't I doing this when I was trying to kill you or escape from you?" She asked. She brushed the feathers on her head back. "I don't know about you, but life or death situations don't exactly turn me on."

"I mean, they don't for me either, but why are you turned on now?" I asked.

"I don't know. No one has ever saved my life before. I feel bonded to you. That makes me want to mate and soul bond, and I keep trying to get you to notice that, but you're so caught up in your morals that nothing I do seems to be getting it through your thick skull!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face. She held her face in her hands, trying to hide her tears, but they poured through her fingers, regardless.

I grabbed her and pulled her into a hug, which wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be flying in the air. "Ziz. That's not. I understand life and death scenarios come with strong emotions, but you can't build a meaningful relationship on that."

"If I cannot build a relationship on my feelings, then what can I build one on?" she said, hugging me back and crying into my chest.

"Have you never had a relationship before?" I asked.

"I am a primordial being who has been trapped in a hole in the ground for millennia. What do you think?" she said, still crying.

"What about Leviathan and Behemoth?" I asked.

"They are my brothers. I can't mate with or soul bond with my brothers!" she said.

"That's a fair point," I said, kissing her feathered forehead. I did it without thinking. If I had thought about it, I probably wouldn't have done it. I didn't want to lead her on. I didn't mean it to be interpreted romantically. It was more like kissing a beloved family member on the forehead, like a mother or grandmother. Well, more like a child.

"I know you do not mean that how I want you to," she said, wiping away her tears. "I have simply never felt these emotions before. I suppose I will get over it and get used to it."

"You will get over it, but it will be hard to get used to. I haven't gotten used to it myself and I've had many loves," I said.

"Profligate," she said, giggling.

"I don't know what that word means, but I get the gist," I said. "Now, are you ready to end this battle with me?"

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"Yes, little bird. I am," she said, looking up and smiling at me.

"Ok, good. Let's get going then. Wait, would you be able to give me a ride?" I said.

"Did you not just explain we would keep things platonic between us?" she said.

"I didn't mean that kind of ride! I meant, can you fly me to the battle? My super flight requires me to think bad thoughts and I don't want to do that right now," I said.

"Oh. Yes, I can," she said. "Hold on to me!"

I did as she asked and held on tight. She flapped her wings, and we blasted off into the sky.

We arrived flying over the battlefield below. The battle was still going at a fervor. Demonic and abyssal blood alike covered the ground and the acrid smell of brimstone filled the air as smoke rose into the air.

"Looks like we have our work cut out for us," I said.

"I heartily agree. So I must kill the creatures, but leave the red ones alone? Is that correct?" she said.

"Before we start killing, I would like to try a peaceful resolution. I realize I have been going about things the wrong way lately, and I would like to correct that. Samael and the fallen angels may be evil, but these creatures are just animals. Terrifying animals, but still animals. I may be able to reason with them," I said.

"If that is what you wish. You have shown yourself capable of many things. Peace feels like a small accomplishment compared to defeating me, the all-mighty Ziz," she said. "I'm sure you can fly from here. While I enjoy the warmth of your breath on my breasts, I think we should attempt to keep things as platonic as possible between us."

I looked and realized my face was nestled between her breasts. Oops. I had been looking at her face for most of the ride and hadn't noticed. I let go of her body and dropped before catching myself in the air with my wings.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to do that," I said.

"No apologies are necessary," she said with a soft smile.

"Ok, I'm going to try to wrangle everyone up," I said.

"Good luck," she said.

I focused within myself. I didn't want to use the crown. I didn't want to dominate the creatures into submission. I wanted to persuade them into a peaceful resolution. I cleared my mind first and then concentrated on the desire for peace.

The crown shrank and disappeared faster than it had before, and the Wreath of Virtue formed in its place. The yellow flower of compassion was already fully bloomed. As I continued to focus, another rose bud began to bloom. This one was a deep blue. Once it had finished blooming, the knowledge of its nature transferred into my mind.

It was the rose of diplomacy. It would offer me powers related to that. "Creatures of the Abyss!" I yelled out over the battlefield. Everyone's heads looked up at me, including my demon troops. "We don't have to fight! I have found a solution!" I had.

Although, I had come up with it in the last 30 seconds, I did in fact have a plan. "I can transfer you to the Dire Wilds of Hell where you can live out normal lives! I just need your permission!"

I didn't actually need their permission, but having them stay still in one place would help with the Gates of Hell's targeting system. And I just wanted to do this the right way. As I said before, they were just animals. I didn't need to kill them or be cruel to them. Nature is cruel enough as it is.

I heard a cacophony of different answers and shouts from the abyssal creatures that were all some form of agreement. I won't list all the shouts simply because that would take too long.

"Steves, can you hear me?" I pulled a small earbud out of a special pocket in my jacket and put it in my ear.

"Loud and clear, boss!" Steve 1 said.

"Yes, boss!" the other three Steves said.

"Mmmph bfff!" sword Steve said inside the sheath.

Oh yeah, I had sword Steve with me. I could have used him during the fights with Behemoth and Ziz. Oh well. That didn't matter. I still won. Speaking of winning against Behemoth, I needed to heal him.

I didn't like the idea of leaving him in his current state, and I realized he might be useful to me. All three of the 'great creatures', as I was calling them in my head, would be useful in the future. Now that I knew they weren't all unreasonable.

"Steves, can you use the Gates' targeting system to teleport the abyssal creatures to the Dire Wilds?" I asked.

"I think so. Shouldn't be too hard. Just have to temporarily relocate the Gates and recalibrate them," Steve 2 said.

"Good. Do it whenever you're ready," I said.

After a minute, red lights shot down from the sky, enveloping the abyssal creatures and teleporting them away to the Dire Wilds. I wiped the sweat off my forehead. That had been a lot easier than I expected.

"All done," Steve 2 said.

"Thank you," I said. "Now relocate the gates back to their normal position. I'm going to have you transfer the demon army back."

"Yes, sir. Just tell me when," he said.

"I will," I said.

I focused on what remained of my demon army. I couldn't tell how many troops I had lost, because undead demon soldiers that had been resurrected by Gilbert, the necromancer, stood among the living, and I couldn't always tell which was which. That said, there were still a good hundred or two hundred troops missing.

The only thing I could guess is some of the bodies had been torn apart and weren't able to function as undead soldiers due to missing limbs or heads. We had been well equipped and well armed, but there were just so many of the creatures, we couldn't help but take some casualties.

It was a lot, but I was thankful it wasn't more. We had taken out far more abyssal creatures than they had taken out demon soldiers, but again, there were just too many of them. Abyssal creatures burned and shredded to pieces littered the ground with a sea of bodies.

My troops looked exhausted and discouraged. They had seen some of their friends die and it had been a long battle. Part of that was my fault for not realizing I could end it sooner or rather, choosing not to, but what was done was done.

At least they would get to go home and see their families now. And receive a fat bonus on top of their usual salary. The families of the fallen would be fairly compensated as well. I took care of my people. I wasn't a cheap bastard like the old Devil. No offense to Lucifer now, but back in the day, he had been a dick, and I heard about it a lot when talking to his former employees, who were my current employees. He constantly cut wages, increased hours, and turned all the toilet paper rolls backwards in the bathrooms.

"Everyone! You fought well and you fought hard. You all get to go home! You'll be receiving a huge bonus for your hard work and sacrifice! I know this isn't the normal day to day for you all. You've also earned some well-deserved time off! Extra PTO for everyone who participated in the battle!" I yelled.

"Yeahhh!!!" they all yelled and held up their pitchforks, firing them into the air. They were lasers so there was no danger of their shots coming back down, but I had to dodge a few of the less carefully aimed ones.

"And don't worry, the families of the fallen will be very fairly compensated for their losses," I said, flipping through the air, dodging a few more lasers.

The soldiers started to chant. "Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave!"

"Ok, Steve 2. You can send them home. Only the living ones though," I said.

"You got it, boss," Steve 2 said. "Don't transport the deadies."

Red lights shot down from the sky again and teleported the demon soldiers back to the Gates of Hell.