●Cricket Oneshots● [Love & Romance] Multi Couples

Unconditional

Matter was bearable, year passed under tolerance.

Escaping from the truth, heart shouts for clearance.

Closed the eyes, took the desire, for trying all the ways

at once, with the lies and with all the adorable pace.

Thus, he killed the gut,

lost the courage and continued accepting each of the obstacle,

Averting his path. But,

it was only pain, shaped his heart. And it was only guilt that matters.

Other one's just burning back, seeking hope to continue.

There was the appearance of pain, was certain but new.

He does not know the other side's unfamiliar emotion.

Cause he only feels he was always an option.

It was all ended there, with all the conditions and care.

But uncouth it was, far away to achieve. Unconditional, it remains, after the leave.

Only been in untied knots, easy to not see. Unbreakable, it was. As it was Belief.

___

A tied up knot will never be broken if the knot itself doesn't allow. And the allowance comes from the person who tied it up once. That's how step by step a condition goes, leaving all the determination loses its pace. But after giving the allowance when the knot itself took the attempt for remaining unbreakable, for the sake of its amour. The step loses its pace.

And the tie becomes unconditional with all the possibilities and witnesses. Maybe just to start one more time. Unconditionally.

___

"Yeah booked it one year ago."

Just a little glimpse, someone faces how things come back to give him pain. Already passes one and half years, saving all the miseries in his abandoned heart. Just closed the eyes and tucked it inside- was the slogan while doing it. Accepted it also. Looks up, looks down. Felt he can stand, felt he can walk, too. Thinking the year is turning like 2018 and showing things to let him be prepared for the future he is heading to. Although he can take the gut to prove himself once again. But nothing can be replaced. It might be his added thinking, next year can never be 2019. What would he take from it? Thus, he killed the gut, lost the courage and continued accepting each of the obstacles, averting his path. Putting a smile has never been his unworthy option.

Staying with another and seeing all the matters. With every inch of love, passing days, and having each thing together is a way to spend life. Normal, till sorrow comes. Comes with the unexpecting changes. Why does even each time pain turn into unfamiliar?  Uncouth, it is. Far away to achieve.

____________________________

"So, should I see someone or you have any exceptional?" Richardson speaks. He finds no answer from the other side. Judges, how can one put his full mind to cooking. "Ah! I have some partners from business or, or politics. Know, you don't like it. Wait, what about giving direct proposal? Straightway." He faces a sharp look. "I told you I am not getting married soon." "Let me repeat it for you. You mentioned 'soon'. So, why don't you give the permission? Cause sooner or later, you ARE getting married. So, let us start to FIND." Richardson wanted to know the answer. He counted for the seventh time he is asking Finch for getting married. He knows that it will be early, as it's only been 9 months since his divorce. But he can no longer watch him having pressures and pain alone. He wished if someone was there beside him, he could have had at least a support. He can not let the one and only source to burn behind his heart spread the causes of the fire. He wants to cover or make a barrier. Between.

"What I said I said." Finch answers rudely and puts his mind in cooking. Richardson feels he can not always try the unchanged way again and again. As every time he remains unable, he planned a new one before coming today. But before getting into it, he asks his main question. Gets close and looks at him, tightening his cold voice, "Why are you waiting for Smith to get married FIRST?" Finch knows when Richardson becomes serious. Whenever he can not take anything or he does not want to let it happen, his tone changes, asking for a suitable answer so that he can change his mind. "I don't know." Finch says, ready to bear his shouting. "Finch. It never was a joke, he left you. Just don't make me punch your face. He is settling his own life with perfect guys and will be getting married soon. Don't you see how happy he is? I know you can't ignore it. But letting him go was your choice, too. Ah! Forget it. You have your own right to think about it. But if you ever want to listen from me again, I would tell that I never accept you're turning things down. Hear me? Loud and clear."

Anger rushes back. Crashes with his reckless heart. He smiles painfully. He will take steps after he recalls the reason why he wants either. What he said was truth that he actually does not know.

"But I know."

Smith is talking with himself. What would he do with the booked date place? Although he cancelled it and apologised to the manager. But deep down, he feels broken and hurt. One year ago today was the confirmation for someone's birthday in November. He loves to give surprises, maybe. With thousands of expectations, he booked the place to celebrate his beloved once's birthday. Who knows back then that months after he will never be able to be together?

"I know that I told some of them that the reservation was for two days and I can not cancel the other one. However, it was only for meals. So, anybody can go with me. The main thing was the date place. Thank God it can be cancelled."

Suddenly, a text popped up on his screen. He unlocked his phone and saw Finch, who sent it. He clicked it,

'What was the reservation for? The manager sent me an email and said it was from you.'

He feels disgusting for the step he took one year ago, and now it's turning the whole scenario. He can not take anything anymore. He replied with a trembling finger, corrected words more than necessary, apologised.

He mentioned it was not a matter. Let it go. But he does not know the other side's unfamiliar emotion. Finch wanted to change the nickname but let it go also. Why would he care more? Cause he cared when he left, he cared when he came. He felt, he took, he let him go. It all ended there, with all the conditions and care. It is now out of the circle, nobody could match the end. They find each other tuning into opposite sides. Nobody is achieving no one. Just a vacancy with trillion hesitations.  

He is still finding the answer to why he can not give up everything. He is still taking it for the sake of his mistakes. Sometimes, he feels guilty for the deeds he has done, troubles, he created, pains, he gave. Maybe he tried to be the one to give love and hurt the most. But he never felt proud of his existence. He can not deny the feedback he never gave that giving up is not his thing, but each time he took the step. He can not control the pain from last year. He does not know the answer to why he feels it as new. He does not know why it becomes certain that he can never have another. Why does he feel things can be replaced?

Yes, it was there when he texted in a formal way. Yes, it was there when he gave all his favourite snacks as the return favour. It was there when Richardson told him that Finch was waiting for his wedding, too. It was there when he checked whether his nickname on messenger had been changed. It was in every breath he took after seeing Finch's existence around him, through the steps. Maybe it is pain. Maybe it is underneath.

Smith changed himself into the hardest one, which can not easily be broken. But deep down, he is still the same. Unchanged, with miserable boundaries. It was only pain, shaped his heart. And it was only guilt that matters. Whenever surroundings call his name, he accepts those as a chance. Chose to achieve the path comes after condition. Still keeping the another aside. 

I chose to vanish, not escape.

The unsaid line has always been written on his unopened diary.

.....